ragged lady, v2-第37章

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her　mother　coming　to　her　share　in　her；　but　again　she　was　like　her　father；
full　of　the　sunny　gayety　of　self…forgetfulness；　and　then　Miss　Milray
said；　〃Now　you　are　the　old　Clementina！〃

Upon　the　whole　she　listened　with　few　interruptions　to　the　story　which　she
exacted。　　It　was　mainly　what　we　know。　　After　her　husband's　death
Clementina　had　gone　back　to　his　family　for　a　time；　and　each　year　since
she　had　spent　part　of　the　winter　with　them；　but　it　was　very　lonesome　for
her；　and　she　began　to　be　home…sick　for　Middlemount。　　They　saw　it　and
considered　it。　　〃They　ah'　the　best　people；　Miss　Milray！〃　she　said；　and
her　voice；　which　was　firm　when　she　spoke　of　her　husband；　broke　in　the
words　of　minor　feeling。　　Besides　being　a　little　homesick；　she　ended；　she
was　not　willing　to　live　on　there；　doing　nothing　for　herself；　and　so　she
had　come　back。

〃And　you　are　here；　doing　just　what　you　planned　when　you　talked　your　life
over　with　me　in　Venice！〃

〃Yes；　but　life　isn't　eva　just　what　we　plan　it　to　be；　Miss　Milray。〃

〃Ah；　don't　I　know　it！〃

Clementina　surprised　Miss　Milray　by　adding；　〃In　a　great　many　things
I　don't　know　but　in　mostit's　better。　　I　don't　complain　of　mine〃

〃You　poor　child！　　You　never　complained　of　anythingnot　even　of　Mrs。
Lander！〃

〃But　it's　different　from　what　I　expected；　and　it'sstrange。〃

〃Yes；　life　is　very　strange。〃

〃I　don't　mean…losing　him。　　That　had　to　be。　　I　can　see；　now；　that　it　had
to　be　almost　from　the　beginning。　　It　seems　to　me　that　I　knew　it　had　to　be
from　the　fust　minute　I　saw　him　in　New　Yo'k；　but　he　didn't；　and　I　am　glad
of　that。　　Except　when　he　was　getting　wohse；　he　always　believed　he　should
get　well；　and　he　was　getting　well；　when　he〃

Miss　Milray　did　not　violate　the　pause　she　made　with　any　question；　though
it　was　apparent　that　Clementina　had　something　on　her　mind　that　she　wished
to　say；　and　could　hardly　say　of　herself。

She　began　again；　〃I　was　glad　through　everything　that　I　could　live　with
him　so　long。　　If　there　is　nothing　moa；　here　or　anywhe'a；　that　was
something。　　But　it　is　strange。　　Sometimes　it　doesn't　seem　as　if　it　had
happened。〃

〃I　think　I　can　understand；　Clementina。〃

〃I　feel　sometimes　as　if　I　hadn't　happened　myself。〃　　She　stopped；　with　a
patient　little　sigh；　and　passed　her　hand　across　the　child's　forehead；
in　a　mother's　fashion；　and　smoothed　her　hair　from　it；　bending　over　to
look　down　into　her　face。　　〃We　think　she　has　her　fatha's　eyes；〃　she　said。

〃Yes；　she　has；〃　Miss　Milray　assented；　noting　the　upward　slant　of　the
child's　eyes；　which　gave　his　quaintness　to　her　beauty。　　〃He　had
fascinating　eyes。〃

After　a　moment　Clementina　asked；　〃Do　you　believe　that　the　looks　are　all
that　ah'　left？〃

Miss　Milray　reflected。　　〃I　know　what　you　mean。　　I　should　say　character
was　left；　and　personalitysomewhere。〃

〃I　used　to　feel　as　if　it　we'e　left　here；　at　fustas　if　he　must　come
back。　　But　that　had　to　go。〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Everything　seems　to　go。　　After　a　while　even　the　loss　of　him　seemed　to
go。〃

〃Yes；　losses　go　with　the　rest。〃

〃That's　what　I　mean　by　its　seeming　as　if　it　never　any　of　it　happened。
Some　things　before　it　are　a　great　deal　more　real。〃

〃Little　things？〃

〃Not　exactly。　　But　things　when　I　was　very　young。〃　　Miss　Milray　did　not
know　quite　what　she　intended；　but　she　knew　that　Clementina　was　feeling
her　way　to　something　she　wanted　to　say；　and　she　let　her　alone。　　〃When　it
was　all　over；　and　I　knew　that　as　long　as　I　lived　he　would　be　somewhere
else；　I　tried　to　be　paht　of　the　wo'ld　I　was　left　in。　　Do　you　think　that
was　right？〃

〃It　was　wise；　and；　yes；　it　was　best；〃　said　Miss　Milray；　and　for　relief
from　the　tension　which　was　beginning　to　tell　upon　her　own　nerves；　she
asked；　〃I　suppose　you　know　about　my　poor　brother？　　I'd　better　tell　you　to
keep　you　from　asking　for　Mrs。　Milray；　though　I　don't　know　that　it's　so
very　painful　with　him。　　There　isn't　any　Mrs。　Milray　now；〃　she　added；　and
she　explained　why。

Neither　of　them　cared　for　Mrs。　Milray；　and　they　did　not　pretend　to　be
concerned　about　her；　but　Clementina　said；　vaguely；　as　if　in　recognition
of　Mrs。　Milray's　latest　experiment；　〃Do　you　believe　in　second　marriages？〃

Miss　Milray　laughed；　〃Well；　not　that　kind　exactly。〃

〃No；〃　Clementina　assented；　and　she　colored　a　little。

Miss　Milray　was　moved　to　add；　〃But　if　you　mean　another　kind；　I　don't　see
why　not。　　My　own　mother　was　married　twice。〃

〃Was　she？〃　Clementina　looked　relieved　and　encouraged；　but　she　did　not　say
any　more　at　once。　　Then　she　asked；　〃Do　you　know　what　ever　became　of　Mr。
Belsky？〃

〃Yes。　　He's　taken　his　title　again；　and　gone　back　to　live　in　Russia；　he's
made　peace　with　the　Czar；　I　believe。〃

〃That's　nice；〃　said　Clementina；　and　Miss　Milray　made　bold　to　ask：

〃And　what　has　become　of　Mr。　Gregory？〃

Clementina　answered；　as　Miss　Milray　thought；　tentatively　and　obliquely：
〃You　know　his　wife　died。〃

〃No；　I　never　knew　that　she　lived。〃

〃Yes。　　They　went　out　to　China；　and　she　died　the'a。〃

〃And　is　he　there　yet？　　But　of　course！　　He　could　never　have　given　up　being
a　missionary。〃

〃Well；〃　said　Clementina；　〃　he　isn't　in　China。　　His　health　gave　out；　and
he　had　to　come　home。　　He's　in…Middlemount　Centa。〃

Miss　Milray　suppressed　the　〃Oh！〃　that　all　but　broke　from　her　lips。
〃Preaching　to　the　heathen；　there？〃　　she　temporized。

〃To　the　summa　folks；〃　Clementina　explained；　innocent　of　satire。　　〃They
have　got　a　Union　Chapel　the'a；　now；　and　Mr。　Gregory　has　been　preaching
all　summa。〃　　There　seemed　nothing　more　that　Miss　Milray　could　prompt　her
to　say；　but　it　was　not　quite　with　surprise　that　she　heard　Clementina
continue；　as　if　it　were　part　of　the　explanation；　and　followed　from　the
fact　she　had　stated；　〃He　wants　me　to　marry　him。〃

Miss　Milray　tried　to　emulate　her　calm　in　asking；　〃And　shall　you？〃

〃I　don't　know。　　I　told　him　I　would　see；　he　only　asked　me　last　night。　　It
would　be　kind　of　natural。　　He　was　the　fust。　　You　may　think　it　is
strange〃

Miss　Milray；　in　the　superstition　of　her　old…maidenhood　concerning　love；
really　thought　it　cold…blooded　and　shocking；　but　she　said；　〃Oh；　no。〃

Clementina　resumed：　〃And　he　says　that　if　it　was　right　for　me　to　stop
caring　for　him　when　I　did；　it　is　right　now　for　me　to　ca'e　for　him　again；
where　the'e's　no　one　to　be　hu't　by　it。　　Do　you　think　it　is？〃

〃Yes；　why　not？〃　Miss　Milray　was　forced　to　the　admission　against　what　she
believed　the　finer　feelings　'of　her　nature。

Clementina　sighed；　〃I　suppose　he's　right。　　I　always　thought　he　was　good。
Women　don't　seem　to　belong　very　much　to　themselves　in　this　wo'ld；　do
they？〃

〃No；　they　seem　to　belong　to　the　men；　either　because　they　want　the　men；　or
the　men　want　them；　it　comes　to　the　same　thing。　　I　suppose　you　don't　wish
me　to　advise　you；　my　dear？〃

〃No。　　I　presume　it's　something　I've　got　to　think　out　for　myself。〃

〃But　I　think　he's　good；　too。　　I　ought　to　say　that　much；　for　I　didn't
always　stand　his　friend　with　you。　　If　Mr。　Gregory　has　any　fault　it's
being　too　scrupulous。〃

〃You　mean；　about　that　old　troubleour　not　believing　just　the　same？〃
Miss　Milray　meant　something　much　more　temperamental　than　that；　but　she
allowed　Clementina　to　limit　her　meaning；　and　Clementina　went　on。
〃He's　changed　all　round　now。　　He　thinks　it's　all　in　the　life。　　He　says
that　in　China　they　couldn't　understand　what　he　believed；　but　they　could
what　he　lived。　　And　he　knows　I　neva　could　be　very　religious。〃

It　was　in　Miss　Milray's　heart　to　protest；　〃　Clementina；　I　think　you　are
one　of　the　most　religious　persons　I　ever　knew；〃　but　she　forebore；　because
the　praise　seemed　to　her　an　invasion　of　Clementina's　dignity。　　She　merely
said；　〃Well；　I　am　glad　he　is　one　of　those　who　grow　more　liberal　as　they
grow　older。　　That　is　a　good　sign　for　your　happiness。　　But　I　dare　say　it's
more　of　his　happiness　you　think。〃

〃Oh；　I　should　like　to　be　happy；　too。　　There　would　be　no　sense　in　it　if　I
wasn't。〃

〃No；　certainly　not。〃

〃Miss　Milray；〃　said　Clementina；　with　a　kind　of　abruptness；　〃do　you　eva
hear　anything　from　Dr。　Welwright？〃

〃No！　　Why？〃　Miss　Milray　fastened　her　gaze　vividly　upon　her。

〃Oh；　nothing。　　He　wanted　me　to　promise　him；　there　in　Venice；　too。〃

〃I　didn't　know　it。〃

〃Yes。　　ButI　couldn't；　then。　　And　nowhe's　written　to　me。　　He　wants　me
to　let　him　come　ova；