5 midnigh+sun-第24章
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good。 All the other things added up to that whole—kind and self…effacing and unselfish
and loving and brave—she was good through and through。
These helpful discoveries did not warm me to the boy； however。 The possessive
way he viewed Bella—as if she were an acquisition to be made—provoked me almost as
much as his crude fantasies about her。 He was becoming more confident of her； too； as
the time passed； for she seemed to prefer him over those he considered his rivals—Tyler
Crowley； Eric Yorkie； and even； sporadically； myself。 He would routinely sit on her side
of our table before class began； chattering at her； encouraged by her smiles。 Just polite
smiles； I told myself。 All the same； I frequently amused myself by imagining
backhanding him across the room and into the far wall？ It probably wouldn't injure him
fatally？
Mike didn't often think of me as a rival。 After the accident； he'd worried that
Bella and I would bond from the shared experience； but obviously the opposite had
resulted。 Back then； he had still been bothered that I'd singled Bella out over her peers
for attention。 But now I ignored her just as thoroughly as the others； and he grew
complacent。
What was she thinking now？ Did she welcome his attention？
And； finally； the last of my torments； the most painful： Bella's indifference。 As I
ignored her； she ignored me。 She never tried to speak to me again。 For all I knew； she
never thought about me at all。
This might have driven me mad—or even broken my resolution to change the
future—except that she sometimes stared at me like she had before。 I didn't see it for
myself； as I could not allow myself to look at her； but Alice always warned us when she
was about to stare； the others were still wary of the girl's problematic knowledge。
It eased some of the pain that she gazed at me from across a distance； every now
and then。 Of course； she could just be wondering what kind of a freak I was。
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〃Bella's going to stare at Edward in a minute。 Look normal；〃 Alice said one
Tuesday in March； and the others were careful to fidget and shift their weight like
humans； absolute stillness was a marker of our kind。
I paid attention to how often she looked my direction。 It pleased me； though it
should not； that the frequency did not decline as the time passed。 I didn't know what it
meant； but it made me feel better。
Alice sighed。 I wish？
〃Stay out of it； Alice；〃 I said under my breath。 〃It's not going to happen。〃
She pouted。 Alice was anxious to form her envisioned friendship with Bella。 In a
strange way； she missed the girl she didn't know。
I'll admit； you're better than I thought。 You've got the future all snarled up and
senseless again。 I hope you're happy。
〃It makes plenty of sense to me。〃
She snorted delicately。
I tried to shut her out； too impatient for conversation。 I wasn't in a very good
mood—tenser than I let any of them see。 Only Jasper was aware of how tightly wound I
was； feeling the stress emanate out of me with his unique ability to both sense and
influence the moods of others。 He didn't understand the reasons behind the moods；
though； and—since I was constantly in a foul mood these days—he disregarded it。
Today would be a hard one。 Harder than the day before； as was the pattern。
Mike Newton； the odious boy whom I could not allow myself to rival； was going
to ask Bella on a date。
A girl's choice dance was on the near horizon； and he'd been hoping very much
that Bella would ask him。 That she had not done so had rattled his confidence。 Now he
was in an uncomfortable bind—I enjoyed his discomfort more than I should—because
Jessica Stanley had just asked him to the dance。 He didn't want to say 〃yes；〃 still hopeful
that Bella would choose him （and prove him the victor over his rivals）； but he didn't want
to say 〃no〃 and end up missing the dance altogether。 Jessica； hurt by his hesitation and
guessing the reason behind it； was thinking daggers at Bella。 Again； I had the instinct to
place myself between Jessica's angry thoughts and Bella。 I understood the instinct better
now； but that only made it more frustrating when I could not act on it。
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To think it had come to this！ I was utterly fixated on the petty high school dramas
that I'd once held so in contempt。
Mike was working up his nerve as he walked Bella to biology。 I listened to his
struggles as I waited for them to arrive。 The boy was weak。 He had waited for this dance
purposely； afraid to make his infatuation known before she had shown a marked
preference for him。 He didn't want to make himself vulnerable to rejection； preferring
that she make that leap first。
Coward。
He sat down on our table again； comfortable with long familiarity； and I imagined
the sound it would make if his body hit the opposite wall with enough force to break most
of his bones。
〃So；〃 he said to the girl； his eyes on the floor。 〃Jessica asked me to the spring
dance。〃
〃That's great；〃 Bella answered immediately and with enthusiasm。 It was hard not
to smile as her tone sunk in to Mike's awareness。 He'd been hoping for dismay。 〃You'll
have a lot of fun with Jessica。〃
He scrambled for the right response。 〃Well？〃 he hesitated； and almost
chickened out。 Then he rallied。 〃I told her I had to think about it。〃
〃Why would you do that？〃 she demanded。 Her tone was one of disapproval； but
there was the faintest hint of relief there as well。
What did that mean？ An unexpected； intense fury made my hands clench into
fists。
Mike did not hear the relief。 His face was red with blood—fierce as I suddenly
felt； this seemed like an invitation—and he looked at the floor again as he spoke。
〃I was wondering if？well； if you might be planning to ask me。〃
Bella hesitated。
In that moment of her hesitation； I saw the future more clearly than Alice ever
had。
The girl might say yes to Mike's unspoken question now； and she might not； but
either way； someday soon； she would say yes to someone。 She was lovely and intriguing；
and human males were not oblivious to this fact。 Whether she would settle for someone
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in this lackluster crowd； or wait until she was free from Forks； the day would come that
she would say yes。
I saw her life as I had before—college； career？love； marriage。 I saw her on her
father's arm again； dressed in gauzy white； her face flushed with happiness as she moved
to the sound of Wagner's march。
The pain was more than anything I'd felt before。 A human would have to be on
the point of death to feel this pain—a human would not live through it。
And not just pain； but outright rage。
The fury ached for some kind of physical outlet。 Though this insignificant；
undeserving boy might not be the one that Bella would say yes to； I yearned to crush his
skull in my hand； to let him stand as a representative for whoever it would be。
I didn't understand this emotion—it was such a tangle of pain and rage and desire
and despair。 I had never felt it before； I couldn't put a name to it。
〃Mike； I think you should tell her yes；〃 Bella said in a gentle voice。
Mike's hopes plummeted。 I would have enjoyed that under other circumstances；
but I was lost in the aftershock of the pain—and the remorse for what the pain and rage
had done to me。
Alice was right。 I was not strong enough。
Right now； Alice would be watching the future spin and twist； become mangled
again。 Would this please her？
〃Did you already ask someone？〃 Mike asked sullenly。 He glanced at me；
suspicious for the first time in many weeks。 I realized I had betrayed my interest； my
head was inclined in Bella's direction。
The wild envy in his thoughts—envy for whoever this girl preferred to him—
suddenly put a name to my unnamed emotion。
I was jealous。
〃No；〃 the girl said with a trace of humor in her voice。 〃I'm not going to the dance
at all。〃
Through all the remorse and anger； I felt relief at her words。 Suddenly； I was
considering my rivals。
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〃Why no
