robert falconer-第124章

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sitting…room　without　even　asking　her　name。　　She　found　him　at　his

piano；　apologized；　in　her　fashionable　drawl；　for　interrupting　his

music；　and　accepted　his　offer　of　a　chair　without　a　shade　of

embarrassment。　　Falconer　seated　himself　and　sat　waiting。



'I　fear　the　step　I　have　taken　will　appear　strange　to　you；　Mr。

Falconer。　　Indeed　it　appears　strange　to　myself。　　I　am　afraid　it　may

appear　stranger　still。'



'It　is　easy　for　me　to　leave　all　judgment　in　the　matter　to　yourself；

MissI　beg　your　pardon；　I　know　we　have　met；　but　for　the　moment　I

cannot　recall　your　name。'



'Lady　Georgina　Betterton；'　drawled　the　visitor　carelessly；　hiding

whatever　annoyance　she　may　have　felt。



Falconer　bowed。　　Lady　Georgina　resumed。



'Of　course　it　only　affects　myself；　and　I　am　willing　to　take　the

risk；　notwithstanding　the　natural　desire　to　stand　well　in　the

opinion　of　any　one　with　whom　even　my　boldness　could　venture　such　a

step。'



A　smile；　intended　to　be　playful；　covered　the　retreat　of　the

sentence。　　Falconer　bowed　again。　　Lady　Georgina　had　yet　again　to

resume。



'From　the　little　I　have　seen；　and　the　much　I　have　heard　of

youexcuse　me；　Mr。　FalconerI　cannot　help　thinking　that　you　know

more　of　the　secret　of　life　than　other　peopleif　indeed　it　has　any

secret。'



'Life　certainly　is　no　burden　to　me；'　returned　Falconer。　'If　that

implies　the　possession　of　any　secret　which　is　not　common　property；　I

fear　it　also　involves　a　natural　doubt　whether　such　secret　be

communicable。'



'Of　course　I　mean　only　some　secret　everybody　ought　to　know。'



'I　do　not　misunderstand　you。'



'I　want　to　live。　　You　know　the　world；　Mr。　Falconer。　　I　need　not　tell

you　what　kind　of　life　a　girl　like　myself　leads。　　I　am　not　old；　but

the　gilding　is　worn　off。　　Life　looks　bare；　ugly；　uninteresting。　　I

ask　you　to　tell　me　whether　there　is　any　reality　in　it　or　not；

whether　its　past　glow　was　only　gilt；　whether　the　best　that　can　be

done　is　to　get　through　with　it　as　fast　as　possible？'



'Surely　your　ladyship　must　know　some　persons　whose　very　countenances

prove　that　they　have　found　a　reality　at　the　heart　of　life。'



'Yes。　But　none　whose　judgment　I　could　trust。　　I　cannot　tell　how　soon

they　may　find　reason　to　change　their　minds　on　the　subject。　　Their

satisfaction　may　only　be　that　they　have　not　tried　to　rub　the　varnish

off　the　gilding　so　much　as　I；　and　therefore　the　gilding　itself　still

shines　a　little　in　their　eyes。'



'If　it　be　only　gilding；　it　is　better　it　should　be　rubbed　off。'



'But　I　am　unwilling　to　think　it　is。　　I　am　not　willing　to　sign　a　bond

of　farewell　to　hope。　　Life　seemed　good　once。　　It　is　bad　enough　that

it　seems　such　no　longer；　without　consenting　that　it　must　and　shall

be　so。　　Allow　me　to　add；　for　my　own　sake；　that　I　speak　from　the

bitterness　of　no　chagrin。　　I　have　had　all　I　ever　caredor

condescended　to　wish　for。　　I　never　had　anything　worth　the　name　of　a

disappointment　in　my　life。'



'I　cannot　congratulate　you　upon　that；'　said　Falconer；　seriously。

'But　if　there　be　a　truth　or　a　heart　in　life；　assurance　of　the　fact

can　only　spring　from　harmony　with　that　truth。　　It　is　not　to　be　known

save　by　absolute　contact　with　it；　and　the　sole　guide　in　the

direction　of　it　must　be　duty：　I　can　imagine　no　other　possible

conductor。　　We　must　do　before　we　can　know。'



'Yes；　yes；'　replied　Lady　Georgina；　hastily；　in　a　tone　that　implied；

'Of　course；　of　course：　we　know　all　about　that。'　　But　aware　at　once；

with　the　fine　instinct　belonging　to　her　mental　organization；　that

she　was　thus　shutting　the　door　against　all　further　communication；

she　added　instantly：　'But　what　is　one's　duty？　　There　is　the

question。'



'The　thing　that　lies　next　you；　of　course。　　You　are；　and　must　remain；

the　sole　judge　of　that。　　Another　cannot　help　you。'



'But　that　is　just　what　I　do　not　know。'



I　interrupt　Lady　Georgina　to　remarkfor　I　too　have　been　a　pupil　of

Falconerthat　I　believe　she　must　have　suspected　what　her　duty　was；

and　would　not　look　firmly　at　her　own　suspicion。　　She　added：



'I　want　direction。'



But　the　same　moment　she　proceeded　to　indicate　the　direction　in　which

she　wanted　to　be　directed；　for　she　went　on：



'You　know　that　now…a…days　there　are　so　many　modes　in　which　to　employ

one's　time　and　money　that　one　does　not　know　which　to　choose。　　The

lower　strata　of　society；　you　know；　Mr。　Falconerso　many　channels！

I　want　the　advice　of　a　man　of　experience；　as　to　the　best

investment；　if　I　may　use　the　expression：　I　do　not　mean　of　money

only；　but　of　time　as　well。'



'I　am　not　fitted　to　give　advice　in　such　a　matter。'



'Mr。　Falconer！'



'I　assure　you　I　am　not。　　I　subscribe　to　no　society　myselfnot　one。'



'Excuse　me；　but　I　can　hardly　believe　the　rumours　I　hear　of

youpeople　will　talk；　you　knoware　all　inventions。　　They　say　you

are　for　ever　burrowing　amongst　the　poor。　　Excuse　the　phrase。'



'I　excuse　or　accept　it；　whichever　you　please。　　Whatever　I　do；　I　am

my　own　steward。'



'Then　you　are　just　the　person　to　help　me！　　I　have　a　fortune；　not

very　limited；　at　my　own　disposal：　a　gentleman　who　is　his　own

steward；　would　find　his　labours　merely　facilitated　by　administering

for　another　as　wellsuch　labours；　I　mean。'



'I　must　beg　to　be　excused；　Lady　Georgina。　　I　am　accountable　only　for

my　own；　and　of　that　I　have　quite　as　much　as　I　can　properly　manage。

It　is　far　more　difficult　to　use　money　for　others　than　to　spend　it

for　yourself。'



'Ah！'　said　Lady　Georgina；　thoughtfully；　and　cast　an　involuntary

glance　round　the　untidy　room；　with　its　horse…hair　furniture；　its

ragged　array　of　books　on　the　wall；　its　side…table　littered　with

pamphlets　he　never　read；　with　papers　he　never　printed；　with　pipes　he

smoked　by　chance　turns。　　He　saw　the　glance　and　understood　it。



'I　am　accustomed；'　he　said；　'to　be　in　such　sad　places　for　human

beings　to　live　in；　that　I　sometimes　think　even　this　dingy　old　room

an　absolute　palace　of　comfort。But；'　he　added；　checking　himself；　as

it　were；　'I　do　not　see　in　the　least　how　your　proposal　would

facilitate　an　answer　to　your　question。'



'You　seem　hardly　inclined　to　do　me　justice；'　said　Lady　Georgina；

with；　for　the　first　time；　a　perceptible；　though　slight　shadow

crossing　the　disc　of　her　resolution。　'I　only　meant　it；'　she　went　on；

'as　a　step　towards　a　further　proposal；　which　I　think　you　will　allow

looks　at　least　in　the　direction　you　have　been　indicating。'



She　paused。



'May　I　beg　of　you　to　state　the　proposal？'　said　Falconer。



But　Lady　Georgina　was　apparently　in　some　little　difficulty　as　to　the

proper　form　in　which　to　express　her　object。　　At　last　it　appeared　in

the　cloak　of　a　question。



'Do　you　require　no　assistance　in　your　efforts　for　the　elevation　of

the　lower　classes？'　she　asked。



'I　don't　make　any　such　efforts；'　said　Falconer。



Some　of　my　lady…readers　will　probably　be　remarking　to　themselves；

'How　disagreeable　of　him！　　I　can't　endure　the　man。'　　If　they　knew

how　Falconer　had　to　beware　of　the　forwardness　and　annoyance　of

well…meaning　women；　they　would　not　dislike　him　so　much。　　But

Falconer　could　be　indifferent　to　much　dislike；　and　therein　I　know

some　men　that　envy　him。



When　he　saw；　however；　that　Lady　Georgina　was　trying　to　swallow　a

lump　in　her　throat；　he　hastened　to　add；



'I　have　only　relations　with　individualsnone　with　classes。'



Lady　Georgina　gathered　her　failing　courage。　'Then　there　is　the　more

hope　for　me；'　she　said。　'Surely　there　are　things　a　woman　might　be

useful　in　that　a　man　cannot　do　so　wellespecially　if　she　would　do

as　she　was　told；　Mr。　Falconer？'



He　looked　at　her；　inquiring　of　her　whole　person　what　numen　abode　in

the　fane。　　She　misunderstood　the　look。



'I　could　dress　very　differently；　you　know。　　I　will　be　a　sister　of

charity；　if　you　like。'



'And　wear　a　uniform？as　if　the　god　of　another　world　wanted　to　make

proselytes　or　traitors　in　this！　　No；　Lady　Georgina；　it　was　not　of　a

dress　so　easily　altered　that　I　was　thinking；　it　was　of　the　habit；

the　dress