ragged lady, v2-第18章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
Clementina could only say； 〃Perhaps if He meant me to do it for Him； He
would have made me want to。 He made you。〃
〃Yes；〃 said Gregory； and for a long time he could not say any more。 He
sat with his elbow on the table； and his head against his lifted hand。
〃You see；〃 she began； gently； 〃I got to thinking that even if I eva came
to believe what you wanted me to； I should be doing it after all； because
you wanted me to〃
〃Yes； yes；〃 he answered； desolately。 〃There is no way out of it。 If you
only hated me； Clementina； despised meI don't mean that。 But if you
were not so good； I could have a more hope for youfor myself。 It's
because you are so good that I can't make myself wish to change you； and
yet I knowI am afraid that if you told me my life and objects were
wrong； I should turn from them； and be whatever you said。 Do you tell me
that？〃
〃No； indeed！〃 cried Clementina； with abhorrence。 〃Then I should despise
you。〃
He seemed not to heed her。 He moved his lips as if he were talking to
himself； and he pleaded； 〃What shall we do？〃
〃We must try to think it out； and if we can'tif you can't let me give
up to you unless I do it for the same reason that you do； and if I can't
let you give up for me； and I know I could neva do that； then
we mustn't！〃
〃Do you mean； we must part？ Not see each other again？〃
〃What use would it be？〃
〃None；〃 he owned。 She had risen； and he stood up perforce。 〃May Imay
I come back to tell you？〃
〃Tell me what？〃 she asked。
〃You are right！ If I can't make it right； I won't come。 But I won't say
good bye。 Ican't。〃
She let him go； and Maddalena came in at the door。 〃Signorina；〃 she
said； 〃the signora is not well。 Shall I send for the doctor？〃
〃Yes； yes； Maddalena。 Run！〃 cried Clementina； distractedly。 She hurried
to Mrs。 Lander's room； where she found her too sick for reproaches； for
anything but appeals for help and pity。 The girl had not to wait for
Doctor Welwright's coming to understand that the attack was severer than
any before。
It lasted through the day； and she could see that he was troubled。 It
had not followed upon any imprudeuce； as Mrs。 Lander pathetically called
Clementina to witness when her pain had been so far quelled that she
could talk of her seizure。
He found her greatly weakened by it the next day； and he sat looking
thoughtfully at her before he said that she needed toning up。 She caught
at the notion。 〃Yes； yes！ That's what I need； docta！ Toning up！
That's what I need。〃
He suggested； 〃 How would you like to try the sea air； and the bathsat
Venice？〃
〃Oh； anything； anywhere； to get out of this dreadful hole！ I ha'n't had
a well minute since I came。 And Clementina；〃 the sick woman whimpered；
〃is so taken up all the time； he'a； that I can't get the right
attention。〃
The doctor looked compassionately away from the girl； and said； 〃 Well；
we must arrange about getting you off； then。〃
〃But I want you should go with me； doctor； and see me settled all right。
You can； can't you？ I sha'n't ca'e how much it costs？〃
The doctor said gravely he thought he could manage it and he ignored the
long unconscious sigh of relief that Clementina drew。
In all her confusing anxieties for Mrs。 Lander； Gregory remained at the
bottom of her heart a dumb ache。 When the pressure of her fears was
taken from her she began to suffer for him consciously； then a letter
came from him：
〃I cannot make it right。 It is where it was； and I feel that I must
not see you again。 I am trying to do right； but with the fear that
I am wrong。 Send some word to help me before I go away to…morrow。
F。 G。〃
It was what she had expected； she knew now； but it was none the less to
be borne because of her expectation。 She wrote back：
〃I believe you are doing the best you can； and I shall always
believe that。
Her note brought back a long letter from him。 He said that whatever he
did； or wherever he went； he should try to be true to her ideal of him。
If they renounced their love now for the sake of what seemed higher than
their love； they might suffer； but they could not choose but do as they
were doing。
Clementina was trying to make what she could of this when Miss Milray's
name came up； and Miss Milray followed it。
〃I wanted to ask after Mrs。 Lander； and I want you to tell her ； I did。
Will you？ Dr。 Welwright says he's going to take her to Venice。 Well；
I'm sorrysorry for your going； Clementina； and I'm truly sorry for the
cause of it。 I shall miss you； my dear； I shall indeed。 You know I
always wanted to steal you； but you'll do me the justice to say I never
did； and I won't try； now。〃
〃Perhaps I wasn't worth stealing；〃 Clementina suggested； with a
ruefulness in her smile that went to Miss Milray's heart。
She put her arms round her and kissed her。 I wasn't very kind to you； the
other day； Clementina； was I？〃
〃I don't know；〃 Clementina faltered； with half…averted face。
〃Yes； you do！ I was trying to make…believe that I didn't want to meddle
with your affairs； but I was really vexed that you hadn't told me your
story before。 It hasn't taken me all this time to reflect that you
couldn't； but it has to make myself come and confess that I had been dry
and cold with you。〃 She hesitated。 〃It's come out all right； hasn't it；
Clementina？〃 she asked； tenderly。 〃You see I want to meddle； now。〃
〃We ah' trying to think so；〃 sighed the girl。
〃Tell me about it！〃 Miss Milray pulled her down on the sofa with her； and
modified her embrace to a clasp of Clementina's bands。
〃Why； there isn't much to tell；〃 she began； but she told what there was；
and Miss Milray kept her countenance concerning the scruple that had
parted Clementina and her lover。 〃Perhaps he wouldn't have thought of
it；〃 she said； in a final self…reproach； if I hadn't put it into his
head。〃
〃Well； then； I'm not sorry you put it into his head；〃 cried Miss Milray。
〃Clementina； may I say what I think of Mr。 Gregory's performance？〃
〃Why； certainly； Miss Milray！〃
I think he's not merely a gloomy little bigot； but a very hard…hearted
little wretch； and I'm glad you're rid of him。 No； stop！ Let me go on！
You said I might！ she persisted； at a protest which imparted itself from
Clementina's restive hands。 〃It was selfish and cruel of him to let you
believe that he had forgotten you。 It doesn't make it right now； when an
accident has forced him to tell you that he cared for you all along。〃
〃Why； do you look at it that way； Miss Milray？ If he was doing it on my
account？〃
〃He may think he was doing it on your account； but I think he was doing
it on his own。 In such a thing as that； a man is bound by his mistakes；
if he has made any。 He can't go back of them by simply ignoring them。
It didn't make it the same for you when he decided for your sake that he
would act as if he had never spoken to you。〃
〃I presume he thought that it would come right； sometime；〃 Clementina
urged。 〃I did。〃
〃Yes； that was very well for you； but it wasn't at all well for him。 He
behaved cruelly； there's no other word for it。〃
〃I don't believe he meant to be cruel； Miss Milray；〃 said Clementina。
〃You're not sorry you've broken with him？〃 demanded Miss Milray；
severely； and she let go of Clementina's hands。
〃I shouldn't want him to think I hadn't been fai'a。〃
〃I don't understand what you mean by not being fair；〃 said Miss Milray；
after a study of the girl's eyes。
〃I mean；〃 Clementina explained； 〃that if I let him think the religion was
all the'e was； it wouldn't have been fai'a。〃
Why； weren't you sincere about that？〃
〃Of cou'se I was！〃 returned the girl； almost indignantly。 〃But if the'e
was anything else； I ought to have told him that； too； and I couldn't。〃
〃Then you can't tell me； of course？〃 Miss Milray rose in a little pique。
〃Perhaps some day I will；〃 the girl entreated。 〃And perhaps that was
all。〃
Miss Milray laughed。 〃Well； if that was enough to end it； I'm satisfied；
and I'll let you keep your mysteryif it is onetill we meet in Venice；
I shall be there early in June。 Good bye； dear； and say good bye to Mrs。
Lander for me。〃
