5 midnigh+sun-第27章
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with laughter rather than scowling murderously at everything in sight。
What's so funny？ Emmett wanted to know。
I just shook my head while I also shook with fresh laughter as Bella revved her
noisy engine angrily。 She looked like she was wishing for a tank again。
〃Let's go！〃 Rosalie hissed impatiently。 〃Stop being an idiot。 If you can。〃
Her words didn't annoy me—I was too entertained。 But I did as she asked。
No one spoke to me on the way home。 I continued to chuckle every now and
again； thinking of Bella's face。
As I turned on to the drive—speeding up now that there were no witnesses—
Alice ruined my mood。
〃So do I get to talk to Bella now？〃 she asked suddenly； without considering the
words first； thus giving me no warning。
〃No；〃 I snapped。
〃Not fair！ What am I waiting for？〃
〃I haven't decided anything； Alice。〃
〃Whatever； Edward。〃
In her head； Bella's two destinies were clear again。
〃What's the point in getting to know her？〃 I mumbled； suddenly morose。 〃If I'm
just going to kill her？〃
Alice hesitated for a second。 〃You have a point；〃 she admitted。
I took the final hairpin turn at ninety miles an hour； and then screeched to a stop
an inch from the back garage wall。
〃Enjoy your run；〃 Rosalie said smugly as I threw myself out of the car。
But I didn't go running today。 Instead； I went hunting。
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
106
The others were scheduled to hunt tomorrow； but I couldn't afford to be thirsty
now。 I overdid it； drinking more than necessary； glutting myself again—a small grouping
of elk and one black bear I was lucky to stumble across this early in the year。 I was so
full it was uncomfortable。 Why couldn't that be enough？ Why did her scent have to be
so much stronger than anything else？
I had hunted in preparation for the next day； but； when I could hunt no more and
the sun was still hours and hours from rising； I knew that the next day was not soon
enough。
The jittery high swept through me again when I realized that I was going to go
find the girl。
I argued with myself all the way back to Forks； but my less noble side won the
argument； and I went ahead with my indefensible plan。 The monster was restless but
well…fettered。 I knew I would keep a safe distance from her。 I only wanted to know
where she was。 I just wanted to see her face。
It was past midnight； and Bella's house was dark and quiet。 Her truck was parked
against the curb； her father's police cruiser in the driveway。 There were no conscious
thoughts anywhere in the neighborhood。 I watched the house for a moment from the
blackness of the forest that bordered it on the east。 The front door would probably be
locked—not a problem； except that I didn't want to leave a broken door as evidence
behind me。 I decided to try the upstairs window first。 Not many people would bother
installing a lock there。
I crossed the open yard and scaled the face of the house in half a second。
Dangling from the eave above the window by one hand； I looked through the glass； and
my breath stopped。
It was her room。 I could see her in the one small bed； her covers on the floor and
her sheets twisted around her legs。 As I watched； she twitched restlessly and threw one
arm over her head。 She did not sleep soundly； at least not this night。 Did she sense the
danger near her？
I was repulsed by myself as I watched her toss again。 How was I any better than
some sick peeping tom？ I wasn't any better。 I was much； much worse。
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
107
I relaxed my fingertips； about to let myself drop。 But first I allowed myself one
long look at her face。
It was not peaceful。 The little furrow was there between her eyebrows； the
corners of her lips turned down。 Her lips trembled； and then parted。
〃Okay； Mom；〃 she muttered。
Bella talked in her sleep。
Curiosity flared； overpowering self…disgust。 The lure of those unprotected；
unconsciously spoken thoughts was impossibly tempting。
I tried the window； and it was not locked； though it stuck due to long disuse。 I
slid it slowly aside； cringing at each faint groan of the metal frame。 I would have to find
some oil for next time？
Next time？ I shook my head； disgusted again。
I eased myself silently through the half…opened window。
Her room was small—disorganized but not unclean。 There were books piled on
the floor beside her bed； their spines facing away from me； and CDs scattered by her
inexpensive CD player—the one on top was just a clear jewel case。 Stacks of papers
surrounded a computer that looked like it belonged in a museum dedicated to obsolete
technologies。 Shoes dotted the wooden floor。
I wanted very much to go read the titles of her books and CDs； but I'd promised
myself that I would keep my distance； instead； I went to sit the old rocking chair in the
far corner of the room。
Had I really once thought her average…looking？ I thought of that first day； and my
disgust for the boys who were so immediately intrigued with her。 But when I
remembered her face in their minds now； I could not understand why I had not found her
beautiful immediately。 It seemed an obvious thing。
Right now—with her dark hair tangled and wild around her pale face； wearing a
threadbare t…shirt full of holes with tatty sweatpants； her features relaxed in
unconsciousness； her full lips slightly parted—she took my breath away。 Or would have；
I thought wryly； if I were breathing。
She did not speak。 Perhaps her dream had ended。
I stared at her face and tried to think of some way to make the future bearable。
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
108
Hurting her was not bearable。 Did that mean my only choice was to try to leave
again？
The others could not argue with me now。 My absence would not put anyone in
danger。 There would be no suspicion； nothing to link anyone's thoughts back to the
accident。
I wavered as I had this afternoon； and nothing seemed possible。
I could not hope to rival the human boys； whether these specific boys appealed to
her or not。 I was a monster。 How could she see me as anything else？ If she knew the
truth about me； it would frighten and repulse her。 Like the intended victim in a horror
movie； she would run away； shrieking in terror。
I remembered her first day in biology？and knew that this was exactly the right
reaction for her to have。
It was foolishness to imagine that if had I been the one to ask her to the silly
dance； she would have cancelled her hastily…made plans and agreed to go with me。
I was not the one she was destined to say yes to。 It was someone else； someone
human and warm。 And I could not even let myself—someday； when that yes was said—
hunt him down and kill him； because she deserved him； whoever he was。 She deserved
happiness and love with whomever she chose。
I owed it to her to do the right thing now； I could no longer pretend that I was
only in danger of loving this girl。
After all； it really didn't matter if I left； because Bella could never see me the way
I wished she would。 Never see me as someone worthy of love。
Never。
Could a dead； frozen heart break？ It felt like mine would。
〃Edward；〃 Bella said。
I froze； staring at her unopened eyes。
Had she woken； caught me here？ She looked asleep； yet her voice had been so
clear？
She sighed a quiet sigh； and then moved restlessly again； rolling to her side—still
fast asleep and dreaming。
〃Edward；〃 she mumbled softly。
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
109
She was dreaming of me。
Could a dead； frozen heart beat again？ It felt like mine was about to。
〃Stay；〃 she sighed。 〃Don't go。 Please？don't go。〃
She was dreaming of me； and it wasn't even a nightmare。 She wanted me to stay
with her； there in her dream。
I struggled to find words to name the feelings that flooded through me； but I had
no words strong enough to hold them。 For a long moment； I drowned in them。
When I surfaced； I was not the same man I had been。
My life was an unending； unchanging midnight。 It must； by necessity； always be
midnight for me。 So how was it possible that the sun was rising now； in the middle of my
midnight？
At
