adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第169章
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the Hall Farm； and his father before him； but then it ’ud be harder
for a man with his feelings to stay。 I don’t see how the thing’s to be
made any other than hard。 There’s a sort o’ damage； sir； that can’t
be made up for。”
Arthur was silent some moments。 In spite of other feelings
dominant in him this evening； his pride winced under Adam’s
mode of treating him。 Wasn’t he himself suffering？ Was not he too
obliged to renounce his most cherished hopes？ It was now as it
had been eight months ago—Adam was forcing Arthur to feel
more intensely the irrevocableness of his own wrong…doing。 He
was presenting the sort of resistance that was the most irritating to
Arthur’s eager ardent nature。 But his anger was subdued by the
same influence that had subdued Adam’s when they first
confronted each other—by the marks of suffering in a long
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familiar face。 The momentary struggle ended in the feeling that he
could bear a great deal from Adam； to whom he had been the
occasion of bearing so much； but there was a touch of pleading；
boyish vexation in his tone as he said； “But people may make
injuries worse by unreasonable conduct—by giving way to anger
and satisfying that for the moment； instead of thinking what will
be the effect in the future。
“If I were going to stay here and act as landlord；” he added
presently； with still more eagerness—“if I were careless about
what I’ve done—what I’ve been the cause of； you would have some
excuse； Adam； for going away and encouraging others to go。 You
would have some excuse then for trying to make the evil worse。
But when I tell you I’m going away for years—when you know
what that means for me； how it cuts off every plan of happiness
I’ve ever formed—it is impossible for a sensible man like you to
believe that there is any real ground for the Poysers refusing to
remain。 I know their feeling about disgrace—Mr。 Irwine has told
me all； but he is of opinion that they might be persuaded out of
this idea that they are disgraced in the eyes of their neighbours；
and that they can’t remain on my estate； if you would join him in
his efforts—if you would stay yourself and go on managing the old
woods。”
Arthur paused a moment and then added； pleadingly； “You
know that’s a good work to do for the sake of other people； besides
the owner。 And you don’t know but that they may have a better
owner soon； whom you will like to work for。 If I die； my cousin
Tradgett will have the estate and take my name。 He is a good
fellow。”
Adam could not help being moved： it was impossible for him
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not to feel that this was the voice of the honest warm…hearted
Arthur whom he had loved and been proud of in old days； but
nearer memories would not be thrust away。 He was silent； yet
Arthur saw an answer in his face that induced him to go on； with
growing earnestness。
“And then； if you would talk to the Poysers—if you would talk
the matter over with Mr。 Irwine—he means to see you to…
morrow—and then if you would join your arguments to his to
prevail on them not to go 。 。 。 I know； of course； that they would not
accept any favour from me—I mean nothing of that kind—but I’m
sure they would suffer less in the end。 Irwine thinks so too。 And
Mr。 Irwine is to have the chief authority on the estate—he has
consented to undertake that。 They will really be under no man but
one whom they respect and like。 It would be the same with you；
Adam； and it could be nothing but a desire to give me worse pain
that could incline you to go。”
Arthur was silent again for a little while； and then said； with
some agitation in his voice； “I wouldn’t act so towards you； I know。
If you were in my place and I in yours； I should try to help you to
do the best。”
Adam made a hasty movement on his chair and looked on the
ground。 Arthur went on； “Perhaps you’ve never done anything
you’ve had bitterly to repent of in your life； Adam； if you had； you
would be more generous。 You would know then that it’s worse for
me than for you。”
Arthur rose from his seat with the last words； and went to one
of the windows； looking out and turning his back on Adam； as he
continued； passionately；
“Haven’t I loved her too？ Didn’t I see her yesterday？ Shan’t I
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carry the thought of her about with me as much as you will？ And
don’t you think you would suffer more if you’d been in fault？”
There was silence for several minutes； for the struggle in
Adam’s mind was not easily decided。 Facile natures； whose
emotions have little permanence； can hardly understand how
much inward resistance he overcame before he rose from his seat
and turned towards Arthur。 Arthur heard the movement； and
turning round； met the sad but softened look with which Adam
said；
“It’s true what you say； sir。 I’m hard—it’s in my nature。 I was
too hard with my father； for doing wrong。 I’ve been a bit hard t’
everybody but her。 I felt as if nobody pitied her enough—her
suffering cut into me so； and when I thought the folks at the farm
were too hard with her； I said I’d never be hard to anybody myself
again。 But feeling overmuch about her has perhaps made me
unfair to you。 I’ve known what it is in my life to repent and feel it’s
too late。 I felt I’d been too harsh to my father when he was gone
from me—I feel it now； when I think of him。 I’ve no right to be
hard towards them as have done wrong and repent。”
Adam spoke these words with the firm distinctness of a man
who is resolved to leave nothing unsaid that he is bound to say；
but he went on with more hesitation。
“I wouldn’t shake hands with you once； sir； when you asked
me—but if you’re willing to do it now； for all I refused then 。 。 。 ”
Arthur’s white hand was in Adam’s large grasp in an instant；
and with that action there was a strong rush； on both sides； of the
old； boyish affection。
“Adam；” Arthur said； impelled to full confession now； “it would
never have happened if I’d known you loved her。 That would have
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