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第36章

st. ives-第36章

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He might scream as be pleased。  Willy nilly; I folded him to my 

breast; I pressed him there; I kissed his ugly mug as it had never 

been kissed before and would never be kissed again; and in the 

doing so knocked his wig awry and his hat off。  He bleated in my 

embrace; so bleats the sheep in the arms of the butcher。  The whole 

thing; on looking back; appears incomparably reckless and absurd; I 

no better than a madman for offering to advance on Dudgeon; and he 

no better than a fool for not shooting me while I was about it。  

But all's well that ends well; or; as the people in these days kept 

singing and whistling on the streets:…





'There's a sweet little cherub that sits up aloft

And looks out for the life of poor Jack。'





'There!' said I; releasing him a little; but still keeping my hands 

on his shoulders; 'JE VOUS AI BEL ET BIEN EMBRASSE … and; as you 

would say; there is another French word。'  With his wig over one 

eye; he looked incredibly rueful and put out。  'Cheer up; Dudgeon; 

the ordeal is over; you shall be embraced no more。  But do; first 

of all; for God's…sake; put away your pistol; you handle it as if 

you were a cockatrice; some time or other; depend upon it; it will 

certainly go off。  Here is your hat。  No; let me put it on square; 

and the wig before it。  Never suffer any stress of circumstances to 

come between you and the duty you owe to yourself。  If you have 

nobody else to dress for; dress for God!





'Put your wig straight

On your bald pate;

Keep your chin scraped;

And your figure draped。





Can you match me that?  The whole duty of man in a quatrain!  And 

remark; I do not set up to be a professional bard; these are the 

outpourings of a DILETTANTE。'



'But; my dear sir!' he exclaimed。



'But; my dear sir!' I echoed; 'I will allow no man to interrupt the 

flow of my ideas。  Give me your opinion on my quatrain; or I vow we 

shall have a quarrel of it。'



'Certainly you are quite an original;' he said。



'Quite;' said I; 'and I believe I have my counterpart before me。'



'Well; for a choice;' says he; smiling; 'and whether for sense or 

poetry; give me





'〃Worth makes the man; and want of it the fellow:

The rest is all but leather and prunello。〃'





'Oh; but that's not fair … that's Pope!  It's not original; 

Dudgeon。  Understand me;' said I; wringing his breast…button; 'the 

first duty of all poetry is to be mine; sir … mine。  Inspiration 

now swells in my bosom; because … to tell you the plain truth; and 

descend a little in style … I am devilish relieved at the turn 

things have taken。  So; I dare say; are you yourself; Dudgeon; if 

you would only allow it。  And A PROPOS; let me ask you a home 

question。  Between friends; have you ever fired that pistol?'



'Why; yes; sir;' he replied。  'Twice … at hedgesparrows。'



'And you would have fired at me; you bloody…minded man?' I cried。



'If you go to that; you seemed mighty reckless with your stick;' 

said Dudgeon。



'Did I indeed?  Well; well; 'tis all past history; ancient as King 

Pharamond … which is another French word; if you cared to 

accumulate more evidence;' says I。  'But happily we are now the 

best of friends; and have all our interests in common。'



'You go a little too fast; if you'll excuse me; Mr。 …: I do not 

know your name; that I am aware;' said Dudgeon。



'No; to be sure!' said I。  'Never heard of it!'



'A word of explanation … ' he began。



'No; Dudgeon!' I interrupted。  'Be practical; I know what you want; 

and the name of it is supper。  RIEN NE CREUSE COMME L'EMOTION。  I 

am hungry myself; and yet I am more accustomed to warlike 

palpitations than you; who are but a hunter of hedgesparrows。  Let 

me look at your face critically: your bill of fare is three slices 

of cold rare roast beef; a Welsh rabbit; a pot of stout; and a 

glass or two of sound tawny port; old in bottle … the right milk of 

Englishmen。'  Methought there seemed a brightening in his eye and a 

melting about his mouth at this enumeration。



'The night is young;' I continued; 'not much past eleven; for a 

wager。  Where can we find a good inn?  And remark that I say GOOD; 

for the port must be up to the occasion … not a headache in a pipe 

of it。'



'Really; sir;' he said; smiling a little; 'you have a way of 

carrying things … '



'Will nothing make you stick to the subject?' I cried; 'you have 

the most irrelevant mind!  How do you expect to rise in your 

profession?  The inn?'



'Well; I will say you are a facetious gentleman!' said he。  'You 

must have your way; I see。  We are not three miles from Bedford by 

this very road。'



'Done!' cried I。  'Bedford be it!'



I tucked his arm under mine; possessed myself of the valise; and 

walked him off unresisting。  Presently we came to an open piece of 

country lying a thought downhill。  The road was smooth and free of 

ice; the moonshine thin and bright over the meadows and the 

leafless trees。  I was now honestly done with the purgatory of the 

covered cart; I was close to my great…uncle's; I had no more fear 

of Mr。 Dudgeon; which were all grounds enough for jollity。  And I 

was aware; besides; of us two as of a pair of tiny and solitary 

dolls under the vast frosty cupola of the midnight; the rooms 

decked; the moon burnished; the least of the stars lighted; the 

floor swept and waxed; and nothing wanting but for the band to 

strike up and the dancing to begin。  In the exhilaration of my 

heart I took the music on myself …





'Merrily danced the Quaker's wife;

And merrily danced the Quaker。'





I broke into that animated and appropriate air; clapped my arm 

about Dudgeon's waist; and away down the hill at a dancing step!  

He hung back a little at the start; but the impulse of the tune; 

the night; and my example; were not to be resisted。  A man made of 

putty must have danced; and even Dudgeon showed himself to be a 

human being。  Higher and higher were the capers that we cut; the 

moon repeated in shadow our antic footsteps and gestures; and it 

came over my mind of a sudden … really like balm … what appearance 

of man I was dancing with; what a long bilious countenance he had 

shown under his shaven pate; and what a world of trouble the rascal 

had given me in the immediate past。



Presently we began to see the lights of Bedford。  My Puritanic 

companion stopped and disengaged himself。



'This is a trifle INFRA DIG。; sir; is it not?' said he。  'A party 

might suppose we had been drinking。'



'And so you shall be; Dudgeon;' said I。  'You shall not only be 

drinking; you old hypocrite; but you shall be drunk … dead drunk; 

sir … and the boots shall put you to bed!  We'll warn him when we 

go in。  Never neglect a precaution; never put off till to…morrow 

what you can do to…day!'



But he had no more frivolity to complain of。  We finished our stage 

and came to the inn…door with decorum; to find the house still 

alight and in a bustle with many late arrivals; to give our orders 

with a prompt severity which ensured obedience; and to be served 

soon after at a side…table; close to the fire and in a blaze of 

candle…light; with such a meal as I had been dreaming of for days 

past。  For days; you are to remember; I had been skulking in the 

covered cart; a prey to cold; hunger; and an accumulation of 

discomforts that might have daunted the most brave; and the white 

table napery; the bright crystal; the reverberation of the fire; 

the red curtains; the Turkey carpet; the portraits on the coffee…

room wall; the placid faces of the two or three late guests who 

were silently prolonging the pleasures of digestion; and (last; but 

not by any means least) a glass of an excellent light dry port; put 

me in a humour only to be described as heavenly。  The thought of 

the Colonel; of how he would have enjoyed this snug room and 

roaring fire; and of 

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