robert falconer-第25章

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to　come　within　the　reach　of　the　persons　concerned。　　And　this　God

they　said　was　love。　　It　was　logically　absurd；　of　course；　yet；　thank

God；　they　did　say　that　God　was　love；　and　many　of　them　succeeded　in

believing　it；　too；　and　in　ordering　their　ways　as　if　the　first

article　of　their　creed　had　been　'I　believe　in　God'；　whence；　in

truth；　we　are　bound　to　say　it　was　the　first　in　power　and　reality；　if

not　in　order；　for　what　are　we　to　say　a　man　believes；　if　not　what　he

acts　upon？　　Still　the　former　article　was　the　one　they　brought

chiefly　to　bear　upon　their　children。　　This　mortar；　probably　they

thought；　threw　the　shell　straighter　than　any　of　the　other

field…pieces　of　the　church…militant。　　Hence　it　was　even　in

justification　of　God　himself　that　a　party　arose　to　say　that　a　man

could　believe　without　the　help　of　God　at　all；　and　after　believing

only　began　to　receive　God's　helpa　heresy　all　but　as　dreary　and

barren　as　the　former。　　No　one　dreamed　of　sayingat　least　such　a

glad　word　of　prophecy　never　reached　Rothiedenthat；　while　nobody

can　do　without　the　help　of　the　Father　any　more　than　a　new…born　babe

could　of　itself　live　and　grow　to　a　man；　yet　that　in　the　giving　of

that　help　the　very　fatherhood　of　the　Father　finds　its　one　gladsome

labour；　that　for　that　the　Lord　came；　for　that　the　world　was　made；

for　that　we　were　born　into　it；　for　that　God　lives　and　loves　like　the

most　loving　man　or　woman　on　earth；　only　infinitely　more；　and　in

other　ways　and　kinds　besides；　which　we　cannot　understand；　and　that

therefore　to　be　a　man　is　the　soul　of　eternal　jubilation。



Robert　consequently　began　to　take　fits　of　soul…saving；　a　most

rational　exercise；　worldly　wise　and　prudentright　too　on　the

principles　he　had　received；　but　not　in　the　least　Christian　in　its

nature；　or　even　God…fearing。　　His　imagination　began　to　busy　itself

in　representing　the　dire　consequences　of　not　entering　into　the　one

refuge　of　faith。　　He　made　many　frantic　efforts　to　believe　that　he

believed；　took　to　keeping　the　Sabbath　very　carefullythat　is；　by

going　to　church　three　times；　and　to　Sunday…school　as　well；　by　never

walking　a　step　save　to　or　from　church；　by　never　saying　a　word　upon

any　subject　unconnected　with　religion；　chiefly　theoretical；　by　never

reading　any　but　religious　books；　by　never　whistling；　by　never

thinking　of　his　lost　fiddle；　and　so　onall　the　time　feeling　that

God　was　ready　to　pounce　upon　him　if　he　failed　once；　till　again　and

again　the　intensity　of　his　efforts　utterly　defeated　their　object　by

destroying　for　the　time　the　desire　to　prosecute　them　with　the　power

to　will　them。　　But　through　the　horrible　vapours　of　these　vain

endeavours；　which　denied　God　altogether　as　the　maker　of　the　world；

and　the　former　of　his　soul　and　heart　and　brain；　and　sought　to

worship　him　as　a　capricious　demon；　there　broke　a　little　light；　a

little　soothing；　soft　twilight；　from　the　dim　windows　of　such

literature　as　came　in　his　way。　　Besides　The　Pilgrim's　Progress　there

were　several　books　which　shone　moon…like　on　his　darkness；　and　lifted

something　of　the　weight　of　that　Egyptian　gloom　off　his　spirit。　　One

of　these；　strange　to　say；　was　Defoe's　Religious　Courtship；　and　one；

Young's　Night　Thoughts。　　But　there　was　another　which　deserves

particular　notice；　inasmuch　as　it　did　far　more　than　merely　interest

or　amuse　him；　raising　a　deep　question　in　his　mind；　and　one　worthy　to

be　asked。　　This　book　was　the　translation　of　Klopstock's　Messiah；　to

which　I　have　already　referred。　　It　was　not　one　of　his　grandmother's

books；　but　had　probably　belonged　to　his　father：　he　had　found　it　in

his　little　garret…room。　　But　as　often　as　she　saw　him　reading　it；　she

seemed　rather　pleased；　he　thought。　　As　to　the　book　itself；　its

florid　expatiation　could　neither　offend　nor　injure　a　boy　like

Robert；　while　its　representation　of　our　Lord　was　to　him　a　wonderful

relief　from　that　given　in　the　pulpit；　and　in　all　the　religious　books

he　knew。　　But　the　point　for　the　sake　of　which　I　refer　to　it　in

particular　is　this：　Amongst　the　rebel　angels　who　are　of　the　actors

in　the　story；　one　of　the　principal　is　a　cherub　who　repents　of　making

his　choice　with　Satan；　mourns　over　his　apostasy；　haunts　unseen　the

steps　of　our　Saviour；　wheels　lamenting　about　the　cross；　and　would

gladly　return　to　his　lost　duties　in　heaven；　if　only　he　mighta

doubt　which　I　believe　is　left　unsolved　in　the　volume；　and　naturally

enough　remained　unsolved　in　Robert's　mind：Would　poor　Abaddon　be

forgiven　and　taken　home　again？　　For　although　naturally；　that　is；　to

judge　by　his　own　instincts；　there　could　be　no　question　of　his

forgiveness；　according　to　what　he　had　been　taught　there　could　be　no

question　of　his　perdition。　　Having　no　one　to　talk　to；　he　divided

himself　and　went　to　buffets　on　the　subject；　siding；　of　course；　with

the　better　half　of　himself　which　supported　the　merciful　view　of　the

matter；　for　all　his　efforts　at　keeping　the　Sabbath；　had　in　his　own

honest　judgment　failed　so　entirely；　that　he　had　no　ground　for

believing　himself　one　of　the　elect。　　Had　he　succeeded　in　persuading

himself　that　he　was；　there　is　no　saying　to　what　lengths　of

indifference　about　others　the　chosen　prig　might　have　advanced　by

this　time。



He　made　one　attempt　to　open　the　subject　with　Shargar。



'Shargar；　what　think　ye？'　he　said　suddenly；　one　day。　'Gin　a　de'il

war　to　repent；　wad　God　forgie　him？'



'There's　no　sayin'　what　fowk　wad　du　till　ance　they're　tried；'

returned　Shargar；　cautiously。



Robert　did　not　care　to　resume　the　question　with　one　who　so

circumspectly　refused　to　take　a　metaphysical　or　a　priori　view　of　the

matter。



He　made　an　attempt　with　his　grandmother。



One　Sunday；　his　thoughts；　after　trying　for　a　time　to　revolve　in　due

orbit　around　the　mind　of　the　Rev。　Hugh　Maccleary；　as　projected　in　a

sermon　which　he　had　botched　up　out　of　a　commentary；　failed　at　last

and　flew　off　into　what　the　said　gentleman　would　have　pronounced

'very　dangerous　speculation；　seeing　no　man　is　to　go　beyond　what　is

written　in　the　Bible；　which　contains　not　only　the　truth；　but　the

whole　truth；　and　nothing　but　the　truth；　for　this　time　and　for　all

future　timeboth　here　and　in　the　world　to　come。'　　Some　such

sentence；　at　least；　was　in　his　sermon　that　day；　and　the　preacher　no

doubt　supposed　St。　Matthew；　not　St。　Matthew　Henry；　accountable　for

its　origination。　　In　the　Limbo　into　which　Robert's　then　spirit　flew；

it　had　been　sorely　exercised　about　the　substitution　of　the

sufferings　of　Christ　for　those　which　humanity　must　else　have　endured

while　ages　rolled　onmere　ripples　on　the　ocean　of　eternity。



'Noo；　be　douce；'　said　Mrs。　Falconer；　solemnly；　as　Robert；　a　trifle

lighter　at　heart　from　the　result　of　his　cogitations　than　usual；　sat

down　to　dinner：　he　had　happened　to　smile　across　the　table　to

Shargar。　　And　he　was　douce；　and　smiled　no　more。



They　ate　their　broth；　or；　more　properly；　supped　it；　with　horn

spoons；　in　absolute　silence；　after　which　Mrs。　Falconer　put　a　large

piece　of　meat　on　the　plate　of　each；　with　the　same　formula：



'Hae。　Ye　s'　get　nae　mair。'



The　allowance　was　ample　in　the　extreme；　bearing　a　relation　to　her

words　similar　to　that　which　her　practice　bore　to　her　theology。　　A

piece　of　cheese；　because　it　was　the　Sabbath；　followed；　and　dinner

was　over。



When　the　table　had　been　cleared　by　Betty；　they　drew　their　chairs　to

the　fire；　and　Robert　had　to　read　to　his　grandmother；　while　Shargar

sat　listening。　　He　had　not　read　long；　however；　before　he　looked　up

from　his　Bible　and　began　the　following　conversation：



'Wasna　it　an　ill　trick　o'　Joseph；　gran'mither；　to　put　that　cup；　an'

a　siller　ane　tu；　into　the　mou'　o'　Benjamin's　seck？'



'What　for　that；　laddie？　　He　wanted　to　gar　them　come　back　again；　ye

ken。'



'But　he　needna　hae　gane　aboot　it　in　sic　a　playactor…like　gait。　　He

needna　hae　latten　them　awa'　ohn　tellt　（without　telling）　them　that　he

was　their　brither。'



'They　had　behaved　verra　ill　till　him。'



'He　used　to　clype　（tell　tales）　upo'　them；　though。'



'Laddie；　tak　ye　ca