end of the tether-第21章

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dependence；　the　idea　of　welcome；　clear…eyed　help　brought



to　the　seaman　groping　for　the　land　in　the　dark：　groping



blindly　in　fogs：　feeling　their　way　in　the　thick　weather



of　the　gales　that；　filling　the　air　with　a　salt　mist　blown



up　from　the　sea；　contract　the　range　of　sight　on　all



sides　to　a　shrunken　horizon　that　seems　within　reach　of



the　hand。







A　pilot　sees　better　than　a　stranger；　because　his　local



knowledge；　like　a　sharper　vision；　completes　the　shapes



of　things　hurriedly　glimpsed；　penetrates　the　veils　of



mist　spread　over　the　land　by　the　storms　of　the　sea；　de…



fines　with　certitude　the　outlines　of　a　coast　lying　under



the　pall　of　fog；　the　forms　of　landmarks　half　buried　in　a



starless　night　as　in　a　shallow　grave。　　He　recognizes　be…



cause　he　already　knows。　　It　is　not　to　his　far…reaching



eye　but　to　his　more　extensive　knowledge　that　the　pilot



looks　for　certitude；　for　this　certitude　of　the　ship's　posi…



tion　on　which　may　depend　a　man's　good　fame　and　the



peace　of　his　conscience；　the　justification　of　the　trust



deposited　in　his　hands；　with　his　own　life　too；　which　is



seldom　wholly　his　to　throw　away；　and　the　humble　lives



of　others　rooted　in　distant　affections；　perhaps；　and　made



as　weighty　as　the　lives　of　kings　by　the　burden　of　the



awaiting　mystery。　　The　pilot's　knowledge　brings　relief



and　certitude　to　the　commander　of　a　ship；　the　Serang；



however；　in　his　fanciful　suggestion　of　a　pilot…fish　at…



tending　a　whale；　could　not　in　any　way　be　credited　with



a　superior　knowledge。　　Why　should　he　have　it？　　These



two　men　had　come　on　that　run　togetherthe　white　and



the　brownon　the　same　day：　and　of　course　a　white　man



would　learn　more　in　a　week　than　the　best　native　would



in　a　month。　　He　was　made　to　stick　to　the　skipper　as



though　he　were　of　some　useas　the　pilot…fish；　they　say；



is　to　the　whale。　　But　howit　was　very　markedhow？



A　pilot…fisha　pilota　。　。　。　　But　if　not　superior



knowledge　then　。　。　。







Sterne's　discovery　was　made。　　It　was　repugnant　to　his



imagination；　shocking　to　his　ideas　of　honesty；　shocking



to　his　conception　of　mankind。　　This　enormity　affected



one's　outlook　on　what　was　possible　in　this　world：　it　was



as　if　for　instance　the　sun　had　turned　blue；　throwing　a



new　and　sinister　light　on　men　and　nature。　　Really　in



the　first　moment　he　had　felt　sickish；　as　though　he　had



got　a　blow　below　the　belt：　for　a　second　the　very　color



of　the　sea　seemed　changedappeared　queer　to　his　wan…



dering　eye；　and　he　had　a　passing；　unsteady　sensation　in



all　his　limbs　as　though　the　earth　had　started　turning



the　other　way。







A　very　natural　incredulity　succeeding　this　sense　of



upheaval　brought　a　measure　of　relief。　　He　had　gasped；



it　was　over。　　But　afterwards　during　all　that　day　sudden



paroxysms　of　wonder　would　come　over　him　in　the　midst



of　his　occupations。　　He　would　stop　and　shake　his　head。



The　revolt　of　his　incredulity　had　passed　away　almost　as



quick　as　the　first　emotion　of　discovery；　and　for　the　next



twenty…four　hours　he　had　no　sleep。　　That　would　never



do。　　At　meal…times　（he　took　the　foot　of　the　table　set



up　for　the　white　men　on　the　bridge）　he　could　not　help



losing　himself　in　a　fascinated　contemplation　of　Captain



Whalley　opposite。　　He　watched　the　deliberate　upward



movements　of　the　arm；　the　old　man　put　his　food　to　his



lips　as　though　he　never　expected　to　find　any　taste　in



his　daily　bread；　as　though　he　did　not　know　anything



about　it。　　He　fed　himself　like　a　somnambulist。　　〃It's　an



awful　sight；〃　thought　Sterne；　and　he　watched　the　long



period　of　mournful；　silent　immobility；　with　a　big　brown



hand　lying　loosely　closed　by　the　side　of　the　plate；　till



he　noticed　the　two　engineers　to　the　right　and　left　look…



ing　at　him　in　astonishment。　　He　would　close　his　mouth



in　a　hurry　then；　and　lowering　his　eyes；　wink　rapidly　at



his　plate。　　It　was　awful　to　see　the　old　chap　sitting



there；　it　was　even　awful　to　think　that　with　three　words



he　could　blow　him　up　sky…high。　　All　he　had　to　do　was



to　raise　his　voice　and　pronounce　a　single　short　sentence；



and　yet　that　simple　act　seemed　as　impossible　to　attempt



as　moving　the　sun　out　of　its　place　in　the　sky。　　The　old



chap　could　eat　in　his　terrific　mechanical　way；　but　Sterne；



from　mental　excitement；　could　notnot　that　evening；



at　any　rate。







He　had　had　ample　time　since　to　get　accustomed　to　the



strain　of　the　meal…hours。　　He　would　never　have　believed



it。　　But　then　use　is　everything；　only　the　very　potency



of　his　success　prevented　anything　resembling　elation。



He　felt　like　a　man　who；　in　his　legitimate　search　for　a



loaded　gun　to　help　him　on　his　way　through　the　world；



chances　to　come　upon　a　torpedoupon　a　live　torpedo



with　a　shattering　charge　in　its　head　and　a　pressure　of



many　atmospheres　in　its　tail。　　It　is　the　sort　of　weapon



to　make　its　possessor　careworn　and　nervous。　　He　had



no　mind　to　be　blown　up　himself；　and　he　could　not　get



rid　of　the　notion　that　the　explosion　was　bound　to　damage



him　too　in　some　way。







This　vague　apprehension　had　restrained　him　at　first。



He　was　able　now　to　eat　and　sleep　with　that　fearful



weapon　by　his　side；　with　the　conviction　of　its　power



always　in　mind。　　It　had　not　been　arrived　at　by　any



reflective　process；　but　once　the　idea　had　entered　his



head；　the　conviction　had　followed　overwhelmingly　in　a



multitude　of　observed　little　facts　to　which　before　he　had



given　only　a　languid　attention。　　The　abrupt　and　falter…



ing　intonations　of　the　deep　voice；　the　taciturnity　put



on　like　an　armor；　the　deliberate；　as　if　guarded；　move…



ments；　the　long　immobilities；　as　if　the　man　he　watched



had　been　afraid　to　disturb　the　very　air：　every　familiar



gesture；　every　word　uttered　in　his　hearing；　every　sigh



overheard；　had　acquired　a　special　significance；　a　con…



firmatory　import。







Every　day　that　passed　over　the　Sofala　appeared　to



Sterne　simply　crammed　full　with　proofswith　incon…



trovertible　proofs。　　At　night；　when　off　duty；　he　would



steal　out　of　his　cabin　in　pyjamas　（for　more　proofs）　and



stand　a　full　hour；　perhaps；　on　his　bare　feet　below　the



bridge；　as　absolutely　motionless　as　the　awning　stanchion



in　its　deck　socket　near　by。　　On　the　stretches　of　easy



navigation　it　is　not　usual　for　a　coasting　captain　to　re…



main　on　deck　all　the　time　of　his　watch。　　The　Serang



keeps　it　for　him　as　a　matter　of　custom；　in　open　water；



on　a　straight　course；　he　is　usually　trusted　to　look　after



the　ship　by　himself。　　But　this　old　man　seemed　incapable



of　remaining　quietly　down　below。　　No　doubt　he　could



not　sleep。　　And　no　wonder。　　This　was　also　a　proof。



Suddenly　in　the　silence　of　the　ship　panting　upon　the



still；　dark　sea；　Sterne　would　hear　a　low　voice　above　him



exclaiming　nervously







〃Serang！〃







〃Tuan！〃







〃You　are　watching　the　compass　well？〃







〃Yes；　I　am　watching；　Tuan。〃







〃The　ship　is　making　her　course？〃







〃She　is；　Tuan。　　Very　straight。〃







〃It　is　well；　and　remember；　Serang；　that　the　order



is　that　you　are　to　mind　the　helmsmen　and　keep　a　look…



out　with　care；　the　same　as　if　I　were　not　on　deck。〃







Then；　when　the　Serang　had　made　his　answer；　the　low



tones　on　the　bridge　would　cease；　and　everything　round



Sterne　seemed　to　become　more　still　and　more　profoundly



silent。　　Slightly　chilled　and　with　his　back　aching　a　little



from　long　immobility；　he　would　steal　away　to　his　room



on　the　port　side　of　the　deck。　　He　had　long　since　parted



with　the　last　vestige　of　incredulity；　of　the　original



emotio