the story of an african farm-第53章

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so；　that　to　lie　under　the　foot　of　the　thing　I　loved　would　be　more　heaven

than　to　lie　in　the　breast　of　another。　　Come！　let　us　go。　　Carry　the　dog；〃

she　added；　〃he　will　not　bite　you　if　I　put　him　in　your　arms。　　Sodo　not　let

his　foot　hang　down。〃



They　descended　the　kopje。　　At　the　bottom；　he　whispered：



〃Would　you　not　take　my　arm？　the　path　is　very　rough。〃



She　rested　her　fingers　lightly　on　it。



〃I　may　yet　change　my　mind　about　marrying　you　before　the　time　comes。　　It　is

very　likely。　　Mark　you！〃　she　said；　turning　round　on　him；　〃I　remember　your

words：　　You　will　give　everything；　and　expect　nothing。　　The　knowledge　that

you　are　serving　me　is　to　be　your　reward；　and　you　will　have　that。　　You　will

serve　me；　and　greatly。　　The　reasons　I　have　for　marrying　you　I　need　not

inform　you　of　now；　you　will　probably　discover　some　of　them　before　long。〃



〃I　only　want　to　be　of　some　use　to　you；〃　he　said。



It　seemed　to　Gregory　that　there　were　pulses　in　the　soles　of　his　feet；　and

the　ground　shimmered　as　on　a　summer's　day。　　They　walked　round　the　foot　of

the　kopje　and　past　the　Kaffer　huts。　　An　old　Kaffer　maid　knelt　at　the　door

of　one　grinding　mealies。　　That　she　should　see　him　walking　so　made　his　heart

beat　so　fast；　that　the　hand　on　his　arm　felt　its　pulsation。　　It　seemed　that

she　must　envy　him。



Just　then　Em　looked　out　again　at　the　back　window　and　saw　them　coming。　　She

cried　bitterly　all　the　while　she　sorted　the　skins。



But　that　night　when　Lyndall　had　blown　her　candle　out；　and　half　turned　round

to　sleep；　the　door　of　Em's　bedroom　opened。



〃I　want　to　say　good　night　to　you；　Lyndall；〃　she　said；　coming　to　the　bedside

and　kneeling　down。



〃I　thought　you　were　asleep；〃　Lyndall　replied。



〃Yes；　I　have　been　asleep；　but　I　had　such　a　vivid　dream；〃　she　said；　holding

the　other's　hands；　〃and　that　woke　me。　　I　never　had　so　vivid　a　dream　before。



〃It　seemed　I　was　a　little　girl　again；　and　I　came　somewhere　into　a　large

room。　　On　a　bed　in　the　corner　there　was　something　lying　dressed　in　white；

and　its　little　eyes　were　shut；　and　its　little　face　was　like　wax。　　I　thought

it　was　a　doll；　and　I　ran　forward　to　take　it；　but　some　one　held　up　her

finger　and　said：　　'Hush！　it　is　a　little　dead　baby。'　　And　I　said：　　'Oh；　I

must　go　and　call　Lyndall；　that　she　may　look　at　it　also。'



〃And　they　put　their　faces　close　down　to　my　ear　and　whispered：　　'It　is

Lyndall's　baby。'



〃And　I　said：　　'She　cannot　be　grown　up　yet；　she　is　only　a　little　girl！　

Where　is　she？'　　And　I　went　to　look　for　you；　but　I　could　not　find　you。



〃And　when　I　came　to　some　people　who　were　dressed　in　black；　I　asked　them

where　you　were；　and　they　looked　down　at　their　black　clothes；　and　shook

their　heads；　and　said　nothing；　and　I　could　not　find　you　anywhere。　　And　then

I　awoke。



〃Lyndall；〃　she　said；　putting　her　face　down　upon　the　hands　she　held；　〃it

made　me　think　about　that　time　when　we　were　little　girls　and　used　to　play

together；　when　I　loved　you　better　than　anything　else　in　the　world。　　It

isn't　any　one's　fault　that　they　love　you；　they　can't　help　it。　　And　it　isn't

your　fault；　you　don't　make　them　love　you。　　I　know　it。〃



〃Thank　you；　dear；〃　Lyndall　said。　　〃It　is　nice　to　be　loved；　but　it　would　be

better　to　be　good。〃



Then　they　wished　good　night；　and　Em　went　back　to　her　room。　　Long　after

Lyndall　lay　in　the　dark　thinking；　thinking；　thinking；　and　as　she　turned

round　wearily　to　sleep　she　muttered：



〃There　are　some　wiser　in　their　sleeping　than　in　their　waking。〃





Chapter　2。IX。　　Lyndall's　Stranger。



A　fire　is　burning　in　the　unused　hearth　of　the　cabin。　　The　fuel　blazes　up；

and　lights　the　black　rafters；　and　warms　the　faded　red　lions　on　the　quilt；

and　fills　the　little　room　with　a　glow　of　warmth　and　light　made　brighter　by

contrast；　for　outside　the　night　is　chill　and　misty。



Before　the　open　fireplace　sits　a　stranger；　his　tall；　slight　figure　reposing

in　the　broken　armchair；　his　keen　blue　eyes　studying　the　fire　from　beneath

delicately　pencilled；　drooping　eyelids。　　One　white　hand　plays　thoughtfully

with　a　heavy　flaxen　moustache；　yet；　once　he　starts；　and　for　an　instant　the

languid　lids　raise　themselves；　there　is　a　keen；　intent　look　upon　the　face

as　he　listens　for　something。　　Then　he　leans　back　in　his　chair；　fills　his

glass　from　the　silver　flask　in　his　bag；　and　resumes　his　old　posture。



Presently　the　door　opens　noiselessly。　　It　is　Lyndall；　followed　by　Doss。　

Quietly　as　she　enters；　he　hears　her；　and　turns。



〃I　thought　you　were　not　coming。〃



〃I　waited　till　all　had　gone　to　bed。　　I　could　not　come　before。〃



She　removed　the　shawl　that　enveloped　her；　and　the　stranger　rose　to　offer

her　his　chair；　but　she　took　her　seat　on　a　low　pile　of　sacks　before　the

window。



〃I　hardly　see　why　I　should　be　outlawed　after　this　fashion；〃　he　said；

reseating　himself　and　drawing　his　chair　a　little　nearer　to　her；　〃these　are

hardly　the　quarters　one　expects　to　find　after　travelling　a　hundred　miles　in

answer　to　an　invitation。〃



〃I　said；　'Come　if　you　wish。'〃



〃And　I　did　wish。　　You　give　me　a　cold　reception。〃



〃I　could　not　take　you　to　the　house。　　Questions　would　be　asked　which　I　could

not　answer　without　prevarication。〃



〃Your　conscience　is　growing　to　have　a　certain　virgin　tenderness；〃　he　said；

in　a　low；　melodious　voice。



〃I　have　no　conscience。　　I　spoke　one　deliberate　lie　this　evening。　　I　said

the　man　who　had　come　looked　rough；　we　had　best　not　have　him　in　the　house；

therefore　I　brought　him　here。　　It　was　a　deliberate　lie；　and　I　hate　lies。　　I

tell　them　if　I　must；　but　they　hurt　me。〃



〃Well；　you　do　not　tell　lies　to　yourself；　at　all　events。　　You　are　candid；　so

far。〃



She　interrupted　him。



〃You　got　my　short　letter？〃



〃Yes；　that　is　why　I　come。　　You　sent　a　very　foolish　reply；　you　must　take　it

back。　　Who　is　this　fellow　you　talk　of　marrying？〃



〃A　young　farmer。〃



〃Lives　here？〃



〃Yes；　he　has　gone　to　town　to　get　things　for　our　wedding。〃



〃What　kind　of　a　fellow　is　he？〃



〃A　fool。〃



〃And　you　would　rather　marry　him　than　me？〃



〃Yes；　because　you　are　not　one。〃



〃That　is　a　novel　reason　for　refusing　to　marry　a　man；〃　he　said；　leaning　his

elbow　on　the　table　and　watching　her　keenly。



〃It　is　a　wise　one；〃　she　said　shortly。　　〃If　I　marry　him　I　shall　shake　him

off　my　hand　when　it　suits　me。　　If　I　remained　with　him　for　twelve　months　he

would　never　have　dared　to　kiss　my　hand。　　As　far　as　I　wish　he　should　come；

he　comes；　and　no　further。　　Would　you　ask　me　what　you　might　and　what　you

might　not　do？〃



Her　companion　raised　the　moustache　with　a　caressing　movement　from　his　lip

and　smiled。　　It　was　not　a　question　that　stood　in　need　of　any　answer。



〃Why　do　you　wish　to　enter　on　this　semblance　of　marriage？〃



〃Because　there　is　only　one　point　on　which　I　have　a　conscience。　　I　have　told

you　so。〃



〃Then　why　not　marry　me？〃



〃Because　if　once　you　have　me　you　would　hold　me　fast。　　I　shall　never　be　free

again。〃　　She　drew　a　long；　low　breath。



〃What　have　you　done　with　the　ring　I　gave　you？〃　he　said。



〃Sometimes　I　wear　it；　then　I　take　it　off　and　wish　to　throw　it　into　the

fire；　the　next　day　I　put　it　on　again；　and　sometimes　I　kiss　it。〃



〃So　you　do　love　me　a　little？〃



〃If　you　were　not　something　more　to　me　than　any　other　man　in　the　world；　do

you　think〃　　She　paused。　　〃I　love　you　when　I　see　you；　but　when　you　are

away　from　me　I　hate　you。〃



〃Then　I　fear　I　must　be　singularly　invisible　at　the　present　moment；〃　he

said。　　Possibly　if　you　were　to　look　less　fixedly　into　the　fire　you　might

perceive　me。〃



He　moved　his　chair　slightly；　so　as　to　come　between　her　and　the　firelight。

She　raised　her　eyes　to　his　face。



〃If　you　do　love　me；〃　he　asked　her；　〃why　will　you　not　marry　me？〃



〃Because；　if　I　had　been　married　to　you　for　a　year　I　should　have　come　to　my

senses　and　seen　that　your　hands　and　your　voice　are　like　the　hands　and　the

voice　of　any　other　man。　　I　cannot　quite　see　that　now。　　But　it　is　all

madness。　　You　call　into　activity　one　part　of