the notch on the ax and on being found out-第87章

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in　more　than　one　friendly　talk。

As　we　went；　the　Dead　Stone　came　for　a　moment　into　view。　　I　seized
Alan's　arm　in　an　almost　convulsive　grip。　　〃Tell　me；〃　I　whispered；
〃you　refused　to　tell　me　yesterday；　but　you　must　now；who　is　buried
beneath　that　rock？〃

There　was　now　neither　timidity　nor　embarrassment　in　my　tone。　　The
horrors　of　that　house　had　become　part　of　my　life　for　ever；　and
their　secrets　were　mine　by　right。　　Alan；　after　a　moment's　pause；　a
questioning　glance　at　my　face；　tacitly　accepted　the　position。

〃I　told　you　the　truth；〃　he　replied；　〃when　I　said　that　I　did　not
know；　but　I　can　tell　you　the　popular　tradition　on　the　subject；　if
you　like。　　They　say　that　Margaret　Mervyn；　the　woman　who　murdered
her　husband；　is　buried　there；　and　that　Dame　Alice　had　the　rock
placed　over　her　grave；whether　to　save　it　from　insult　or　to　mark
it　out　for　opprobrium；　I　never　heard。　　The　poor　people　about　here
do　not　care　to　go　near　the　place　after　dark；　and　among　the　older
ones　there　are　still　some；　I　believe；　who　spit　at　the　suicide's
grave　as　they　pass。〃

〃Poor　woman；　poor　woman！〃　I　exclaimed；　in　a　burst　of　uncontrollable
compassion。

〃Why　should　you　pity　her？〃　demanded　he　with　sudden　sternness；　〃she
WAS　a　suicide　and　a　murderess　too。　　It　would　be　better　for　the
public　conscience；　I　believe；　if　such　were　still　hung　in　chains；　or
buried　at　the　cross…roads　with　a　stake　through　their　bodies。〃

〃Hush；　Alan；　hush！〃　I　cried　hysterically；　as　I　clung　to　him；　〃don't
speak　harshly　of　her：　you　do　not　know；　you　cannot　tell；　how
terribly　she　was　tempted。　　How　can　you？〃

He　looked　down　at　me　in　bewildered　surprise。　　〃How　can　I？〃　he
repeated。　　〃You　speak　as　if　YOU　could。　　What　do　you　mean？〃

〃Don't　ask　me；〃　I　answered；　turning　towards　him　my　face；white；
quivering；　tear…stained。　　〃Don't　ask　me。　　Not　now。　　You　must　answer
my　questions　first；　and　after　that　I　will　tell　you。　　But　I　cannot
talk　of　it　now。　　Not　yet。〃

We　had　reached　the　place　we　were　in　search　of　as　I　spoke。　　There；
where　the　spreading　roots　of　a　great　beech…tree　formed　a　natural
resting　place　upon　the　steep　side　of　the　ravine；　I　took　my　seat；
and　Alan　stretched　himself　upon　the　grass　beside　me。　　Then　looking
up　at　me〃I　do　not　know　what　questions　you　would　ask；〃　he　said；
quietly；　〃but　I　will　answer　them；　whatever　they　may　be。〃

But　I　did　not　ask　them　yet。　　I　sat　instead　with　my　hands　clasping
my　knee；　looking　opposite　at　the　glory　of　harmonious　color；　or　down
the　glen　at　the　vista　of　far…off；　dream…like　loveliness；　on　which
it　opened　out。　　The　yellow　autumn　sunshine　made　everything　golden；
the　fresh　autumn　breezes　filled　the　air　with　life；　but　to　me　a
loathsome　shadow　seemed　to　rest　upon　all；　and　to　stretch　itself　out
far　beyond　where　my　eyes　could　reach；　befouling　the　beauty　of　the
whole　wide　world。　　At　last　I　spoke。　　〃You　have　known　of　it　all；　I
suppose；　of　this　curse　that　is　in　the　world；sin　and　suffering；
and　what　such　words　mean。〃

〃Yes；〃　he　said；　looking　at　me　with　wondering　pity；　〃I　am　afraid
so。〃

〃But　have　you　known　them　as　they　are　known　to　some；agonized；
hopeless　suffering；　and　sin　that　is　all　but　inevitable？　　Some　time
in　your　life　probably　you　have　realized　that　such　things　are：　it
has　come　home　to　you；　and　to　every　one　else；　no　doubt；　except　a　few
ignorant　girls　such　as　I　was　yesterday。　　But　there　are　some；yes；
thousands　and　thousands；who　even　now；　at　this　moment；　are　feeling
sorrow　like　that；　are　sinking　deep；　deeper　into　the　bottomless　pit
of　their　soul's　degradation。　　And　yet　men　who　know　this；　who　have
seen　it；　laugh；　talk；　are　happy；　amuse　themselveshow　can　they；
how　can　they？〃　　I　stopped　with　a　catch　in　my　voice；　and　then
stretching　out　my　arms　in　front　of　me〃And　it　is　not　only　men。
Look　how　beautiful　the　earth　is；　and　God　has　made　it；　and　lets　the
sun　crown　it　every　day　with　a　new　glory；　while　this　horror　of　evil
broods　over　and　poisons　it　all。　　Oh；　why　is　it　so？　　I　cannot
understand　it。〃

My　arms　drooped　again　as　I　finished；　and　my　eyes　sought　Alan's。
His　were　full　of　tears；　but　there　was　almost　a　smile　quivering　at
the　corners　of　his　lips　as　he　replied：　〃When　you　have　found　an
answer　to　that　question；　Evie；　come　and　tell　me　and　mankind　at
large：　it　will　be　news　to　us　all。〃　　Then　he　continued〃But；　after
all；　the　earth　is　beautiful；　and　the　sun　does　shine：　we　have　our
own　happiness　to　rejoice　in；　our　own　sorrows　to　bear；　the　suffering
that　is　near　to　us　to　grapple　with。　　For　the　rest；　for　this
blackness　of　evil　which　surrounds　us；　and　which　we　can　do　nothing
to　lighten；　it　will　soon；　thank　God；　become　vague　and　far　off　to
you　as　it　is　to　others：　your　feeling　of　it　will　be　dulled；　and；
except　at　moments；　you　too　will　forget。〃

〃But　that　is　horrible；〃　I　exclaimed；　passionately；　〃the　evil　will
be　there　all　the　same；　whether　I　feel　it　or　not。　　Men　and　women
will　be　struggling　in　their　misery　and　sin；　only　I　shall　be　too
selfish　to　care。〃

〃We　cannot　go　outside　the　limits　of　our　own　nature；〃　he　replied；
〃our　knowledge　is　shallow　and　our　spiritual　insight　dark；　and　God
in　His　mercy　has　made　our　hearts　shallow　too；　and　our　imagination
dull。　　If；　knowing　and　trusting　only　as　men　do；　we　were　to　feel　as
angels　feel；　earth　would　be　hell　indeed。〃

It　was　cold　comfort；　but　at　that　moment　anything　warmer　or　brighter
would　have　been　unreal　and　utterly　repellent　to　me。　　I　hardly　took
in　the　meaning　of　his　words；　but　it　was　as　if　a　hand　had　been
stretched　out　to　me；　struggling　in　the　deep　mire；　by　one　who
himself　felt　solid　ground　beneath　him。　　Where　he　stood　I　also　might
some　day　stand；　and　that　thought　seemed　to　make　patience　possible。

It　was　he　who　first　broke　the　silence　which　followed。　　〃You　were
saying　that　you　had　questions　to　ask　me。　　I　am　impatient　to　put
mine　in　return；　so　please　go　on。〃

It　had　been　a　relief　to　me　to　turn　even　to　generalizations　of
despair　from　the　actual　horror　which　had　inspired　them；　and　to
which　my　mind　was　thus　recalled。　　With　an　effort　I　replied；　〃Yes；　I
want　to　ask　you　about　that　roomthe　room　in　which　I　slept；　and
and　the　murder　which　was　committed　there。〃　　In　spite　of　all　that　I
could　do；　my　voice　sank　almost　to　a　whisper　as　I　concluded；　and　I
was　trembling　from　head　to　foot。

〃Who　told　you　that　a　murder　was　committed　there？〃　　Something　in　my
face　as　he　asked　the　question　made　him　add　quickly；　〃Never　mind。
You　are　right。　　That　is　the　room　in　which　Hugh　Mervyn　was　murdered
by　his　wife。　　I　was　surprised　at　your　question；　for　I　did　not　know
that　anyone　but　my　brothers　and　myself　were　aware　of　the　fact。　　The
subject　is　never　mentioned：　it　is　closely　connected　with　one
intensely　painful　to　our　family；　and　besides；　if　spoken　of；　there
would　be　inconveniences　arising　from　the　superstitious　terrors　of
servants；　and　the　natural　dislike　of　guests　to　sleep　in　a　room
where　such　a　thing　had　happened。　　Indeed　it　was　largely　with　the
view　of　wiping　out　the　last　memory　of　the　crime's　locality；　that　my
father　renewed　the　interior　of　the　room　some　twenty　years　ago。　　The
only　tradition　which　has　been　adhered　to　in　connection　with　it　is
the　one　which　has　now　been　violated　in　your　personthe　one　which
precludes　any　unmarried　woman　from　sleeping　there。　　Except　for
that；　the　room　has；　as　you　know；　lost　all　sinister　reputation；　and
its　title　of　'haunted'　has　become　purely　conventional。
Nevertheless；　as　I　said；　you　are　rightthat　is　undoubtedly　the
room　in　which　the　murder　was　committed。〃

He　stopped　and　looked　up　at　me；　waiting　for　more。

〃Go　on；　tell　me　about　it；　and　what　followed。〃　　My　lips　formed　the
words；　my　heart　beat　too　faintly　for　my　breath　to　utter　them。

〃About　the　murder　itself　there　is　not　much　to　tell。　　The　man；　I
believe；　was　an　inhuman　scoundrel；　and　the　woman　first　killed　him
in　desperation；　and　afterwards　herself　in　despair。　　The　only　detail
connected　with　the　actual　crime　of　which　I　have　ever　heard；　was　the
gale　that　was　blowing　that　nightthe　fiercest　known　to　this
countryside　in　that　generation；　and　it　has　always　been　said　since
that　any　misfortune　to　the　Mervynsespecially　any　misfortune
connected　with　the　cursecomes　with　a　storm　of　wind。　　That　was　why
I　so　disliked　your　story　of　the　imaginary　tempests　which　have
disturbed