adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第141章
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frock。
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Adam Bede 509
“Why； what do you do here； young woman？” the man said
roughly。
Hetty trembled still worse under this real fear and shame than
she had done in her momentary dream under her aunt’s glance。
She felt that she was like a beggar already—found sleeping in that
place。 But in spite of her trembling； she was so eager to account to
the man for her presence here； that she found words at once。
“I lost my way；” she said。 “I’m travelling—north’ard； and I got
away from the road into the fields； and was overtaken by the dark。
Will you tell me the way to the nearest village？”
She got up as she was speaking； and put her hands to her
bonnet to adjust it； and then laid hold of her basket。
The man looked at her with a slow bovine gaze； without giving
her any answer； for some seconds。 Then he turned away and
walked towards the door of the hovel； but it was not till he got
there that he stood still； and； turning his shoulder half…round
towards her； said； “Aw； I can show you the way to Norton； if you
like。 But what do you do gettin’ out o’ the highroad？” he added；
with a tone of gruff reproof。 “Y’ull be gettin’ into mischief； if you
dooant mind。”
“Yes；” said Hetty； “I won’t do it again。 I’ll keep in the road； if
you’ll be so good as show me how to get to it。”
“Why dooant you keep where there’s a finger…poasses an’ folks
to ax the way on？” the man said； still more gruffly。 “Anybody ’ud
think you was a wild woman； an’ look at yer。”
Hetty was frightened at this gruff old man； and still more at this
last suggestion that she looked like a wild woman。 As she followed
him out of the hovel she thought she would give him a sixpence for
telling her the way； and then he would not suppose she was wild。
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As he stopped to point out the road to her； she put her hand in her
pocket to get the six…pence ready； and when he was turning away；
without saying good…morning； she held it out to him and said；
“Thank you； will you please to take something for your trouble？”
He looked slowly at the sixpence； and then said； “I want none o’
your money。 You’d better take care on ’t； else you’ll get it stool
from yer； if you go trapesin’ about the fields like a mad woman a…
that’n。”
The man left her without further speech； and Hetty held on her
way。 Another day had risen； and she must wander on。 It was no
use to think of drowning herself—she could not do it； at least while
she had money left to buy food and strength to journey on。 But the
incident on her waking this morning heightened her dread of that
time when her money would be all gone； she would have to sell
her basket and clothes then； and she would really look like a
beggar or a wild woman； as the man had said。 The passionate joy
in life she had felt in the night； after escaping from the brink of the
black cold death in the pool； was gone now。 Life now； by the
morning light； with the impression of that man’s hard wondering
look at her； was as full of dread as death—it was worse； it was a
dread to which she felt chained； from which she shrank and
shrank as she did from the black pool； and yet could find no refuge
from it。
She took out her money from her purse； and looked at it。 She
had still two…and…twenty shillings； it would serve her for many
days more； or it would help her to get on faster to Stonyshire；
within reach of Dinah。 The thought of Dinah urged itself more
strongly now； since the experience of the night had driven her
shuddering imagination away from the pool。 If it had been only
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Adam Bede 511
going to Dinah—if nobody besides Dinah would ever know—Hetty
could have made up her mind to go to her。 The soft voice； the
pitying eyes； would have drawn her。 But afterwards the other
people must know； and she could no more rush on that shame
than she could rush on death。
She must wander on and on； and wait for a lower depth of
despair to give her courage。 Perhaps death would come to her； for
she was getting less and less able to bear the day’s weariness。 And
yet—such is the strange action of our souls； drawing us by a
lurking desire towards the very ends we dread—Hetty； when she
set out again from Norton； asked the straightest road northwards
towards Stonyshire； and kept it all that day。
Poor wandering Hetty； with the rounded childish face and the
hard； unloving； despairing soul looking out of it—with the narrow
heart and narrow thoughts； no room in them for any sorrows but
her own； and tasting that sorrow with the more intense bitterness！
My heart bleeds for her as I see her toiling along on her weary
feet； or seated in a cart； with her eyes fixed vacantly on the road
before her； never thinking or caring whither it tends； till hunger
comes and makes her desire that a village may be near。
What will be the end； the end of her objectless wandering； apart
from all love； caring for human beings only through her pride；
clinging to life only as the hunted wounded brute clings to it？
God preserve you and me from being the beginners of such
misery！
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Chapter XXXVIII
The Quest
he first ten days after Hetty’s departure passed as quietly
as any other days with the family at the Hall Farm； and
T
with Adam at his daily work。 They had expected Hetty to
stay away a week or ten days at least； perhaps a little longer if
Dinah came back with her； because there might then be
something to detain them at Snowfield。 But when a fortnight had
passed they began to feel a little surprise that Hetty did not return；
she must surely have found it pleasanter to be with Dinah than
any one could have supposed。 Adam； for his part； was getting very
impatient to see her； and he resolved that； if she did not appear
the next day （Saturday）； he would set out on Sunday morning to
fetch her。 There was no coach on a Sunday； but by setting out
before it was light； and perhaps getting a lift in a cart by the way；
he would arrive pretty early at Snowfield； and bring back Hetty
the next day—Dinah too； if she were coming。 It was quite time
Hetty came home； and he would afford to lose his Monday for the
sake of bringing her。
