the story of an african farm-第65章

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the　pillows。　　〃How　terrible　when　the　rain　falls　down　on　you。〃



He　wondered　what　she　meant；　and　they　sat　on　in　the　still　darkening　room。　

She　moved　again。



〃Will　you　presently　take　my　cloakand　new　grey　cloak　from　behind　the　door…

…and　go　out　with　it。　　You　will　find　a　little　grave　at　the　foot　of　the　tall

gum…tree；　the　water　drips　off　the　long；　pointed　leaves；　you　must　cover　it

up　with　that。〃



She　moved　restlessly　as　though　in　pain。



Gregory　assented；　and　there　was　silence　again。　　It　was　the　first　time　she

had　ever　spoken　of　her　child。



〃It　was　so　small；〃　she　said；　〃it　lived　such　a　little　whileonly　three

hours。　　They　laid　it　close　by　me；　but　I　never　saw　it；　I　could　feel　it　by

me。〃　　She　waited；　〃its　feet　were　so　cold；　I　took　them　in　my　hand　to　make

them　warm；　and　my　hand　closed　right　over　them　they　were　so　little。〃　　There

was　an　uneven　trembling　in　the　voice。　　〃It　crept　close　to　me；　it　wanted　to

drink；　it　wanted　to　be　warm。〃　　She　hardened　herself〃I　did　not　love　it；

its　father　was　not　my　prince；　I　did　not　care　for　it；　but　it　was　so　little。〃　

She　moved　her　hand。　　〃They　might　have　kissed　it；　one　of　them；　before　they

put　it　in。　　It　never　did　any　one　any　harm　in　all　its　little　life。　　They

might　have　kissed　it；　one　of　them。〃



Gregory　felt　that　some　one　was　sobbing　in　the　room。



Late　on　in　the　evening；　when　the　shutter　was　closed　and　the　lamp　lighted；

and　the　rain…drops　beat　on　the　roof；　he　took　the　cloak　from　behind　the　door

and　went　away　with　it。　　On　his　way　back　he　called　at　the　village　post…

office　and　brought　back　a　letter。　　In　the　hall　he　stood　reading　the

address。　　How　could　he　fail　to　know　whose　hand　had　written　it？　　Had　he　not

long　ago　studied　those　characters　on　the　torn　fragments　of　paper　in　the　old

parlour？　　A　burning　pain　was　at　Gregory's　heart。　　If　now；　now　at　the　last；

one　should　come；　should　step　in　between！　　He　carried　the　letter　into　the

bedroom　and　gave　it　to　her。　　〃Bring　me　the　lamp　nearer；〃　she　said。　　When

she　had　read　it　she　asked　for　her　desk。



Then　Gregory　sat　down　in　the　lamp…light　on　the　other　side　of　the　curtain；

and　heard　the　pencil　move　on　the　paper。　　When　he　looked　round　the　curtain

she　was　lying　on　the　pillow　musing。　　The　open　letter　lay　at　her　side；　she

glanced　at　it　with　soft　eyes。　　The　man　with　the　languid　eyelids　must　have

been　strangely　moved　before　his　hand　set　down　those　words：



〃Let　me　come　back　to　you！　　My　darling；　let　me　put　my　hand　round　you；　and

guard　you　from　all　the　world。　　As　my　wife　they　shall　never　touch　you。　　I

have　learnt　to　love　you　more　wisely；　more　tenderly；　than　of　old；　you　shall

have　perfect　freedom。　　Lyndall；　grand　little　woman；　for　your　own　sake　be　my

wife！



〃Why　did　you　send　that　money　back　to　me？　　You　are　cruel　to　me；　it　is　not

rightly　done。〃



She　rolled　the　little　red　pencil　softly　between　her　fingers；　and　her　face

grew　very　soft。　　Yet：



〃It　cannot　be；〃　she　wrote；　〃I　thank　you　much　for　the　love　you　have　shown

me；　but　I　cannot　listen。　　You　will　call　me　mad；　foolishthe　world　would　do

so；　but　I　know　what　I　need　and　the　kind　of　path　I　must　walk　in。　　I　cannot

marry　you。　　I　will　always　love　you　for　the　sake　of　what　lay　by　me　those

three　hours；　but　there　it　ends。　　I　must　know　and　see；　I　cannot　be　bound　to

one　whom　I　love　as　I　love　you。　　I　am　not　afraid　of　the　worldI　will　fight

the　world。　　One　dayperhaps　it　may　be　far　offI　shall　find　what　I　have

wanted　all　my　life；　something　nobler；　stronger　than　I；　before　which　I　can

kneel　down。　　You　lose　nothing　by　not　having　me　now；　I　am　a　weak；　selfish；

erring　woman。　　One　day　I　shall　find　something　to　worship；　and　then　I　shall

be〃



〃Nurse；〃　she　said；　〃take　my　desk　away；　I　am　suddenly　so　sleepy；　I　will

write　more　tomorrow。〃　　She　turned　her　face　to　the　pillow；　it　was　the　sudden

drowsiness　of　great　weakness。　　She　had　dropped　asleep　in　a　moment；　and

Gregory　moved　the　desk　softly；　and　then　sat　in　the　chair　watching。　　Hour

after　hour　passed；　but　he　had　no　wish　for　rest；　and　sat　on；　hearing　the

rain　cease；　and　the　still　night　settle　down　everywhere。　　At　a　quarter…past

twelve　he　rose；　and　took　a　last　look　at　the　bed　where　she　lay　sleeping　so

peacefully；　then　he　turned　to　go　to　his　couch。　　Before　he　had　reached　the

door　she　had　started　up　and　was　calling　him　back。



〃You　are　sure　you　have　put　it　up？〃　she　said；　with　a　look　of　blank　terror　at

the　window。　　〃It　will　not　fall　open　in　the　night；　the　shutteryou　are

sure？〃



He　comforted　her。　　Yes；　it　was　tightly　fastened。



〃Even　if　it　is　shut；〃　she　said；　in　a　whisper；　〃you　cannot　keep　it　out！　　You

feel　it　coming　in　at　four　o'clock；　creeping；　creeping；　up；　up；　deadly

cold！〃　　She　shuddered。



He　thought　she　was　wandering；　and　laid　her　little　trembling　body　down　among

the　blankets。



〃I　dreamed　just　now　that　it　was　not　put　up；〃　she　said；　looking　into　his

eyes；　〃and　it　crept　right　in　and　I　was　alone　with　it。〃



〃What　do　you　fear？〃　he　asked；　tenderly。



〃The　Grey　Dawn；〃　she　said；　glancing　round　at　the　window。　　〃I　was　never

afraid　of　anything；　never；　when　I　was　a　little　child；　but　I　have　always

been　afraid　of　that。　　You　will　not　let　it　come　in　to　me？〃



〃No；　no；　I　will　stay　with　you；〃　he　continued。



But　she　was　growing　calmer。　　〃No；　you　must　go　to　bed。　　I　only　awoke　with　a

start；　you　must　be　tired。　　I　am　childish；　that　is　all；〃　but　she　shivered

again。



He　sat　down　beside　her；　after　some　time　she　said：　　〃Will　you　not　rub　my

feet？〃



He　knelt　down　at　the　foot　of　the　bed　and　took　the　tiny　foot　in　his　hand；　it

was　swollen　and　unsightly　now；　but　as　he　touched　it　he　bent　down　and

covered　it　with　kisses。



〃It　makes　it　better　when　you　kiss　it；　thank　you。　　What　makes　you　all　love

me　so？〃　　Then　dreamily　she　muttered　to　herself：　　〃Not　utterly　bad；　not

quite　badwhat　makes　them　all　love　me　so？〃



Kneeling　there；　rubbing　softly；　with　his　cheek　pressed　against　the　little

foot；　Gregory　dropped　to　sleep　at　last。　　How　long　he　knelt　there　he　could

not　tell；　but　when　he　started　up　awake　she　was　not　looking　at　him。　　The

eyes　were　fixed　on　the　far　corner；　gazing　wide　and　intent；　with　an

unearthly　light。



He　looked　round　fearfully。　　What　did　she　see　there？　　God's　angels　come　to

call　her？　　Something　fearful？　　He　saw　only　the　purple　curtain　with　the

shadows　that　fell　from　it。　　Softly　he　whispered；　asking　what　she　saw　there。



And　she　said；　in　a　voice　strangely　unlike　her　own：　　〃I　see　the　vision　of　a

poor；　weak　soul　striving　after　good。　　It　was　not　cut　short；　and　in　the　end

it　learnt；　through　tears　and　much　pain；　that　holiness　is　an　infinite

compassion　for　others；　that　greatness　is　to　take　the　common　things　of　life

and　walk　truly　among　them；　that〃She　moved　her　white　hand　and　laid　it　on

her　forehead〃happiness　is　a　great　love　and　much　serving。　　It　was　not　cut

short；　and　it　loved　what　it　had　learntit　lovedand〃



Was　that　all　she　saw　in　the　corner？



Gregory　told　the　landlady　the　next　morning　that　she　had　been　wandering　all

night。　　Yet；　when　he　came　in　to　give　her　her　breakfast；　she　was　sitting　up

against　the　pillows；　looking　as　he　had　not　seen　her　look　before。



〃Put　it　close　to　me；〃　she　said；　〃and　when　I　have　had　breakfast　I　am　going

to　dress。〃



She　finished　all　he　had　brought　her　eagerly。



〃I　am　sitting　up　quite　by　myself；〃　she　said。　　〃Give　me　his　meat；〃　and　she

fed　the　dog　herself；　cutting　his　food　small　for　him。　　She　moved　to　the　side

of　the　bed。



〃Now　bring　the　chair　near　and　dress　me。　　It　is　being　in　this　room　so　long；

and　looking　at　that　miserable　little　bit　of　sunshine　that　comes　in　through

the　shutter；　that　is　making　me　so　ill。　　Always　that　lion's　paw！〃　she　said；

with　a　look　of　disgust　at　it。　　〃Come　and　dress　me。〃　　Gregory　knelt　on　the

floor　before　her；　and　tried　to　draw　on　one　stocking；　but　the　little　swollen

foot　refused　to　be　covered。



〃It　is　very　funny　that　I　should　have　grown　so　fat　since　I　have　been　so

ill；〃　she　said；　peering　down　curiously。　　〃Perhaps　it　is　want　of　exercise。〃　

She　l