the ninth vibration-第24章

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And　so；　in　marches　of　about　ten　miles　a　day；　we　came　to　Pahlgam　on　the　banks　of　the　dancing　Lidar。　There　was　now　only　three　weeks　left　of　the　time　she　had　promised。　After　a　few　days　at　Pahlgam　the　march　would　turn　and　bend　its　way　back　to　Srinagar；　and　to　…　what？　I　could　not　believe　it　was　to　separation　…　in　her　lovely　kindness　she　had　grown　so　close　to　me　that；　even　for　the　sake　of　friendship；　I　believed　our　paths　must　run　together　to　the　end；　and　there　were　moments　when　I　could　still　half　convince　myself　that　I　had　grown　as　necessary　to　her　as　she　was　to　me。　No　…　not　as　necessary；　for　she　was　life　and　soul　to　me；　but　a　part　of　her　daily　experience　that　she　valued　and　would　not　easily　part　with。　That　evening　we　were　sitting　outside　the　tents；　near　the　camp　fire；　of　pine　logs　and　cones；　the　leaping　flames　making　the　night　beautiful　with　gold　and　leaping　sparks；　in　an　attempt　to　reach　the　mellow　splendours　of　the　moon。　The　men；　in　various　attitudes　of　rest；　were　lying　about；　and　one　had　been　telling　a　story　which　had　just　ended　in　excitement　and　loud　applause。

〃These　are　Mahomedans；〃　said　Vanna；　〃and　it　is　only　a　story　of　love　and　fighting　like　the　Arabian　Nights。　If　they　had　been　Hindus；　it　might　well　have　been　of　Krishna　or　of　Rama　and　Sita。　Their　faith　comes　from　an　earlier　time　and　they　still　see　visions。　The　Moslem　is　a　hard　practical　faith　for　men　…　men　of　the　world　too。　It　is　not　visionary　now；　though　it　once　had　its　great　mysteries。〃

〃I　wish　you　would　tell　me　what　you　think　of　the　visions　or　apparitions　of　the　gods　that　are　seen　here。　Is　it　all　illusion？　Tell　me　your　thought。〃

〃How　difficult　that　is　to　answer。　I　suppose　if　love　and　faith　are　strong　enough　they　will　always　create　the　vibrations　to　which　the　greater　vibrations　respond；　and　so　make　God　in　their　own　image　at　any　time　or　place。　But　that　they　call　up　what　is　the　truest　reality　I　have　never　doubted。　There　is　no　shadow　without　a　substance。　The　substance　is　beyond　us　but　under　certain　conditions　the　shadow　is　projected　and　we　see　it。

〃Have　I　seen　or　has　it　been　dream？〃

〃I　cannot　tell。　It　may　have　been　the　impress　of　my　mind　on　yours；　for　I　see　such　things　always。　You　say　I　took　your　hand？〃

〃Take　it　now。〃

She　obeyed；　and　instantly；　as　I　felt　the　firm　cool　clasp；　I　heard　the　rain　of　music　through　the　pines　…　the　Flute　Player　was　passing。　She　dropped　it　smiling　and　the　sweet　sound　ceased。

〃You　see！　How　can　I　tell　what　you　have　seen？　You　will　know　better　when　I　am　gone。　You　will　stand　alone　then。〃

〃You　will　not　go　…　you　cannot。　I　have　seen　how　you　have　loved　all　this　wonderful　time。　I　believe　it　has　been　as　dear　to　you　as　to　me。　And　every　day　I　have　loved　you　more。　I　depend　upon　you　for　everything　that　makes　life　worth　living。　You　could　not　…　you　who　are　so　gentle　…　you　could　not　commit　the　senseless　cruelty　of　leaving　me　when　you　have　taught　me　to　love　you　with　every　beat　of　my　heart。　I　have　been　patient　…　I　have　held　myself　in；　but　I　must　speak　now。　Marry　me；　and　teach　me。　I　know　nothing。　You　know　all　I　need　to　know。　For　pity's　sake　be　my　wife。〃

I　had　not　meant　to　say　it；　it　broke　from　me　in　the　firelight　moonlight　with　a　power　that　I　could　not　stay。　She　looked　at　me　with　a　disarming　gentleness。

〃Is　this　fair？　Do　you　remember　how　at　Peshawar　I　told　you　I　thought　it　was　a　dangerous　experiment；　and　that　it　would　make　things　harder　for　you。　But　you　took　the　risk　like　a　brave　man　because　you　felt　there　were　things　to　be　gained　…　knowledge；　insight；　beauty。　Have　you　not　gained　them？〃

〃Yes。　Absolutely。〃

〃Then；　is　it　all　loss　if　I　go？〃

〃Not　all。　But　loss　I　dare　not　face。〃

〃I　will　tell　you　this。　I　could　not　stay　if　I　would。　Do　you　remember　the　old　man　on　the　way　to　Vernag？　He　told　me　that　I　must　very　soon　take　up　an　entirely　new　life。　I　have　no　choice；　though　if　I　had　I　would　still　do　it。〃

There　was　silence　and　down　a　long　arcade；　without　any　touch　of　her　hand　I　heard　the　music；　receding　with　exquisite　modulations　to　a　very　great　distance；　and　between　the　pillared　stems；　I　saw　a　faint　light。

〃Do　you　wish　to　go？〃

〃Entirely。　But　I　shall　not　forget　you；　Stephen。　I　will　tell　you　something。　For　me；　since　I　came　to　India；　the　gate　that　shuts　us　out　at　birth　has　opened。　How　shall　I　explain？　Do　you　remember　Kipling's　'Finest　Story　in　the　World'？〃

〃Yes。　Fiction！〃

〃Not　fiction　…　true；　whether　he　knew　it　or　no。　But　for　me　the　door　has　opened　wide。　First；　I　remembered　piecemeal；　with　wide　gaps；　then　more　connectedly。　Then；　at　the　end　of　the　first　year；　I　met　one　day　at　Cawnpore；　an　ascetic；　an　old　man　of　great　beauty　and　wisdom；　and　he　was　able　by　his　own　knowledge　to　enlighten　mine。　Not　wholly　…　much　has　come　since　then。　Has　come；　some　of　it　in　ways　you　could　not　understand　now；　but　much　by　direct　sight　and　hearing。　Long；　long　ago　I　lived　in　Peshawar；　and　my　story　was　a　sorrowful　one。　I　will　tell　you　a　little　before　I　go。〃

〃I　hold　you　to　your　promise。　What　is　there　I　cannot　believe　when　you　tell　me？　But　does　that　life　put　you　altogether　away　from　me？　Was　there　no　place　for　me　in　any　of　your　memories　that　has　drawn　us　together　now？　Give　me　a　little　hope　that　in　the　eternal　pilgrimage　there　is　some　bond　between　us　and　some　rebirth　where　we　may　met　again。〃

〃I　will　tell　you　that　also　before　we　part。　I　have　grown　to　believe　that　you　do　love　me　…　and　therefore　love　something　which　is　infinitely　above　me。〃

〃And　do　you　love　me　at　all？　Am　I　nothing；　Vanna　…　Vanna？〃

〃My　friend；〃　she　said；　and　laid　her　hand　on　mine。

A　silence；　and　then　she　spoke；　very　low。

〃You　must　be　prepared　for　very　great　change；　Stephen；　and　yet　believe　that　it　does　not　really　change　things　at　all。　See　how　even　the　gods　pass　and　do　not　change！　The　early　gods　of　India　are　gone　and　Shiva；　Vishnu；　Krishna　have　taken　their　places　and　are　one　and　the　same。　The　old　Buddhist　stories　say　that　in　heaven　〃The　flowers　of　the　garland　the　God　wore　are　withered；　his　robes　of　majesty　are　waxed　old　and　faded；　he　falls　from　his　high　estate；　and　is　re…born　into　a　new　life。〃　But　he　lives　still　in　the　young　God　who　is　born　among　men。　The　gods　cannot　die；　nor　can　we　nor　anything　that　has　life。　Now　I　must　go　in。

I　sat　long　in　the　moonlight　thinking。　The　whole　camp　was　sunk　in　sleep　and　the　young　dawn　was　waking　upon　the　peaks　when　I　turned　in。

The　days　that　were　left　we　spent　in　wandering　up　the　Lidar　River　to　the　hills　that　are　the　first　ramp　of　the　ascent　to　the　great　heights。　We　found　the　damp　corners　where　the　mushrooms　grow　like　pearls　…　the　mushrooms　of　which　she　said　…　〃To　me　they　have　always　been　fairy　things。　To　see　them　in　the　silver…grey　dew　of　the　early　mornings　…　mysteriously　there　like　the　manna　in　the　desert　…　they　are　elfin　plunder；　and　as　a　child　I　was　half　afraid　of　them。　No　wonder　they　are　the　darlings　of　folklore；　especially　in　Celtic　countries　where　the　Little　People　move　in　the　starlight。　Strange　to　think　they　are　here　too　among　strange　gods！〃

We　climbed　to　where　the　wild　peonies　bloom　in　glory　that　few　eyes　see；　and　the　rosy　beds　of　wild　sweet　strawberries　ripen。　Every　hour　brought　with　it　some　new　delight；　some　exquisiteness　of　sight　or　of　words　that　I　shall　remember　for　ever。　She　sat　one　day　on　a　rock；　holding　the　sculptured　leaves　and　massive　seed…vessels　of　some　glorious　plant　that　the　Kashmiris　believe　has　magic　virtues　hidden　in　the　seeds　of　pure　rose　embedded　in　the　white　down。

〃If　you　fast　for　three　days　and　eat　nine　of　these　in　the　Night　of　No　Moon；　you　can　rise　on　the　air　light　as　thistledown　and　stand　on　the　peak　of　Haramoukh。　And　on　Haramoukh；　as　you　know　it　is　believed；　the　gods　dwell。　There　was　a　man　here　who　tried　this　enchantment。　He　was　a　changed　man　for　ever　after；　wandering　and　muttering　to　himself　and　avoiding　all　human　intercourse　as　far　as　he　could。　He　was　no　Kashmiri　…　A　Jat　from　the　Punjab；　and　they　showed　him　to　me　when　I　was　here　with　the　Meryons；　and　told　me　he　would　speak　to　none。　But　I　knew　he　would　speak　to　me；　and　he　did。〃

〃Did　he　tell　you　anything　of　what　he　had　seen　in　the　high　world　up　yonder？〃

〃He　said　he　had　seen　the　Dream　of　the　God。　I　could　not　get　more　than　that。　But　there　are　many　people　here　who　believe　that　the　Universe　as　we　know　it　is　but　an　image　in　the　dream　of　Ishvara；　the　Universal　Spi