adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第181章
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down at the book on the table； without seeing any of the letters。 He
was trembling like a gold…seeker who sees the strong promise of
gold but sees in the same moment a sickening vision of
disappointment。 He could not trust his mother’s insight； she had
seen what she wished to see。 And yet—and yet； now the
suggestion had been made to him； he remembered so many
things； very slight things； like the stirring of the water by an
imperceptible breeze； which seemed to him some confirmation of
his mother’s words。
Lisbeth noticed that he was moved。 She went on； “An’ thee ’t
find out as thee ’t poorly aff when she’s gone。 Thee ’t fonder on her
nor thee know’st。 Thy eyes follow her about； welly as Gyp’s follow
thee。”
Adam could sit still no longer。 He rose； took down his hat； and
went out into the fields。
The sunshine was on them： that early autumn sunshine which
we should know was not summer’s； even if there were not the
touches of yellow on the lime and chestnut； the Sunday sunshine
too； which has more than autumnal calmness for the working
man； the morning sunshine； which still leaves the dew…crystals on
the fine gossamer webs in the shadow of the bushy hedgerows。
Adam needed the calm influence； he was amazed at the way in
which this new thought of Dinah’s love had taken possession of
him； with an overmastering power that made all other feelings
give way before the impetuous desire to know that the thought
was true。 Strange； that till that moment the possibility of their ever
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being lovers had never crossed his mind； and yet now； all his
longing suddenly went out towards that possibility。 He had no
more doubt or hesitation as to his own wishes than the bird that
flies towards the opening through which the daylight gleams and
the breath of heaven enters。
The autumnal Sunday sunshine soothed him； but not by
preparing him with resignation to the disappointment if his
mother—if he himself—proved to be mistaken about Dinah。 It
soothed him by gentle encouragement of his hopes。 Her love was
so like that calm sunshine that they seemed to make one presence
to him； and he believed in them both alike。 And Dinah was so
bound up with the sad memories of his first passion that he was
not forsaking them； but rather giving them a new sacredness by
loving her。 Nay； his love for her had grown out of that past： it was
the noon of that morning。
But Seth？ Would the lad be hurt？ Hardly； for he had seemed
quite contented of late； and there was no selfish jealousy in him；
he had never been jealous of his mother’s fondness for Adam。 But
had he seen anything of what their mother talked about？ Adam
longed to know this； for he thought he could trust Seth’s
observation better than his mother’s。 He must talk to Seth before
he went to see Dinah； and； with this intention in his mind； he
walked back to the cottage and said to his mother； “Did Seth say
anything to thee about when he was coming home？ Will he be
back to dinner？”
“Aye； lad； he’ll be back for a wonder。 He isna gone to
Treddles’on。 He’s gone somewhere else a…preachin’ and a…
prayin’。”
“Hast any notion which way he’s gone？” said Adam。
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“Nay； but he aften goes to th’ Common。 Thee know’st more o’s
goings nor I do。”
Adam wanted to go and meet Seth； but he must content himself
with walking about the near fields and getting sight of him as soon
as possible。 That would not be for more than an hour to come； for
Seth would scarcely be at home much before their dinner…time；
which was twelve o’clock。 But Adam could not sit down to his
reading again； and he sauntered along by the brook and stood
leaning against the stiles； with eager intense eyes； which looked as
if they saw something very vividly； but it was not the brook or the
willows； not the fields or the sky。 Again and again his vision was
interrupted by wonder at the strength of his own feeling； at the
strength and sweetness of this new love—almost like the wonder a
man feels at the added power he finds in himself for an art which
he had laid aside for a space。 How is it that the poets have said so
many fine things about our first love； so few about our later love？
Are their first poems their best？ Or are not those the best which
come from their fuller thought； their larger experience； their
deeper…rooted affections？ The boy’s flutelike voice has its own
spring charm； but the man should yield a richer deeper music。
At last； there was Seth； visible at the farthest stile； and Adam
hastened to meet him。 Seth was surprised； and thought something
unusual must have happened； but when Adam came up； his face
said plainly enough that it was nothing alarming。
“Where hast been？” said Adam； when they were side by side。
“I’ve been to the Common；” said Seth。 “Dinah’s been speaking
the Word to a little company of hearers at Brimstone’s； as they call
him。 They’re folks as never go to church hardly—them on the
Common—but they’ll go and hear Dinah a bit。 She’s been
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speaking with power this forenoon from the words； ‘I came not to
call the righteous； but sinners to repentance。’ And there was a
little thing happened as was pretty to see。 The women mostly
bring their children with ’em； but to…day there was one stout curly
headed fellow about three or four year old； that I never saw there
before。 He was as naughty as could be at the beginning while I was
praying； and while we was singing； but when we all sat down and
Dinah began to speak； th’ young un stood stock still all at once；
and began to look at her with’s mouth open； and presently he ran
away from’s mother and went to Dinah； and pulled at her； like a
little dog； for her to take notice of him。 So Dinah lifted him up and
held th’ lad on her lap； while she went on speaking； and he was as
good as could be till he went to sleep—and the mother cried to see
him。”
“It’s a pity she shouldna be a mother herself；” said Adam； “so
fond as the children are of her。 Dost think she’s quite fixed against
marrying； Seth？ Dost think nothing ’ud turn her？”
There was something peculiar in his brother’s tone； which
made Seth steal a glance at his face before he answered。
“It ’ud be wrong of me to say nothing ’ud turn her；” he
answered。 “But if thee mean�
