the story of an african farm-第49章

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has　no　need　for　mental　gifts。



〃But　there　is　one　art　in　which　all　she　has　would　be　used；　for　which　they

are　all　necessarythe　delicate　expressive　body；　the　rich　voice；　the　power

of　mental　transposition。　　The　actor；　who　absorbs　and　then　reflects　from

himself　other　human　lives；　needs　them　all；　but　needs　not　much　more。　　This

is　her　end；　but　how　to　reach　it？　　Before　her　are　endless　difficulties：　

seas　must　be　crossed；　poverty　must　be　endured；　loneliness；　want。　　She　must

be　content　to　wait　long　before　she　can　even　get　her　feet　upon　the　path。　　If

she　has　made　blunders　in　the　past；　if　she　has　weighted　herself　with　a

burden　which　she　must　bear　to　the　end；　she　must　but　bear　the　burden

bravely；　and　labour　on。　　There　is　no　use　in　wailing　and　repentance　here：　

the　next　world　is　the　place　for　that；　this　life　is　too　short。　　By　our

errors　we　see　deeper　into　life。　　They　help　us。〃　　She　waited　for　a　while。　

〃If　she　does　all　thisif　she　waits　patiently；　if　she　is　never　cast　down；

never　despairs；　never　forgets　her　end；　moves　straight　toward　it；　bending

men　and　things　most　unlikely　to　her　purposeshe　must　succeed　at　last。　　Men

and　things　are　plastic；　they　part　to　the　right　and　left　when　one　comes

among　them　moving　in　a　straight　line　to　one　end。　　I　know　it　by　my　own

little　experience；〃　she　said。　　〃Long　years　ago　I　resolved　to　be　sent　to

school。　　It　seemed　a　thing　utterly　out　of　my　power；　but　I　waited；　I

watched；　I　collected　clothes；　I　wrote；　took　my　place　at　the　school；　when

all　was　ready　I　bore　with　my　full　force　on　the　Boer…woman；　and　she　sent　me

at　last。　　It　was　a　small　thing；　but　life　is　made　up　of　small　things；　as　a

body　is　built　up　of　cells。　　What　has　been　done　in　small　things　can　be　done

in　large。　　Shall　be；〃　she　said　softly。



Waldo　listened。　　To　him　the　words　were　no　confession；　no　glimpse　into　the

strong；　proud；　restless　heart　of　the　woman。　　They　were　general　words　with　a

general　application。　　He　looked　up　into　the　sparkling　sky　with　dull　eyes。



〃Yes；〃　he　said；　〃but　when　we　lie　and　think；　and　think；　we　see　that　there　is

nothing　worth　doing。　　The　universe　is　so　large；　and　man　is　so　small〃



She　shook　her　head　quickly。



〃But　we　must　not　think　so　far；　it　is　madness；　it　is　a　disease。　　We　know

that　no　man's　work　is　great；　and　stands　forever。　　Moses　is　dead；　and　the

prophets　and　the　books　that　our　grandmothers　fed　on　the　mould　is　eating。　

Your　poet　and　painter　and　actor；before　the　shouts　that　applaud　them　have

died　their　names　grow　strange；　they　are　milestones　that　the　world　has

passed。　　Men　have　set　their　mark　on　mankind　forever；　as　they　thought；　but

time　has　washed　it　out　as　it　has　washed　out　mountains　and　continents。〃　　She

raised　herself　on　her　elbow。　　〃And　what　if　we　could　help　mankind；　and　leave

the　traces　of　our　work　upon　it　to　the　end？　　Mankind　is　only　an　ephemeral

blossom　on　the　tree　of　time；　there　were　others　before　it　opened；　there　will

be　others　after　it　has　fallen。　　Where　was　man　in　the　time　of　the

dicynodont；　and　when　hoary　monsters　wallowed　in　the　mud？　　Will　he　be　found

in　the　aeons　that　are　to　come？　　We　are　sparks；　we　are　shadows；　we　are

pollen；　which　the　next　wind　will　carry　away。　　We　are　dying　already；　it　is

all　a　dream。



〃I　know　that　thought。　　When　the　fever　of　living　is　on　us；　when　the　desire

to　become；　to　know；　to　do；　is　driving　us　mad；　we　can　use　it　as　an　anodyne；

to　still　the　fever　and　cool　our　beating　pulses。　　But　it　is　a　poison；　not　a

food。　　If　we　live　on　it　it　will　turn　our　blood　to　ice；　we　might　as　well　be

dead。　　We　must　not；　Waldo；　I　want　your　life　to　be　beautiful；　to　end　in

something。　　You　are　nobler　and　stronger　than　I；〃　she　said；　〃and　as　much

better　as　one　of　God's　great　angels　is　better　than　a　sinning　man。　　Your

life　must　go　for　something。〃



〃Yes；　we　will　work；〃　he　said。



She　moved　closer　to　him　and　lay　still；　his　black　curls　touching　her　smooth

little　head。



Doss；　who　had　lain　at　his　master's　side；　climbed　over　the　bench；　and　curled

himself　up　in　her　lap。　　She　drew　her　skirt　up　over　him；　and　the　three　sat

motionless　for　a　long　time。



〃Waldo；〃　she　said；　suddenly；　〃they　are　laughing　at　us。〃



〃Who？〃　he　asked；　starting　up。



〃Theythe　stars！〃　she　said；　softly。　　〃Do　you　not　see？　　There　is　a　little

white；　mocking　finger　pointing　down　at　us　from　each　one　of　them！　　We　are

talking　of　tomorrow　and　tomorrow；　and　our　hearts　are　so　strong；　we　are　not

thinking　of　something　that　can　touch　us　softly　in　the　dark　and　make　us

still　forever。　　They　are　laughing　at　us　Waldo。〃



Both　sat　looking　upward。



〃Do　you　ever　pray？〃　he　asked　her　in　a　low　voice。



〃No。〃



〃I　never　do；　but　I　might　when　I　look　up　there。　　I　will　tell　you；〃　he　added；

in　a　still　lower　voice；　〃where　I　could　pray。　　If　there　were　a　wall　of　rock

on　the　edge　of　a　world；　and　one　rock　stretched　out　far；　far　into　space；　and

I　stood　alone　upon　it；　alone；　with　stars　above　me；　and　stars　below　me；I

would　not　say　anything；　but　the　feeling　would　be　prayer。〃



There　was　an　end　to　their　conversation　after　that；　and　Doss　fell　asleep　on

her　knee。　　At　last　the　night…wind　grew　very　chilly。



〃Ah；〃　she　said；　shivering；　and　drawing　the　skirt　about　her　shoulders；　〃I　am

cold。　　Span…in　the　horses；　and　call　me　when　you　are　ready。〃



She　slipped　down　and　walked　toward　the　house；　Doss　stiffly　following　her；

not　pleased　at　being　roused。　　At　the　door　she　met　Gregory。



〃I　have　been　looking　for　you　everywhere；　may　I　not　drive　you　home？〃　he

said。



〃Waldo　drives　me；〃　she　replied；　passing　on；　and　it　appeared　to　Gregory　that

she　looked　at　him　in　the　old　way；　without　seeing　him。　　But　before　she　had

reached　the　door　an　idea　had　occurred　to　her；　for　she　turned。



〃If　you　wish　to　drive　me　you　may。〃



Gregory　went　to　look　for　Em；　whom　he　found　pouring　out　coffee　in　the　back

room。　　He　put　his　hand　quickly　on　her　shoulder。



〃You　must　ride　with　Waldo；　I　am　going　to　drive　your　cousin　home。〃



〃But　I　can't　come　just　now；　Greg；　I　promised　Tant　Annie　Muller　to　look

after　the　things　while　she　went　to　rest　a　little。〃



〃Well；　you　can　come　presently；　can't　you？　　I　didn't　say　you　were　to　come

now。　　I'm　sick　of　this　thing；〃　said　Gregory；　turning　sharply　on　his　heel。

〃Why　must　I　sit　up　the　whole　night　because　your　stepmother　chooses　to　get

married？〃



〃Oh；　it's　all　right；　Greg；　I　only　meant〃



But　he　did　not　hear　her；　and　a　man　had　come　up　to　have　his　cup　filled。



An　hour　after　Waldo　came　in　to　look　for　her；　and　found　her　still　busy　at

the　table。



〃The　horses　are　ready；〃　he　said；　〃but　if　you　would　like　to　have　one　dance

more　I　will　wait。〃



She　shook　her　head　wearily。



〃No；　I　am　quite　ready。　　I　want　to　go。〃



And　soon　they　were　on　the　sandy　road　the　buggy　had　travelled　an　hour

before。　　Their　horses；　with　heads　close　together；　nodding　sleepily　as　they

walked　in　the　starlight；　you　might　have　counted　the　rise　and　fall　of　their

feet　in　the　sand；　and　Waldo　in　his　saddle　nodded　drowsily　also。　　Only　Em

was　awake；　and　watched　the　starlit　road　with　wide…open　eyes。　　At　last　she

spoke。



〃I　wonder　if　all　people　feel　so　old；　so　very　old；　when　they　get　to　be

seventeen？〃



〃Not　older　than　before；〃　said　Waldo　sleepily；　pulling　at　his　bridle。



Presently　she　said　again：



〃I　wish　I　could　have　been　a　little　child　always。　　You　are　good　then。　　You

are　never　selfish；　you　like　every　one　to　have　everything；　but　when　you　are

grown　up　there　are　some　things　you　like　to　have　all　to　yourself；　you　don't

like　any　one　else　to　have　any　of　them。〃



〃Yes；〃　said　Waldo　sleepily；　and　she　did　not　speak　again。



When　they　reached　the　farmhouse　all　was　dark；　for　Lyndall　had　retired　as

soon　as　they　got　home。



Waldo　lifted　Em　from　her　saddle；　and　for　a　moment　she　leaned　her　head　on

his　shoulder　and　clung　to　him。



〃You　are　very　tired；〃　he　said；　as　he　walked　with　her　to　the　door；　〃let　me

go　in　and　light　a　candle　for　you。〃



〃No；　thank　you；　it　is　all　right；〃　she　said。　　〃Good　night；　Waldo；　dear。〃



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