misc writings and speeches(米斯克说与写3)-第7章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
declares； it is true； that he had let loose the reins on the neck of his lusts；
that he had delighted in all transgressions against the divine law； and that
he had been the ringleader of the youth of Elstow in all manner of vice。
But； when those who wished him ill accused him of licentious amours； he
called on God and the angels to attest his purity。 No woman； he said； in
heaven； earth； or hell； could charge him with having ever made any
improper advances to her。 Not only had he been strictly faithful to his wife；
but he had even before his marriage； been perfectly spotless。 It does not
appear from his own confessions； or from the railings of his enemies； that
he ever was drunk in his life。 One bad habit he contracted； that of using
profane language； but he tells us that a single reproof cured him so
effectually that he never offended again。 The worst that can be laid to the
charge of this poor youth； whom it has been the fashion to represent as the
most desperate of reprobates； as a village Rochester； is that he had a great
liking for some diversions； quite harmless in themselves； but condemned
by the rigid precisians among whom he lived； and for whose opinion he
had a great respect。 The four chief sins of which he was guilty were
19
… Page 20…
THE MISCELLANEOUS WRITINGS AND SPEECHES OF LORD MACAULAY。
dancing； ringing the bells of the parish church； playing at tipcat； and
reading the history of Sir Bevis of Southampton。 A rector of the school of
Laud would have held such a young man up to the whole parish as a
model。 But Bunyan's notions of good and evil had been learned in a very
different school； and he was made miserable by the conflict between his
tastes and his scruples。
When he was about seventeen； the ordinary course of his life was
interrupted by an event which gave a lasting colour to his thoughts。 He
enlisted in the parliamentary army； and served during the decisive
campaign of 1645。 All that we know of his military career is that； at the
siege of Leicester； one of his comrades； who had taken his post； was killed
by a shot from the town。 Bunyan ever after considered himself as having
been saved from death by the special interference of Providence。 It may be
observed that his imagination was strongly impressed by the glimpse
which he had caught of the pomp of war。 To the last he loved to draw his
illustrations of sacred things from camps and fortresses； from guns； drums；
trumpets； flags of truce； and regiments arrayed； each under its own banner。
His Greatheart； his Captain Boanerges； and his Captain Credence； are
evidently portraits； of which the originals were among those martial saints
who fought and expounded in Fairfax's army。
In a few months Bunyan returned home and married。 His wife had
some pious relations； and brought him as her only portion some pious
books。 And now his mind； excitable by nature； very imperfectly
disciplined by education； and exposed； without any protection； to the
infectious virulence of the enthusiasm which was then epidemic in
England； began to be fearfully disordered。 In outward things he soon
became a strict Pharisee。 He was constant in attendance at prayers and
sermons。 His favourite amusements were one after another relinquished；
though not without many painful struggles。 In the middle of a game at
tipcat he paused； and stood staring wildly upwards with his stick in his
hand。 He had heard a voice asking him whether he would leave his sins
and go to heaven； or keep his sins and go to hell； and he had seen an awful
countenance frowning on him from the sky。 The odious vice of bellringing
he renounced； but he still for a time ventured to go to the church tower and
20
… Page 21…
THE MISCELLANEOUS WRITINGS AND SPEECHES OF LORD MACAULAY。
look on while others pulled the ropes。 But soon the thought struck him that；
if he persisted in such wickedness； the steeple would fall on his head； and
he fled in terror from the accursed place。 To give up dancing on the village
green was still harder； and some months elapsed before he had the
fortitude to part with this darling sin。 When this last sacrifice had been
made； he was； even when tried by the maxims of that austere time；
faultless。 All Elstow talked of him as an eminently pious youth。 But his
own mind was more unquiet than ever。 Having nothing more to do in the
way of visible reformation； yet finding in religion no pleasures to supply
the place of the juvenile amusements which he had relinquished； he began
to apprehend that he lay under some special malediction； and he was
tormented by a succession of fantasies which seemed likely to drive him to
suicide or to Bedlam。
At one time he took it into his head that all persons of Israelite blood
would be saved； and tried to make out that he partook of that blood； but
his hopes were speedily destroyed by his father； who seems to have had no
ambition to be regarded as a Jew。
At another time Bunyan was disturbed by a strange dilemma： 〃If I
have not faith； I am lost； if I have faith； I can work miracles。〃 He was
tempted to cry to the puddles between Elstow and Bedford； 〃Be ye dry；〃
and to stake his eternal hopes on the event。
Then he took up a notion that the day of grace for Bedford and the
neighbouring villages was past： that all who were to be saved in that part
of England were already converted； and that he had begun to pray and
strive some months too late。
Then he was harassed by doubts whether the Turks were not in the
right； and the Christians in the wrong。 Then he was troubled by a maniacal
impulse which prompted him to pray to the trees； to a broom…stick； to the
parish bull。 As yet； however； he was only entering the Valley of the
Shadow of Death。 Soon the darkness grew thicker。 Hideous forms floated
before him。 Sounds of cursing and wailing were in his ears。 His way ran
through stench and fire； close to the mouth of the bottomless pit。 He began
to be haunted by a strange curiosity about the unpardonable sin； and by a
morbid longing to commit it。 But the most frightful of all the forms which
21
… Page 22…
THE MISCELLANEOUS WRITINGS AND SPEECHES OF LORD MACAULAY。
his disease took was a propensity to utter blasphemy； and especially to
renounce his share in the benefits of the redemption。 Night and day； in bed；
at table； at work； evil spirits； as he imagined； were repeating close to his
ear the words； 〃Sell him； sell him。〃 He struck at the hobgoblins； he pushed
them from him； but still they were ever at his side。 He cried out in answer
to them； hour after hour： 〃Never； never； not for thousands of worlds； not
for thousands。〃 At length； worn out by this long agony； he suffered the
fatal words to escape him； 〃Let him go； if he will。〃 Then his misery
became more fearful than ever。 He had done what could not be forgiven。
He had forfeited his part of the great sacrifice。 Like Esau； he
