the celeatial railroad-第4章

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And　well　do　they　deserve　such　honorable　estimation；　for　the

maxims　of　wisdom　and　virtue　which　fall　from　their　lips　come　from

as　deep　a　spiritual　source；　and　tend　to　as　lofty　a　religious　aim；

as　those　of　the　sagest　philosophers　of　old。　In　justification　of

this　high　praise　I　need　only　mention　the　names　of　the　Rev。　Mr。

Shallow…deep；　the　Rev。　Mr。　Stumble…at…truth；　that　fine　old

clerical　character　the　Rev。　Mr。　This…today；　who　expects　shortly

to　resign　his　pulpit　to　the　Rev。　Mr。　That…tomorrow；　together　with

the　Rev。　Mr。　Bewilderment；　the　Rev。　Mr。　Clog…the…spirit；　and；

last　and　greatest；　the　Rev。　Dr。　Wind…of…doctrine。　The　labors　of

these　eminent　divines　are　aided　by　those　of　innumerable

lecturers；　who　diffuse　such　a　various　profundity；　in　all　subjects

of　human　or　celestial　science；　that　any　man　may　acquire　an

omnigenous　erudition　without　the　trouble　of　even　learning　to

read。　Thus　literature　is　etherealized　by　assuming　for　its　medium

the　human　voice；　and　knowledge；　depositing　all　its　heavier

particles；　except；　doubtless；　its　gold　becomes　exhaled　into　a

sound；　which　forthwith　steals　into　the　ever…open　ear　of　the

community。　These　ingenious　methods　constitute　a　sort　of

machinery；　by　which　thought　and　study　are　done　to　every　person's

hand　without　his　putting　himself　to　the　slightest　inconvenience

in　the　matter。　There　is　another　species　of　machine　for　the

wholesale　manufacture　of　individual　morality。　This　excellent

result　is　effected　by　societies　for　all　manner　of　virtuous

purposes；　with　which　a　man　has　merely　to　connect　himself；

throwing；　as　it　were；　his　quota　of　virtue　into　the　common　stock；

and　the　president　and　directors　will　take　care　that　the　aggregate

amount　be　well　applied。　All　these；　and　other　wonderful

improvements　in　ethics；　religion；　and　literature；　being　made

plain　to　my　comprehension　by　the　ingenious　Mr。　Smooth…it…away；

inspired　me　with　a　vast　admiration　of　Vanity　Fair。



It　would　fill　a　volume；　in　an　age　of　pamphlets；　were　I　to　record

all　my　observations　in　this　great　capital　of　human　business　and

pleasure。　There　was　an　unlimited　range　of　societythe　powerful；

the　wise；　the　witty；　and　the　famous　in　every　walk　of　life；

princes；　presidents；　poets；　generals；　artists；　actors；　and

philanthropists；all　making　their　own　market　at　the　fair；　and

deeming　no　price　too　exorbitant　for　such　commodities　as　hit　their

fancy。　It　was　well　worth　one's　while；　even　if　he　had　no　idea　of

buying　or　selling；　to　loiter　through　the　bazaars　and　observe　the

various　sorts　of　traffic　that　were　going　forward。



Some　of　the　purchasers；　I　thought；　made　very　foolish　bargains。

For　instance；　a　young　man　having　inherited　a　splendid　fortune；

laid　out　a　considerable　portion　of　it　in　the　purchase　of

diseases；　and　finally　spent　all　the　rest　for　a　heavy　lot　of

repentance　and　a　suit　of　rags。　A　very　pretty　girl　bartered　a

heart　as　clear　as　crystal；　and　which　seemed　her　most　valuable

possession；　for　another　jewel　of　the　same　kind；　but　so　worn　and

defaced　as　to　be　utterly　worthless。　In　one　shop　there　were　a

great　many　crowns　of　laurel　and　myrtle；　which　soldiers；　authors；

statesmen；　and　various　other　people　pressed　eagerly　to　buy；　some

purchased　these　paltry　wreaths　with　their　lives；　others　by　a

toilsome　servitude　of　years；　and　many　sacrificed　whatever　was

most　valuable；　yet　finally　slunk　away　without　the　crown。　There

was　a　sort　of　stock　or　scrip；　called　Conscience；　which　seemed　to

be　in　great　demand；　and　would　purchase　almost　anything。　Indeed；

few　rich　commodities　were　to　be　obtained　without　paying　a　heavy

sum　in　this　particular　stock；　and　a　man's　business　was　seldom

very　lucrative　unless　he　knew　precisely　when　and　how　to　throw　his

hoard　of　conscience　into　the　market。　Yet　as　this　stock　was　the

only　thing　of　permanent　value；　whoever　parted　with　it　was　sure　to

find　himself　a　loser　in　the　long　run。　Several　of　the　speculations

were　of　a　questionable　character。　Occasionally　a　member　of

Congress　recruited　his　pocket　by　the　sale　of　his　constituents；

and　I　was　assured　that　public　officers　have　often　sold　their

country　at　very　moderate　prices。　Thousands　sold　their　happiness

for　a　whim。　Gilded　chains　were　in　great　demand；　and　purchased

with　almost　any　sacrifice。　In　truth；　those　who　desired；　according

to　the　old　adage；　to　sell　anything　valuable　for　a　song；　might

find　customers　all　over　the　Fair；　and　there　were　innumerable

messes　of　pottage；　piping　hot；　for　such　as　chose　to　buy　them　with

their　birthrights。　A　few　articles；　however；　could　not　be　found

genuine　at　Vanity　Fair。　If　a　customer　wished　to　renew　his　stock

of　youth　the　dealers　offered　him　a　set　of　false　teeth　and　an

auburn　wig；　if　he　demanded　peace　of　mind；　they　recommended　opium

or　a　brandy　bottle。



Tracts　of　land　and　golden　mansions；　situate　in　the　Celestial

City；　were　often　exchanged；　at　very　disadvantageous　rates；　for　a

few　years'　lease　of　small；　dismal；　inconvenient　tenements　in

Vanity　Fair。　Prince　Beelzebub　himself　took　great　interest　in　this

sort　of　traffic；　and　sometimes　condescended　to　meddle　with

smaller　matters。　I　once　had　the　pleasure　to　see　him　bargaining

with　a　miser　for　his　soul；　which；　after　much　ingenious

skirmishing　on　both　sides；　his　highness　succeeded　in　obtaining　at

about　the　value　of　sixpence。　The　prince　remarked　with　a　smile；

that　he　was　a　loser　by　the　transaction。



Day　after　day；　as　I　walked　the　streets　of　Vanity；　my　manners　and

deportment　became　more　and　more　like　those　of　the　inhabitants。

The　place　began　to　seem　like　home；　the　idea　of　pursuing　my

travels　to　the　Celestial　City　was　almost　obliterated　from　my

mind。　I　was　reminded　of　it；　however；　by　the　sight　of　the　same

pair　of　simple　pilgrims　at　whom　we　had　laughed　so　heartily　when

Apollyon　puffed　smoke　and　steam　into　their　faces　at　the

commencement　of　our　journey。　There　they　stood　amidst　the　densest

bustle　of　Vanity；　the　dealers　offering　them　their　purple　and　fine

linen　and　jewels；　the　men　of　wit　and　humor　gibing　at　them；　a　pair

of　buxom　ladies　ogling　them　askance；　while　the　benevolent　Mr。

Smooth…it…away　whispered　some　of　his　wisdom　at　their　elbows；　and

pointed　to　a　newly…erected　temple；　but　there　were　these　worthy

simpletons；　making　the　scene　look　wild　and　monstrous；　merely　by

their　sturdy　repudiation　of　all　part　in　its　business　or

pleasures。



One　of　themhis　name　was　Stick…to…the…rightperceived　in　my

face；　I　suppose；　a　species　of　sympathy　and　almost　admiration；

which；　to　my　own　great　surprise；　I　could　not　help　feeling　for

this　pragmatic　couple。　It　prompted　him　to　address　me。



〃Sir；〃　inquired　he；　with　a　sad；　yet　mild　and　kindly　voice。　〃do

you　call　yourself　a　pilgrim？〃



〃Yes；〃　I　replied；　〃my　right　to　that　appellation　is　indubitable。　I

am　merely　a　sojourner　here　in　Vanity　Fair；　being　bound　to　the

Celestial　City　by　the　new　railroad。〃



〃Alas；　friend；〃　rejoined　Mr。　Stick…to…the…truth；　〃I　do　assure

you；　and　beseech　you　to　receive　the　truth　of　my　words；　that　that

whole　concern　is　a　bubble。　You　may　travel　on　it　all　your

lifetime；　were　you　to　live　thousands　of　years；　and　yet　never　get

beyond　the　limits　of　Vanity　Fair。　Yea；　though　you　should　deem

yourself　entering　the　gates　of　the　blessed　city；　it　will　be

nothing　but　a　miserable　delusion。〃



〃The　Lord　of　the　Celestial　City；〃　began　the　other　pilgrim；　whose

name　was　Mr。　Foot…it…to…heaven；　〃has　refused；　and　will　ever

refuse；　to　grant　an　act　of　incorporation　for　this　railroad；　and

unless　that　be　obtained；　no　passenger　can　ever　hope　to　enter　his

dominions。　Wherefore　every　man　who　buys　a　ticket　must　lay　his

account　with　losing　the　purchase　money；　which　is　the　value　of　his

own　soul。〃



〃Poh；　nonsense！〃　said　Mr。　Smooth…it…away；　taking　my　arm　and

leading　me　off；　〃these　fellows　ought　to　be　indicted　for　a　libel。

If　the　law　stood　as　it　once　did　in　Vanity　Fair　we　should　see　them

grinning　through　the　iron　bars　of　the　prison　window。〃



This　incident　made　a　considerable　impression　on　my　mind；　and

contributed　with　other　circums