adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第145章
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gently along the yard； and turned the key gently in the door； but；
as he expected； Gyp； who lay in the workshop； gave a sharp bark。
It subsided when he saw Adam； holding up his finger at him to
impose silence； and in his dumb； tailless joy he must content
himself with rubbing his body against his master’s legs。
Adam was too heart…sick to take notice of Gyp’s fondling。 He
threw himself on the bench and stared dully at the wood and the
signs of work around him； wondering if he should ever come to
feel pleasure in them again； while Gyp； dimly aware that there was
something wrong with his master； laid his rough grey head on
Adam’s knee and wrinkled his brows to look up at him。 Hitherto；
since Sunday afternoon； Adam had been constantly among
strange people and in strange places； having no associations with
the details of his daily life； and now that by the light of this new
morning he was come back to his home and surrounded by the
familiar objects that seemed for ever robbed of their charm； the
reality—the hard； inevitable reality of his troubles pressed upon
him with a new weight。 Right before him was an unfinished chest
of drawers； which he had been making in spare moments for
Hetty’s use； when his home should be hers。
Seth had not heard Adam’s entrance； but he had been roused
by Gyp’s bark； and Adam heard him moving about in the room
above； dressing himself。 Seth’s first thoughts were about his
brother： he would come home to…day； surely； for the business
would be wanting him sadly by to…morrow； but it was pleasant to
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think he had had a longer holiday than he had expected。 And
would Dinah come too？ Seth felt that that was the greatest
happiness he could look forward to for himself； though he had no
hope left that she would ever love him well enough to marry him；
but he had often said to himself； it was better to be Dinah’s friend
and brother than any other woman’s husband。 If he could but be
always near her； instead of living so far off！
He came downstairs and opened the inner door leading from
the kitchen into the workshop； intending to let out Gyp； but he
stood still in the doorway； smitten with a sudden shock at the sight
of Adam seated listlessly on the bench； pale； unwashed； with
sunken blank eyes； almost like a drunkard in the morning。 But
Seth felt in an instant what the marks meant—not drunkenness；
but some great calamity。 Adam looked up at him without
speaking； and Seth moved forward towards the bench； himself
trembling so that speech did not come readily。
“God have mercy on us； Addy；” he said； in a low voice； sitting
down on the bench beside Adam； “what is it？”
Adam was unable to speak。 The strong man； accustomed to
suppress the signs of sorrow； had felt his heart swell like a child’s
at this first approach of sympathy。 He fell on Seth’s neck and
sobbed。
Seth was prepared for the worst now； for； even in his
recollections of their boyhood； Adam had never sobbed before。
“Is it death； Adam？ Is she dead？” he asked； in a low tone； when
Adam raised his head and was recovering himself。
“No； lad； but she’s gone—gone away from us。 She’s never been
to Snowfield。 Dinah’s been gone to Leeds ever since last Friday
was a fortnight； the very day Hetty set out。 I can’t find out where
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she went after she got to Stoniton。”
Seth was silent from utter astonishment： he knew nothing that
could suggest to him a reason for Hetty’s going away。
“Hast any notion what she’s done it for？” he said； at last。
“She can’t ha’ loved me。 She didn’t like our marriage when it
came nigh—that must be it；” said Adam。 He had determined to
mention no further reason。
“I hear Mother stirring；” said Seth。 “Must we tell her？”
“No； not yet；” said Adam； rising from the bench and pushing
the hair from his face； as if he wanted to rouse himself。 “I can’t
have her told yet； and I must set out on another journey directly；
after I’ve been to the village and th’ Hall Farm。 I can’t tell thee
where I’m going； and thee must say to her I’m gone on business as
nobody is to know anything about。 I’ll go and wash myself now。”
Adam moved towards the door of the workshop； but after a step or
two he turned round； and； meeting Seth’s eyes with a calm sad
glance； he said； “I must take all the money out o’ the tin box； lad；
but if anything happens to me； all the rest ’ll be thine； to take care
o’ Mother with。”
Seth was pale and trembling： he felt there was some terrible
secret under all this。 “Brother；” he said； faintly—he never called
Adam “Brother” except in solemn moments—“I don’t believe
you’ll do anything as you can’t ask God’s blessing on。”
“Nay； lad；” said Adam； “don’t be afraid。 I’m for doing nought
but what’s a man’s duty。”
The thought that if he betrayed his trouble to his mother； she
would only distress him by words； half of blundering affection； half
of irrepressible triumph that Hetty proved as unfit to be his wife as
she had always foreseen； brought back some of his habitual
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firmness and self…command。 He had felt ill on his journey home—
he told her when she came down—had stayed all night at
Treddleston for that reason； and a bad headache； that still hung
about him this morning； accounted for his paleness and heavy
eyes。
He determined to go to the village； in the first place； attend to
his business for an hour； and give notice to Burge of his being
obliged to go on a journey； which he must beg him not to mention
to any one； for he wished to avoid going to the Hall Farm near
breakfast…time； when the children and servants would be in the
house…place； and there must be exclamations in their hearing
about his having returned without Hetty。 He waited until the clock
struck nine before he left the work…yard at the village； and set off；
through the fields； towards the Farm。 It was an immense relief to
him； as he came near the Home Close； to see Mr。 Poyser
advancing towards him； for this would spare him the pain of going
to the house。 Mr。 Poyser was walking briskly this March morning；
with a sense of spring business on his mind： he was going to cast
the master’s eye on the shoeing of a new cart…horse； carrying
