ragged lady, v2-第24章

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left　her　when　she　was　sick　and　depended　on　me；　it　would　look　wohse；　yet
as　if　I　did　it　because　she　was　going　to　give　her　money　to　Mr。　Landa's
family。　　She　wants　to　do　that；　and　I　told　her　to；　I　think　that　would　be
right；　don't　you？〃

〃It　would　be　right　for　you；　Clementina；　if　you　preferred　itandI
should　prefer　it。　　But　it　wouldn't　be　right　for　her。　　She　has　given　you
hopesshe　has　made　promisesshe　has　talked　to　everybody。〃

〃I　don't　ca'e　for　that。　　I　shouldn't　like　to　feel　beholden　to　any　one；
and　I　think　it　really　belongs　to　his　relations；　it　was　HIS。〃

Miss　Milray　did　not　say　anything　to　this。　　She　asked；　〃And　if　you　went
back；　what　would　you　do　there？　　Labor　in　the　fields；　as　poor　little
Belsky　advised？〃

Clementina　laughed。　　〃No；　but　I　expect　you'll　think　it's　almost　as　crazy。
You　know　how　much　I　like　dancing？　　Well；　I　think　I　could　give　dancing
lessons　at　the　Middlemount。　　There　are　always　a　good　many　children；　and
girls　that　have　not　grown　up；　and　I　guess　I　could　get　pupils　enough；　as
long　as　the　summa　lasted；　and　come　winter；　I'm　not　afraid　but　what　I
could　get　them　among　the　young　folks　at　the　Center。　　I　used　to　teach　them
before　I　left　home。〃

Miss　Milray　sat　looking　at　her。　　〃I　don't　know　about　such　things；　but　it
sounds　sensiblelike　everything　about　you；　my　dear。　　It　sounds　queer；
perhaps　because　you're　talking　of　such　a　White　Mountain　scheme　here　in
Venice。〃

〃Yes；　don't　it？〃　said　Clementina；　sympathetically。　　〃I　was　thinking　of
that；　myself。　　But　I　know　I　could　do　it。　　I　could　go　round　to　different
hotels；　different　days。　　Yes；　I　should　like　to　go　home；　and　they　would　be
glad　to　have　me。　　You　can't　think　how　pleasantly　we　live；　and　we're
company　enough　for　each　other。　　I　presume　I　should　miss　the　things　I've
got　used　to　ova　here；　at　fust；　but　I　don't　believe　I　should　care　a　great
while。　　I　don't　deny　but　what　the　wo'ld　is　nice；　but　you　have　to　pay　for
it；　I　don't　mean　that　you　would　make　me〃

〃No；　no！　　We　understand　each　other。　　Go　on！〃

Miss　Milray　leaned　towards　her　and　pressed　the　girl's　arm　reassuringly。

As　often　happens　with　people　when　they　are　told　to　go　on；　Clementina
found　that　she　had　not　much　more　to　say。　　〃I　think　I　could　get　along　in
the　wo'ld；　well　enough。　　Yes；　I　believe　I　could　do　it。　　But　I　wasn't　bohn
to　it；　and　it　would　be　a　great　deal　of　troublea　great　deal　moa　than　if
I　had　been　bohn　to　it。　　I　think　it　would　be　too　much　trouble。　　I　would
rather　give　it　up　and　go　home；　when　Mrs。　Landa　wants　to　go　back。〃

Miss　Milray　did　not　speak　for　a　time。　　〃I　know　that　you　are　serious；
Clementina；　and　you're　wise　always；　and　good〃

〃It　isn't　that；　exactly；〃　said　Clementina。　　〃But　is　itI　don't　know　how
to　express　it　very　wellis　it　wo'th　while？

Miss　Milray　looked　at　her　as　if　she　doubted　the　girl's　sincerity。　　Even
when　the　world；　in　return　for　our　making　it　our　whole　life；　disappoints
and　defeats　us　with　its　prizes；　we　still　question　the　truth　of　those　who
question　the　value　of　these　prizes；　we　think　they　must　be　hopeless　of
them；　or　must　be　governed　by　some　interest　momentarily　superior。

Clementina　pursued；　〃I　know　that　you　have　had　all　you　wanted　of　the
wo'ld〃

〃Oh；　no！〃　　the　woman　broke　out；　almost　in　anguish。　　〃Not　what　I　wanted！
What　I　tried　for。　　It　never　gave　me　what　I　wanted。　　Itcouldn't！〃

〃Well？〃

〃It　isn't　worth　while　in　that　sense。　　But　if　you　can't　have　what　you
want；if　there's　been　a　hollow　left　in　your　lifewhy　the　world　goes　a
great　way　towards　filling　up　the　aching　void。〃　　The　tone　of　the　last
words　was　lighter　than　their　meaning；　but　Clementina　weighed　them　aright。

〃Miss　Milray；〃　she　said；　pinching　the　edge　of　the　table　by　which　she　sat；
a　little　nervously；　and　banging　her　head　a　little；　〃I　think　I　can　have
what　I　want。〃　　Then；　give　the　whole　world　for　it；　child！〃

〃There　is　something　I　should　like　to　tell　you。〃

〃Yes！〃

For　you　to　advise　me　about。〃

I　will；　my　dear；　gladly　and　truly！

〃He　was　here　before　you　came。　　He　asked　me〃

Miss　Milray　gave　a　start　of　alarm。　　She　said；　to　gain　time：　〃How　did　he
get　here？　　I　supposed　he　was　in　Germany　with　his〃

〃No；　he　was　here　the　whole　of　May。〃

〃Mr。　Gregory！〃

〃Mr。　Gregory？〃　　Clementina's　face　flushed　and　drooped　Still　lower。
〃I　meant　Mr。　Hinkle。　　But　if　you　think　I　oughtn't〃

〃I　don't　think　anything；　I'm　so　glad！　　I　supposed　from　what　you　said
about　the　world；　that　it　must　be　But　if　it　isn't；　all　the　better。　　If
it's　Mr。　Hinkle　that　you　can　have〃

〃I'm　not　sure　I　can。　　I　should　like　to　tell　you　just　how　it　is；　and　then
you　will　know。〃　　It　needed　fewer　words　for　this　than　she　expected；　and
then　Clementina　took　a　letter　from　her　pocket；　and　gave　it　to　Miss
Milray。　　〃He　wrote　it　on　the　train；　going　away；　and　it's　not　very　plain；
but　I　guess　you　can　make　it　out。〃

Miss　Milray　received　the　penciled　leaves；　which　seemed　to　be　pages　torn
out　of　a　note…book。　　They　were　dated　the　day　Hinkle　left　Venice；　and　the
envelope　bore　the　postmark　of　Verona。　　They　were　not　addressed；　but　began
abruptly：　〃I　believe　I　have　made　a　mistake；　I　ought　not　to　have　given　you
up　till　I　knew　something　that　no　one　but　you　can　tell　me。　　You　are　not
bound　to　any　body　unless　you　wish　to　be　so。　　That　is　what　I　see　now；　and
I　will　not　give　you　up　if　I　can　help　it。　　Even　if　you　had　made　a　promise；
and　then　changed　your　mind；　you　would　not　be　bound　in　such　a　thing　as
this。　　I　say　this；　and　I　know　you　will　not　believe　I　say　it　because　I
want　you。　　I　do　want　you；　but　I　would　not　urge　you　to　break　your　faith。
I　only　ask　you　to　realize　that　if　you　kept　your　word　when　your　heart　had
gone　out　of　it；　you　would　be　breaking　your　faith；　and　if　you　broke　your
word　you　would　be　keeping　your　faith。　　But　if　your　heart　is　still　in　your
word；　I　have　no　more　to　say。　　Nobody　knows　but　you。　　I　would　get　out　and
take　the　first　train　back　to　Venice　if　it　were　not　for　two　things。　　I
know　it　would　be　hard　on　me；　and　I　am　afraid　it　might　be　hard　on　you。
But　if　you　will　write　me　a　line　at　Milan；　when　you　get　this；　or　if　you
will　write　to　me　at　London　before　July；　or　at　New　York　at　any　timefor　I
expect　to　wait　as　long　as　I　live〃

The　letter　ended　here　in　the　local　addresses　which　the　writer　gave。

Miss　Milray　handed　the　leaves　back　to　Clementina；　who　put　them　into　her
pocket；　and　apparently　waited　for　her　questions。

〃And　have　you　written？〃

〃No；〃　said　the　girl；　slowly　and　thoughtfully；　〃I　haven't。　　I　wanted　to；
at　fust；　and　then；　I　thought　that　if　he　truly　meant　what　he　said　he　would
be　willing　to　wait。〃

〃And　why　did　you　want　to　wait？〃

Clementina　replied　with　a　question　of　her　own。　　〃Miss　Milray；　what　do　you
think　about　Mr。　Gregory？〃

〃Oh；　you　mustn't　ask　me　that；　my　dear！　　I　was　afraid　I　had　told　you　too
plainly；　the　last　time。〃

〃I　don't　mean　about　his　letting　me　think　he　didn't　ca'e　for　me；　so　long。
But　don't　you　think　he　wants　to　do　what　is　right！　　Mr。　Gregory；　I　mean。〃

〃Well；　if　you　put　me　on　my　honor；　I'm　afraid　I　do。〃

〃You　see；〃　Clementina　resumed。　　〃He　was　the　fust　one；　and　I　did　ca'e　for
him　a　great　deal；　and　I　might　have　gone　on　caring　for　him；　if　When　I
found　out　that　I　didn't　care　any　longer；　or　so　much；　it　seemed　to　me　as
if　it　must　be　wrong。　　Do　you　think　it　was？〃

〃No…no。〃

〃When　I　got　to　thinking　about　some　one　else　at　fust　it　was　only　not
thinking　about　himI　was　ashamed。　　Then　I　tried　to　make　out　that　I　was
too　young　in　the　fust　place；　to　know　whether　I　really　ca'ed　for　any　one
in　the　right　way；　but　after　I　made　out　that　I　was；　I　couldn't　feel
exactly　easyand　I've　been　wanting　to　ask　you；　Miss　Milray〃

〃Ask　me　anything　you　like；　my　dear！〃

〃Why；　it's　only　whether　a　person　ought　eva　to　change。〃

〃We　change　whether　we　ought；　or　not。　　It　isn't　a　matter　of　duty；　one　way
or　another。〃

〃Yes；　but　ought　we　to　stop　caring　for　somebody；　when　perhaps　we　shouldn't
if　somebody　else　hadn't　come　between？　　That　is　the　question。〃

〃No；〃　Miss　Milray　retorted；　〃that　isn't　at　all　the　question。　　The
question　is　which　you　want　and　whether　you　could　get　him。　　Whichever　you
want　most　it　is　right　for　you　to　have。〃

〃Do　you　truly　think　so？〃

〃I　do；　indeed。　　This　is　the　one　thing　in　life　where　one　may　choose　safest
what　one　likes　best；　I　mean