adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第120章
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and could feel no want for evermore。 For then； the very hardship；
and the sorrow； and the blindness； and the sin I have beheld and
been ready to weep over—yea； all the anguish of the children of
men； which sometimes wraps me round like sudden darkness—I
can bear with a willing pain； as if I was sharing the Redeemer’s
cross。 For I feel it； I feel it—infinite love is suffering too—yea； in
the fulness of knowledge it suffers； it yearns； it mourns； and that is
a blind self…seeking which wants to be freed from the sorrow
wherewith the whole creation groaneth and travaileth。 Surely it is
not true blessedness to be free from sorrow； while there is sorrow
and sin in the world： sorrow is then a part of love； and love does
not seek to throw it off。 It is not the spirit only that tells me this—I
see it in the whole work and word of the Gospel。 Is there not
pleading in heaven？ Is not the Man of Sorrows there in that
crucified body wherewith he ascended？ And is He not one with
the Infinite Love itself—as our love is one with our sorrow？
“These thoughts have been much borne in on me of late； and I
have seen with new clearness the meaning of those words； ‘If any
man love me； let him take up my cross。’ I have heard this enlarged
on as if it meant the troubles and persecutions we bring on
ourselves by confessing Jesus。 But surely that is a narrow thought。
The true cross of the Redeemer was the sin and sorrow of this
world—that was what lay heavy on his heart—and that is the cross
we shall share with him； that is the cup we must drink of with him；
if we would have any part in that Divine Love which is one with
his sorrow。
“In my outward lot； which you ask about； I have all things and
abound。 I have had constant work in the mill； though some of the
other hands have been turned off for a time； and my body is
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greatly strengthened； so that I feel little weariness after long
walking and speaking。 What you say about staying in your own
country with your mother and brother shows me that you have a
true guidance； your lot is appointed there by a clear showing； and
to seek a greater blessing elsewhere would be like laying a false
offering on the altar and expecting the fire from heaven to kindle
it。 My work and my joy are here among the hills； and I sometimes
think I cling too much to my life among the people here； and
should be rebellious if I was called away。
“I was thankful for your tidings about the dear friends at the
Hall Farm； for though I sent them a letter； by my aunt’s desire；
after I came back from my sojourn among them； I have had no
word from them。 My aunt has not the pen of a ready writer； and
the work of the house is sufficient for the day； for she is weak in
body。 My heart cleaves to her and her children as the nearest of all
to me in the flesh—yea； and to all in that house。 I am carried away
to them continually in my sleep； and often in the midst of work；
and even of speech； the thought of them is borne in on me as if
they were in need and trouble； which yet is dark to me。 There may
be some leading here； but I wait to be taught。 You say they are all
well。
“We shall see each other again in the body； I trust； though； it
may be； not for a long while； for the brethren and sisters at Leeds
are desirous to have me for a short space among them； when I
have a door opened me again to leave Snowfield。
“Farewell； dear brother—and yet not farewell。 For those
children of God whom it has been granted to see each other face to
face； and to hold communion together； and to feel the same spirit
working in both can never more be sundered though the hills may
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lie between。 For their souls are enlarged for evermore by that
union； and they bear one another about in their thoughts
continually as it were a new strength。—Your faithful Sister and
fellow…worker in Christ；
DINAH MORRIS。”
“I have not skill to write the words so small as you do and my
pen moves slow。 And so I am straitened； and say but little of what
is in my mind。 Greet your mother for me with a kiss。 She asked me
to kiss her twice when we parted。”
Adam had refolded the letter； and was sitting meditatively with
his head resting on his arm at the head of the bed； when Seth
came upstairs。
“Hast read the letter？” said Seth。
“Yes；” said Adam。 “I don’t know what I should ha’ thought of
her and her letter if I’d never seen her： I daresay I should ha’
thought a preaching woman hateful。 But she’s one as makes
everything seem right she says and does； and I seemed to see her
and hear her speaking when I read the letter。 It’s wonderful how I
remember her looks and her voice。 She’d make thee rare and
happy； Seth； she’s just the woman for thee。”
“It’s no use thinking o’ that；” said Seth； despondingly。 “She
spoke so firm； and she’s not the woman to say one thing and mean
another。”
“Nay； but her feelings may grow different。 A woman may get to
love by degrees—the best fire dosna flare up the soonest。 I’d have
thee go and see her by…and…by： I’d make it convenient for thee to
be away three or four days； and it ’ud be no walk for thee—only
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between twenty and thirty mile。”
“I should like to see her again； whether or no； if she wouldna be
displeased with me for going；” said Seth。
“She’ll be none displeased；” said Adam emphatically； getting up
and throwing off his coat。 “It might be a great happiness to us all if
she’d have thee； for mother took to her so wonderful and seemed
so contented to be with her。”
“Aye；” said Seth； rather timidly； “and Dinah’s fond o’ Hetty too；
she thinks a deal about her。”
Adam made no reply to that； and no other word but “good…
night” passed between them。
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Chapter XXXI
In Hetty’s Bed…Chamber
T was no longer light enough to go to bed without a candle；
even in Mrs。 Poyser’s early household； and Hetty carried one
I
with her as she went up at last to her bedroom soon after
Adam was gone； and bolted the door behind her。
Now she would read her letter。 It must—it must have comfort in
it。 How was Adam to know the truth？ It was always lik
