robert falconer-第102章

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and　so；



Fourth；be　left　free　to　love　God　with　all　his　heart；　and　his

neighbour　as　himself。



But　one　day；　his　thoughts　having　cleared　themselves　a　little　upon

these　points；　a　new　set　of　questions　arose　with　sudden

inundationcomprised　in　these　two：



'How　can　I　tell　for　certain　that　there　ever　was　such　a　man？　　How　am

I　to　be　sure　that　such　as　he　says　is　the　mind　of　the　maker　of　these

glaciers　and　butterflies？'



All　this　time　he　was　in　the　wilderness　as　much　as　Moses　at　the　back

of　Horeb；　or　St。　Paul　when　he　vanishes　in　Arabia：　and　he　did　nothing

but　read　the　four　gospels　and　ponder　over　them。　　Therefore　it　is　not

surprising　that　he　should　have　already　become　so　familiar　with　the

gospel　story；　that　the　moment　these　questions　appeared；　the

following　words　should　dart　to　the　forefront　of　his　consciousness　to

meet　them：



'If　any　man　will　do　his　will；　he　shall　know　of　the　doctrine；　whether

it　be　of　God；　or　whether　I　speak　of　myself。'



Here　was　a　word　of　Jesus　himself；　announcing　the　one　means　of

arriving　at　a　conviction　of　the　truth　or　falsehood　of　all　that　he

said；　namely；　the　doing　of　the　will　of　God　by　the　man　who　would

arrive　at　such　conviction。



The　next　question　naturally　was：　What　is　this　will　of　God　of　which

Jesus　speaks？　　Here　he　found　himself　in　difficulty。　　The　theology　of

his　grandmother　rushed　in　upon　him；　threatening　to　overwhelm　him

with　demands　as　to　feeling　and　inward　action　from　which　his　soul

turned　with　sickness　and　fainting。　　That　they　were　repulsive　to　him；

that　they　appeared　unreal；　and　contradictory　to　the　nature　around

him；　was　no　proof　that　they　were　not　of　God。　But　on　the　other　hand；

that　they　demanded　what　seemed　to　him　unjust；that　these　demands

were　founded　on　what　seemed　to　him　untruth　attributed　to　God；　on

ways　of　thinking　and　feeling　which　are　certainly　degrading　in　a

man；these　were　reasons　of　the　very　highest　nature　for　refusing　to

act　upon　them　so　long　as；　from　whatever　defects　it　might　be　in

himself；　they　bore　to　him　this　aspect。　　He　saw　that　while　they

appeared　to　be　such；　even　though　it　might　turn　out　that　he　mistook

them；　to　acknowledge　them　would　be　to　wrong　God。　But　this　conclusion

left　him　in　no　better　position　for　practice　than　before。



When　at　length　he　did　see　what　the　will　of　God　was；　he　wondered；　so

simple　did　it　appear；　that　he　had　failed　to　discover　it　at　once。

Yet　not　less　than　a　fortnight　had　he　been　brooding　and　pondering

over　the　question；　as　he　wandered　up　and　down　that　burnside；　or　sat

at　the　foot　of　the　heather…crowned　stone　and　the　silver…barked

birch；　when　the　light　began　to　dawn　upon　him。　　It　was　thus。



In　trying　to　understand　the　words　of　Jesus　by　searching　back；　as　it

were；　for　such　thoughts　and　feelings　in　him　as　would　account　for　the

words　he　spoke；　the　perception　awoke　that　at　least　he　could　not　have

meant　by　the　will　of　God　any　such　theological　utterances　as　those

which　troubled　him。　　Next　it　grew　plain　that　what　he　came　to　do；　was

just　to　lead　his　life。　　That　he　should　do　the　work；　such　as

recorded；　and　much　besides；　that　the　Father　gave　him　to　dothis　was

the　will　of　God　concerning　him。　　With　this　perception　arose　the

conviction　that　unto　every　man　whom　God　had　sent　into　the　world；　he

had　given　a　work　to　do　in　that　world。　　He　had　to　lead　the　life　God

meant　him　to　lead。　　The　will　of　God　was　to　be　found　and　done　in　the

world。　　In　seeking　a　true　relation　to　the　world；　would　he　find　his

relation　to　God？



The　time　for　action　was　come。



He　rose　up　from　the　stone　of　his　meditation；　took　his　staff　in　his

hand；　and　went　down　the　mountain；　not　knowing　whither　he　went。　　And

these　were　some　of　his　thoughts　as　he　went：



'If　it　was　the　will　of　God　who　made　me　and　her；　my　will　shall　not　be

set　against　his。　　I　cannot　be　happy；　but　I　will　bow　my　head　and　let

his　waves　and　his　billows　go　over　me。　　If　there　is　such　a　God；　he

knows　what　a　pain　I　bear。　　His　will　be　done。　　Jesus　thought　it　well

that　his　will　should　be　done　to　the　death。　　Even　if　there　be　no　God；

it　will　be　grand　to　be　a　disciple　of　such　a　man；　to　do　as　he　says；

think　as　he　thoughtperhaps　come　to　feel　as　he　felt。'



My　reader　may　wonder　that　one　so　young　should　have　been　able　to

think　so　practicallyto　the　one　point　of　action。　　But　he　was　in

earnest；　and　what　lay　at　the　root　of　his　character；　at　the　root　of

all　that　he　did；　felt；　and　became；　was　childlike　simplicity　and

purity　of　nature。　　If　the　sins　of　his　father　were　mercifully　visited

upon　him；　so　likewise　were　the　grace　and　loveliness　of　his　mother。

And　between　the　two；　Falconer　had　fared　well。



As　he　descended　the　mountain；　the　one　question　washis　calling。

With　the　faintest　track　to　follow；　with　the　clue　of　a　spider's

thread　to　guide　him；　he　would　have　known　that　his　business　was　to

set　out　at　once　to　find；　and　save　his　father。　　But　never　since　the

day　when　the　hand　of　that　father　smote　him；　and　Mary　St。　John　found

him　bleeding　on　the　floor；　had　he　heard　word　or　conjecture

concerning　him。　　If　he　were　to　set　out　to　find　him　now；　it　would　be

to　search　the　earth　for　one　who　might　have　vanished　from　it　years

ago。　　He　might　as　well　search　the　streets　of　a　great　city　for　a　lost

jewel。　　When　the　time　came　for　him　to　find　his　father；　if　such　an

hour　was　written　in　the　decrees　ofI　dare　not　say　Fate；　for

Falconer　hated　the　wordif　such　was　the　will　of　God；　some　sign

would　be　given　himthat　is；　some　hint　which　he　could　follow　with

action。　　As　he　thought　and　thought　it　became　gradually　plainer　that

he　must　begin　his　obedience　by　getting　ready　for　anything　that　God

might　require　of　him。　　Therefore　he　must　go　on　learning　till　the

call　came。



But　he　shivered　at　the　thought　of　returning　to　Aberdeen。　　Might　he

not　continue　his　studies　in　Germany？　　Would　that　not　be　as

goodpossibly；　from　the　variety　of　the　experience；　better？　　But　how

was　it　to　be　decided？　　By　submitting　the　matter　to　the　friend　who

made　either　possible。　　Dr。　Anderson　had　been　to　him　as　a　father：　he

would　be　guided　by　his　pleasure。



He　wrote；　therefore；　to　Dr。　Anderson；　saying　that　he　would　return　at

once　if　he　wished　it；　but　that　he　would　greatly　prefer　going　to　a

German　university　for　two　years。　　The　doctor　replied　that　of　course

he　would　rather　have　him　at　home；　but　that　he　was　confident　Robert

knew　best　what　was　best　for　himself；　therefore　he　had　only　to　settle

where　he　thought　proper；　and　the　next　summer　he　would　come　and　see

him；　for　he　was　not　tied　to　Aberdeen　any　more　than　Robert。









CHAPTER　II。



HOME　AGAIN。



Four　years　passed　before　Falconer　returned　to　his　native　country；

during　which　period　Dr。　Anderson　had　visited　him　twice；　and　shown

himself　well　satisfied　with　his　condition　and　pursuits。　　The　doctor

had　likewise　visited　Rothieden；　and　had　comforted　the　heart　of　the

grandmother　with　regard　to　her　Robert。　　From　what　he　learned　upon

this　visit；　he　had　arrived　at　a　true　conjecture；　I　believe；　as　to

the　cause　of　the　great　change　which　had　suddenly　taken　place　in　the

youth。　　But　he　never　asked　Robert　a　question　leading　in　the

direction　of　the　grief　which　he　saw　the　healthy　and　earnest　nature

of　the　youth　gradually　assimilating　into　his　life。　　He　had　too　much

respect　for　sorrow　to　approach　it　with　curiosity。　　He　had　learned　to

put　off　his　shoes　when　he　drew　nigh　the　burning　bush　of　human　pain。



Robert　had　not　settled　at　any　of　the　universities；　but　had　moved

from　one　to　the　other　as　he　saw　fit；　report　guiding　him　to　the　men

who　spoke　with　authority。　　The　time　of　doubt　and　anxious　questioning

was　far　from　over；　but　the　time　was　long　gone　byif　in　his　case　it

had　ever　beenwhen　he　could　be　like　a　wave　of　the　sea；　driven　of

the　wind　and　tossed。　　He　had　ever　one　anchor　of　the　soul；　and　he

found　that　it　heldthe　faith　of　Jesus　（I　say　the　faith　of　Jesus；

not　his　own　faith　in　Jesus）；　the　truth　of　Jesus；　the　life　of　Jesus。

However　his　intellect　might　be　tossed　on　the　waves　of　speculation

and