crome yellow(克罗姆·耶娄)-第43章
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the likeness； was the magisterial certainty with which his physical
peculiarities were all recorded and subtly exaggerated。
Denis looked deeper into the book。 There were caricatures of other
people： of Priscilla and Mr。 Barbecue…Smith； of Henry Wimbush； of
Anne and Gombauld； of Mr。 Scogan； whom Jenny had represented in a
light that was more than slightly sinister； that was； indeed； diabolic； of
Mary and Ivor。 He scarcely glanced at them。 A fearful desire to know
the worst about himself possessed him。 He turned over the leaves；
lingering at nothing that was not his own image。 Seven full pages were
devoted to him。
〃Private。 Not to be opened。〃 He had disobeyed the injunction； he
had only got what he deserved。 Thoughtfully he closed the book； and
slid the rubber band once more into its place。 Sadder and wiser； he went
out on to the terrace。 And so this； he reflected； this was how Jenny
employed the leisure hours in her ivory tower apart。 And he had thought
her a simple…minded； uncritical creature！ It was he； it seemed； who was
the fool。 He felt no resentment towards Jenny。 No； the distressing thing
wasn't Jenny herself； it was what she and the phenomenon of her red book
represented； what they stood for and concretely symbolised。 They
represented all the vast conscious world of men outside himself； they
symbolised something that in his studious solitariness he was apt not to
believe in。 He could stand at Piccadilly Circus； could watch the crowds
shuffle past； and still imagine himself the one fully conscious； intelligent；
individual being among all those thousands。 It seemed； somehow；
impossible that other people should be in their way as elaborate and
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complete as he in his。 Impossible； and yet； periodically he would make
some painful discovery about the external world and the horrible reality of
its consciousness and its intelligence。 The red notebook was one of these
discoveries； a footprint in the sand。 It put beyond a doubt the fact that
the outer world really existed。
Sitting on the balustrade of the terrace； he ruminated this unpleasant
truth for some time。 Still chewing on it； he strolled pensively down
towards the swimming…pool。 A peacock and his hen trailed their shabby
finery across the turf of the lower lawn。 Odious birds！ Their necks； thick
and greedily fleshy at the roots； tapered up to the cruel inanity of their
brainless heads； their flat eyes and piercing beaks。 The fabulists were
right； he reflected； when they took beasts to illustrate their tractates of
human morality。 Animals resemble men with all the truthfulness of a
caricature。 （Oh； the red notebook！） He threw a piece of stick at the
slowly pacing birds。 They rushed towards it； thinking it was something
to eat。
He walked on。 The profound shade of a giant ilex tree engulfed him。
Like a great wooden octopus； it spread its long arms abroad。
〃Under the spreading ilex tree。。。〃
He tried to remember who the poem was by； but couldn't。
〃The smith； a brawny man is he； With arms like rubber bands。〃
Just like his； he would have to try and do his Muller exercises more
regularly。
He emerged once more into the sunshine。 The pool lay before him；
reflecting in its bronze mirror the blue and various green of the summer
day。 Looking at it； he thought of Anne's bare arms and seal…sleek
bathing…dress； her moving knees and feet。
〃And little Luce with the white legs； And bouncing Barbary。。。〃
Oh； these rags and tags of other people's making！ Would he ever be
able to call his brain his own？ Was there； indeed； anything in it that was
truly his own； or was it simply an education？
He walked slowly round the water's edge。 In an embayed recess
among the surrounding yew trees； leaning her back against the pedestal of
a pleasantly comic version of the Medici Venus； executed by some
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CROME YELLOW
nameless mason of the seicento； he saw Mary pensively sitting。
〃Hullo！〃 he said； for he was passing so close to her that he had to say
something。
Mary looked up。 〃Hullo！〃 she answered in a melancholy；
uninterested tone。
In this alcove hewed out of the dark trees； the atmosphere seemed to
Denis agreeably elegiac。 He sat down beside her under the shadow of the
pudic goddess。 There was a prolonged silence。
At breakfast that morning Mary had found on her plate a picture
postcard of Gobley Great Park。 A stately Georgian pile； with a facade
sixteen windows wide； parterres in the foreground； huge； smooth lawns
receding out of the picture to right and left。 Ten years more of the hard
times and Gobley； with all its peers； will be deserted and decaying。 Fifty
years； and the countryside will know the old landmarks no more。 They
will have vanished as the monasteries vanished before them。 At the
moment； however； Mary's mind was not moved by these considerations。
On the back of the postcard； next to the address； was written； in Ivor's
bold； large hand； a single quatrain。
〃Hail； maid of moonlight！ Bride of the sun； farewell！ Like bright
plumes moulted in an angel's flight； There sleep within my heart's most
mystic cell Memories of morning； memories of the night。〃
There followed a postscript of three lines： 〃Would you mind asking
one of the housemaids to forward the packet of safety… razor blades I left
in the drawer of my washstand。 Thanks。 Ivor。
Seated under the Venus's immemorial gesture； Mary considered life
and love。 The abolition of her repressions； so far from bringing the
expected peace of mind； had brought nothing but disquiet； a new and
hitherto unexperienced misery。 Ivor； Ivor。。。She couldn't do without him
now。 It was evident； on the other hand； from the poem on the back of the
picture postcard； that Ivor could very well do without her。 He was at
Gobley now； so was Zenobia。 Mary knew Zenobia。 She thought of the
last verse of the song he had sung that night in the garden。
〃Le lendemain； Phillis peu sage Aurait donne moutons et chien Pour
un baiser que le volage A Lisette donnait pour rien。〃
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Mary shed tears at the memory； she had never been so unhappy in all
her life before。
It was Denis who first broke the silence。 〃The individual；〃 he began
in a soft and sadly philosophical tone； 〃is not a self… supporting universe。
There are times when he comes into contact with other individuals； when
he is forced to take cognisance of the existence of oth
