robert falconer-第138章

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and　I　had　none。　　Years　and　years　of　my　lifeI　hardly　know　how

manyhave　been　spent　in　searching　for　you。　　And　now　I　have　found

you！'



The　great　tall　man；　in　the　prime　of　life　and　strength；　laid　his　big

head　down　on　the　old　man's　knee；　as　if　he　had　been　a　little　child。

His　father　said　nothing；　but　laid　his　hand　on　the　head。　　For　some

moments　the　two　remained　thus；　motionless　and　silent。　　Andrew　was

the　first　to　speak。　　And　his　words　were　the　voice　of　the　spirit　that

striveth　with　man。



'What　am　I　to　do；　Robert？'



No　other　words；　not　even　those　of　passionate　sorrow；　or　overflowing

affection；　could　have　been　half　so　precious　in　the　ears　of　Robert。

When　a　man　once　asks　what　he　is　to　do；　there　is　hope　for　him。

Robert　answered　instantly；



'You　must　come　home　to　your　mother。'



'My　mother！'　　Andrew　exclaimed。　'You　don't　mean　to　say　she's　alive？'



'I　heard　from　her　yesterdayin　her　own　hand；　too；'　said　Robert。



'I　daren't。　　I　daren't；'　murmured　Andrew。



'You　must；　father；'　returned　Robert。　'It　is　a　long　way；　but　I　will

make　the　journey　easy　for　you。　　She　knows　I　have　found　you。　　She　is

waiting　and　longing　for　you。　　She　has　hardly　thought　of　anything　but

you　ever　since　she　lost　you。　　She　is　only　waiting　to　see　you；　and

then　she　will　go　home；　she　says。　　I　wrote　to　her　and　said；　〃Grannie；

I　have　found　your　Andrew。〃　　And　she　wrote　back　to　me　and　said；　〃God

be　praised。　　I　shall　die　in　peace。〃'



A　silence　followed。



'Will　she　forgive　me？'　said　Andrew。



'She　loves　you　more　than　her　own　soul；'　answered　Robert。　'She　loves

you　as　much　as　I　do。　　She　loves　you　as　God　loves　you。'



'God　can't　love　me；'　said　Andrews；　feebly。　'He　would　never　have　left

me　if　he　had　loved　me。'



'He　has　never　left　you　from　the　very　first。　　You　would　not　take　his

way；　father；　and　he　just　let　you　try　your　own。　　But　long　before　that

he　had　begun　to　get　me　ready　to　go　after　you。　　He　put　such　love　to

you　in　my　heart；　and　gave　me　such　teaching　and　such　training；　that　I

have　found　you　at　last。　　And　now　I　have　found　you；　I　will　hold　you。

You　cannot　escapeyou　will　not　want　to　escape　any　more；　father？'



Andrew　made　no　reply　to　this　appeal。　　It　sounded　like　imprisonment

for　life；　I　suppose。　　But　thought　was　moving　in　him。　　After　a　long

pause；　during　which　the　son's　heart　was　hungering　for　a　word　whereon

to　hang　a　further　hope；　the　old　man　spoke　again；　muttering　as　if　he

were　only　speaking　his　thoughts　unconsciously。



'Where's　the　use？　　There's　no　forgiveness　for　me。　　My　mother　is

going　to　heaven。　　I　must　go　to　hell。　　No。　It's　no　good。　　Better

leave　it　as　it　is。　　I　daren't　see　her。　　It　would　kill　me　to　see

her。'



'It　will　kill　her　not　to　see　you；　and　that　will　be　one　sin　more　on

your　conscience；　father。'



Andrew　got　up　and　walked　about　the　room。　　And　Robert　only　then　arose

from　his　knees。



'And　there's　my　mother；'　he　said。



Andrew　did　not　reply；　but　Robert　saw　when　he　turned　next　towards　the

light；　that　the　sweat　was　standing　in　beads　on　his　forehead。



'Father；'　he　said；　going　up　to　him。



The　old　man　stopped　in　his　walk；　turned；　and　faced　his　son。



'Father；'　repeated　Robert；　'you've　go　to　repent；　and　God　won't　let

you　off；　and　you　needn't　think　it。　　You'll　have　to　repent　some　day。'



'In　hell；　Robert；'　said　Andrew；　looking　him　full　in　the　eyes；　as　he

had　never　looked　at　him　before。　　It　seemed　as　if　even　so　much

acknowledgment　of　the　truth　had　already　made　him　bolder　and

honester。



'Yes。　Either　on　earth　or　in　hell。　　Would　it　not　be　better　on　earth？'



'But　it　will　be　no　use　in　hell；'　he　murmured。



In　those　few　words　lay　the　germ　of　the　preference　for　hell　of　poor

souls；　enfeebled　by　wickedness。　　They　will　not　have　to　do　anything

thereonly　to　moan　and　cry　and　suffer　for　ever；　they　think。　　It　is

effort；　the　out…going　of　the　living　will　that　they　dread。　　The

sorrow；　the　remorse　of　repentance；　they　do　not　so　much　regard：　it　is

the　action　it　involves；　it　is　the　having　to　turn；　be　different；　and

do　differently；　that　they　shrink　from；　and　they　have　been　taught　to

believe　that　this　will　not　be　required　of　them　therein　that　awful

refuge　of　the　will…less。　　I　do　not　say　they　think　thus：　I　only　say

their　dim；　vague；　feeble　feelings　are　such　as；　if　they　grew　into

thought；　would　take　this　form。　　But　tell　them　that　the　fire　of　God

without　and　within　them　will　compel　them　to　bethink　themselves；　that

the　vision　of　an　open　door　beyond　the　smoke　and　the　flames　will　ever

urge　them　to　call　up　the　ice…bound　will；　that　it　may　obey；　that　the

torturing　spirit　of　God　in　them　will　keep　their　consciences　awake；

not　to　remind　them　of　what　they　ought　to　have　done；　but　to　tell　them

what　they　must　do　now；　and　hell　will　no　longer　fascinate　them。　　Tell

them　that　there　is　no　refuge　from　the　compelling　Love　of　God；　save

that　Love　itselfthat　He　is　in　hell　too；　and　that　if　they　make

their　bed　in　hell　they　shall　not　escape　him；　and　then；　perhaps；　they

will　have　some　true　presentiment　of　the　worm　that　dieth　not　and　the

fire　that　is　not　quenched。



'Father；　it　will　be　of　use　in　hell；'　said　Robert。　'God　will　give　you

no　rest　even　there。　　You　will　have　to　repent　some　day；　I　do

believeif　not　now　under　the　sunshine　of　heaven；　then　in　the

torture　of　the　awful　world　where　there　is　no　light　but　that　of　the

conscience。　　Would　it　not　be　better　and　easier　to　repent　now；　with

your　wife　waiting　for　you　in　heaven；　and　your　mother　waiting　for　you

on　earth？'



Will　it　be　credible　to　my　reader；　that　Andrew　interrupted　his　son

with　the　words；



'Robert；　it　is　dreadful　to　hear　you　talk　like　that。　　Why；　you　don't

believe　in　the　Bible！'



His　words　will　be　startling　to　one　who　has　never　heard　the　lips　of　a

hoary　old　sinner　drivel　out　religion。　　To　me　they　are　not　so

startling　as　the　words　of　Christian　women　and　bishops　of　the　Church

of　England；　when　they　say　that　the　doctrine　of　the　everlasting

happiness　of　the　righteous　stands　or　falls　with　the　doctrine　of　the

hopeless　damnation　of　the　wicked。　　Can　it　be　that　to　such　the　word

is　everything；　the　spirit　nothing？　　No。　It　is　only　that　the　devil　is

playing　a　very　wicked　prank；　not　with　them；　but　in　them：　they　are

pluming　themselves　on　being　selfish　after　a　godly　sort。



'I　do　believe　the　Bible；　father；'　returned　Robert；　'and　have　ordered

my　life　by　it。　　If　I　had　not　believed　the　Bible；　I　fear　I　should

never　have　looked　for　you。　　But　I　won't　dispute　about　it。　　I　only

say　I　believe　that　you　will　be　compelled　to　repent　some　day；　and

that　now　is　the　best　time。　　Then；　you　will　not　only　have　to　repent；

but　to　repent　that　you　did　not　repent　now。　　And　I　tell　you；　father；

that　you　shall　go　to　my　grandmother。'









CHAPTER　XVI。



CHANGE　OF　SCENE。



But　various　reasons　combined　to　induce　Falconer　to　postpone　yet　for

a　period　their　journey　to　the　North。　　Not　merely　did　his　father

require　an　unremitting　watchfulness；　which　it　would　be　difficult　to

keep　up　in　his　native　place　amongst　old　friends　and　acquaintances；

but　his　health　was　more　broken　than　he　had　at　first　supposed；　and

change　of　air　and　scene　without　excitement　was　most　desirable。　　He

was　anxious　too　that　the　change　his　mother　must　see　in　him　should　be

as　little　as　possible　attributable　to　other　causes　than　those　that

years　bring　with　them。　　To　this　was　added　that　his　own　health　had

begun　to　suffer　from　the　watching　and　anxiety　he　had　gone　through；

and　for　his　father's　sake；　as　well　as　for　the　labour　which　yet　lay

before　him；　he　would　keep　that　as　sound　as　he　might。　　He　wrote　to

his　grandmother　and　explained　the　matter。　　She　begged　him　to　do　as

he　thought　best；　for　she　was　so　happy　that　she　did　not　care　if　she

should　never　see　Andrew　in　this　world：　it　was　enough　to　die　in　the

hope　of　meeting　him　in　the　other。　　But　she　had　no　reason　to　fear

that　death　was　at　hand；　for；　although　much　more　frail；　she　felt　as

well　as　ever。



By　this　time　Falconer　had　introduced　me　to　his　fat