mark twain, a biography, 1900-1907-第49章

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or　four　o'clock　in　the　morning　he　would　urge　just　one　more　game；　and
would　taunt　me　for　my　weariness。　　I　can　truthfully　testify　that　never
until　the　last　year　of　his　life　did　he　willingly　lay　down　the　billiard…
cue；　or　show　the　least　suggestion　of　fatigue。

He　played　always　at　high　pressure。　　Now　and　then；　in　periods　of
adversity；　he　would　fly　into　a　perfect　passion　with　things　in　general。　
But；　in　the　end；　it　was　a　sham　battle；　and　he　saw　the　uselessness　and
humor　of　it；　even　in　the　moment　of　his　climax。　　Once；　when　he　found　it
impossible　to　make　any　of　his　favorite　shots；　he　became　more　and　more
restive；　the　lightning　became　vividly　picturesque　as　the　clouds
blackened。　　Finally；　with　a　regular　thunder…blast；　he　seized　the　cue　with
both　hands　and　literally　mowed　the　balls　across　the　table；　landing　one　or
two　of　them　on　the　floor。　　I　do　not　recall　his　exact　remarks　during　the
performance；　I　was　chiefly　concerned　in　getting　out　of　the　way；　and　those
sublime　utterances　were　lost。　　I　gathered　up　the　balls　and　we　went　on
playing　as　if　nothing　had　happened；　only　he　was　very　gentle　and　sweet；
like　the　sun　on　the　meadows　after　the　storm　has　passed　by。　　After　a
little　he　said：

〃This　is　a　most　amusing　game。　　When　you　play　badly　it　amuses　me；　and　when
I　play　badly　and　lose　my　temper　it　certainly　must　amuse　you。〃

His　enjoyment　of　his　opponent's　perplexities　was　very　keen。　　When　he　had
left　the　balls　in　some　unfortunate　position　which　made　it　almost
impossible　for　me　to　score　he　would　laugh　boisterously。　　I　used　to　affect
to　be　injured　and　disturbed　by　this　ridicule。　　Once；　when　he　had　made　the
conditions　unusually　hard　for　me；　and　was　enjoying　the　situation
accordingly；　I　was　tempted　to　remark：

〃Whenever　I　see　you　laugh　at　a　thing　like　that　I　always　doubt　your　sense
of　humor。〃　　Which　seemed　to　add　to　his　amusement。

Sometimes；　when　the　balls　were　badly　placed　for　me；　he　would　offer
ostensible　advice；　suggesting　that　I　should　shoot　here　and　thereshots
that　were　possible；　perhaps；　but　not　promising。　　Often　I　would　follow　his
advice；　and　then　when　I　failed　to　score　his　amusement　broke　out　afresh。

Other　billiardists　came　from　time　to　time：　Colonel　Harvey；　Mr。　Duneka；
and　Major　Leigh；　of　the　Harper　Company；　and　Peter　Finley　Dunne　（Mr。
Dooley）；　but　they　were　handicapped　by　their　business　affairs；　and　were
not　dependable　for　daily　and　protracted　sessions。　　Any　number　of　his
friends　were　willing；　even　eager；　to　come　for　his　entertainment；　but　the
percentage　of　them　who　could　and　would　devote　a　number　of　hours　each　day
to　being　beaten　at　billiards　and　enjoy　the　operation　dwindled　down　to　a
single　individual。　　Even　I　could　not　have　done　itcould　not　have
afforded　it；　however　much　I　might　have　enjoyed　the　diversionhad　it　not
been　contributory　to　my　work。　　To　me　the　association　was　invaluable；　it
drew　from　him　a　thousand　long…forgotten　incidents；　it　invited　a　stream　of
picturesque　comments　and　philosophies；　it　furnished　the　most　intimate
insight　into　his　character。

He　was　not　always　glad　to　see　promiscuous　callers；　even　some　one　that　he
might　have　met　pleasantly　elsewhere。　　One　afternoon　a　young　man　whom　he
had　casually　invited　to　〃drop　in　some　day　in　town〃　happened　to　call　in
the　midst　of　a　very　close　series　of　afternoon　games。　　It　would　all　have
been　well　enough　if　the　visitor　had　been　content　to　sit　quietly　on　the
couch　and　〃bet　on　the　game；〃　as　Clemens　suggested；　after　the　greetings
were　over；　but　he　was　a　very　young　man；　and　he　felt　the　necessity　of
being　entertaining。　　He　insisted　on　walking　about　the　room　and　getting　in
the　way；　and　on　talking　about　the　Mark　Twain　books　he　had　read；　and　the
people　he　had　met　from　time　to　time　who　had　known　Mark　Twain　on　the
river；　or　on　the　Pacific　coast；　or　elsewhere。　　I　knew　how　fatal　it　was
for　him　to　talk　to　Clemens　during　his　play；　especially　concerning　matters
most　of　which　had　been　laid　away。　　I　trembled　for　our　visitor。　　If　I
could　have　got　his　ear　privately　I　should　have　said：　〃For　heaven's　sake
sit　down　and　keep　still　or　go　away！　　There's　going　to　be　a　combination　of
earthquake　and　cyclone　and　avalanche　if　you　keep　this　thing　up。〃

I　did　what　I　could。　　I　looked　at　my　watch　every　other　minute。　　At　last；
in　desperation；　I　suggested　that　I　retire　from　the　game　and　let　the
visitor　have　my　cue。　　I　suppose　I　thought　this　would　eliminate　an　element
of　danger。　　He　declined　on　the　ground　that　he　seldom　played；　and
continued　his　deadly　visit。　　I　have　never　been　in　an　atmosphere　so
fraught　with　danger。　　I　did　not　know　how　the　game　stood；　and　I　played
mechanically　and　forgot　to　count　the　score。　　Clemens's　face　was　grim　and
set　and　savage。　　He　no　longer　ventured　even　a　word。　　By　and　by　I　noticed
that　he　was　getting　white；　and　I　said；　privately；　〃Now；　this　young　man's
hour　has　come。〃

It　was　certainly　by　the　mercy　of　God　just　then　that　the　visitor　said：

〃I'm　sorry；　but　I've　got　to　go。　　I'd　like　to　stay　longer；　but　I've　got　an
engagement　for　dinner。〃

I　don't　remember　how　he　got　out；　but　I　know　that　tons　lifted　as　the　door
closed　behind　him。　　Clemens　made　his　shot；　then　very　softly　said：

〃If　he　had　stayed　another　five　minutes　I　should　have　offered　him　twenty…
five　cents　to　go。〃

But　a　moment　later　he　glared　at　me。

〃Why　in　nation　did　you　offer　him　your　cue？〃

〃Wasn't　that　the　courteous　thing　to　do？〃　I　asked。

〃No！〃　he　ripped　out。　　〃The　courteous　and　proper　thing　would　have　been　to
strike　him　dead。　　Did　you　want　to　saddle　that　disaster　upon　us　for　life？〃

He　was　blowing　off　steam；　and　I　knew　it　and　encouraged　it。　　My　impulse
was　to　lie　down　on　the　couch　and　shout　with　hysterical　laughter；　but　I
suspected　that　would　be　indiscreet。　　He　made　some　further　comment　on　the
propriety　of　offering　a　visitor　a　cue；　and　suddenly　began　to　sing　a
travesty　of　an　old　hymn：

　　　　　　　　　　〃How　tedious　are　they
　　　　　　　　　　Who　their　sovereign　obey；〃

and　so　loudly　that　I　said：

〃Aren't　you　afraid　he'll　hear　you　and　come　back？〃　　Whereupon　he　pretended
alarm　and　sang　under　his　breath；　and　for　the　rest　of　the　evening　was　in
boundless　good…humor。

I　have　recalled　this　incident　merely　as　a　sample　of　things　that　were
likely　to　happen　at　any　time　in　his　company；　and　to　show　the　difficulty
one　might　find　in　fitting　himself　to　his　varying　moods。　　He　was　not　to　be
learned　in　a　day；　or　a　week；　or　a　month；　some　of　those　who　knew　him
longest　did　not　learn　him　at　all。

We　celebrated　his　seventy…first　birthday　by　playing　billiards　all　day。　
He　invented　a　new　game　for　the　occasion；　inventing　rules　for　it　with
almost　every　shot。

It　happened　that　no　member　of　the　family　was　at　home　on　this　birthday。　
Ill　health　had　banished　every　one；　even　the　secretary。　　Flowers；
telegrams；　and　congratulations　came；　and　there　was　a　string　of　callers；
but　he　saw　no　one　beyond　some　intimate　friendsthe　Gilderslate　in　the
afternoon。　　When　they　had　gone　we　went　down　to　dinner。　　We　were　entirely
alone；　and　I　felt　the　great　honor　of　being　his　only　guest　on　such　an
occasion。　　Once　between　the　courses；　when　he　rose；　as　usual；　to　walk
about；　he　wandered　into　the　drawing…room；　and　seating　himself　at　the
orchestrelle　began　to　play　the　beautiful　flower…song　from　〃Faust。〃　　It
was　a　thing　I　had　not　seen　him　do　before；　and　I　never　saw　him　do　it
again。　　When　he　came　back　to　the　table　he　said：

〃Speaking　of　companions　of　the　long　ago；　after　fifty　years　they　become
only　shadows　and　might　as　well　be　in　the　grave。　　Only　those　whom　one　has
really　loved　mean　anything　at　all。　　Of　my　playmates　I　recall　John　Briggs；
John　Garth；　and　Laura　Hawkinsjust　those　three；　the　rest　I　buried　long
ago；　and　memory　cannot　even　find　their　graves。〃

He　was　in　his　loveliest　humor　all　that　day　and　evening；　and　that　night；
when　he　stopped　playing；　he　said：

〃I　have　never　had　a　pleasanter　day　at　this　game。〃

I　answered；　〃I　hope　ten　years　from　to…night　we　shall　still　be　playing
it。〃

〃Yes；〃　he　said；　〃still　playing　the　best　game　on　earth。〃





CCL

PHILOSOPHY　AND　PESSIMISM

In　a　letter　to　MacAlister；　written　at　this　time；　he　said：

　　　　　The　doctors　banished　Jean　to　the　country　5　weeks　ago；　they　banished
　　　　　my　secretary　to　the　country　for　a　fortnight　last　Sa