the queen of hearts-第19章

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complain　of　her。

Her　passionate　affection　for　my　sister；　her　pride　in　the　child's
beauty；　I　remember　well；　as　also　her　uniform　kindness　and
indulgence　toward　me。　My　personal　defects　must　have　been　a　sore
trial　to　her　in　secret；　but　neither　she　nor　my　father　ever　showed
me　that　they　perceived　any　difference　between　Caroline　and
myself。　When　presents　were　made　to　my　sister；　presents　were　made
to　me。　When　my　father　and　mother　caught　my　sister　up　in　their
arms　and　kissed　her　they　scrupulously　gave　me　my　turn　afterward。
My　childish　instinct　told　me　that　there　was　a　difference　in　their
smiles　when　they　looked　at　me　and　looked　at　her；　that　the　kisses
given　to　Caroline　were　warmer　than　the　kisses　given　to　me；　that
the　hands　which　dried　her　tears　in　our　childish　griefs；　touched
her　more　gently　than　the　hands　which　dried　mine。　But　these；　and
other　small　signs　of　preference　like　them；　were　such　as　no
parents　could　be　expected　to　control。　I　noticed　them　at　the　time
rather　with　wonder　than　with　repining。　I　recall　them　now　without
a　harsh　thought　either　toward　my　father　or　my　mother。　Both　loved
me；　and　both　did　their　duty　by　me。　If　I　seem　to　speak
constrainedly　of　them　here；　it　is　not　on　my　own　account。　I　can
honestly　say　that；　with　all　my　heart　and　soul。

Even　Uncle　George；　fond　as　he　was　of　me；　was　fonder　of　my
beautiful　child…sister。

When　I　used　mischievously　to　pull　at　his　lank；　scanty　hair；　he
would　gently　and　laughingly　take　it　out　of　my　hands；　but　he　would
let　Caroline　tug　at　it　till　his　dim；　wandering　gray　eyes　winked
and　watered　again　with　pain。　He　used　to　plunge　perilously　about
the　garden；　in　awkward　imitation　of　the　cantering　of　a　horse；
while　I　sat　on　his　shoulders；　but　he　would　never　proceed　at　any
pace　beyond　a　slow　and　safe　walk　when　Caroline　had　a　ride　in　her
turn。　When　he　took　us　out　walking；　Caroline　was　always　on　the
side　next　the　wall。　When　we　interrupted　him　over　his　dirty　work
in　the　surgery；　he　used　to　tell　me　to　go　and　play　until　he　was
ready　for　me；　but　he　would　put　down　his　bottles；　and　clean　his
clumsy　fingers　on　his　coarse　apron；　and　lead　Caroline　out　again；
as　if　she　had　been　the　greatest　lady　in　the　land。　Ah！　how　he
loved　her！　and；　let　me　be　honest　and　grateful；　and　add；　how　he
loved　me；　too！

When　I　was　eight　years　old　and　Caroline　was　twelve；　I　was
separated　from　home　for　some　time。　I　had　been　ailing　for　many
months　previously；　had　got　ben　efit　from　being　taken　to　the
sea…side；　and　had　shown　symptoms　of　relapsing　on　being　brought
home　again　to　the　midland　county　in　which　we　resided。　After　much
consultation；　it　was　at　last　resolved　that　I　should　be　sent　to
live；　until　my　constitution　got　stronger；　with　a　maiden　sister　of
my　mother's；　who　had　a　house　at　a　watering…place　on　the　south
coast。

I　left　home；　I　remember；　loaded　with　presents；　rejoicing　over　the
prospect　of　looking　at　the　sea　again；　as　careless　of　the　future
and　as　happy　in　the　present　as　any　boy　could　be。　Uncle　George
petitioned　for　a　holiday　to　take　me　to　the　seaside；　but　he　could
not　be　spared　from　the　surgery。　He　consoled　himself　and　me　by
promising　to　make　me　a　magnificent　model　of　a　ship。

I　have　that　model　before　my　eyes　now　while　I　write。　It　is　dusty
with　age；　the　paint　on　it　is　cracked；　the　ropes　are　tangled；　the
sails　are　moth…eaten　and　yellow。　The　hull　is　all　out　of
proportion；　and　the　rig　has　been　smiled　at　by　every　nautical
friend　of　mine　who　has　ever　looked　at　it。　Yet；　worn…out　and
faulty　as　it　isinferior　to　the　cheapest　miniature　vessel
nowadays　in　any　toy…shop　windowI　hardly　know　a　possession　of
mine　in　this　world　that　I　would　not　sooner　part　with　than　Uncle
George's　ship。

My　life　at　the　sea…side　was　a　very　happy　one。　I　remained　with　my
aunt　more　than　a　year。　My　mother　often　came　to　see　how　I　was
going　on；　and　at　first　always　brought　my　sister　with　her；　but
during　the　last　eight　months　of　my　stay　Caroline　never　once
appeared。　I　noticed　also；　at　the　same　period；　a　change　in　my
mother's　manner。　She　looked　paler　and　more　anxious　at　each
succeeding　visit；　and　always　had　long　conferences　in　private　with
my　aunt。　At　last　she　ceased　to　come　and　see　us　altogether；　and
only　wrote　to　know　how　my　health　was　getting　on。　My　father；　too；
who　had　at　the　earlier　periods　of　my　absence　from　home　traveled
to　the　sea…side　to　watch　the　progress　of　my　recovery　as　often　as
his　professional　engagements　would　permit；　now　kept　away　like　my
mother。　Even　Uncle　George；　who　had　never　been　allowed　a　holiday
to　come　and　see　me；　but　who　had　hitherto　often　written　and　begged
me　to　write　to　him；　broke　off　our　correspondence。

I　was　naturally　perplexed　and　amazed　by　these　changes；　and
persecuted　my　aunt　to　tell　me　the　reason　of　them。　At　first　she
tried　to　put　me　off　with　excuses；　then　she　admitted　that　there
was　trouble　in　our　house；　and　finally　she　confessed　that　the
trouble　was　caused　by　the　illness　of　my　sister。　When　I　inquired
what　that　illness　was；　my　aunt　said　it　was　useless　to　attempt　to
explain　it　to　me。　I　next　applied　to　the　servants。　One　of　them　was
less　cautious　than　my　aunt；　and　answered　my　question；　but　in
terms　that　I　could　not　comprehend。　After　much　explanation；　I　was
made　to　understand　that　〃something　was　growing　on　my　sister's
neck　that　would　spoil　her　beauty　forever；　and　perhaps　kill　her；
if　it　could　not　be　got　rid　of。〃　How　well　I　remember　the　shudder
of　horror　that　ran　through　me　at　the　vague　idea　of　this　deadly
〃something〃！　A　fearful；　awe…struck　curiosity　to　see　what
Caroline's　illness　was　with　my　own　eyes　troubled　my　inmost　heart；
and　I　begged　to　be　allowed　to　go　home　and　help　to　nurse　her。　The
request　was；　it　is　almost　needless　to　say；　refused。

Weeks　passed　away；　and　still　I　heard　nothing；　except　that　my
sister　continued　to　be　ill。　One　day　I　privately　wrote　a　letter　to
Uncle　George；　asking　him；　in　my　childish　way；　to　come　and　tell　me
about　Caroline's　illness。

I　knew　where　the　post…office　was；　and　slipped　out　in　the　morning
unobserved　and　dropped　my　letter　in　the　box。　I　stole　home　again
by　the　garden；　and　climbed　in　at　the　window　of　a　back　parlor　on
the　ground　floor。　The　room　above　was　my　aunt's　bedchamber；　and
the　moment　I　was　inside　the　house　I　heard　moans　and　loud
convulsive　sobs　proceeding　from　it。　My　aunt　was　a　singularly
quiet；　composed　woman。　I　could　not　imagine　that　the　loud　sobbing
and　moaning　came　from　her；　and　I　ran　down　terrified　into　the
kitchen　to　ask　the　servants　who　was　crying　so　violently　in　my
aunt's　room。

I　found　the　housemaid　and　the　cook　talking　together　in　whispers
with　serious　faces。　They　started　when　they　saw　me　as　if　I　had
been　a　grown…up　master　who　had　caught　them　neglecting　their　work。

〃He's　too　young　to　feel　it　much；〃　I　heard　one　say　to　the　other。
〃So　far　as　he　is　concerned；　it　seems　like　a　mercy　that　it
happened　no　later。〃

In　a　few　minutes　they　had　told　me　the　worst。　It　was　indeed　my
aunt　who　had　been　crying　in　the　bedroom。　Caroline　was　dead。

I　felt　the　blow　more　severely　than　the　servants　or　anyone　else
about　me　supposed。　Still　I　was　a　child　in　years；　and　I　had　the
blessed　elasticity　of　a　child's　nature。　If　I　had　been　older　I
might　have　been　too　much　absorbed　in　grief　to　observe　my　aunt　so
closely　as　I　did；　when　she　was　composed　enough　to　see　me　later　in
the　day。

I　was　not　surprised　by　the　swollen　state　of　her　eyes；　the
paleness　of　her　cheeks；　or　the　fresh　burst　of　tears　that　came
from　her　when　she　took　me　in　her　arms　at　meeting。　But　I　was　both
amazed　and　perplexed　by　the　look　of　terror　that　I　detected　in　her
face。　It　was　natural　enough　that　she　should　grieve　and　weep　over
my　sister's　death；　but　why　should　she　have　that　frightened　look
as　if　some　other　catastrophe　had　happened？

I　asked　if　there　was　any　more　dreadful　news　from　home　besides　the
news　of　Caroline's　death。

My　aunt；　said　No　in　a　strange；　stifled　voice；　and　suddenly　turned
her　face　from　me。　Was　my　father　dead？　No。　My　mother？　No。　Uncle
George？　My　aunt　trembled　all　over　as　she　said　No　to　that　also；
and　bade　me　cease　asking　any　more　questions。　She　was　not　fit　to
bear　them　yet　she　said；　and　signed　to　the　servant　to　lead　me　out
of　the　room。

The　next　day　I　was　told　that　I　was　to　go　home　after　the　funeral；
an