lavender and old lace-第19章
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〃I haven't meant to；〃 returned Ruth； conscience…stricken； as she remembered how long it had been since the gate of the old… fashioned garden had swung on its hinges for her。
A quiet happiness had settled down upon Ruth and the old perturbed spirit was gone； but Miss Ainslie was subtly different。 〃I feel as if something was going to happen；〃 she said。
〃Something nice？〃
〃Idon't know。〃 The sweet face was troubled and there were fine lines about the mouth； such as Ruth had never seen there before。
〃You're nervous； Miss Ainslieit's my turn to scold now。〃
〃I never scolded you； did I deary？〃
〃You couldn't scold anybodyyou're too sweet。 You're not unhappy； are you； Miss Ainslie？〃
〃I？ Why； no！ Why should I be unhappy？〃 Her deep eyes were fixed upon Ruth。
〃II didn't know；〃 Ruth answered； in confusion。
〃I learned long ago；〃 said Miss Ainslie； after a little； 〃that we may be happy or not； just as we choose。 Happiness is not a circumstance； nor a set of circumstances； it's only a light； and we may keep it burning if we will。 So many of us are like children； crying for the moon； instead of playing contentedly with the few toys we have。 We're always hoping for something； and when it does n't come we fret and worry ； when it does； why there's always something else we'd rather have。 We deliberately make nearly all of our unhappiness； with our own unreasonable discontent； and nothing will ever make us happy； deary； except the spirit within。〃
〃But； Miss Ainslie；〃 Ruth objected； 〃do you really think everybody can be happy？〃
〃Of courseeverybody who wishes to be。 Some people are happier when they're miserable。 I don't mean； deary； that it's easy for any of us； and it's harder for some than for others； all because we never。 grow up。 We're always childrenour playthings are a little different； that's all。〃
〃'Owning ourselves forever children；' quoted Ruth； 〃'gathering pebbles on a boundless shore。'〃
〃Yes； I was just thinking of that。 A little girl breaks her doll； and though the new one may be much prettier； it never wholly fills the vacant place； and it's that way with a woman's dream。〃 The sweet voice sank into a whisper； followed by a lingering sigh。
〃Miss Ainslie；〃 said Ruth； after a pause； 〃did you know my mother？〃
〃No； I didn't； dearyI'm sorry。 I saw her once or twice； but she went away； soon after we came here。〃
〃Never mind；〃 Ruth said； hurriedly； for Mrs。 Thorne's family had never forgiven her runaway marriage。
〃Come into the garden；〃 Miss Ainslie suggested； and Ruth followed her； willingly； into the cloistered spot where golden lilies tinkled； thrushes sang； and every leaf breathed peace。
Miss Ainslie gathered a bit of rosemary； crushing it between her white fingers。 〃See；〃 she said； 〃some of us are like that it takes a blow to find the sweetness in our souls。 Some of us need dry； hard places； like the poppies 〃pointing to a mass of brilliant bloom〃and some of us are always thorny； like the cactus； with only once in a while a rosy star。
〃I've always thought my flowers had souls； dear；〃 she went on； 〃they seem like real people to me。 I've seen the roses rubbing their cheeks together as if they loved each other； and the forget…me…nots are little blue…eyed children； half afraid of the rest。
〃Over there； it always seems to me as if the lavender was a little woman in a green dress； with a lavender bonnet and a white kerchief。 She's one of those strong； sweet； wholesome people； who always rest you； and her sweetness lingers long after she goes away。 I gather all the flowers； and every leaf； though the flowers are sweetest。 I put the leaves away with my linen and the flowers among my laces。 I have some beautiful lace； deary。〃
〃I know you haveI've often admired it。〃
〃I'm going to show it to you some day；〃 she said； with a little quiver in her voice； 〃and some other day； when I can't wear it any more； you shall have some of it for your own。〃
〃Don't； Miss Ainslie；〃 cried Ruth； the quick tears coming to her eyes； 〃I don't want any laceI want you！〃
〃I know；〃 she answered； but there was a far…away look in her eyes； and something in her voice that sounded like a farewell。
〃Miss Thorne；〃 called Joe from the gate； 〃here's a package for yer。 It come on the train。〃
He waited until Ruth went to him and seemed disappointed when she turned back into the garden。 〃Say；〃 he shouted； 〃is Hepsey to home？〃
Ruth was busy with the string and did not hear。 〃Oh； look！〃 she exclaimed； 〃what roses！〃
〃They're beautiful； deary。 I do not think I have ever seen such large ones。 Do you know what they are？〃
〃American Beautiesthey're from Mr。 Winfield。 He knows I love them。〃
Miss Ainslie started violently。 〃From whom； dear？〃 she asked； in a strange tone。
〃Mr。 Winfieldhe's going to be on the same paper with me in the Fall。 He's here for the Summer； on account of his eyes。〃
Miss Ainslie was bending over the lavender。
〃It is a very common name； is it not？〃 she asked。
〃Yes； quite common；〃 answered Ruth； absently； taking the roses out of the box。
〃You must bring him to see me some time； dear； I should like to know him。〃
〃Thank you； Miss Ainslie； I will。〃
They stood at the gate together； and Ruth put a half blown rose into her hand。 〃I wouldn't give it to anybody but you；〃 she said； half playfully； and then Miss Ainslie knew her secret。 She put her hand on Ruth's arm and looked down into her face； as if there was something she must say。
〃I don't forget the light； Miss Ainslie。〃
〃I know；〃 she breathed； in answer。 She looked long and searchingly into Ruth's eyes； then whispered brokenly； 〃God bless you； dear。 Good bye！〃
XI。 The Rose of all the World
〃He didn't forget me！ He didn't forget me！〃 Ruth's heart sang in time with her step as she went home。 Late afternoon flooded all the earth with gold； and from the other side of the hill came the gentle music of the sea。
The doors were open； but there was no trace of Hepsey。 She put the roses in her water pitcher； and locked her door upon them as one hides a sacred joy。 She went out again； her heart swelling like the throat of a singing bird； and walked to the brow of the cliff； with every sense keenly alive。 Upon the surface of the ocean lay that deep； translucent blue which only Tadema has dared to paint。
〃I must go down；〃 she murmured。
Like a tawny ribbon trailed upon the green； the road wound down the hill。 She followed it until she reached the side path on the right； and went down into the woods。 The great boughs arched over her head like the nave of a cathedral； and the Little People of the Forest； in feathers and fur； scattered as she approached。 Bright eyes peeped at her from behind tree trunks； or the safe shelter of branches； and rippling bird music ended in a frightened chirp；
〃Oh；〃 she said aloud； 〃don't be afraid！〃
Was this love； she wondered； that lay upon her eyes like the dew of a Spring morning； that made the air vocal with rapturous song； and wrought white magic in her soul？ It had all the mystery ind freshness of the world's beginning； it was the rush of waters where sea and river meet； the perfume of a flower； and the far light trembling from a star。 It was sunrise where there had been no day； the ecstasy of a thousand dawns； a new sun gleaming upon noon。 All the joy of the world surged and beat in her pulses； till it seemed that her heart had wings。
Sunset came upon the water； the colour on the horizon reflecting soft iridescence upon the blue。 Slow sapphire surges broke at her feet； tossing great pearls of spray against the cliff。 Suddenly； as if by instinct； she turnedand faced Winfield。
〃Thank you for the roses；〃 she cried； with her face aglow。
He gathered her into his arms。 〃Oh； my Rose of All the World；〃 he murmured； 〃have I found you at last？〃
It was almost dusk when they turned to go home； with their arms around each other； as if they were the First Two； wandering through the shaded groves of Paradise； before sin came into the world。
〃Did you think it would be like this？〃 she asked； shyly。
〃No； I didn't； darling。 I thought it would be very prim and proper。 I never dreamed you'd let me kiss youyes； I did； too； but I thought it was too good to be true。〃
〃I had toto
