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第57章

st. ives-第57章

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that I was shown at last into my private room。  I was in half a 

mind to have put off the whole business。  But the truth is; now my 

name had got abroad; my fear of the mail that was coming; and the 

handbills it should contain; had waxed inordinately; and I felt I 

could never eat a meal in peace till I had severed my connection 

with the claret…coloured chaise。



Accordingly; as soon as I had done with dinner; I sent my 

compliments to the landlord and requested he should take a glass of 

wine with me。  He came; we exchanged the necessary civilities; and 

presently I approached my business。



'By the bye;' said I; 'we had a brush down the road to…day。  I dare 

say you may have heard of it?'



He nodded。



'And I was so unlucky as to get a pistol ball in the panel of my 

chaise;' I continued; 'which makes it simply useless to me。  Do you 

know any one likely to buy?'



'I can well understand that;' said the landlord; 'I was looking at 

it just now; it's as good as ruined; is that chaise。  General rule; 

people don't like chaises with bullet…holes。'



'Too much ROMANCE OF THE FOREST?' I suggested; recalling my little 

friend of the morning; and what I was sure had been her favourite 

reading … Mrs。 Radcliffe's novels。



'Just so;' said he。  'They may be right; they may be wrong; I'm not 

the judge。  But I suppose it's natural; after all; for respectable 

people to like things respectable about them; not bullet…holes; nor 

puddles of blood; nor men with aliases。'



I took a glass of wine and held it up to the light to show that my 

hand was steady。



'Yes;' said I; 'I suppose so。'



'You have papers; of course; showing you are the proper owner?' he 

inquired。



'There is the bill; stamped and receipted;' said I; tossing it 

across to him。



He looked at it。



'This all you have?' he asked。



'It is enough; at least;' said I。  'It shows you where I bought and 

what I paid for it。'



'Well; I don't know;' he said。  'You want some paper of 

identification。'



'To identify the chaise?' I inquired。



'Not at all: to identify YOU;' said he。



'My good sir; remember yourself!' said I。  'The title…deeds of my 

estate are in that despatch…box; but you do not seriously suppose 

that I should allow you to examine them?'



'Well; you see; this paper proves that some Mr。 Ramornie paid 

seventy guineas for a chaise;' said the fellow。  'That's all well 

and good; but who's to prove to me that you are Mr。 Ramornie?'



'Fellow!' cried I。



'O; fellow as much as you please!' said he。  'Fellow; with all my 

heart!  That changes nothing。  I am fellow; of course … obtrusive 

fellow; impudent fellow; if you like … but who are you?  I hear of 

you with two names; I hear of you running away with young ladies; 

and getting cheered for a Frenchman; which seems odd; and one thing 

I will go bail for; that you were in a blue fright when the post…

boy began to tell tales at my door。  In short; sir; you may be a 

very good gentleman; but I don't know enough about you; and I'll 

trouble you for your papers; or to go before a magistrate。  Take 

your choice; if I'm not fine enough; I hope the magistrates are。'



'My good man;' I stammered; for though I had found my voice; I 

could scarce be said to have recovered my wits; 'this is most 

unusual; most rude。  Is it the custom in Westmorland that gentlemen 

should be insulted?'



'That depends;' said he。  'When it's suspected that gentlemen are 

spies it IS the custom; and a good custom; too。  No no;' he broke 

out; perceiving me to make a movement。  'Both hands upon the table; 

my gentleman!  I want no pistol balls in my chaise panels。'



'Surely; sir; you do me strange injustice!' said I; now the master 

of myself。  'You see me sitting here; a monument of tranquillity: 

pray may I help myself to wine without umbraging you?'



I took this attitude in sheer despair。  I had no plan; no hope。  

The best I could imagine was to spin the business out some minutes 

longer; then capitulate。  At least; I would not capituatle one 

moment too soon。



'Am I to take that for NO?' he asked。



'Referring to your former obliging proposal?' said I。  'My good 

sir; you are to take it; as you say; for 〃No。〃  Certainly I will 

not show you my deeds; certainly I will not rise from table and 

trundle out to see your magistrates。  I have too much respect for 

my digestion; and too little curiosity in justices of the peace。'



He leaned forward; looked me nearly in the face; and reached out 

one hand to the bell…rope。  'See here; my fine fellow!' said he。  

'Do you see that bell…rope?  Let me tell you; there's a boy waiting 

below: one jingle; and he goes to fetch the constable。'



'Do you tell me so?' said I。  'Well; there's no accounting for 

tastes!  I have a prejudice against the society of constables; but 

if it is your fancy to have one in for the dessert … '  I shrugged 

my shoulders lightly。  'Really; you know;' I added; 'this is vastly 

entertaining。  I assure you; I am looking on; with all the interest 

of a man of the world; at the development of your highly original 

character。'



He continued to study my face without speech; his hand still on the 

button of the bell…rope; his eyes in mine; this was the decisive 

heat。  My face seemed to myself to dislimn under his gaze; my 

expression to change; the smile (with which I had began) to 

degenerate into the grin of the man upon the rack。  I was besides 

harassed with doubts。  An innocent man; I argued; would have 

resented the fellow's impudence an hour ago; and by my continued 

endurance of the ordeal; I was simply signing and sealing my 

confession; in short; I had reached the end of my powers。



'Have you any objection to my putting my hands in my breeches 

pockets?' I inquired。  'Excuse me mentioning it; but you showed 

yourself so extremely nervous a moment back。'  My voice was not all 

I could have wished; but it sufficed。  I could hear it tremble; but 

the landlord apparently could not。  He turned away and drew a long 

breath; and you may be sure I was quick to follow his example。



'You're a cool hand at least; and that's the sort I like;' said he。  

'Be you what you please; I'll deal square。  I'll take the chaise 

for a hundred pound down; and throw the dinner in。'



'I beg your pardon;' I cried; wholly mystified by this form of 

words。



'You pay me a hundred down;' he repeated; 'and I'll take the 

chaise。  It's very little more than it cost;' he added; with a 

grin; 'and you know you must get it off your hands somehow。'



I do not know when I have been better entertained than by this 

impudent proposal。  It was broadly funny; and I suppose the least 

tempting offer in the world。  For all that; it came very welcome; 

for it gave me the occasion to laugh。  This I did with the most 

complete abandonment; till the tears ran down my cheeks; and ever 

and again; as the fit abated; I would get another view of the 

landlord's face; and go off into another paroxysm。



'You droll creature; you will be the death of me yet!' I cried; 

drying my eyes。



My friend was now wholly disconcerted; he knew not where to look; 

nor yet what to say; and began for the first time to conceive it 

possible he was mistaken。



'You seem rather to enjoy a laugh; sir;' said he。



'O; yes!  I am quite an original;' I replied; and laughed again。



Presently; in a changed voice; he offered me twenty pounds for the 

chaise; I ran him up to twenty…five; and closed with the offer: 

indeed; I was glad to get anything; and if I haggled; it was not in 

the desire of gain; but with the view at any price of securing a 

safe retreat。  For although hostilities were suspended; he was yet 

far from satisfied; and I could read his continued suspicions in 

the cloudy eye that still hovered about my face。  At last they took 

shape in words。




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