the ninth vibration-第13章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


ey　would　ring　down　the　curtain　before　I　had　had　enough。　It　had　no　meaning。　When　I　got　back　to　my　diggings　I　tried　to　put　down　what　I　had　just　seen；　and　I　swear　there's　more　inspiration　in　the　guide…book。〃

〃Did　you　go　alone？〃

〃Yes；　I　certainly　would　not　go　sight…seeing　with　the　Meryon　crowd。　Tell　me　what　you　felt　when　you　saw　it　first。〃

〃I　went　with　Sir　John's　uncle。　He　was　a　great　traveler。　The　colour　struck　me　dumb。　It　flames　…　it　sings。　Think　of　the　grey　pinched　life　in　the　West！　I　saw　a　grave　dark　potter　turning　his　wheel；　while　his　little　girl　stood　by；　glad　at　our　pleasure；　her　head　veiled　like　a　miniature　woman；　tiny　baggy　trousers；　and　a　silver　nose…stud；　like　a　star；　in　one　delicate　nostril。　In　her　thin　arms　she　held　a　heavy　baby　in　a　gilt　cap；　like　a　monkey。　And　the　wheel　turned　and　whirled　until　it　seemed　to　be　spinning　dreams；　thick　as　motes　in　the　sun。　The　clay　rose　in　smooth　spirals　under　his　hand；　and　the　wheel　sang；　'Shall　the　vessel　reprove　him　who　made　one　to　honour　and　one　to　dishonour？'　And　I　saw　the　potter　thumping　his　wet　clay；　and　the　clay；　plastic　as　dream…stuff；　shaped　swift　as　light；　and　the　three　Fates　stood　at　his　shoul…　der。　Dreams；　dreams；　and　all　in　the　spinning　of　the　wheel；　and　the　rich　shadows　of　the　old　broken　courtyard　where　he　sat。　And　the　wheel　stopped　and　the　thread　broke；　and　the　little　new　shapes　he　had　made　stood　all　about　him；　and　he　was　only　a　potter　in　Peshawar。〃

Her　voice　was　like　a　song。　She　had　utterly　forgotten　my　existence。　I　did　not　dislike　it　at　the　moment；　for　I　wanted　to　hear　more；　and　the　impersonal　is　the　rarest　gift　a　woman　can　give　a　man。

〃Did　you　buy　anything？〃

〃He　gave　me　a　gift　…　a　flawed　jar　of　turquoise　blue；　faint　turquoise　green　round　the　lip。　He　saw　I　understood。　And　then　I　bought　a　little　gold　cap　and　a　wooden　box　of　jade…green　Kabul　grapes。　About　a　rupee；　all　told。　But　it　was　Eastern　merchandise；　and　I　was　trading　from　Balsora　and　Baghdad；　and　Eleazar's　camels　were　swaying　down　from　Damascus　along　the　Khyber　Pass；　and　coming　in　at　the　great　Darwazah；　and　friends'　eyes　met　me　everywhere。　I　am　profoundly　happy　here。〃

The　sinking　sun　lit　an　almost　ecstatic　face。

I　envied　her　more　deeply　than　I　had　ever　envied　any　one。　She　had　the　secret　of　immortal　youth；　and　I　felt　old　as　I　looked　at　her。　One　might　be　eighty　and　share　that　passionate　impersonal　joy。　Age　could　not　wither　nor　custom　stale　the　infinite　variety　of　her　world's　joys。　She　had　a　child's　dewy　youth　in　her　eyes。

There　are　great　sunsets　at　Peshawar；　flaming　over　the　plain；　dying　in　melancholy　splendour　over　the　dangerous　hills。　They　too　were　hers；　in　a　sense　in　which　they　could　never　be　mine。　But　what　a　companion！　To　my　astonishment　a　wild　thought　of　marriage　flashed　across　me；　to　be　instantly　rebuffed　with　a　shrug。　Marriage　…　that　one's　wife　might　talk　poetry　to　one　about　the　East！　Absurd！　But　what　was　it　these　people　felt　and　I　could　not　feel？　Almost；　shut　up　in　the　prison　of　self；　I　knew　what　Vanna　had　felt　in　her　village　…　a　maddening　desire　to　escape；　to　be　a　part　of　the　loveliness　that　lay　beyond　me。　So　might　a　man　love　a　king's　daughter　in　her　hopeless　heights。

〃It　may　be　very　beautiful　on　the　surface；〃　I　said　morosely；　〃but　there's　a　lot　of　misery　below　…　hateful；　they　tell　me。〃

〃Of　course。　We　shall　get　to　work　one　day。　But　look　at　the　sunset。　It　opens　like　a　mysterious　flower。　I　must　take　Winifred　home　now。〃

〃One　moment；〃　I　pleaded；　〃I　can　only　see　it　through　your　eyes。　I　feel　it　while　you　speak；　and　then　the　good　minute　goes。〃

She　laughed。

〃And　so　must　I。　Come；　Winifred。　Look；　there's　an　owl；　not　like　the　owls　in　the　summer　dark　in　England…

　〃Lovely　are　the　curves　of　the　white　owl　sweeping；　　Wavy　in　the　dark；　lit　by　one　low　star。〃

Suddenly　she　turned　again　and　looked　at　me　half　wistfully。

〃It　is　good　to　talk　to　you。　You　want　to　know。　You　are　so　near　it　all。　I　wish　I　could　help　you；　I　am　so　exquisitely　happy　myself。〃

My　writing　was　at　a　standstill。　It　seemed　the　groping　of　a　blind　man　in　a　radiant　world。　Once　perhaps　I　had　felt　that　life　was　good　in　itself　…　when　the　guns　came　thundering　toward　the　Vimy　Ridge　in　a　mad　gallop　of　horses；　and　men　shouting　and　swearing　and　frantically　urging　them　on。　Then；　riding　for　more　than　life；　I　had　tasted　life　for　an　instant。　Not　before　or　since。　But　this　woman　had　the　secret。

Lady　Meryon；　with　her　escort　of　girls　and　subalterns；　came　daintily　past　the　hotel　compound；　and　startled　me　from　my　brooding　with　her　pretty　silvery　voice。

〃Dreaming；　Mr。　Clifden？　It　isn't　at　all　wholesome　to　dream　in　the　East。　Come　and　dine　with　us　tomorrow。　A　tiny　dance　afterwards；　you　know；　or　bridge　for　those　who　like　it。〃

I　had　not　the　faintest　notion　whether　governesses　dined　with　the　family　or　came　in　afterward　with　the　coffee；　but　it　was　a　sporting　chance；　and　I　took　it。

Then　Sir　John　came　up　and　joined　us。

〃You　can't　well　dance　tomorrow；　Kitty；〃　he　said　to　his　wife。　〃There's　been　an　outpost　affair　in　the　Swat　Hills；　and　young　Fitzgerald　has　been　shot。　Come　to　dinner　of　course；　Clifden。　Glad　to　see　you。　But　no　dancing；　I　think。〃

Kitty　Meryon's　mouth　drooped　like　a　pouting　child's。　Was　it　for　the　lost　dance；　or　the　lost　soldier　lying　out　on　the　hills　in　the　dying　sunset。　Who　could　tell？　In　either　case　it　was　pretty　enough　for　the　illustrated　papers。

〃How　sad！　Such　a　dear　boy。　We　shall　miss　him　at　tennis。〃　Then　brightly；　〃Well；　we'll　have　to　put　the　dance　off　for　a　week；　but　come　tomorrow　anyhow。〃



II　


Next　evening　I　went　into　Lady　Meryon's　flower…scented　drawing…room。　The　electric　fans　were　fluttering　and　the　evening　air　was　cool。　Five　or　six　pretty　girls　and　as　many　men　made　up　the　party　…　Kitty　Meryon　the　prettiest　of　them　all；　fashionably　undressed　in　faint　pink　and　crystal；　with　a　charming　smile　in　readiness；　all　her　gay　little　flags　flying　in　the　rich　man's　honour。　I　am　no　vainer　than　other　men；　but　I　saw　that。　Whatever　her　charm　might　be　it　was　none　for　me。　What　could　I　say　to　interest　her　who　lived　in　her　foolish　little　world　as　one　shut　in　a　bright　bubble？　And　she　had　said　the　wrong　word　about　young　Fitzgerald　…　I　wanted　Vanna；　with　her　deep　seeing　eyes；　to　say　the　right　one　and　adjust　those　cruel　values。

Governesses　dine；　it　appeared；　only　to　fill　an　unexpected　place；　or　make　a　decorous　entry　afterward；　to　play　accompaniments。　Fortunately　Kitty　Meryon　sang；　in　a　pinched　little　soprano；　not　nearly　so　pretty　as　her　silver　ripple　of　talk。

It　was　when　the　party　had　settled　down　to　bridge　and　I　was　standing　out；　that　I　ventured　to　go　up　to　her　as　she　sat　knitting　by　a　window　…　not　unwatched　by　the　quick　flash　of　Lady　Meryon's　eyes　as　I　did　it。

〃I　think　you　hypnotize　me；　Miss　Loring。　When　I　hear　anything　I　straightway　want　to　know　what　you　will　say。　Have　you　heard　of　Fitzgerald's　death？〃

〃That　is　why　we　are　not　dancing　tonight。　Tomorrow　the　cable　will　reach　his　home　in　England。　He　was　an　only　child；　and　they　are　the　great　people　of　the　village　where　we　are　the　little　people。　I　knew　his　mother　as　one　knows　a　great　lady　who　is　kind　to　all　the　village　folk。　It　may　kill　her。　It　is　travelling　tonight　like　a　bullet　to　her　heart；　and　she　does　not　know。〃

〃His　father？〃

〃A　brave　man　…　a　soldier　himself。　He　will　know　it　was　a　good　death　and　that　Harry　would　not　fail。　He　did　not　at　Ypres。　He　would　not　here。　But　all　joy　and　hope　will　be　dead　in　that　house　tomorrow。〃

〃And　what　do　you　think？〃

〃I　am　not　sorry　for　Harry；　if　you　mean　that。　He　knew　…　we　all　know　…　that　he　was　on　guard　here　holding　the　outposts　against　blood　and　treachery　and　terrible　things　…　playing　the　Great　Game。　One　never　loses　at　that　game　if　one　plays　it　straight；　and　I　am　sure　that　at　the　last　it　was　joy　he　felt　and　not　fear。　He　has　not　lost。　Did　you　notice　in　the　church　a　niche　before　every　soldier's　seat　to　hold　his　loaded　gun？　And　the　tablets　on　the　walls；　〃Killed　at　Kabul　River；　aged　22。〃　…　〃Killed　on　outpost　duty。〃　…　〃Murdered　by　an　Afghan　fanatic。〃　This　will　be　one　memory　more。　Why　be　sorry。〃

Presently：…

〃I　am　going　up　to　the　hills　tomorrow；　to　the　Malakhand　Fort；　with　Mrs。　Delany；　Lady　Meryon's　aunt；　and　we　shall　see　the　wonderful　Tahkt…i…Bahi　Monastery　on　the　way。　You　should　do　that　run　before　you　go。　The　fort