5 midnigh+sun-第7章
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buried in the snow； and her full lips stretched slowly into a smile。
Exquisite。 If I'd really been able to see her。 I sighed。
She crouched down on the point of the stone； her fingertips touching the rock； her
body coiled。
Cannonball； she thought。
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She launched herself into the air； her shape became a dark； twisting shadow as she
spun gracefully between me and the stars。 She curled herself into a ball just as she struck
the piled snow bank beside me。
A blizzard of snow flew up around me。 The stars went black and I was buried
deep in the feathery ice crystals。
I sighed again； but didn't move to unearth myself。 The blackness under the snow
neither hurt nor improved the view。 I still saw the same face。
〃Edward？〃
Then snow was flying again as Tanya swiftly disinterred me。 She brushed the
powder from my unmoving face； not quite meeting my eyes。
〃Sorry；〃 she murmured。 〃It was a joke。〃
〃I know。 It was funny。〃
Her mouth twisted down。
〃Irina and Kate said I should leave you alone。 They think I'm annoying you。〃
〃Not at all；〃 I assured her。 〃On the contrary； I'm the one who's being rude—
abominably rude。 I'm very sorry。〃
You're going home； aren't you？ she thought。
〃I haven't？entirely？decided that yet。〃
But you're not staying here。 Her thought was wistful now； sad。
〃No。 It doesn't seem to be？helping。〃
She grimaced。 〃That's my fault； isn't it？〃
〃Of course not；〃 I lied smoothly。
Don't be a gentleman。
I smiled。
I make you uncomfortable； she accused。
〃No。〃
She raised one eyebrow； her expression so disbelieving that I had to laugh。 One
short laugh； followed by another sigh。
〃All right；〃 I admitted。 〃A little bit。〃
She sighed； too； and put her chin in her hands。 Her thoughts were chagrined。
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〃You're a thousand times lovelier than the stars； Tanya。 Of course； you're
already well aware of that。 Don't let my stubbornness undermine your confidence。〃 I
chuckled at the unlikeliness of that。
〃I'm not used to rejection；〃 she grumbled； her lower lip pushing out into an
attractive pout。
〃Certainly not；〃 I agreed； trying with little success to block out her thoughts as
she fleetingly sifted through memories of her thousands of successful conquests。 Mostly
Tanya preferred human men—they were much more populous for one thing； with the
added advantage of being soft and warm。 And always eager； definitely。
〃Succubus；〃 I teased； hoping to interrupt the images flickering in her head。
She grinned； flashing her teeth。 〃The original。〃
Unlike Carlisle； Tanya and her sisters had discovered their consciences slowly。 In
the end； it was their fondness for human men that turned the sisters against the slaughter。
Now the men they loved？lived。
〃When you showed up here；〃 Tanya said slowly。 〃I thought that？〃
I'd known what she'd thought。 And I should have guessed that she would have
felt that way。 But I hadn't been at my best for analytical thinking in that moment。
〃You thought that I'd changed my mind。〃
〃Yes。〃 She scowled。
〃I feel horrible for toying with your expectations； Tanya。 I didn't mean to—I
wasn't thinking。 It's just that I left in？quite a hurry。〃
〃I don't suppose you'd tell me why？？〃
I sat up and wrapped my arms around my legs； curling defensively。 〃I don't want
to talk about it。〃
Tanya； Irina and Kate were very good at this life they'd committed to。 Better； in
some ways； than even Carlisle。 Despite the insanely close proximity they allowed
themselves with those who should be—and once were—their prey； they did not make
mistakes。 I was too ashamed to admit my weakness to Tanya。
〃Woman troubles？〃 she guessed； ignoring my reluctance。
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I laughed a bleak laugh。 〃Not the way you mean it。〃
She was quiet then。 I listened to her thoughts as she ran through different
guesses； tried to decipher the meaning of my words。
〃You're not even close；〃 I told her。
〃One hint？〃 she asked。
〃Please let it go； Tanya。〃
She was quiet again； still speculating。 I ignored her； trying in vain to appreciate
the stars。
She gave up after a silent moment； and her thoughts pursued a new direction。
Where will you go； Edward； if you leave？ Back to Carlisle？
〃I don't think so；〃 I whispered。
Where would I go？ I could not think of one place on the entire planet that held
any interest for me。 There was nothing I wanted to see or do。 Because； no matter where I
went； I would not be going to anywhere—I would only be running from。
I hated that。 When had I become such a coward？
Tanya threw her slender arm around my shoulders。 I stiffened； but did not flinch
out from under her touch。 She meant it as nothing more than friendly comfort。 Mostly。
〃I think that you will go back；〃 she said； her voice taking on just a hint of her long
lost Russian accent。 〃No matter what it is？or who it is。。。that is haunting you。 You'll
face it head on。 You're the type。〃
Her thoughts were as certain as her words。 I tried to embrace the vision of myself
that she carried in her head。 The one who faced things head on。 It was pleasant to think
of myself that way again。 I'd never doubted my courage； my ability to face difficulty；
before that horrible hour in a high school biology class such a short time ago。
I kissed her cheek； pulling back swiftly when she twisted her face toward mine；
her lips already puckered。 She smiled ruefully at my quickness。
〃Thank you； Tanya。 I needed to hear that。〃
Her thoughts turned petulant。 〃You're welcome； I guess。 I wish you would be
more reasonable about things； Edward。〃
〃I'm sorry； Tanya。 You know you're too good for me。 I just？haven't found
what I'm looking for yet。〃
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〃Well； if you leave before I see you again？goodbye； Edward。〃
〃Goodbye； Tanya。〃 As I said the words； I could see it。 I could see myself
leaving。 Being strong enough to go back to the one place where I wanted to be。 〃Thanks
again。〃
She was on her feet in one nimble move； and then she was running away；
ghosting across the snow so quickly that her feet had no time to sink into the snow； she
left no prints behind her。 She didn't look back。 My rejection bothered her more than
she'd let on before； even in her thoughts。 She wouldn't want to see me again before I
left。
My mouth twisted with chagrin。 I didn't like hurting Tanya； though her feelings
were not deep； hardly pure； and； in any case； not something I could return。 It still made
me feel less than a gentleman。
I put my chin on my knees and stared up at the stars again； though I was suddenly
anxious to be on my way。 I knew that Alice would see me coming home； that she would
tell the others。 This would make them happy—Carlisle and Esme especially。 But I gazed
at the stars for one more moment； trying to see past the face in my head。 Between me
and the brilliant lights in the sky； a pair of bewildered chocolate…brown eyes stared back
at me； seeming to ask what this decision would mean for her。 Of course； I couldn't be
sure if that was really the information her curious eyes sought。 Even in my imagination； I
couldn't hear her thoughts。 Bella Swan's eyes continued to question； and an
unobstructed view of the stars continued to elude me。 With a heavy sigh； I gave up； and
got to my feet。 If I ran； I would be back to Carlisle's car in less than an hour？
In a hurry to see my family—and wanting very much to be the Edward that faced
things head on—I raced across the starlit snowfield； leaving no footprints。
〃It's going to be okay；〃 Alice breathed。 Her eyes were unfocused； and Jasper had one
hand lightly under her elbow； guiding her forward as we walked into the rundown
cafeteria in a close group。 Rosalie and Emmett led the way； Emmett looking ridiculously
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like a bodyguard in the middle of hostile territory。 Rose looked wary； too； but much
more irritated than protective。
〃Of course it is；〃 I grumbled。 Their behavior was ludicrous。 If I wasn't positive
that I could handle this moment； I would have stayed home。
