robert falconer-第128章

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over　skulls；　living　Death's…heads；　grotesque　in　their　hideousness。



I　was　not　very　far　from　Falconer's　abode。　　My　mind　was　oppressed

with　sad　thoughts　and　a　sense　of　helplessness。　　I　began　to　wonder

what　Falconer　might　at　that　moment　be　about。　　I　had　not　seen　him　for

a　long　timea　whole　fortnight。　　He　might　be　at　home：　I　would　go　and

see；　and　if　there　were　light　in　his　windows　I　would　ring　his　bell。



I　went。　　There　was　light　in　his　windows。　　He　opened　the　door

himself；　and　welcomed　me。　　I　went　up　with　him；　and　we　began　to　talk。

I　told　him　of　my　sad　thoughts；　and　my　feelings　of　helplessness。



'He　that　believeth　shall　not　make　haste；'　he　said。　'There　is　plenty

of　time。　　You　must　not　imagine　that　the　result　depends　on　you；　or

that　a　single　human　soul　can　be　lost　because　you　may　fail。　　The

question；　as　far　as　you　are　concerned；　is；　whether　you　are　to　be

honoured　in　having　a　hand　in　the　work　that　God　is　doing；　and　will

do；　whether　you　help　him　or　not。　　Some　will　be　honoured：　shall　it　be

me？　　And　this　honour　gained　excludes　no　one：　there　is　work；　as　there

is　bread　in　his　house；　enough　and　to　spare。　　It　shows　no　faith　in

God　to　make　frantic　efforts　or　frantic　lamentations。　　Besides；　we

ought　to　teach　ourselves　to　see；　as　much　as　we　may；　the　good　that　is

in　the　condition　of　the　poor。'



'Teach　me　to　see　that；　then；'　I　said。　'Show　me　something。'



'The　best　thing　is　their　kindness　to　each　other。　　There　is　an

absolute　divinity　in　their　self…denial　for　those　who　are　poorer　than

themselves。　　I　know　one　man　and　woman；　married　people；　who　pawned

their　very　furniture　and　wearing　apparel　to　procure　cod…liver　oil

for　a　girl　dying　in　consumption。　　She　was　not　even　a　relative；　only

an　acquaintance　of　former　years。　　They　had　found　her　destitute　and

taken　her　to　their　own　poor　home。　　There　are　fathers　and　mothers　who

will　work　hard　all　the　morning；　and　when　dinner…time　comes　〃don't

want　any；〃　that　there　may　be　enough　for　their　childrenor　half

enough；　more　likely。　　Children　will　take　the　bread　out　of　their　own

mouths　to　put　in　that　of　their　sick　brother；　or　to　stick　in　the　fist

of　baby　crying　for　a　crustgiving　only　a　queer　little　helpless

grin；　half　of　hungry　sympathy；　half　of　pleasure；　as　they　see　it

disappear。　　The　marvel　to　me　is　that　the　children　turn　out　so　well

as　they　do；　but　that　applies　to　the　children　in　all　ranks　of　life。

Have　you　ever　watched　a　group　of　poor　children；　half…a…dozen　of

them　with　babies　in　their　arms？'



'I　have；　a　little；　and　have　seen　such　a　strange　mixture　of

carelessness　and　devotion。'



'Yes。　I　was　once　stopped　in　the　street　by　a　child　of　ten；　with　face

absolutely　swollen　with　weeping；　asking　me　to　go　and　see　baby　who

was　very　ill。　　She　had　dropped　him　four　times　that　morning；　but　had

no　idea　that　could　have　done　him　any　harm。　　The　carelessness　is

ignorance。　　Their　form　of　it　is　not　half　so　shocking　as　that　of　the

mother　who　will　tremble　at　the　slightest　sign　of　suffering　in　her

child；　but　will　hear　him　lie　against　his　brother　without　the

smallest　discomfort。　　Ah！　we　shall　all　find；　I　fear；　some　day；　that

we　have　differed　from　each　other；　where　we　have　done　best；　only　in

modeperhaps　not　even　in　degree。　　A　grinding　tradesman　takes

advantage　of　the　over　supply　of　labour　to　get　his　work　done　at

starvation　prices：　I　owe　him　love；　and　have　never　thought　of　paying

my　debt　except　in　boundless　indignation。'



'I　wish　I　had　your　faith　and　courage；　Mr。　Falconer；'　I　said。



'You　are　in　a　fair　way　of　having　far　more；'　he　returned。　'You　are

not　so　old　as　I　am；　by　a　long　way。　　But　I　fear　you　are　getting　out

of　spirits。　　Is　to…morrow　a　hard　day　with　you？'



'I　have　next　to　nothing　to　do　to…morrow。'



'Then　will　you　come　to　me　in　the　evening？　　We　will　go　out　together。'



Of　course　I　was　only　too　glad　to　accept　the　proposal。　　But　our　talk

did　not　end　here。　　The　morning　began　to　shine　before　I　rose　to　leave

him；　and　before　I　reached　my　abode　it　was　broad　daylight。　　But　what

a　different　heart　I　carried　within　me！　　And　what　a　different　London

it　was　outside　of　me！　　The　scent　of　the　hayfields　came　on　the

hardly…moving　air。　　It　was　a　strange　morninga　new　day　of　unknown

historyin　whose　young　light　the　very　streets　were　transformed；

looking　clear　and　clean；　and　wondrously　transparent　in　perspective；

with　unknown　shadows　lying　in　unexpected　nooks；　with　projection　and

recess；　line　and　bend；　as　I　had　never　seen　them　before。　　The　light

was　coming　as　if　for　the　first　time　since　the　city　sprang　into

beingas　if　a　thousand　years　had　rolled　over　it　in　darkness　and

lamplight；　and　now；　now；　after　the　prayers　and　longings　of　ages；　the

sun　of　God　was　ascending　the　awful　east；　and　the　spirit…voice　had

gone　forth：　'Arise；　shine；　for　thy　light　is　come。'



It　was　a　well…behaved；　proper　London　through　which　I　walked　home。

Here　and　there；　it　is　true；　a　debauched…looking　man；　with　pale

face；　and　red　sleepy　eyes；　or　a　weary；　withered　girl；　like　a

half…moon　in　the　daylight；　straggled　somewhither。　　But　they　looked

strange　to　the　London　of　the　morning。　　They　were　not　of　it。　　Alas

for　those　who　creep　to　their　dens；　like　the　wild　beasts　when　the　sun

arises；　because　the　light　has　shaken　them　out　of　the　world。　　All　the

horrid　phantasms　of　the　Valley　of　the　Shadow　of　Death　that　had　risen

from　the　pit　with　the　vaporous　night　had　sunk　to　escape　the　arrows

of　the　sun；　once　more　into　its　bottomless　depth。　　If　any　horrid　deed

was　doing　now；　how　much　more　horrid　in　the　awful　still　light　of　this

first　hour　of　a　summer　morn！　　How　many　evil　passions　now　lay　sunk

under　the　holy　waves　of　sleep！　　How　many　heartaches　were　gnawing

only　in　dreams；　to　wake　with　the　brain；　and　gnaw　in　earnest　again！

And　over　all　brooded　the　love　of　the　Lord　Christ；　who　is　Lord　over

all　blessed　for　ever；　and　shall　yet　cast　death　and　hell　into　the

lake　of　firethe　holy　purifying　Fate。



I　got　through　my　sole　engagementa　very　dreary　one；　for　surely

never　were　there　stupider　young　people　in　the　whole　region　of　rank

than　those　to　whom　duty　and　necessity　sent　me　on　the　Wednesday

mornings　of　that　London　seasoneven　with　some　enjoyment。　　For　the

lessons　Falconer　had　been　giving　me　clung　to　me　and　grew　on　me　until

I　said　thus　to　myself：　'Am　I　to　believe　only　for　the　poor；　and　not

for　the　rich？　　Am　I　not　to　bear　with　conceit　even；　hard　as　it　is　to

teach？　for　is　not　this　conceit　itself　the　measure　as　the　consequence

of　incapacity　and　ignorance？　　They　cannot　help　being　born　stupid；

any　more　than　some　of　those　children　in　St。　Giles's　can　help　being

born　preternaturally；　unhealthily　clever。　　I　am　going　with　my　friend

this　evening：　that　hope　is　enough　to　make　me　strong　for　one　day　at

least。'　　So　I　set　myself　to　my　task；　and　that　morning　wiled　the

first　gleam　of　intelligent　delight　out　of　the　eyes　of　one　poor

little　washed…out　ladyship。　　I　could　have　kissed　her　from　positive

thankfulness。



The　day　did　wear　over。　　The　evening　did　come。　　I　was　with　my

friendfor　friend　I　could　call　him　none　the　less　and　all　the　more

that　I　worshipped　him。



'I　have　business　in　Westminster；'　he　said；　'and　then　on　the　other

side　of　the　water。'



'I　am　more　and　more　astonished　at　your　knowledge　of　London；　Mr。

Falconer；'　I　said。　'You　must　have　a　great　faculty　for　places。'



'I　think　rather　the　contrary；'　he　answered。　'But　there　is　no　end　to

the　growth　of　a　faculty；　if　one　only　uses　itespecially　when　his

whole　nature　is　interested　in　its　efficiency；　and　makes　demands　upon

it。　　The　will　applies　to　the　intellect；　the　intellect　communicates

its　necessities　to　the　brain；　the　brain　bestirs　itself；　and　grows

more　active；　the　eyes　lend　their　aid；　the　memory　tries　not　to　be

behind；　and　at　length　you　have　a　man　gifted　in　localities。'



'How　is　it　that　people　generally　can　live　in　such　quiet　ignorance　of

the　regions　that　surround　them；　and　the　kind　of　humanity　so　near

them？'　　I　said　after　a　pause。



'It　does　seem　strange。　　It　is　as　if　a　man　should　not　kn