queen victoria-第43章
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kmar could have wishedvirtuous； industrious； persevering； intelligent。 And yetwhy was itall was not well with him？ He was sick at heart。
For in spite of everything he had never reached to happiness。 His work； for which at last he came to crave with an almost morbid appetite； was a solace and not a cure； the dragon of his dissatisfaction devoured with dark relish that ever…growing tribute of laborious days and nights； but it was hungry still。 The causes of his melancholy were hidden； mysterious； unanalysable perhapstoo deeply rooted in the innermost recesses of his temperament for the eye of reason to apprehend。 There were contradictions in his nature； which； to some of those who knew him best； made him seem an inexplicable enigma： he was severe and gentle； he was modest and scornful； he longed for affection and he was cold。 He was lonely； not merely with the loneliness of exile but with the loneliness of conscious and unrecognised superiority。 He had the pride； at once resigned and overweening； of a doctrinaire。 And yet to say that he was simply a doctrinaire would be a false description； for the pure doctrinaire rejoices always in an internal contentment； and Albert was very far from doing that。 There was something that he wanted and that he could never get。 What was it？ Some absolute； some ineffable sympathy？ Some extraordinary； some sublime success？ Possibly； it was a mixture of both。 To dominate and to be understood！ To conquer； by the same triumphant influence； the submission and the appreciation of menthat would be worth while indeed！ But； to such imaginations； he saw too clearly how faint were the responses of his actual environment。 Who was there who appreciated him； really and truly？ Who COULD appreciate him in England？ And； if the gentle virtue of an inward excellence availed so little； could he expect more from the hard ways of skill and force？ The terrible land of his exile loomed before him a frigid； an impregnable mass。 Doubtless he had made some slight impression： it was true that he had gained the respect of his fellow workers； that his probity； his industry； his exactitude； had been recognised； that he was a highly influential； an extremely important man。 But how far； how very far； was all this from the goal of his ambitions！ How feeble and futile his efforts seemed against the enormous coagulation of dullness； of folly； of slackness； of ignorance； of confusion that confronted him！ He might have the strength or the ingenuity to make some small change for the better here or thereto rearrange some detail； to abolish some anomaly； to insist upon some obvious reform； but the heart of the appalling organism remained untouched。 England lumbered on； impervious and self…satisfied； in her old intolerable course。 He threw himself across the path of the monster with rigid purpose and set teeth； but he was brushed aside。 Yes！ even Palmerston was still unconqueredwas still there to afflict him with his jauntiness； his muddle…headedness； his utter lack of principle。 It was too much。 Neither nature nor the Baron had given him a sanguine spirit； the seeds of pessimism； once lodged within him； flourished in a propitious soil。 He
〃questioned things； and did not find One that would answer to his mind； And all the world appeared unkind。〃
He believed that he was a failure and he began to despair。
Yet Stockmar had told him that he must 〃never relax；〃 and he never would。 He would go on； working to the utmost and striving for the highest； to the bitter end。 His industry grew almost maniacal。 Earlier and earlier was the green lamp lighted； more vast grew the correspondence； more searching the examination of the newspapers； the interminable memoranda more punctilious； analytical； and precise。 His very recreations became duties。 He enjoyed himself by time…table； went deer…stalking with meticulous gusto； and made puns at lunchit was the right thing to do。 The mechanism worked with astonishing efficiency； but it never rested and it was never oiled。 In dry exactitude the innumerable cog…wheels perpetually revolved。 No； whatever happened； the Prince would not relax； he had absorbed the doctrines of Stockmar too thoroughly。 He knew what was right； and； at all costs； he would pursue it。 That was certain。 But alas！ in this our life what are the certainties？ 〃In nothing be over…zealous！〃 says an old Greek。 〃The due measure in all the works of man is best。 For often one who zealously pushes towards some excellence； though he be pursuing a gain； is really being led utterly astray by the will of some Power； which makes those things that are evil seem to him good； and those things seem to him evil that are for his advantage。〃 Surely； both the Prince and the Baron might have learnt something from the frigid wisdom of Theognis。
Victoria noticed that her husband sometimes seemed to be depressed and overworked。 She tried to cheer him up。 Realising uneasily that he was still regarded as a foreigner； she hoped that by conferring upon him the title of Prince Consort （1857） she would improve his position in the country。 〃The Queen has a right to claim that her husband should be an Englishman；〃 she wrote。 But unfortunately； in spite of the Royal Letters Patent； Albert remained as foreign as before； and as the years passed his dejection deepened。 She worked with him； she watched over him； she walked with him through the woods at Osborne； while he whistled to the nightingales； as he had whistled once at Rosenau so long ago。 When his birthday came round； she took the greatest pains to choose him presents that he would really like。 In 1858； when he was thirty…nine； she gave him 〃a picture of Beatrice； life…size； in oil； by Horsley； a complete collection of photographic views of Gotha and the country round； which I had taken by Bedford； and a paper…weight of Balmoral granite and deers' teeth； designed by Vicky。〃 Albert was of course delighted； and his merriment at the family gathering was more pronounced than ever： and yet。。。 what was there that was wrong？
No doubt it was his health。 He was wearing himself out in the service of the country； and certainly his constitution； as Stockmar had perceived from the first； was ill…adapted to meet a serious strain。 He was easily upset； he constantly suffered from minor ailments。 His appearance in itself was enough to indicate the infirmity of his physical powers。 The handsome youth of twenty years since with the flashing eyes and the soft complexion had grown into a sallow； tired…looking man； whose body； in its stoop and its loose fleshiness； betrayed the sedentary labourer； and whose head was quite bald on the top。 Unkind critics； who had once compared Albert to an operatic tenor； might have remarked that there was something of the butler about him now。 Beside Victoria； he presented a painful contrast。 She； too； was stout； but it was with the plumpness of a vigorous matron； and an eager vitality was everywhere visiblein her energetic bearing； her protruding； enquiring glances； her small； fat； capable； and commanding hands。 If only； by some sympathetic magic； she could have conveyed into that portly； flabby figure； that desiccated and discouraged brain； a measure of the stamina and the self…assurance which were so pre…eminently hers！
But suddenly she was reminded that there were other perils besides those of ill…health。 During a visit to Coburg in 1860； the Prince was very nearly killed in a carriage accident。 He escaped with a few cuts and bruises； but Victoria's alarm was extreme； though she concealed it。 〃It is when the Queen feels most deeply；〃 she wrote afterwards； 〃that she always appears calmest； and she could not and dared not allow herself to speak of what might have been； or even to admit to herself （and she cannot and dare not now） the entire danger； for her head would turn！〃 Her agitation； in fact； was only surpassed by her thankfulness to God。 She felt； she said； that she could not rest 〃without doing something to mark permanently her feelings；〃 and she decided that she would endow a charity in Coburg。 〃L1；000； or even L2；000； given either at once； or in instalments yearly； would not； in the Queen's opinion； be too much。〃 Eventually； the smaller sum having been fixed upon； i
