twice-told tales- the celestial railroad-第4章

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and　tend　to　as　lofty　a　religious　aim；　as　those　of　the　sagest

philosophers　of　old。　In　justification　of　this　high　praise；　I　need　only

mention　the　names　of　the　Rev。　Mr。　Shallow…deep；　the　Rev。　Mr。

Stumble…at…Truth；　that　fine　old　clerical　character；　the　Rev。　Mr。

This…to…day；　who　expects　shortly　to　resign　his　pulpit　to　the　Rev。

Mr。　That…to…morrow；　together　with　the　Rev。　Mr。　Bewilderment；　the

Rev。　Mr。　Clog…the…spirit；　and；　last　and　greatest；　the　Rev。　Dr。

Wind…of…doctrine。　The　labors　of　these　eminent　divines　are　aided　by

those　of　innumerable　lecturers；　who　diffuse　such　a　various　profundity；

in　all　subjects　of　human　or　celestial　science；　that　any　man　may

acquire　an　omnigenous　erudition；　without　the　trouble　of　even

learning　to　read。　Thus　literature　is　etherealized　by　assuming　for

its　medium　the　human　voice；　and　knowledge；　depositing　all　its

heavier　particles…　except；　doubtless；　its　gold…　becomes　exhaled　into　a

sound；　which　forthwith　steals　into　the　ever…open　ear　of　the　community。

These　ingenious　methods　constitute　a　sort　of　machinery；　by　which

thought　and　study　are　done　to　every　person's　hand；　without　his　putting

himself　to　the　slightest　inconvenience　in　the　matter。　There　is　another

species　of　machine　for　the　wholesale　manufacture　of　individual

morality。　This　excellent　result　is　effected　by　societies　for　all

manner　of　virtuous　purposes；　with　which　a　man　has　merely　to　connect

himself；　throwing；　as　it　were；　his　quota　of　virtue　into　the　common

stock；　and　the　president　and　directors　will　take　care　that　the

aggregate　amount　be　well　applied。　All　these；　and　other　wonderful

improvements　in　ethics；　religion；　and　literature；　being　made　plain

to　my　comprehension；　by　the　ingenious　Mr。　Smooth…it…away；　inspired

me　with　a　vast　admiration　of　Vanity　Fair。

　　　It　would　fill　a　volume；　in　an　age　of　pamphlets；　were　I　to　record

all　my　observations　in　this　great　capital　of　human　business　and

pleasure。　There　was　an　unlimited　range　of　society…　the　powerful；　the

wise；　the　witty；　and　the　famous　in　every　walk　of　life…　princes；

presidents；　poets；　generals；　artists；　actors；　and　philanthropists；　all

making　their　own　market　at　the　Fair；　and　deeming　no　price　too

exorbitant　for　such　commodities　as　hit　their　fancy。　It　was　well

worth　one's　while；　even　if　he　had　no　idea　of　buying　or　selling；　to

loiter　through　the　bazaars；　and　observe　the　various　sorts　of　traffic

that　were　going　forward。

　　　Some　of　the　purchasers；　I　thought；　made　very　foolish　bargains。

For　instance；　a　young　man　having　inherited　a　splendid　fortune；　laid

out　a　considerable　portion　of　it　in　the　purchase　of　diseases；　and

finally　spent　all　the　rest　for　a　heavy　lot　of　repentance　and　a　suit　of

rags。　A　very　pretty　girl　bartered　a　heart　as　clear　as　crystal；　and

which　seemed　her　most　valuable　possession；　for　another　jewel　of　the

same　kind；　but　so　worn　and　defaced　as　to　be　utterly　worthless。　In

one　shop；　there　were　a　great　many　crowns　of　laurel　and　myrtle；　which

soldiers；　authors；　statesmen；　and　various　other　people；　pressed

eagerly　to　buy；　some　purchased　these　paltry　wreaths　with　their

lives；　others　by　a　toilsome　servitude　of　years；　and　many　sacrificed

whatever　was　most　valuable；　yet　finally　slunk　away　without　the

crown。　There　was　a　sort　of　stock　or　scrip；　called　Conscience；　which

seemed　to　be　in　great　demand；　and　would　purchase　almost　anything。

Indeed；　few　rich　commodities　were　to　be　obtained　without　paying　a

heavy　sum　in　this　particular　stock；　and　a　man's　business　was　seldom

very　lucrative；　unless　he　knew　precisely　when　and　how　to　throw　his

hoard　of　Conscience　into　the　market。　Yet　as　this　stock　was　the　only

thing　of　permanent　value；　whoever　parted　with　it　was　sure　to　find

himself　a　loser；　in　the　long　run。　Several　of　the　speculations　were

of　a　questionable　character。　Occasionally；　a　member　of　Congress

recruited　his　pocket　by　the　sale　of　his　constituents；　and　I　was

assured　that　public　officers　have　often　sold　their　country　at　very

moderate　prices。　Thousands　sold　their　happiness　for　a　whim。　Gilded

chains　were　in　great　demand；　and　purchased　with　almost　any

sacrifice。　In　truth；　those　who　desired；　according　to　the　old　adage；　to

sell　anything　valuable　for　a　song；　might　find　customers　all　over　the

Fair；　and　there　were　innumerable　messes　of　pottage；　piping　hot；　for

such　as　chose　to　buy　them　with　their　birthrights。　A　few　articles；

however；　could　not　be　found　genuine　at　Vanity　Fair。　If　a　customer

wished　to　renew　his　stock　of　youth；　the　dealers　offered　him　a　set　of

false　teeth　and　an　auburn　wig；　if　he　demanded　peace　of　mind；　they

recommended　opium　or　a　brandy…bottle。

　　　Tracts　of　land　and　golden　mansions；　situate　in　the　Celestial

City；　were　often　exchanged；　at　very　disadvantageous　rates；　for　a　few

years'　lease　of　small；　dismal；　inconvenient　tenements　in　Vanity

Fair。　Prince　Beelzebub　himself　took　great　interest　in　this　sort　of

traffic；　and　sometimes　condescended　to　meddle　with　smaller　matters。

I　once　had　the　pleasure　to　see　him　bargaining　with　a　miser　for　his

soul；　which；　after　much　ingenious　skirmishing　on　both　sides；　his

Highness　succeeded　in　obtaining　at　about　the　value　of　sixpence。　The

Prince　remarked；　with　a　smile；　that　he　was　a　loser　by　the　transaction。

　　　Day　after　day；　as　I　walked　the　streets　of　Vanity；　my　manners　and

deportment　became　more　and　more　like　those　of　the　inhabitants。　The

place　began　to　seem　like　home；　the　idea　of　pursuing　my　travels　to

the　Celestial　City　was　almost　obliterated　from　my　mind。　I　was　reminded

of　it；　however；　by　the　sight　of　the　same　pair　of　simple　pilgrims　at

whom　we　had　laughed　so　heartily；　when　Apollyon　puffed　smoke　and

steam　into　their　faces；　at　the　commencement　of　our　journey。　There　they

stood　amid　the　densest　bustle　of　Vanity…　the　dealers　offering　them

their　purple；　and　fine　linen；　and　jewels；　the　men　of　wit　and　humor

gibing　at　them；　a　pair　of　buxom　ladies　ogling　them　askance；　while

the　benevolent　Mr。　Smooth…it…away　whispered　some　of　his　wisdom　at

their　elbows；　and　pointed　to　a　newly…erected　temple…　but　there　were

these　worthy　simpletons；　making　the　scene　look　wild　and　monstrous；

merely　by　their　sturdy　repudiation　of　all　part　in　its　business　or

pleasures。

　　　One　of　them…　his　name　was　Stick…to…the…right…　perceived　in　my　face；

I　suppose；　a　species　of　sympathy　and　almost　admiration；　which；　to　my

own　great　surprise；　I　could　not　help　feeling　for　this　pragmatic

couple。　It　prompted　him　to　address　me。

　　　〃Sir；〃　inquired　he；　with　a　sad；　yet　mild　and　kindly　voice；　〃do

you　call　yourself　a　pilgrim？〃

　　　〃Yes；〃　I　replied；　〃my　right　to　that　appellation　is　indubitable。　I

am　merely　a　sojourner　here　in　Vanity　Fair；　being　bound　to　the

Celestial　City　by　the　new　railroad。〃

　　　〃Alas；　friend；〃　rejoined　Mr。　Stick…to…the…right；　〃I　do　assure

you；　and　beseech　you　to　receive　the　truth　of　my　words；　that　that　whole

concern　is　a　bubble。　You　may　travel　on　it　all　your　lifetime；　were

you　to　live　thousands　of　years；　and　yet　never　get　beyond　the　limits　of

Vanity　Fair！　Yea；　though　you　should　deem　yourself　entering　the　gates

of　the　Blessed　City；　it　will　be　nothing　but　a　miserable　delusion。〃

　　　〃The　Lord　of　the　Celestial　City；〃　began　the　other　pilgrim；　whose

name　was　Mr。　Foot…it…to…Heaven；　〃has　refused；　and　will　ever　refuse；　to

grant　an　act　of　incorporation　for　this　railroad；　and　unless　that　be

obtained；　no　passenger　can　ever　hope　to　enter　his　dominions。

Wherefore；　every　man；　who　buys　a　ticket；　must　lay　his　account　with

losing　the　purchase…money…　which　is　the　value　of　his　own　soul。〃

　　　〃Poh；　nonsense！〃　said　Mr。　Smooth…it…away；　taking　my　arm　and　leading

me　off；　〃these　fellows　ought　to　be　indicted　for　a　libel。　If　the　law

stood　as　it　once　did　in　Vanity　Fair；　we　should　see　them　grinning

through　the　iron　bars　of　the　prison　window。〃

　　　This　incident　made　a　considerable　impression　on　my　mind；　and

contributed　with　other　circumstances　to　indispose　me　to　a　permanent

residence　in　the　city　of　Vanity；　although；　of　course；　I　was　not　simple

enough　to　give　up　my　original　plan　of　gliding　along　easily　and

commodiously　by　railroad。　Still；　I　grew　anxious　to　be　gone。　There

was　one　strange　thing　that　troubled　me；　a