robert falconer-第99章

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Thy　parent　waits　thee；　and　her　sunset　dyes

Are　ruffled　for　thy　coming；　and　the　gray

Of　all　her　glittering　borders　flashes　high

Against　the　glittering　rocks：　oh；　haste；　and　fly！









PART　III。HIS　MANHOOD。







CHAPTER　I。



IN　THE　DESERT。



A　life　lay　behind　Robert　Falconer；　and　a　life　lay　before　him。　　He

stood　on　a　shoal　between。



The　life　behind　him　was　in　its　grave。　　He　had　covered　it　over　and

turned　away。　　But　he　knew　it　would　rise　at　night。



The　life　before　him　was　not　yet　born；　and　what　should　issue　from

that　dull　ghastly　unrevealing　fog　on　the　horizon；　he　did　not　care。

Thither　the　tide　setting　eastward　would　carry　him；　and　his　future

must　be　born。　　All　he　cared　about　was　to　leave　the　empty　garments　of

his　dead　behind　himthe　sky　and　the　fields；　the　houses　and　the

gardens　which　those　dead　had　made　alive　with　their　presence。

Travel；　motion；　ever　on；　ever　away；　was　the　sole　impulse　in　his

heart。　　Nor　had　the　thought　of　finding　his　father　any　share　in　his

restlessness。



He　told　his　grandmother　that　he　was　going　back　to　Aberdeen。　　She

looked　in　his　face　with　surprise；　but　seeing　trouble　there；　asked　no

questions。　　As　if　walking　in　a　dream；　he　found　himself　at　Dr。

Anderson's　door。



'Why；　Robert；'　said　the　good　man；　'what　has　brought　you　back？　　Ah！

I　see。　　Poor　Ericson！　　I　am　very　sorry；　my　boy。　　What　can　I　do　for

you？'



'I　can't　go　on　with　my　studies　now；　sir；'　answered　Robert。　'I　have

taken　a　great　longing　for　travel。　　Will　you　give　me　a　little　money

and　let　me　go？'



'To　be　sure　I　will。　　Where　do　you　want　to　go？'



'I　don't　know。　　Perhaps　as　I　go　I　shall　find　myself　wanting　to　go

somewhere。　　You're　not　afraid　to　trust　me；　are　you；　sir？'



'Not　in　the　least；　Robert。　　I　trust　you　perfectly。　　You　shall　do

just　as　you　please。Have　you　any　idea；　how　much　money　you　will

want？'



'No。　Give　me　what　you　are　willing　I　should　spend：　I　will　go　by

that。'



'Come　along　to　the　bank　then。　　I　will　give　you　enough　to　start　with。

Write　at　once　when　you　want　more。　　Don't　be　too　saving。　　Enjoy

yourself　as　well　as　you　can。　　I　shall　not　grudge　it。'



Robert　smiled　a　wan　smile　at　the　idea　of　enjoying　himself。　　His

friend　saw　it；　but　let　it　pass。　　There　was　no　good　in　persuading　a

man　whose　grief　was　all　he　had　left；　that　he　must　ere　long　part　with

that　too。　　That　would　have　been　in　lowest　deeps　of　sorrow　to　open　a

yet　lower　deep　of　horror。　　But　Robert　would　have　refused；　and　would

have　been　right　in　refusing　to　believe　with　regard　to　himself　what

might　be　true　in　regard　to　most　men。　　He　might　rise　above　his　grief；

he　might　learn　to　contain　his　grief；　but　lose　it；　forget　it？never。



He　went　to　bid　Shargar　farewell。　　As　soon　as　he　had　a　glimpse　of

what　his　friend　meant；　he　burst　out　in　an　agony　of　supplication。



'Tak　me　wi'　ye；　Robert；'　he　cried。　'Ye're　a　gentleman　noo。　　I'll　be

yer　man。　　I'll　put　on　a　livery　coat；　an'　gang　wi'　ye。　　I'll　awa'　to

Dr。　Anderson。　　He's　sure　to　lat　me　gang。'



'No；　Shargar；'　said　Robert；　'I　can't　have　you　with　me。　　I've　come

into　trouble；　Shargar；　and　I　must　fight　it　out　alone。'



'Ay；　ay；　I　ken。　　Puir　Mr。　Ericson！'



'There's　nothing　the　matter　with　Mr。　Ericson。　　Don't　ask　me　any

questions。　　I've　said　more　to　you　now　than　I've　said　to　anybody

besides。'



'That　is　guid　o'　you；　Robert。　　But　am　I　never　to　see　ye　again？'



'I　don't　know。　　Perhaps　we　may　meet　some　day。'



'Perhaps　is　nae　muckle　to　say；　Robert；'　protested　Shargar。



'It's　more　than　can　be　said　about　everything；　Shargar；'　returned

Robert；　sadly。



'Weel；　I　maun　jist　tak　it　as　't　comes；'　said　Shargar；　with　a

despairing　philosophy　derived　from　the　days　when　his　mother　thrashed

him。　'But；　eh！　　Robert；　gin　it　had　only　pleased　the　Almichty　to　sen'

me　into　the　warl'　in　a　some　respectable　kin'　o'　a　fashion！'



'Wi'　a　chance　a'　gaein'　aboot　the　country　like　that　curst　villain

yer　brither；　I　suppose？'　retorted　Robert；　rousing　himself　for　a

moment。



'Na；　na；'　responded　Shargar。　'I'll　stick　to　my　ain　mither。　　She

never　learned　me　sic　tricks。'



'Do　ye　that。　　Ye　canna　compleen　o'　God。　It's　a'　richt　as　far　's

ye're　concerned。　　Gin　he　dinna　something　o'　ye　yet；　it'll　be　your

wyte；　no　his；　I'm　thinkin'。'



They　walked　to　Dr。　Anderson's　together；　and　spent　the　night　there。

In　the　morning　Robert　got　on　the　coach　for　Edinburgh。



I　cannot；　if　I　would；　follow　him　on　his　travels。　　Only　at　times；

when　the　conversation　rose　in　the　dead　of　night；　by　some　Jacob's

ladder　of　blessed　ascent；　into　regions　where　the　heart　of　such　a　man

could　open　as　in　its　own　natural　clime；　would　a　few　words　cause　the

clouds　that　enveloped　this　period　of　his　history　to　dispart；　and

grant　me　a　peep　into　the　phantasm　of　his　past。　　I　suspect；　however；

that　much　of　it　left　upon　his　mind　no　recallable　impressions。　　I

suspect　that　much　of　it　looked　to　himself　in　the　retrospect　like　a

painful　dream；　with　only　certain　objects　and　occurrences　standing

prominent　enough　to　clear　the　moonlight　mist　enwrapping　the　rest。



What　the　precise　nature　of　his　misery　was　I　shall　not　even　attempt

to　conjecture。　　That　would　be　to　intrude　within　the　holy　place　of　a

human　heart。　　One　thing　alone　I　will　venture　to　affirmthat

bitterness　against　either　of　his　friends；　whose　spirits　rushed

together　and　left　his　outside；　had　no　place　in　that　noble　nature。

His　fate　lay　behind　him；　like　the　birth　of　Shargar；　like　the　death

of　Ericson；　a　decree。



I　do　not　even　know　in　what　direction　he　first　went。　　That　he　had

seen　many　cities　and　many　countries　was　apparent　from　glimpses　of

ancient　streets；　of　mountain…marvels；　of　strange　constellations；　of

things　in　heaven　and　earth　which　no　one　could　have　seen　but　himself；

called　up　by　the　magic　of　his　words。　　A　silent　man　in　company；　he

talked　much　when　his　hour　of　speech　arrived。　　Seldom；　however；　did

he　narrate　any　incident　save　in　connection　with　some　truth　of　human

nature；　or　fact　of　the　universe。



I　do　know　that　the　first　thing　he　always　did　on　reaching　any　new

place　was　to　visit　the　church　with　the　loftiest　spire；　but　he　never

looked　into　the　church　itself　until　he　had　left　the　earth　behind　him

as　far　as　that　church　would　afford　him　the　possibility　of　ascent。

Breathing　the　air　of　its　highest　region；　he　found　himself　vaguely

strengthened；　yes　comforted。　　One　peculiar　feeling　he　had；　into

which　I　could　enter　only　upon　happy　occasion；　of　the　presence　of　God

in　the　wind。　　He　said　the　wind　up　there　on　the　heights　of　human

aspiration　always　made　him　long　and　pray。　　Asking　him　one　day

something　about　his　going　to　church　so　seldom；　he　answered　thus：



'My　dear　boy；　it　does　me　ten　times　more　good　to　get　outside　the

spire　than　to　go　inside　the　church。　　The　spire　is　the　most

essential；　and　consequently　the　most　neglected　part　of　the　building。

It　symbolizes　the　aspiration　without　which　no　man's　faith　can　hold

its　own。　　But　the　effort　of　too　many　of　her　priests　goes　to　conceal

from　the　worshippers　the　fact　that　there　is　such　a　stair；　with　a

door　to　it　out　of　the　church。　　It　looks　as　if　they　feared　their

people　would　desert　them　for　heaven。　　But　I　presume　it　arises

generally　from　the　fact　that　they　know　of　such　an　ascent　themselves；

only　by　hearsay。　　The　knowledge　of　God　is　good；　but　the　church　is

better！'



'Could　it　be；'　I　ventured　to　suggest；　'that；　in　order　to　ascend；

they　must　put　off　the　priests'　garments？'



'Good；　my　boy！'　he　answered。　'All　are　priests　up　there；　and　must　be

clothed　in　fine　linen；　clean　and　whitethe　righteousness　of

saintsnot　the　imputed　righteousness　of　another；that　is　a　lying

doctrinebut　their　own　righteousness　which　God　has　wrought　in　them

by　Christ。'　　I　never　knew　a　man　in　whom　the　inward　was　so　constantly

clothed　upon　by　the　outward；　whose　ordinary　habits　were　so　symbolic

of　his　spiritual　tastes；　or　whose　enjoyment　of　the　sight　of　his　eyes

and　the　hearing　of　his　ears　was　so　much　informed　by　his　highes