5 midnigh+sun-第9章
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long time to wallow in guilt。〃
Just then； Alice tossed a smaller handful of ice that she'd been hiding into
Emmett's unsuspecting face。
He blinked； surprised； and then grinned in anticipation。
〃You asked for it；〃 he said as he leaned across the table and shook his ice…
encrusted hair in her direction。 The snow； melting in the warm room； flew out from his
hair in a thick shower of half…liquid； half…ice。
〃Ew！〃 Rose complained； as she and Alice recoiled from the deluge。
Alice laughed； and we all joined in。 I could see in Alice's head how she'd
orchestrated this perfect moment； and I knew that the girl—I should stop thinking of her
that way； as if she were the only girl in the world—that Bella would be watching us laugh
and play； looking as happy and human and unrealistically ideal as a Norman Rockwell
painting。
Alice kept laughing； and held her tray up as a shield。 The girl—Bella must still be
staring at us。
？staring at the Cullens again； someone thought； catching my attention。
I looked automatically toward the unintentional call； realizing as my eyes found
their destination that I recognized the voice—I'd been listening to it so much today。
But my eyes slid right past Jessica； and focused on the girl's penetrating gaze。
She looked down quickly； hiding behind her thick hair again。
What was she thinking？ The frustration seemed to be getting more acute as time
went on； rather than dulling。 I tried—uncertain in what I was doing for I'd never tried
this before—to probe with my mind at the silence around her。 My extra hearing had
always come to me naturally； without asking； I'd never had to work at it。 But I
concentrated now； trying to break through whatever shield surrounded her。
Nothing but silence。
What is it about her？ Jessica thought； echoing my own frustration。
〃Edward Cullen is staring at you；〃 she whispered in the Swan girl's ear； adding a
giggle。 There was no hint of her jealous irritation in her tone。 Jessica seemed to be
skilled at feigning friendship。
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I listened； too engrossed； to the girl's response。
〃He doesn't look angry； does he？〃 she whispered back。
So she had noticed my wild reaction last week。 Of course she had。
The question confused Jessica。 I saw my own face in her thoughts as she checked
my expression； but I did not meet her glance。 I was still concentrating on the girl； trying
to hear something。 My intent focus didn't seem to be helping at all。
〃No；〃 Jess told her； and I knew that she wished she could say yes—how it rankled
inside her； my staring—though there was no trace of that in her voice。 〃Should he be？〃
〃I don't think he likes me；〃 the girl whispered back； laying her head down on her
arm as if she were suddenly tired。 I tried to understand the motion； but I could only make
guesses。 Maybe she was tired。
〃The Cullens don't like anybody；〃 Jess reassured her。 〃Well； they don't notice
anybody enough to like them。〃 They never used to。 Her thought was a grumble of
complaint。 〃But he's still staring at you。〃
〃Stop looking at him；〃 the girl said anxiously； lifting her head from her arm to
make sure Jessica obeyed the order。
Jessica giggled； but did as she was asked。
The girl did not look away from her table for the rest of the hour。 I thought—
though； of course； I could not be sure—that this was deliberate。 It seemed like she
wanted to look at me。 Her body would shift slightly in my direction； her chin would
begin to turn； and then she would catch herself； take a deep breath； and stare fixedly at
whoever was speaking。
I ignored the other thoughts around the girl for the most part； as they were not；
momentarily； about her。 Mike Newton was planning a snow fight in the parking lot after
school； not seeming to realize that the snow had already shifted to rain。 The flutter of
soft flakes against the roof had become the more common patter of raindrops。 Could he
really not hear the change？ It seemed loud to me。
When the lunch period ended； I stayed in my seat。 The humans filed out； and I
caught myself trying to distinguish the sound of her footsteps from the sound of the rest；
as if there was something important or unusual about them。 How stupid。
My family made no move to leave； either。 They waited to see what I would do。
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Would I go to class； sit beside the girl where I could smell the absurdly potent
scent of her blood and feel the warmth of her pulse in the air on my skin？ Was I strong
enough for that？ Or had I had enough for one day？
〃I？think it's okay；〃 Alice said； hesitant。 〃Your mind is set。 I think you'll make
it through the hour。〃
But Alice knew well how quickly a mind could change。
〃Why push it； Edward？〃 Jasper asked。 Though he didn't want to feel smug that I
was the one who was weak now； I could hear that he did； just a little。 〃Go home。 Take it
slow。〃
〃What's the big deal？〃 Emmett disagreed。 〃Either he will or he won't kill her。
Might as well get it over with； either way。〃
〃I don't want to move yet；〃 Rosalie complained。 〃I don't want to start over。
We're almost out of high school； Emmett。 Finally。〃
I was evenly torn on the decision。 I wanted； wanted badly； to face this head on
rather than running away again。 But I didn't want to push myself too far； either。 It had
been a mistake last week for Jasper to go so long without hunting； was this just as
pointless a mistake？
I didn't want to uproot my family。 None of them would thank me for that。
But I wanted to go to my biology class。 I realized that I wanted to see her face
again。
That's what decided it for me。 That curiosity。 I was angry with myself for feeling
it。 Hadn't I promised myself that I wouldn't let the silence of the girl's mind make me
unduly interested in her？ And yet； here I was； most unduly interested。
I wanted to know what she was thinking。 Her mind was closed； but her eyes were
very open。 Perhaps I could read them instead。
〃No； Rose； I think it really will be okay；〃 Alice said。 〃It's？firming up。 I'm
ninety…three percent sure that nothing bad will happen if he goes to class。〃 She looked at
me inquisitively； wondering what had changed in my thoughts that made her vision of the
future more secure。
Would curiosity be enough to keep Bella Swan alive？
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Emmett was right； though—why not get it over with； either way？ I would face
the temptation head on。
〃Go to class；〃 I ordered； pushing away from the table。 I turned and strode away
from them without looking back。 I could hear Alice's worry； Jasper's censure； Emmett's
approval； and Rosalie's irritation trailing after me。
I took one last deep breath at the door of the classroom； and then held it in my
lungs as I walked into the small； warm space。
I was not late。 Mr。 Banner was still setting up for today's lab。 The girl sat at
my—at our table； her face down again； staring at the folder she was doodling on。 I
examined the sketch as I approached； interested in even this trivial creation of her mind；
but it was meaningless。 Just a random scribbling of loops within loops。 Perhaps she was
not concentrating on the pattern； but thinking of something else？
I pulled my chair back with unnecessary roughness； letting it scrape across the
linoleum； humans always felt more comfortable when noise announced someone's
approach。
I knew she heard the sound； she did not look up； but her hand missed a loop in the
design she was drawing； making it unbalanced。
Why didn't she look up？ Probably she was frightened。 I must be sure to leave
her with a different impression this time。 Make her think she'd been imagining things
before。
〃Hello；〃 I said in the quiet voice I used when I wanted to make humans more
comfortable； forming a polite smile with my lips that would not show any teeth。
She looked up then； her wide brown eyes startled—almost bewildered—and full
of silent questions。 It was the same expression that had been obstructing my vision for
the last week。
As I stared into those oddly deep brown eyes； I realized that the hate—the h
