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                                TWICE…TOLD TALES

                             THE CELESTIAL RAILROAD

                             by Nathaniel Hawthorne



   NOT A GREAT WHILE AGO; passing through the gate of dreams; I

visited that region of the earth in which lies the famous city of

Destruction。 It interested me much to learn that; by the public spirit

of some of the inhabitants; a railroad has recently been established

between this populous and flourishing town; and the Celestial City。

Having a little time upon my hands; I resolved to gratify a liberal

curiosity to make a trip thither。 Accordingly; one fine morning; after

paying my bill at the hotel; and directing the porter to stow my

luggage behind a coach; I took my seat in the vehicle and set out

for the Station… house。 It was my good fortune to enjoy the company of

a gentleman… one Mr。 Smooth…it…away… who; though he had never actually

visited the Celestial City; yet seemed as well acquainted with its

laws; customs; policy; and statistics; as with those of the city of

Destruction; of which he was a native townsman。 Being; moreover; a

Director of the railroad corporation; and one of its largest

stockholders; he had it in his power to give me all desirable

information respecting that praiseworthy enterprise。

   Our coach rattled out of the city; and; at a short distance from

its outskirts; passed over a bridge; of elegant construction; but

somewhat too slight; as I imagined; to sustain any considerable

weight。 On both sides lay an extensive quagmire; which could not

have been more disagreeable either to sight or smell; had all the

kennels of the earth emptied their pollution there。

   〃This;〃 remarked Mr。 Smooth…it…away; 〃is the famous Slough of

Despond… a disgrace to all the neighborhood; and the greater; that

it might so easily be converted into firm ground。〃

   〃I have understood; said I; 〃that efforts have been made for that

purpose; from time immemorial。 Bunyan mentions that above twenty

thousand cart…loads of wholesome instructions had been thrown in here;

without effect。〃

   〃Very probably! and what effect could be anticipated from such

unsubstantial stuff?〃 cried Mr。 Smooth…it…away。 〃You observe this

convenient bridge。 We obtained a sufficient foundation for it by

throwing into the Slough some editions of books of morality; volumes

of French philosophy and German rationalism; tracts; sermons; and

essays of modern clergymen; extracts from Plato; Confucius; and

various Hindoo sages; together with a few ingenious commentaries

upon texts of Scripture… all of which; by some scientific process;

have been converted into a mass like granite。 The whole bog might be

filled up with similar matter。〃

   It really seemed to me; however; that the bridge vibrated and

heaved up and down in a very formidable manner; and; spite of Mr。

Smooth…it…away's testimony to the solidity of its foundation; I should

be loth to cross it in a crowded omnibus; especially; if each

passenger were encumbered with as heavy luggage as that gentleman

and myself。 Nevertheless; we got over without accident; and soon found

ourselves at the Station…house。 This very neat and spacious edifice is

erected on the site of the little Wicket…Gate; which formerly; as

all old pilgrims will recollect; stood directly across the highway;

and; by its inconvenient narrowness; was a great obstruction to the

traveller of liberal mind and expansive stomach。 The reader of John

Bunyan will be glad to know; that Christian's old friend Evangelist;

who was accustomed to supply each pilgrim with a mystic roll; now

presides at the ticket office。 Some malicious persons; it is true;

deny the identity of this reputable character with the Evangelist of

old times; and even pretend to bring competent evidence of an

imposture。 Without involving myself in a dispute; I shall merely

observe; that; so far as my experience goes; the square pieces of

pasteboard; now delivered to passengers; are much more convenient

and useful along the road; than the antique roll of parchment。 Whether

they will be as readily received at the gate of the Celestial City;

I decline giving an opinion。

   A large number of passengers were already at the Station…house;

awaiting the departure of the cars。 By the aspect and demeanor of

these persons; it was easy to judge that the feelings of the community

had undergone a very favorable change; in reference to the celestial

pilgrimage。 It would have done Bunyan's heart good to see it。

Instead of a lonely and ragged man; with a huge burthen on his back;

plodding along sorrowfully on foot; while the whole city hooted

after him; here were parties of the first gentry and most

respectable people in the neighborhood; setting forth towards the

Celestial City; as cheerfully as if the pilgrimage were merely a

summer tour。 Among the gentlemen were characters of deserved eminence;

magistrates; politicians; and men of wealth; by whose example religion

could not but be greatly recommended to their meaner brethren。 In

the ladies' apartment; too; I rejoiced to distinguish some of those

flowers of fashionable society; who are so well fitted to adorn the

most elevated circles of the Celestial City。 There was much pleasant

conversation about the news of the day; topics of business;

politics; or the lighter matters of amusement; while religion;

though indubitably the main thing at heart; was thrown tastefully into

the back…ground。 Even an infidel would have heard little or nothing to

shock his sensibility。

   One great convenience of the new method of going on pilgrimage; I

must not forget to mention。 Our enormous burthens; instead of being

carried on our shoulders; as had been the custom of old; were all

snugly deposited in the baggage…car; and; as I was assured; would be

delivered to their respective owners at the journey's end。 Another

thing; likewise; the benevolent reader will be delighted to

understand。 It may be remembered that there was an ancient feud

between Prince Beelzebub and the keeper of the Wicket…Gate; and that

the adherents of the former distinguished personage were accustomed to

shoot deadly arrows at honest pilgrims; while knocking at the door。

This dispute; much to the credit as well of the illustrious

potentate above…mentioned; as of the worthy and enlightened

Directors of the railroad; has been pacifically arranged; on the

principle of mutual compromise。 The Prince's subjects are now pretty

numerously employed about the Station…house; some in taking care of

the baggage; others in collecting fuel; feeding the engines; and

such congenial occupations; and I can conscientiously affirm; that

persons more attentive to their business; more willing to accommodate;

or more generally agreeable to the passengers; are not to be found

on any railroad。 Every good heart must surely exult at so satisfactory

an arrangement of an immemorial difficulty。

   〃Where is Mr。 Great…heart?〃 inquired I。 〃Beyond a doubt; the

Directors have engaged that famous old champion to be chief

conductor on the railroad?〃

   〃Why; no;〃 said Mr。 Smooth…it…away; with a dry cough。 〃He was

offered the situation of brake…man; but; to tell you the truth; our

friend Great…heart has grown preposterously stiff and narrow in his

old age。 He has so often guided pilgrims over the road; on foot;

that he considers it a sin to travel in any other fashion。 Besides;

the old fellow had entered so heartily into the ancient feud with

Prince Beelzebub; that he would have been perpetually at blows or

ill language with some of the Prince's subjects; and thus have

embroiled us anew。 So; on the whole; we were not sorry when honest

Great…heart went off to the Celestial City in a huff; and left us at

liberty to choose a more suitable and accommodating man。 Yonder

comes the conductor of the train。 You will probably recognize him at

once。〃

   The engine at this moment took its station in advance of the

cars; looking; I must confess; much more like a sort of mechanical

demon that would hurry us to the infernal regions; than a laudable

contrivanc

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