5 midnigh+sun-第19章
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72
She glanced toward Carlisle and Tyler。 Tyler was paying us no attention at all；
but Carlisle was monitoring my every breath。
Carefully； Edward。
〃I'd like to speak to you alone； if you don't mind；〃 she insisted in a low voice。
I wanted to tell her that I did mind very much； but I knew I would have to do this
eventually。 I may as well get on with it。
I was full of so many conflicting emotions as I stalked out of the room； listening
to her stumbling footsteps behind me； trying to keep up。
I had a show to put on now。 I knew the role I would play—I had the character
down： I would be the villain。 I would lie and ridicule and be cruel。
It went against all my better impulses—the human impulses that I'd clung to
through all these years。 I'd never wanted to deserve trust more than in this moment；
when I had to destroy all possibility of it。
It made it worse to know that this would be the last memory she would have of
me。 This was my farewell scene。
I turned on her。
〃What do you want？〃 I asked coldly。
She cringed back slightly from my hostility。 Her eyes turned bewildered； the
expression that had haunted me？
〃You owe me an explanation；〃 she said in a small voice； her ivory face blanched。
It was very hard to keep my voice harsh。 〃I saved your life—I don't owe you
anything。〃
She flinched—it burned like acid to watch my words hurt her。
〃You promised；〃 she whispered。
〃Bella； you hit your head； you don't know what you're talking about。〃
Her chin came up then。 〃There's nothing wrong with my head。〃
She was angry now； and that made it easier for me。 I met her glare； making my
face more unfriendly。
〃What do you want from me； Bella？〃
〃I want to know the truth。 I want to know why I'm lying for you。〃
What she wanted was only fair—it frustrated me to have to deny her。
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〃What do you think happened？〃 I nearly growled at her。
Her words poured out in a torrent。 〃All I know is that you weren't anywhere near
me—Tyler didn't see you； either； so don't tell me I hit my head too hard。 That van was
going to crush us both—and it didn't； and your hands left dents in the side of it—and you
left a dent in the other car； and you're not hurt at all—and the van should have smashed
my legs； but you were holding it up？〃 Suddenly； she clenched her teeth together and
her eyes were glistening with unshed tears。
I stared at her； my expression derisive； though what I really felt was awe； she had
seen everything。
〃You think I lifted a van off you？〃 I asked sarcastically。
She answered with one stiff nod。
My voice grew more mocking。 〃Nobody will believe that； you know。〃
She made an effort to control her anger。 When she answered me； she spoke each
word with slow deliberation。 〃I'm not going to tell anybody。〃
She meant it—I could see that in her eyes。 Even furious and betrayed； she would
keep my secret。
Why？
The shock of it ruined my carefully designed expression for half a second； and
then I pulled myself together。
〃Then why does it matter？〃 I asked； working to keep my voice severe。
〃It matters to me；〃 she said intensely。 〃I don't like to lie—so there'd better be a
good reason why I'm doing it。〃
She was asking me to trust her。 Just as I wanted her to trust me。 But this was a
line I could not cross。
My voice stayed callous。 〃Can't you just thank me and get it over with？〃
〃Thank you；〃 she said； and then she fumed silently； waiting。
〃You're not going to let it go； are you？〃
〃No。〃
〃In that case？〃 I couldn't tell her the truth if I wanted to？and I didn't want to。
I'd rather she made up her own story than know what I was； because nothing could be
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worse than the truth—I was a living nightmare； straight from the pages of a horror novel。
〃I hope you enjoy disappointment。〃
We scowled at each other。 It was odd how endearing her anger was。 Like a
furious kitten； soft and harmless； and so unaware of her own vulnerability。
She flushed pink and ground her teeth together again。 〃Why did you even
bother？〃
Her question wasn't one that I was expecting or prepared to answer。 I lost my
hold on the role I was playing。 I felt the mask slip from my face； and I told her—this one
time—the truth。
〃I don't know。〃
I memorized her face one last time—it was still set in lines of anger； the blood not
yet faded from her cheeks—and then I turned and walked away from her。
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4。 Visions
I went back to school。 This was the right thing to do； the most inconspicuous way to
behave。
By the end of the day； almost all the other students had returned to class； too。 Just
Tyler and Bella and a few others—who were probably using the accident as a chance to
ditch—remained absent。
It shouldn't be so hard for me to do the right thing。 But； all afternoon； I was
gritting my teeth against the urge that had me yearning ditch； too—in order to go find the
girl again。
Like a stalker。 An obsessessed stalker。 An obsessessed； vampire stalker。
School today was—somehow； impossibly—even more boring than it had seemed
just a week ago。 Coma…like。 It was as if the color had drained from the bricks； the trees；
the sky； the faces around me？ I stared at the cracks in the walls。
There was another right thing I should be doing？that I was not。 Of course； it was
also a wrong thing。 It all depended on the perspective from which you viewed it。
From the perspective of a Cullen—not just a vampire； but a Cullen； someone who
belonged to a family； such a rare state in our world—the right thing to do would have
gone something like this：
〃I'm surprised to see you in class； Edward。 I heard you were involved in that
awful accident this morning。〃
〃Yes； I was； Mr。 Banner； but I was the lucky one。〃 A friendly smile。 〃I didn't get
hurt at all？ I wish I could say the same for Tyler and Bella。〃
〃How are they？〃
〃I think Tyler is fine？just some superficial scrapes from the windshield glass。
I'm not sure about Bella； though。〃 A worried frown。 〃She might have a concussion。 I
heard she was pretty incoherent for a while—seeing things even。 I know the doctors were
worried？〃
That's how it should have gone。 That's what I owed my family。
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〃I'm surprised to see you in class； Edward。 I heard you were involved in that
awful accident this morning。〃
〃I wasn't hurt。〃 No smile。
Mr。 Banner shifted his weight from foot to foot； uncomfortable。
〃Do you have any idea how Tyler Crowley and Bella Swan are？ I heard there
were some injuries？〃
I shrugged。 〃I wouldn't know。〃
Mr。 Banner cleared his throat。 〃Er； right？〃 he said； my cold stare making his
voice sound a bit strained。
He walked quickly back to the front of classroom and began his lecture。
It was the wrong thing to do。 Unless you looked at it from a more obscure point
of view。
It just seemed so？so unchivalrous to slander the girl behind her back； especially
when she was proving more trustworthy than I could have dreamed。 She hadn't said
anything to betray me； despite having good reason to do so。 Would I betray her when she
had done nothing but keep my secret？
I had a nearly identical conversation with Mrs。 Goff—just in Spanish rather than
in English—and Emmett gave me a long look。
I hope you have a good explanation for what happened today。 Rose is on the
warpath。
I rolled my eyes without looking at him。
I actually had come up with a perfectly sound explanation。 Just suppose I hadn't
done anything to stop the van from crushing the girl？ I recoiled from that thought。 But
if she had been hit； if she'd been mangled and bleeding； the red fluid spilling； wasting on
the blacktop； the scent of the fresh blood pulsing through the air ？
I shuddered again； but not just in horror。 Part of me shivered in desire。 No； I
would not have been able to watch her bleed without exposing us all in a much more
flagrant and shocking way。
It was a perfectly sound excuse？but I wouldn't use it。 It was too shameful。
And I hadn't thought of it until long after the fact； regardless。
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