st. ives-第57章
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that I was shown at last into my private room。 I was in half a
mind to have put off the whole business。 But the truth is; now my
name had got abroad; my fear of the mail that was coming; and the
handbills it should contain; had waxed inordinately; and I felt I
could never eat a meal in peace till I had severed my connection
with the claret…coloured chaise。
Accordingly; as soon as I had done with dinner; I sent my
compliments to the landlord and requested he should take a glass of
wine with me。 He came; we exchanged the necessary civilities; and
presently I approached my business。
'By the bye;' said I; 'we had a brush down the road to…day。 I dare
say you may have heard of it?'
He nodded。
'And I was so unlucky as to get a pistol ball in the panel of my
chaise;' I continued; 'which makes it simply useless to me。 Do you
know any one likely to buy?'
'I can well understand that;' said the landlord; 'I was looking at
it just now; it's as good as ruined; is that chaise。 General rule;
people don't like chaises with bullet…holes。'
'Too much ROMANCE OF THE FOREST?' I suggested; recalling my little
friend of the morning; and what I was sure had been her favourite
reading … Mrs。 Radcliffe's novels。
'Just so;' said he。 'They may be right; they may be wrong; I'm not
the judge。 But I suppose it's natural; after all; for respectable
people to like things respectable about them; not bullet…holes; nor
puddles of blood; nor men with aliases。'
I took a glass of wine and held it up to the light to show that my
hand was steady。
'Yes;' said I; 'I suppose so。'
'You have papers; of course; showing you are the proper owner?' he
inquired。
'There is the bill; stamped and receipted;' said I; tossing it
across to him。
He looked at it。
'This all you have?' he asked。
'It is enough; at least;' said I。 'It shows you where I bought and
what I paid for it。'
'Well; I don't know;' he said。 'You want some paper of
identification。'
'To identify the chaise?' I inquired。
'Not at all: to identify YOU;' said he。
'My good sir; remember yourself!' said I。 'The title…deeds of my
estate are in that despatch…box; but you do not seriously suppose
that I should allow you to examine them?'
'Well; you see; this paper proves that some Mr。 Ramornie paid
seventy guineas for a chaise;' said the fellow。 'That's all well
and good; but who's to prove to me that you are Mr。 Ramornie?'
'Fellow!' cried I。
'O; fellow as much as you please!' said he。 'Fellow; with all my
heart! That changes nothing。 I am fellow; of course … obtrusive
fellow; impudent fellow; if you like … but who are you? I hear of
you with two names; I hear of you running away with young ladies;
and getting cheered for a Frenchman; which seems odd; and one thing
I will go bail for; that you were in a blue fright when the post…
boy began to tell tales at my door。 In short; sir; you may be a
very good gentleman; but I don't know enough about you; and I'll
trouble you for your papers; or to go before a magistrate。 Take
your choice; if I'm not fine enough; I hope the magistrates are。'
'My good man;' I stammered; for though I had found my voice; I
could scarce be said to have recovered my wits; 'this is most
unusual; most rude。 Is it the custom in Westmorland that gentlemen
should be insulted?'
'That depends;' said he。 'When it's suspected that gentlemen are
spies it IS the custom; and a good custom; too。 No no;' he broke
out; perceiving me to make a movement。 'Both hands upon the table;
my gentleman! I want no pistol balls in my chaise panels。'
'Surely; sir; you do me strange injustice!' said I; now the master
of myself。 'You see me sitting here; a monument of tranquillity:
pray may I help myself to wine without umbraging you?'
I took this attitude in sheer despair。 I had no plan; no hope。
The best I could imagine was to spin the business out some minutes
longer; then capitulate。 At least; I would not capituatle one
moment too soon。
'Am I to take that for NO?' he asked。
'Referring to your former obliging proposal?' said I。 'My good
sir; you are to take it; as you say; for 〃No。〃 Certainly I will
not show you my deeds; certainly I will not rise from table and
trundle out to see your magistrates。 I have too much respect for
my digestion; and too little curiosity in justices of the peace。'
He leaned forward; looked me nearly in the face; and reached out
one hand to the bell…rope。 'See here; my fine fellow!' said he。
'Do you see that bell…rope? Let me tell you; there's a boy waiting
below: one jingle; and he goes to fetch the constable。'
'Do you tell me so?' said I。 'Well; there's no accounting for
tastes! I have a prejudice against the society of constables; but
if it is your fancy to have one in for the dessert … ' I shrugged
my shoulders lightly。 'Really; you know;' I added; 'this is vastly
entertaining。 I assure you; I am looking on; with all the interest
of a man of the world; at the development of your highly original
character。'
He continued to study my face without speech; his hand still on the
button of the bell…rope; his eyes in mine; this was the decisive
heat。 My face seemed to myself to dislimn under his gaze; my
expression to change; the smile (with which I had began) to
degenerate into the grin of the man upon the rack。 I was besides
harassed with doubts。 An innocent man; I argued; would have
resented the fellow's impudence an hour ago; and by my continued
endurance of the ordeal; I was simply signing and sealing my
confession; in short; I had reached the end of my powers。
'Have you any objection to my putting my hands in my breeches
pockets?' I inquired。 'Excuse me mentioning it; but you showed
yourself so extremely nervous a moment back。' My voice was not all
I could have wished; but it sufficed。 I could hear it tremble; but
the landlord apparently could not。 He turned away and drew a long
breath; and you may be sure I was quick to follow his example。
'You're a cool hand at least; and that's the sort I like;' said he。
'Be you what you please; I'll deal square。 I'll take the chaise
for a hundred pound down; and throw the dinner in。'
'I beg your pardon;' I cried; wholly mystified by this form of
words。
'You pay me a hundred down;' he repeated; 'and I'll take the
chaise。 It's very little more than it cost;' he added; with a
grin; 'and you know you must get it off your hands somehow。'
I do not know when I have been better entertained than by this
impudent proposal。 It was broadly funny; and I suppose the least
tempting offer in the world。 For all that; it came very welcome;
for it gave me the occasion to laugh。 This I did with the most
complete abandonment; till the tears ran down my cheeks; and ever
and again; as the fit abated; I would get another view of the
landlord's face; and go off into another paroxysm。
'You droll creature; you will be the death of me yet!' I cried;
drying my eyes。
My friend was now wholly disconcerted; he knew not where to look;
nor yet what to say; and began for the first time to conceive it
possible he was mistaken。
'You seem rather to enjoy a laugh; sir;' said he。
'O; yes! I am quite an original;' I replied; and laughed again。
Presently; in a changed voice; he offered me twenty pounds for the
chaise; I ran him up to twenty…five; and closed with the offer:
indeed; I was glad to get anything; and if I haggled; it was not in
the desire of gain; but with the view at any price of securing a
safe retreat。 For although hostilities were suspended; he was yet
far from satisfied; and I could read his continued suspicions in
the cloudy eye that still hovered about my face。 At last they took
shape in words。