droll stories-3-第3章

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this　good　little　man　unobserved；　many　said；



〃By　my　faith；　I　should　like　to　be　this　jeweller；　even　were　I　obliged

to　splash　myself　up　to　the　eyes　with　the　mud　of　Paris　during　a　hundred

years　for　it。〃



They　might　just　as　well　have　wished　to　be　king　of　France；　seeing　that

the　silversmith　had　great　powerful　nervous　arms；　so　wonderfully　strong

that　when　he　closed　his　fist　the　cleverest　trick　of　the　roughest

fellow　could　not　open　it；　from　which　you　may　be　sure　that　whatever　he

got　hold　of　he　stuck　to。　More　than　this；　he　had　teeth　fit　to　masticate

iron；　a　stomach　to　dissolve　it；　a　duodenum　to　digest　it；　a　sphincter

to　let　it　out　again　without　tearing；　and　shoulders　that　would　bear　a

universe　upon　them；　like　that　pagan　gentleman　to　whom　the　job　was

confided；　and　whom　the　timely　arrival　of　Jesus　Christ　discharged　from

the　duty。　He　was；　in　fact；　a　man　made　with　one　stroke；　and　they　are

the　best；　for　those　who　have　to　be　touched　are　worth　nothing；　being

patched　up　and　finished　at　odd　times。　In　short；　Master　Anseau　was　a

thorough　man；　with　a　lion's　face；　and　under　his　eyebrows　a　glance　that

would　melt　his　gold　if　the　fire　of　his　forge　had　gone　out；　but　a

limpid　water　placed　in　his　eyes　by　the　great　Moderator　of　all　things

tempered　this　great　ardour；　without　which　he　would　have　burnt　up

everything。　Was　he　not　a　splendid　specimen　of　a　man？



With　such　a　sample　of　his　cardinal　virtues；　some　persist　in　asking　why

the　good　silversmith　remained　as　unmarried　as　an　oyster；　seeing　that

these　properties　of　nature　are　of　good　use　in　all　places。　But　these

opinionated　critics；　do　they　know　what　it　is　to　love？　Ho！　Ho！　Easy！

The　vocation　of　a　lover　is　to　go；　to　come；　to　listen；　to　watch；　to

hold　his　tongue；　to　talk；　to　stick　in　a　corner；　to　make　himself　big；

to　make　himself　little；　to　agree；　to　play　music；　to　drudge；　to　go　to

the　devil　wherever　he　may　be；　to　count　the　gray　peas　in　the　dovecote；

to　find　flowers　under　the　snow；　to　say　paternosters　to　the　moon；　to

pat　the　cat　and　pat　the　dog；　to　salute　the　friends；　to　flatter　the

gout；　or　the　cold　of　the　aunt；　to　say　to　her　at　opportune　moments　〃You

have　good　looks；　and　will　yet　write　the　epitaph　of　the　human　race。〃　To

please　all　the　relations；　to　tread　on　no　one's　corns；　to　break　no

glasses；　to　waste　no　breath；　to　talk　nonsense；　to　hold　ice　in　his

hand；　to　say；　〃This　is　good！〃　or；　〃Really；　madam；　you　are　very

beautiful　so。〃　And　to　vary　that　in　a　hundred　different　ways。　To　keep

himself　cool；　to　bear　himself　like　a　nobleman；　to　have　a　free　tongue

and　a　modest　one；　to　endure　with　a　smile　all　the　evils　the　devil　may

invent　on　his　behalf；　to　smother　his　anger；　to　hold　nature　in　control；

to　have　the　finger　of　God；　and　the　tail　of　the　devil；　to　reward　the

mother；　the　cousin；　the　servant；　in　fact；　to　put　a　good　face　on

everything。　In　default　of　which　the　female　escapes　and　leaves　you　in　a

fix；　without　giving　a　single　Christian　reason。　In　fact；　the　lover　of

the　most　gentle　maid　that　God　ever　created　in　a　good…tempered　moment；

had　he　talked　like　a　book；　jumped　like　a　flea；　turned　about　like　dice；

played　like　King　David；　and　built　for　the　aforesaid　woman　the

Corinthian　order　of　the　columns　of　the　devil；　if　he　failed　in　the

essential　and　hidden　thing　which　pleases　his　lady　above　all　others；

which　often　she　does　not　know　herself　and　which　he　has　need　to　know；

the　lass　leaves　him　like　a　red　leper。　She　is　quite　right。　No　one　can

blame　her　for　so　doing。　When　this　happens　some　men　become　ill…

tempered；　cross；　and　more　wretched　than　you　can　possibly　imagine。　Have

not　many　of　them　killed　themselves　through　this　petticoat　tyranny？　In

this　matter　the　man　distinguishes　himself　from　the　beast；　seeing　that

no　animal　ever　yet　lost　his　senses　through　blighted　love；　which　proves

abundantly　that　animals　have　no　souls。　The　employment　of　a　lover　is

that　of　a　mountebank；　of　a　soldier；　of　a　quack；　of　a　buffoon；　of　a

prince；　of　a　ninny；　of　a　king；　of　an　idler；　of　a　monk；　of　a　dupe；　of　a

blackguard；　of　a　liar；　of　a　braggart；　of　a　sycophant；　of　a　numskull；

of　a　frivolous　fool；　of　a　blockhead；　of　a　know…nothing；　of　a　knave。　An

employment　from　which　Jesus　abstained；　in　imitation　of　whom　folks　of

great　understanding　likewise　disdain　it；　it　is　a　vocation　in　which　a

man　of　worth　is　required　to　spend　above　all　things；　his　time；　his

life；　his　blood；　his　best　words；　besides　his　heart；　his　soul；　and　his

brain；　things　to　which　the　women　are　cruelly　partial；　because　directly

their　tongues　begin　to　go；　they　say　among　themselves　that　if　they　have

not　the　whole　of　a　man　they　have　none　of　him。　Be　sure；　also；　that

there　are　cats；　who；　knitting　their　eyebrows；　complain　that　a　man　does

but　a　hundred　things　for　them；　for　the　purpose　of　finding　out　if　there

be　a　hundred；　at　first　seeing　that　in　everything　they　desire　the　most

thorough　spirit　of　conquest　and　tyranny。　And　this　high　jurisprudence

has　always　flourished　among　the　customs　of　Paris；　where　the　women

receive　more　wit　at　their　baptism　than　in　any　other　place　in　the

world；　and　thus　are　mischievous　by　birth。



But　our　silversmith；　always　busy　at　his　work；　burnishing　gold　and

melting　silver；　had　no　time　to　warm　his　love　or　to　burnish　and　make

shine　his　fantasies；　nor　to　show　off；　gad　about；　waste　his　time　in

mischief；　or　to　run　after　she…males。　Now　seeing　that　in　Paris　virgins

do　not　fall　into　the　beds　of　young　men　any　more　than　roast　pheasants

into　the　streets；　not　even　when　the　young　men　are　royal　silversmiths；

the　Touranian　had　the　advantage　of　having；　as　I　have　before　observed；

a　continent　member　in　his　shirt。　However；　the　good　man　could　not　close

his　eyes　to　the　advantage　of　nature　with　which　were　so　amply　furnished

the　ladies　with　whom　he　dilated　upon　the　value　of　his　jewels。　So　it

was　that；　after　listening　to　the　gentle　discourse　of　the　ladies；　who

tried　to　wheedle　and　to　fondle　him　to　obtain　a　favour　from　him；　the

good　Touranian　would　return　to　his　home；　dreamy　as　a　poet；　wretched　as

a　restless　cuckoo；　and　would　say　to　himself；　〃I　must　take　to　myself　a

wife。　She　would　keep　the　house　tidy；　keep　the　plates　hot　for　me；　fold

the　clothes　for　me；　sew　my　buttons　on；　sing　merrily　about　the　house；

tease　me　to　do　everything　according　to　her　taste；　would　say　to　me　as

they　all　say　to　their　husbands　when　they　want　a　jewel；　'Oh；　my　own

pet；　look　at　this；　is　it　not　pretty？'　And　every　one　in　the　quarter

will　think　of　my　wife　and　then　of　me；　and　say　'There's　a　happy　man。'

Then　the　getting　married；　the　bridal　festivities；　to　fondle　Madame

Silversmith；　to　dress　her　superbly；　give　her　a　fine　gold　chain；　to

worship　her　from　crown　to　toe；　to　give　her　the　whole　management　of　the

house；　except　the　cash；　to　give　her　a　nice　little　room　upstairs；　with

good　windows；　pretty；　and　hung　around　with　tapestry；　with　a　wonderful

chest　in　it　and　a　fine　large　bed；　with　twisted　columns　and　curtains　of

yellow　silk。　He　would　buy　her　beautiful　mirrors；　and　there　would

always　be　a　dozen　or　so　of　children；　his　and　hers；　when　he　came　home

to　greet　him。〃　Then　wife　and　children　would　vanish　into　the　clouds。　He

transferred　his　melancholy　imaginings　to　fantastic　designs；　fashioned

his　amorous　thoughts　into　grotesque　jewels　that　pleased　their　buyers

well；　they　not　knowing　how　many　wives　and　children　were　lost　in　the

productions　of　the　good　man；　who；　the　more　talent　he　threw　into　his

art；　the　more　disordered　he　became。　Now　if　God　had　not　had　pity　upon

him；　he　would　have　quitted　this　world　without　knowing　what　love　was；

but　would　have　known　it　in　the　other　without　that　metamorphosis　of　the

flesh　which　spares　it；　according　to　Monsieur　Plato；　a　man　of　some

authority；　but　who；　not　being　a　Christian；　was　wrong。　But；　there！

these　preparatory　digressions　are　the　idle　digressions　and　fastidious

commentaries　which　certain　unbelievers　compel　a　man　to　wind　about　a

tale；　swaddling　clothes　about　an　infant　when　it　should　run　about　stark

naked。　May　the　great　devil　give　them　a　clyster　with　his　red…hot　three…

prong