5 midnigh+sun-第50章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
Maybe； if I could be unconscious； if I could dream； I could live for a few hours in a world
where she and I could be together。 She dreamed of me。 I wanted to dream of her。
She stared back at me； her expression full of wonder。 I had to look away。
I could not dream of her。 She should not dream of me。
〃You haven't asked me the most important question yet；〃 I said； my silent chest
colder and harder than before。 She had to be forced to understand。 At some point； she
would have to realize what she was doing now。 She must be made to see that this all did
matter—more than any other consideration。 Considerations like the fact that I loved her。
〃Which one is that？〃 she asked； surprised and unaware。
This only made my voice harder。 〃You aren't concerned about my diet？〃
〃Oh。 That。〃 She spoke in a quiet tone that I couldn't interpret。
〃Yes； that。 Don't you want to know if I drink blood？〃
She cringed away from my question。 Finally。 She was understanding。
〃Well； Jacob said something about that；〃 she said。
〃What did Jacob say？〃
〃He said you didn't？hunt people。 He said your family wasn't supposed to be
dangerous because you only hunted animals。〃
〃He said we weren't dangerous？〃 I repeated cynically。
〃Not exactly；〃 she clarified。 〃He said you weren't supposed to be dangerous。 But
the Quileutes still didn't want you on their land； just in case。〃
I stared at the road； my thoughts in a hopeless snarl； my throat aching with the
familiar fiery thirst。
〃So； was he right？〃 she asked； as calmly as if she were confirming a weather
report。 〃About not hunting people？〃
〃The Quileutes have a long memory。〃
She nodded to herself； thinking hard。
〃Don't let that make you complacent； though；〃 I said quickly。 〃They're right to
keep their distance from us。 We are still dangerous。〃
〃I don't understand。〃
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
204
No she didn't。 How to make her see？
〃We try；〃 I told her。 〃We're usually very good at what we do。 Sometimes we
make mistakes。 Me； for example； allowing myself to be alone with you。〃
Her scent was still a force in the car。 I was growing used to it； I could almost
ignore it； but there was no denying that my body still yearned toward her for the wrong
reason。 My mouth was swimming with venom。
〃This is a mistake？〃 she asked； and there was heartbreak in her voice。 The sound
of it disarmed me。 She wanted to be with me—despite everything； she wanted to be with
me。
Hope swelled again； and I beat it back。
〃A very dangerous one；〃 I told her truthfully； wishing the truth could really
somehow cease to matter。
She didn't respond for a moment。 I heard her breathing change—it hitched in
strange ways that did not sound like fear。
〃Tell me more；〃 she said suddenly； her voice distorted by anguish。
I examined her carefully。
She was in pain。 How had I allowed this？
〃What more do you want to know？〃 I asked； trying to think of a way to keep her
from hurting。 She should not hurt。 I couldn't let her be hurt。
〃Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people；〃 she said； still anguished。
Wasn't it obvious？ Or maybe this didn't matter to her either。
〃I don't want to be a monster；〃 I muttered。
〃But animals aren't enough？〃
I searched for another comparison； a way that she could understand。 〃I can't be
sure； of course； but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk； we call ourselves
vegetarians； our little inside joke。 It doesn't completely satiate the hunger—or rather
thirst。 But it keeps us strong enough to resist。 Most of the time。〃 My voice got lower； I
was ashamed of danger I had allowed her to be in。 Danger I continued to allow？
〃Sometimes it's more difficult than others。〃
〃Is it very difficult for you now？〃
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
205
I sighed。 Of course she would ask the question I didn't want to answer。 〃Yes；〃 I
admitted。
I expected her physical response correctly this time： her breathing held steady； her
heart kept its even pattern。 I expected it； but I did not understand it。 How could she not
be afraid？
〃But you're not hungry now；〃 she declared； perfectly sure of herself。
〃Why do you think that？〃
〃Your eyes；〃 she said； her tone offhand。 〃I told you I had a theory。 I've noticed
that people—men in particular—are crabbier when they're hungry。〃
I chuckled at her description： crabby。 There was an understatement。 But she was
dead right； as usual。 〃You are observant； aren't you？〃 I laughed again。
She smiled a little； the crease returning between her eyes as if she were
concentrating on something。
〃Were you hunting this weekend； with Emmett？〃 she asked after my laugh had
faded。 The casual way she spoke was as fascinating as it was frustrating。 Could she
really accept so much in stride？ I was closer to shock than she seemed to be。
〃Yes；〃 I told her； and then； as I was about to leave it at that； I felt the same urge
I'd had in the restaurant： I wanted her to know me。 〃I didn't want to leave；〃 I went on
slowly； 〃but it was necessary。 It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty。〃
〃Why didn't you want to leave？〃
I took a deep breath； and then turned to meet her gaze。 This kind of honesty was
difficult in a very different way。
〃It makes me？anxious；〃 I supposed that word would suffice； though it wasn't
strong enough； 〃to be away from you。 I wasn't joking when I asked you to try not to fall
in the ocean or get run over last Thursday。 I was distracted all weekend； worrying about
you。 And after what happened tonight； I'm surprised that you did make it through a
whole weekend unscathed。〃 Then I remembered the scrapes on her palms。 〃Well； not
totally unscathed；〃 I amended。
〃What？〃
〃Your hands；〃 I reminded her。
She sighed and grimaced。 〃I fell。〃
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
206
I'd guessed right。 〃That's what I thought；〃 I said； unable to contain my smile。 〃I
suppose； being you； it could have been much worse—and that possibility tormented me
the entire time I was away。 It was a very long three days。 I really got on Emmett's
nerves。〃 Honestly； that didn't belong in the past tense。 I was probably still irritating
Emmett； and all the rest of my family； too。 Except Alice？
〃Three days？〃 she asked； her voice suddenly sharp。 〃Didn't you just get back
today？〃
I didn't understand the edge in her voice。 〃No； we got back Sunday。〃
〃Then why weren't any of you in school？〃 she demanded。 Her irritation confused
me。 She didn't seem to realize that this question was one that related to mythology again。
〃Well； you asked if the sun hurt me； and it doesn't；〃 I said。 〃But I can't go out in
the sunlight； at least； not where anyone can see。〃
That distracted her from her mysterious annoyance。 〃Why？〃 she asked； leaning
her head to one side。
I doubted I could come up with the appropriate analogy to explain this one。 So I
just told her； 〃I'll show you sometime。〃 And then I wondered if this was a promise I
would end up breaking。 Would I see her again； after tonight？ Did I love her enough yet
to be able to bear leaving her？
〃You might have called me；〃 she said。
What an odd conclusion。 〃But I knew you were safe。〃
〃But I didn't know where you were。 I—〃 She came to an abrupt stop； and looked
at her hands。
〃What？〃
〃I didn't like it；〃 she said shyly； the skin over her cheekbones warming。 〃Not
seeing you。 It makes me anxious； too。〃
Are you happy now？ I demanded of myself。 Well； here was my reward for
hoping。
I was bewildered； elated； horrified—mostly horrified—to realize that all my
wildest imaginings were not so far off the mark。 This was why it didn't matter to her that
I was a monster。 It was exactly the same reason that the rules no longer mattered to me。
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
207
Why right and wrong were no longer compelling influences。 Why all my priorities had
shifted one rung down to make room for this girl at the very top。
Bella cared for me； too。
I knew it could be nothing in comparison to how I loved her。 But it was enough
for her to risk her life to sit here with me。 To do so gladly。
Enough to cause her pain if I did the righ
