the story of an african farm-第58章

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Sunday…school　prizes；　but　I　only　keep　them　to　light　my　pipe　with　now；　they

come　in　handy　for　that。'　　Then　he　asked　me　if　I　had　ever　read　a　book　called

the　'Black…eyed　Creole。'　　'That　is　the　style　for　me；'　he　said；　'there　where

the　fellow　takes　the　nigger…girl　by　the　arm；　and　the　other　fellow　cuts　it

off！　　That's　what　I　like。'



〃But　what　he　said　after　that　I　don't　remember；　only　it　made　me　feel　as　if　I

were　having　a　bad　dream；　and　I　wanted　to　be　far　away。



〃When　he　had　finished　eating　he　did　not　stay　long；　he　had　to　go　and　see

some　girls　home　from　a　prayer…meeting；　and　he　asked　how　it　was　he　never　saw

me　walking　out　with　any　on　Sunday　afternoons。　　He　said　he　had　lots　of

sweethearts；　and　he　was　going　to　see　one　the　next　Wednesday　on　a　farm；　and

he　asked　me　to　lend　my　mare。　　I　told　him　she　was　very　old。　　But　he　said　it

didn't　matter；　he　would　come　the　next　day　to　fetch　her。



〃After　he　was　gone　my　little　room　got　back　to　its　old　look。　　I　loved　it　so；

I　was　so　glad　to　get　into　it　at　night；　and　it　seemed　to　be　reproaching　me

for　bringing　him　there。　　The　next　day　he　took　the　grey　mare。　　On　Thursday

he　did　not　bring　her　back；　and　on　Friday　I　found　the　saddle　and　bridle

standing　at　my　door。



〃In　the　afternoon　he　looked　into　the　shop；　and　called　out：　　'Hope　you　got

your　saddle；　Farber？　　Your　bag…of…bones　kicked　out　six　miles　from　here。　

I'll　send　you　a　couple　of　shillings　tomorrow；　though　the　old　hide　wasn't

worth　it。　　Good　morning。'



〃But　I　sprung　over　the　counter；　and　got　him　by　his　throat。　　My　father　was

so　gentle　with　her；　he　never　would　ride　her　up　hill；　and　now　this　fellow

had　murdered　her！　　I　asked　him　where　he　had　killed　her；　and　I　shook　him

till　he　slipped　out　of　my　hand。　　He　stood　in　the　door　grinning。



〃'It　didn't　take　much　to　kill　that　bag…of…bones；　whose　master　sleeps　in　a

packing…case；　and　waits　till　his　company's　finished　to　eat　on　the　plate。　

Shouldn't　wonder　if　you　fed　her　on　sugar…bags；'　he　said；　'and　if　you　think

I've　jumped　her；　you'd　better　go　and　look　yourself。　　You'll　find　her　along

the　road　by　the　aasvogels　that　are　eating　her。'



〃I　caught　him　by　his　collar；　and　I　lifted　him　from　the　ground；　and　I　threw

him　out　into　the　street；　half…way　across　it。　　I　heard　the　bookkeeper　say　to

the　clerk　that　there　was　always　the　devil　in　those　mum　fellows；　but　they

never　called　me　Salvation　after　that。



〃I　am　writing　to　you　of　very　small　things；　but　there　is　nothing　else　to

tell；　it　has　been　all　small　and　you　will　like　it。　　Whenever　anything　has

happened　I　have　always　thought　I　would　tell　it　to　you。　　The　back　thought　in

my　mind　is　always　you。　　After　that　only　one　old　man　came　to　visit　me。　　I

had　seen　him　in　the　streets　often；　he　always　wore　very　dirty　black　clothes；

and　a　hat　with　crepe　round　it；　and　he　had　one　eye；　so　I　noticed　him。　　One

day　he　came　to　my　room　with　a　subscription…list　for　a　minister's　salary。　

When　I　said　I　had　nothing　to　give　he　looked　at　me　with　his　one　eye。



〃'Young　man；'　he　said；　'how　is　it　I　never　see　you　in　the　house　of　the

Lord？'　　I　thought　he　was　trying　to　do　good；　so　I　felt　sorry　for　him；　and　I

told　him　I　never　went　to　chapel。　　'Young　man；'　he　said；　'it　grieves　me　to

hear　such　godless　words　from　the　lips　of　one　so　youngso　far　gone　in　the

paths　of　destruction。　　Young　man；　if　you　forget　God；　God　will　forget　you。　

There　is　a　seat　on　the　right…hand　side　as　you　go　at　the　bottom　door　that

you　may　get。　　If　you　are　given　over　to　the　enjoyment　and　frivolities　of

this　world；　what　will　become　of　your　never　dying　soul？'



〃He　would　not　go　till　I　gave　him　half　a　crown　for　the　minister's　salary。　

Afterward　I　heard　he　was　the　man　who　collected　the　pew　rents　and　got　a

percentage。　　I　didn't　get　to　know　any　one　else。



〃When　my　time　in　that　shop　was　done　I　hired　myself　to　drive　one　of　a

transport…rider's　wagons。



〃That　first　morning；　when　I　sat　in　the　front　and　called　to　my　oxen；　and　saw

nothing　about　me　but　the　hills；　with　the　blue　coming　down　to　them；　and　the

karoo　bushes；　I　was　drunk；　I　laughed；　my　heart　was　beating　till　it　hurt　me。

I　shut　my　eyes　tight；　that　when　I　opened　them　I　might　see　there　were　no

shelves　about　me。　　There　must　be　a　beauty　in　buying　and　selling；　if　there

is　beauty　in　everything：　　but　it　is　very　ugly　to　me。　　My　life　as　transport…

rider　would　have　been　the　best　life　in　the　world　if　I　had　had　only　one

wagon　to　drive。　　My　master　told　me　he　would　drive　one；　I　the　other；　and　he

would　hire　another　person　to　drive　the　third。　　But　the　first　day　I　drove

two　to　help　him；　and　after　that　he　let　me　drive　all　three。　　Whenever　we

came　to　an　hotel　he　stopped　behind　to　get　a　drink；　and　when　he　rode　up　to

the　wagons　he　could　never　stand；　the　Hottentot　and　I　used　to　lift　him　up。　

We　always　travelled　all　night；　and　used　to　outspan　for　five　or　six　hours　in

the　heat　of　the　day　to　rest。　　I　planned　that　I　would　lie　under　a　wagon　and

read　for　an　hour　or　two　every　day　before　I　went　to　sleep；　and　I　did　for　the

first　two　or　three；　but　after　that　I　only　wanted　to　sleep；　like　the　rest；

and　I　packed　my　books　away。



〃When　you　have　three　wagons　to　look　after　all　night；　you　are　sometimes　so

tired　you　can　hardly　stand。　　At　first　when　I　walked　along　driving　my　wagons

in　the　night　it　was　glorious；　the　stars　had　never　looked　so　beautiful　to

me；　and　on　the　dark　nights　when　we　rode　through　the　bush　there　were　will…

o'…the…wisps　dancing　on　each　side　of　the　road。　　I　found　out　that　even　the

damp　and　dark　are　beautiful。　　But　I　soon　changed；　and　saw　nothing　but　the

road　and　my　oxen。　　I　only　wished　for　a　smooth　piece　of　road；　so　that　I

might　sit　at　the　front　and　doze。　　At　the　places　where　we　outspanned　there

were　sometimes　rare　plants　and　flowers；　the　festoons　hanging　from　the　bush…

trees；　and　nuts　and　insects；　such　as　we　never　see　here；　but　after　a　little

while　I　never　looked　at　themI　was　too　tired。



〃I　ate　as　much　as　I　could；　and　then　lay　down　on　my　face　under　the　wagon

till　the　boy　came　to　wake　me　to　inspan；　and　then　we　drove　on　again　all

night；　so　it　went；　so　it　went。　　I　think　sometimes　when　I　walked　by　my　oxen

I　called　to　them　in　my　sleep；　for　I　know　I　thought　of　nothing；　I　was　like

an　animal。　　My　body　was　strong　and　well　to　work；　but　my　brain　was　dead。　　If

you　have　not　felt　it；　Lyndall；　you　cannot　understand　it。　　You　may　work；　and

work；　and　work；　till　you　are　only　a　body；　not　a　soul。　　Now；　when　I　see　one

of　those　evil…looking　men　that　come　from　Europenavvies；　with　the　beast…

like；　sunken　face；　different　from　any　Kaffer'sI　know　what　brought　that

look　into　their　eyes；　and　if　I　have　only　one　inch　of　tobacco　I　give　them

half。　　It　is　work；　grinding；　mechanical　work；　that　they　or　their　ancestors

have　done；　that　has　made　them　into　beasts。　　You　may　work　a　man's　body　so

that　his　soul　dies。　　Work　is　good。　　I　have　worked　at　the　old　farm　from　the

sun's　rising　till　its　setting；　but　I　have　had　time　to　think；　and　time　to

feel。　　You　may　work　a　man　so　that　all　but　the　animal　in　him　is　gone；　and

that　grows　stronger　with　physical　labour。



〃You　may　work　a　man　till　he　is　a　devil。　　I　know　it；　because　I　have　felt　it。

You　will　never　understand　the　change　that　came　over　me。　　No　one　but　I　will

ever　know　how　great　it　was。　　But　I　was　never　miserable；　when　I　could　keep

my　oxen　from　sticking　fast；　and　when　I　could　find　a　place　to　lie　down　in；　I

had　all　I　wanted。　　After　I　had　driven　eight　months　a　rainy　season　came。　

For　eighteen　hours　out　of　the　twenty…four　we　worked　in　the　wet。　　The　mud

went　up　to　the　axles　sometimes；　and　we　had　to　dig　the　wheels　out；　and　we

never　went　far　in　a　day。　　My　master　swore　at　me　more　than　ever；　but　when　he

had　done　he　always　offered　me　his　brandy…flask。　　When　I　first　came　he　had

offered　it　me；　and　I　had　always　refused；　but　now　I　drank　as　my　oxen　did

when　I　gave　them　waterwithout　thinking。　　At　last　I　bought　brandy　for

myself　whenever　we　passed　an　hotel。



〃One　Sunday　we　outspanned　on　the　banks　of　a　swollen　river　to　wait　for　its

going　down。　　It　was　drizzling　still；　so