ragged lady, v2-第17章
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her account； and her heart ached after him with a sense of his sweetness
and goodness； which she had felt from the first through his quaint
drolling。 It was as if the door which closed upon him shut her out of
the life she had been living of late； and into the life of the past where
she was subject again to the spell of Gregory's mood； it was hardly his
will。
He began at once： 〃I wished to make you say something this morning that I
have no right to hear you say； yet； and I have been trying ever since to
think how I could ask you whether you could share my life with me； and
yet not ask you to do it。 But I can't do anything without knowing
You may not care for what my life is to be； at all！〃
Clementina's head drooped a little； but she answered distinctly； 〃I do
ca'e； Mr。 Gregory。〃
〃Thank you for that much； I don't count upon more than you have said。
Clementina； I am going to be a missionary。 I think I shall ask to be
sent to China； I've not decided yet。 My life will be hard； it will be
full of danger and privation； it will be exile。 You will have to think
of sharing such a life if you think〃
He stopped； the time had come for her to speak； and she said； 〃I knew you
wanted to be a missionary〃
〃Andandyou would go with me？ You would〃 He started toward her； and
she did not shrink from him； now； but he checked himself。 〃But you
mustn't； you know； for my sake。〃
〃I don't believe I quite undastand；〃 she faltered。
〃You must not do it for me； but for what makes me do it。 Without that
our life； our work； could have no consecration。〃
She gazed at him in patient； faintly smiling bewilderment； as if it were
something he would unriddle for her when he chose。
〃We mustn't err in this； it would be worse than error； it would be sin。〃
He took a turn about the room； and then stopped before her。 〃Will you
will you join me in a prayer for guidance； Clementina？〃
〃II don't know；〃 she hesitated。 〃I will； butdo you think I had
betta？〃
He began； 〃Why； surely〃After a moment he asked gravely； 〃You believe
that our actions will be guided aright； if we seek help？〃
〃Oh； yesyes〃
〃And that if we do not； we shall stumble in our ignorance？〃
〃I don't know。 I never thought of that。〃
〃Never thought of it〃
〃We never did it in our family。 Father always said that if we really
wanted to do right we could find the way。〃 Gregory looked daunted； and
then he frowned darkly。 〃Are you provoked with me？ Do you think what
I have said is wrong？〃
〃No； no！ You must say what you believe。 It would be double hypocrisy in
me if I prevented you。〃
〃But I would do it； if you wanted me to；〃 she said。
〃Oh； for me； for ME！〃 he protested。 〃I will try to tell you what I mean；
and why you must not； for that very reason。〃 But he had to speak of
himself； of the miracle of finding her again by the means which should
have lost her to him forever； and of the significance of this。 Then it
appeared to him that he could not reject such a leading without error；
without sin。 〃Such a thing could not have merely happened。〃
It seemed so to Clementina； too； she eagerly consented that this was
something they must think of； as well。 But the light waned； the dark
thickened in the room before he left her to do so。 Then he said
fervently； 〃We must not doubt that everything will come right；〃 and his
words seemed an effect of inspiration to them both。
XXVII。
After Gregory was gone a misgiving began in Clementina's mind； which grew
more distinct； through all the difficulties of accounting to Mrs。 Lander
for his long stay； The girl could see that it was with an obscure
jealousy that she pushed her questions； and said at last； 〃That Mr。
Hinkle is about the best of the lot。 He's the only one that's eva had
the mannas to ask after me； except that lo'd。 He did。〃
Clementina could not pretend that Gregory had asked； but she could not
blame him for a forgetfulness of Mrs。 Lander which she had shared with
him。 This helped somehow to deepen the misgiving which followed her from
Mrs。 Lander's bed to her own； and haunted her far into the night。 She
could escape from it only by promising herself to deal with it the first
thing in the morning。 She did this in terms much briefer than she
thought she could have commanded。 She supposed she would have to write a
very long letter； but she came to the end of all she need say； in a very
few lines。
DEAR MR。 GREGORY：
〃I have been thinking about what you said yesterday； and I have to
tell you something。 Then you can do what is right for both of us；
you will know better than I can。 But I want you to understand that
if I go with you in your missionary life； I shall do it for you； and
not for anything else。 I would go anywhere and live anyhow for you；
but it would be for you； I do not believe that I am religious； and I
know that I should not do it for religion。
〃That is all； but I could not get any peace till I let you know just
how I felt。
〃CLEMENTINA CLAXON。〃
The letter went early in the morning； though not so early but it was put
in Gregory's hand as he was leaving his hotel to go to Mrs。 Lander's。 He
tore it open； and read it on the way； and for the first moment it seemed
as if it were Providence leading him that he might lighten Clementina's
heart of its doubts with the least delay。 He had reasoned that if she
would share for his sake the life that he should live for righteousness'
sake they would be equally blest in it； and it would be equally
consecrated in both。 But this luminous conclusion faded in his thought
as he hurried on； and he found himself in her presence with something
like a hope that she would be inspired to help him。
His soul lifted at the sound of the gay voice in which she asked； 〃Did
you get my letta？〃 and it seemed for the instant as if there could be no
trouble that their love could not overcome。
〃Yes；〃 he said； and he put his arms around her； but with a provisionality
in his embrace which she subtly perceived。
〃And what did you think of it？〃 she asked。 〃Did you think I was silly？〃
He was aware that she had trusted him to do away her misgiving。 〃No；
no；〃 he answered； guiltily。 〃Wiser than I am； always。 II want to talk
with you about it； Clementina。 I want you to advise me。〃
He felt her shrink from him； and with a pang he opened his arms to free
her。 But it was right； he must。 She had been expecting him to say that
there was nothing in her misgiving； and he could not say it。
〃Clementina；〃 he entreated； 〃why do you think you are not religious？〃
〃Why； I have never belonged to chu'ch；〃 she answered simply。 He looked
so daunted； that she tried to soften the blow after she had dealt it。
〃Of course； I always went to chu'ch； though father and motha didn't。
I went to the Episcopalto Mr。 Richling's。 But I neva was confirmed。〃
〃But…you believe in God？〃
〃Why； certainly！〃
〃And in the Bible？〃
〃Why； of cou'se！〃
〃And that it is our duty to bear the truth to those who have never heard
of it？〃
〃I know that is the way you feel about it； but I am not certain that I
should feel so myself if you didn't want me to。 That's what I got to
thinking about last night。〃 She added hopefully； 〃But perhaps it isn't
so great a thing as I〃
〃It's a very great thing；〃 he said； and from standing in front of her； he
now sat down beyond a little table before her sofa。 〃How can I ask you
to share my life if you don't share my faith？〃
〃Why； I should try to believe everything that you do； of cou'se。〃
〃Because I do？〃
〃Well…yes。〃
〃You wring my heart！ Are you willing to studyto look into these
questionstoto〃 It all seemed very hopeless； very absurd； but she
answered seriously：
〃Yes； but I believe it would all come back to just where it is； now。〃
〃What you say； Clementina； makes me so happy； but it ought to make me
miserable！ And you would do all this； be all this for me； a wretched and
erring creature of the dust； and yet not do it forGod？〃
Clementina could only say； 〃Perhaps if He meant me to do it for Him； He
would have made me want to。 He ma
