part 4-第10章

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hurt　her。







　　　　　〃What's　at　the　bottom　of　your　mind；　Thea？〃　he　asked



hurriedly。　　〃I　can't　tell。　　Why　do　you　consider　it　at　all；　if



you're　not　sure？　　Why　are　you　here　with　me　now？〃







　　　　　Her　face　was　half…averted。　　He　was　thinking　that　it



looked　older　and　more　firmalmost　hardunder　a　veil。







　　　　　〃Isn't　it　possible　to　do　things　without　having　any　very



clear　reason？〃　she　asked　slowly。　　〃I　have　no　plan　in　the



back　of　my　mind。　　Now　that　I'm　with　you；　I　want　to　be



with　you；　that's　all。　　I　can't　settle　down　to　being　alone



again。　　I　am　here　to…day　because　I　want　to　be　with　you



to…day。〃　　She　paused。　　〃One　thing；　though；　if　I　gave　you



my　word；　I'd　keep　it。　　And　you　could　hold　me；　though　you



don't　seem　to　think　so。　　Maybe　I'm　not　sentimental；　but



I'm　not　very　light；　either。　　If　I　went　off　with　you　like



this；　it　wouldn't　be　to　amuse　myself。〃







　　　　　Ottenburg's　eyes　fell。　　His　lips　worked　nervously　for　a



moment。　　〃Do　you　mean　that　you　really　care　for　me；　Thea



Kronborg？〃　he　asked　unsteadily。







　　　　　〃I　guess　so。　　It's　like　anything　else。　　It　takes　hold　of　you



and　you've　got　to　go　through　with　it；　even　if　you're　afraid。



I　was　afraid　to　leave　Moonstone；　and　afraid　to　leave



Harsanyi。　　But　I　had　to　go　through　with　it。〃







　　　　　〃And　are　you　afraid　now？〃　Fred　asked　slowly。







　　　　　〃Yes；　more　than　I've　ever　been。　　But　I　don't　think　I



could　go　back。　　The　past　closes　up　behind　one；　somehow。



One　would　rather　have　a　new　kind　of　misery。　　The　old



kind　seems　like　death　or　unconsciousness。　　You　can't　force



your　life　back　into　that　mould　again。　　No；　one　can't　go



back。〃　　She　rose　and　stood　by　the　back　grating　of　the



platform；　her　hand　on　the　brass　rail。







　　　　　Fred　went　to　her　side。　　She　pushed　up　her　veil　and　turned















her　most　glowing　face　to　him。　　Her　eyes　were　wet　and



there　were　tears　on　her　lashes；　but　she　was　smiling　the



rare；　whole…hearted　smile　he　had　seen　once　or　twice　be…



fore。　　He　looked　at　her　shining　eyes；　her　parted　lips；　her



chin　a　little　lifted。　　It　was　as　if　they　were　colored　by　a　sun…



rise　he　could　not　see。　　He　put　his　hand　over　hers　and　clasped



it　with　a　strength　she　felt。　　Her　eyelashes　trembled；　her



mouth　softened；　but　her　eyes　were　still　brilliant。







　　　　　〃Will　you　always　be　like　you　were　down　there；　if　I　go



with　you？〃　she　asked　under　her　breath。







　　　　　His　fingers　tightened　on　hers。　　〃By　God；　I　will！〃　he



muttered。







　　　　　〃That's　the　only　promise　I'll　ask　you　for。　　Now　go　away



for　a　while　and　let　me　think　about　it。　　Come　back　at　lunch…



time　and　I'll　tell　you。　　Will　that　do？〃







　　　　　〃Anything　will　do；　Thea；　if　you'll　only　let　me　keep



an　eye　on　you。　　The　rest　of　the　world　doesn't　interest　me



much。　　You've　got　me　in　deep。〃







　　　　　Fred　dropped　her　hand　and　turned　away。　　As　he　glanced



back　from　the　front　end　of　the　observation　car；　he　saw　that



she　was　still　standing　there；　and　any　one　would　have　known



that　she　was　brooding　over　something。　　The　earnestness　of



her　head　and　shoulders　had　a　certain　nobility。　　He　stood



looking　at　her　for　a　moment。







　　　　　When　he　reached　the　forward　smoking…car；　Fred　took　a



seat　at　the　end；　where　he　could　shut　the　other　passengers



from　his　sight。　　He　put　on　his　traveling…cap　and　sat　down



wearily；　keeping　his　head　near　the　window。　　〃In　any　case；



I　shall　help　her　more　than　I　shall　hurt　her；〃　he　kept　saying



to　himself。　　He　admitted　that　this　was　not　the　only　motive



which　impelled　him；　but　it　was　one　of　them。　　〃I'll　make　it



my　business　in　life　to　get　her　on。　　There's　nothing　else　I



care　about　so　much　as　seeing　her　have　her　chance。　　She



hasn't　touched　her　real　force　yet。　　She　isn't　even　aware　of



it。　　Lord；　don't　I　know　something　about　them？　　There　isn't



one　of　them　that　has　such　a　depth　to　draw　from。　　She'll　be















one　of　the　great　artists　of　our　time。　　Playing　accompani…



ments　for　that　cheese…faced　sneak！　　I'll　get　her　off　to　Ger…



many　this　winter；　or　take　her。　　She　hasn't　got　any　time　to



waste　now。　　I'll　make　it　up　to　her；　all　right。〃







　　　　　Ottenburg　certainly　meant　to　make　it　up　to　her；　in　so



far　as　he　could。　　His　feeling　was　as　generous　as　strong　human



feelings　are　likely　to　be。　　The　only　trouble　was；　that　he　was



married　already；　and　had　been　since　he　was　twenty。







　　　　　His　older　friends　in　Chicago；　people　who　had　been　friends



of　his　family；　knew　of　the　unfortunate　state　of　his　personal



affairs；　but　they　were　people　whom　in　the　natural　course



of　things　Thea　Kronborg　would　scarcely　meet。　　Mrs。



Frederick　Ottenburg　lived　in　California；　at　Santa　Bar…



bara；　where　her　health　was　supposed　to　be　better　than



elsewhere；　and　her　husband　lived　in　Chicago。　　He　visited



his　wife　every　winter　to　reinforce　her　position；　and　his



devoted　mother；　although　her　hatred　for　her　daughter…in…



law　was　scarcely　approachable　in　words；　went　to　Santa



Barbara　every　year　to　make　things　look　better　and　to



relieve　her　son。











　　　　　When　Frederick　Ottenburg　was　beginning　his　junior　year



at　Harvard；　he　got　a　letter　from　Dick　Brisbane；　a　Kansas



City　boy　he　knew；　telling　him　that　his　FIANCEE；　Miss　Edith



Beers；　was　going　to　New　York　to　buy　her　trousseau。　　She



would　be　at　the　Holland　House；　with　her　aunt　and　a　girl



from　Kansas　City　who　was　to　be　a　bridesmaid；　for　two



weeks　or　more。　　If　Ottenburg　happened　to　be　going　down



to　New　York；　would　he　call　upon　Miss　Beers　and　〃show



her　a　good　time〃？







　　　　　Fred　did　happen　to　be　going　to　New　York。　　He　was　going



down　from　New　Haven；　after　the　Thanksgiving　game。　　He



called　on　Miss　Beers　and　found　her；　as　he　that　night　tele…



graphed　Brisbane；　a　〃ripping　beauty；　no　mistake。〃　　He



took　her　and　her　aunt　and　her　uninteresting　friend　to　the



theater　and　to　the　opera；　and　he　asked　them　to　lunch　with















him　at　the　Waldorf。　　He　took　no　little　pains　in　arranging



the　luncheon　with　the　head　waiter。　　Miss　Beers　was　the



sort　of　girl　with　whom　a　young　man　liked　to　seem　experi…



enced。　　She　was　dark　and　slender　and　fiery。　　She　was　witty



and　slangy；　said　daring　things　and　carried　them　off　with



NONCHALANCE。　　Her　childish　extravagance　and　contempt　for



all　the　serious　facts　of　life　could　be　charged　to　her　father's



generosity　and　his　long　packing…house　purse。　　Freaks　that



would　have　been　vulgar　and　ostentatious　in　a　more　simple…



minded　girl；　in　Miss　Beers　seemed　whimsical　and　pictur…



esque。　　She　darted　about　in　magnificent　furs　and　pumps



and　close…clinging　gowns；　though　that　was　the　day　of　full



skirts。　　Her　hats　were　large　and　floppy。　　When　she　wrig…



gled　out　of　her　moleskin　coat　at　luncheon；　she　looked　like



a　slim　black　weasel。　　Her　satin　dress　was　a　mere　sheath；　so



conspicuous　by　its　severity　and　scantness　that　every　one　in



the　dining…room　stared。　　She　ate　nothing　but　alligator…pear



salad　and　hothouse　grapes；　drank　a　little　champagne；　and



took　cognac　in　her　coffee。　　She　ridiculed；　in　the　raciest



slang；　the　singers　they　had　heard　at　the　opera　the　night



before；　and　when　her　aunt　pretended　to　reprove　her；　she



murmured　indifferently；　〃What's　the　matter　with　you；



old　sport？〃　　She　rattled　on　with　a　subdued　loquacious…



ness；　always　keeping　her　voice　low　and　monotonous；



always　looking　out　of　the　corner　of　her　eye　and　speaking；



as　it　were；　in　asides；　out　of　the　corner　of　her　mouth。　　She



was　scornful　of　everything；which　became　her　eyebrows。



Her　face　was　mobile　and