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第59章

st. ives-第59章

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'Well; ma'am;' said I; 'it seems we are never to hear the beginning 

of your terms; let alone the end of them。  Come … a good movement! 

and let us be either off or on。'



She opened her lips slowly。  'Ony raferences?' she inquired; in a 

voice like a bell。



I opened my pocket…book and showed her a handful of bank bills。  'I 

think; madam; that these are unexceptionable;' said I。



'Ye'll be wantin' breakfast late?' was her reply。



'Madam; we want breakfast at whatever hour it suits you to give it; 

from four in the morning till four in the afternoon!' I cried。  

'Only tell us your figure; if your mouth be large enough to let it 

out!'



'I couldnae give ye supper the nicht;' came the echo。



'We shall go out to supper; you incorrigible female!' I vowed; 

between laughter and tears。  'Here … this is going to end!  I want 

you for a landlady … let me tell you that! … and I am going to have 

my way。  You won't tell me what you charge?  Very well; I will do 

without!  I can trust you!  You don't seem to know when you have a 

good lodger; but I know perfectly when I have an honest landlady!  

Rowley; unstrap the valises!'



Will it be credited?  The monomaniac fell to rating me for my 

indiscretion!  But the battle was over; these were her last guns; 

and more in the nature of a salute than of renewed hostilities。  

And presently she condescended on very moderate terms; and Rowley 

and I were able to escape in quest of supper。  Much time had; 

however; been lost; the sun was long down; the lamps glimmered 

along the streets; and the voice of a watchman already resounded in 

the neighbouring Leith Road。  On our first arrival I had observed a 

place of entertainment not far off; in a street behind the Register 

House。  Thither we found our way; and sat down to a late dinner 

alone。  But we had scarce given our orders before the door opened; 

and a tall young fellow entered with something of a lurch; looked 

about him; and approached the same table。



'Give you good evening; most grave and reverend seniors!' said he。  

'Will you permit a wanderer; a pilgrim … the pilgrim of love; in 

short … to come to temporary anchor under your lee?  I care not who 

knows it; but I have a passionate aversion from the bestial 

practice of solitary feeding!'



'You are welcome; sir;' said I; 'if I may take upon me so far to 

play the host in a public place。'



He looked startled; and fixed a hazy eye on me; as he sat down。



'Sir;' said he; 'you are a man not without some tincture of 

letters; I perceive!  What shall we drink; sir?'



I mentioned I had already called for a pot of porter。



'A modest pot … the seasonable quencher?' said he。  'Well; I do not 

know but what I could look at a modest pot myself!  I am; for the 

moment; in precarious health。  Much study hath heated my brain; 

much walking wearied my … well; it seems to be more my eyes!'



'You have walked far; I dare say?' I suggested。



'Not so much far as often;' he replied。  'There is in this city … 

to which; I think; you are a stranger?  Sir; to your very good 

health and our better acquaintance! … there is; in this city of 

Dunedin; a certain implication of streets which reflects the utmost 

credit on the designer and the publicans … at every hundred yards 

is seated the Judicious Tavern; so that persons of contemplative 

mind are secure; at moderate distances; of refreshment。  I have 

been doing a trot in that favoured quarter; favoured by art and 

nature。  A few chosen comrades … enemies of publicity and friends 

to wit and wine … obliged me with their society。  〃Along the cool; 

sequestered vale of Register Street we kept the uneven tenor of our 

way;〃 sir。'



'It struck me; as you came in … ' I began。



'O; don't make any bones about it!' he interrupted。  'Of course it 

struck you! and let me tell you I was devilish lucky not to strike 

myself。  When I entered this apartment I shone 〃with all the pomp 

and prodigality of brandy and water;〃 as the poet Gray has in 

another place expressed it。  Powerful bard; Gray! but a niminy…

piminy creature; afraid of a petticoat and a bottle … not a man; 

sir; not a man!  Excuse me for being so troublesome; but what the 

devil have I done with my fork?  Thank you; I am sure。  TEMULENTIA; 

QUOAD ME IPSUM; BREVIS COLLIGO EST。  I sit and eat; sir; in a 

London fog。  I should bring a link…boy to table with me; and I 

would too; if the little brutes were only washed!  I intend to 

found a Philanthropical Society for Washing the Deserving Poor and 

Shaving Soldiers。  I am pleased to observe that; although not of an 

unmilitary bearing; you are apparently shaved。  In my calendar of 

the virtues shaving comes next to drinking。  A gentleman may be a 

low…minded ruffian without sixpence; but he will always be close 

shaved。  See me; with the eye of fancy; in the chill hours of the 

morning; say about a quarter to twelve; noon … see me awake!  First 

thing of all; without one thought of the plausible but 

unsatisfactory small beer; or the healthful though insipid soda…

water; I take the deadly razor in my vacillating grasp; I proceed 

to skate upon the margin of eternity。  Stimulating thought!  I 

bleed; perhaps; but with medicable wounds。  The stubble reaped; I 

pass out of my chamber; calm but triumphant。  To employ a hackneyed 

phrase; I would not call Lord Wellington my uncle!  I; too; have 

dared; perhaps bled; before the imminent deadly shaving…table。'



In this manner the bombastic fellow continued to entertain me all 

through dinner; and by a common error of drunkards; because he had 

been extremely talkative himself; leaped to the conclusion that he 

had chanced on very genial company。  He told me his name; his 

address; he begged we should meet again; finally he proposed that I 

should dine with him in the country at an early date。



'The dinner is official;' he explained。  'The office…bearers and 

Senatus of the University of Cramond … an educational institution 

in which I have the honour to be Professor of Nonsense … meet to do 

honour to our friend Icarus; at the old…established HOWFF; Cramond 

Bridge。  One place is vacant; fascinating stranger; … I offer it to 

you!'



'And who is your friend Icarus?' I asked;



'The aspiring son of Daedalus!' said he。  'Is it possible that you 

have never heard the name of Byfield?'



'Possible and true;' said I。



'And is fame so small a thing?' cried he。  'Byfield; sir; is an 

aeronaut。  He apes the fame of a Lunardi; and is on the point of 

offering to the inhabitants … I beg your pardon; to the nobility 

and gentry of our neighbourhood … the spectacle of an ascension。  

As one of the gentry concerned I may be permitted to remark that I 

am unmoved。  I care not a Tinker's Damn for his ascension。  No more 

… I breathe it in your ear … does anybody else。  The business is 

stale; sir; stale。  Lunardi did it; and overdid it。  A whimsical; 

fiddling; vain fellow; by all accounts … for I was at that time 

rocking in my cradle。  But once was enough。  If Lunardi went up and 

came down; there was the matter settled。  We prefer to grant the 

point。  We do not want to see the experiment repeated AD NAUSEAM by 

Byfield; and Brown; and Butler; and Brodie; and Bottomley。  Ah! if 

they would go up and NOT come down again!  But this is by the 

question。  The University of Cramond delights to honour merit in 

the man; sir; rather than utility in the profession; and Byfield; 

though an ignorant dog; is a sound reliable drinker; and really not 

amiss over his cups。  Under the radiance of the kindly jar 

partiality might even credit him with wit。'



It will be seen afterwards that this was more my business than I 

thought it at the time。  Indeed; I was impatient to be gone。  Even 

as my friend maundered ahead a squall burst; the jaws of the rain 

were opened against the coffee…house windows; and at that 

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