the notch on the ax and on being found out-第77章

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got　into　some　very　disgraceful　scrape；　and　had　been　obliged　to
leave　the　country。　　The　sorrow　and　the　shame　of　this　had　killed　his
unhappy　mother；　and　her　husband　had　not　long　afterwards　followed
her　to　the　grave。　　Alan；　the　youngest　son；　probably　because　he　was
the　nearest　to　us　in　age；　had　been　our　special　favorite　in　earlier
years。　　George　was　grown　up　before　I　had　well　left　the　nursery；　and
his　hot；　quick　temper　had　always　kept　us　youngsters　somewhat　in　awe
of　him。　　Jack　was　four　years　older　than　Alan；　and；　besides；　his
profession　had；　in　a　way；　cut　his　boyhood　short。　　When　my　uncle　and
aunt　were　abroad；　as　they　frequently　were　for　months　together　on
account　of　her　health；　it　was　Alan；　chiefly；　who　had　to　spend　his
holidays　with　us；　both　as　school…boy　and　as　undergraduate。　　And　a
brighter；　sweeter…tempered　comrade；　or　one　possessed　of　more
diversified　talents　for　the　invention　of　games　or　the　telling　of
stories；　it　would　have　been　difficult　to　find。

For　five　years　together　now　our　ancient　custom　of　an　annual　visit
to　Mervyn　had　been　broken。　　First　there　had　been　the　seclusion　of
mourning　for　my　aunt；　and　a　year　later　for　my　uncle；　then　George
and　his　wife；　Lucy；she　was　a　connection　of　our　own　on　our
mother's　side；　and　very　intimate　with　us　all；had　been　away　for
nearly　two　years　on　a　voyage　round　the　world；　and　since　then
sickness　in　our　own　family　had　kept　us　in　our　turn　a　good　deal
abroad。　　So　that　I　had　not　seen　my　cousins　since　all　the　calamities
which　had　befallen　them　in　the　interval；　and　as　I　steamed
northwards　I　wondered　a　good　deal　as　to　the　changes　I　should　find。
I　was　to　have　come　out　that　year　in　London；　but　ill…health　had
prevented　me；　and　as　a　sort　of　consolation　Lucy　had　kindly　asked　me
to　spend　a　fortnight　at　Mervyn；　and　be　present　at　a　shooting…party；
which　was　to　assemble　there　in　the　first　week　of　October。

I　had　started　early；　and　there　was　still　an　hour　of　the　short
autumn　day　left　when　I　descended　at　the　little　wayside　station；
from　which　a　six…mile　drive　brought　me　to　the　Grange。　　A　dreary
drive　I　found　itthe　round；　gray；　treeless　outline　of　the　fells
stretching　around　me　on　every　side　beneath　the　leaden；　changeless
sky。　　The　night　had　nearly　fallen　as　we　drove　along　the　narrow
valley　in　which　the　Grange　stood：　it　was　too　dark　to　see　the　autumn
tints　of　the　woods　which　clothed　and　brightened　its　sides；　almost
too　dark　to　distinguish　the　old　tower；Dame　Alice's　tower　as　it
was　called；which　stood　some　half　a　mile　farther　on　at　its　head。
But　the　light　shone　brightly　from　the　Grange　windows；　and　all
feeling　of　dreariness　departed　as　I　drove　up　to　the　door。　　Leaving
maid　and　boxes　to　their　fate；　I　ran　up　the　steps　into　the　old；
well…remembered　hall；　and　was　informed　by　the　dignified　man…servant
that　her　ladyship　and　the　tea　were　awaiting　me　in　the　morning…room。

I　found　that　there　was　nobody　staying　in　the　house　except　Alan；　who
was　finishing　the　long　vacation　there：　he　had　been　called　to　the
Bar　a　couple　of　years　before。　　The　guests　were　not　to　arrive　for
another　week；　so　that　I　had　plenty　of　opportunity　in　the　interval
to　make　up　for　lost　time　with　my　cousins。　　I　began　my　observations
that　evening　as　we　sat　down　to　dinner；　a　cozy　party　of　four。　　Lucy
was　quite　unchangedpretty；　foolish；　and　gentle　as　ever。　　George
showed　the　full　five　years'　increase　of　age；　and　seemed　to　have
acquired　a　somewhat　painful　control　of　his　temper。　　Instead　of　the
old　petulant　outbursts；　there　was　at　times　an　air　of　nervous；
irritable　self…restraint；　which　I　found　the　less　pleasant　of　the
two。　　But　it　was　in　Alan　that　the　most　striking　alteration
appeared。　　I　felt　it　the　moment　I　shook　hands　with　him；　and　the
impression　deepened　that　evening　with　every　hour。　　I　told　myself
that　it　was　only　the　natural　difference　between　boy　and　man；
between　twenty　and　twenty…five；　but　I　don't　think　that　I　believed
it。　　Superficially　the　change　was　not　great。　　The　slight…built；
graceful　figure；　the　deep　gray　eyes；　too　small　for　beauty；　the
clear…cut　features；　the　delicate；　sensitive　lips；　close　shaven　now；
as　they　had　been　hairless　then；all　were　as　I　remembered　them。
But　the　face　was　paler　and　thinner　than　it　had　been；　and　there　were
lines　round　the　eyes　and　at　the　corners　of　the　mouth　which　were　no
more　natural　to　twenty…five　than　they　would　have　been　to　twenty。
The　old　charm　indeedthe　sweet　friendliness　of　manner；　which　was
his　own　peculiar　possessionwas　still　there。　　He　talked　and
laughed　almost　as　much　as　formerly；　but　the　talk　was　manufactured
for　our　entertainment；　and　the　laughter　came　from　his　head　and　not
from　his　heart。　　And　it　was　when　he　was　taking　no　part　in　the
conversation　that　the　change　showed　most。　　Then　the　face；　on　which
in　the　old　time　every　passing　emotion　had　expressed　itself　in　a
constant；　living　current；　became　cold　and　impassivewithout
interest；　and　without　desire。　　It　was　at　such　times　that　I　knew
most　certainly　that　here　was　something　which　had　been　living　and
was　dead。　　Was　it　only　his　boyhood？　　This　question　I　was　unable　to
answer。

Still；　in　spite　of　all；　that　week　was　one　of　the　happiest　in　my
life。　　The　brothers　were　both　men　of　enough　ability　and　cultivation
to　be　pleasant　talkers；　and　Lucy　could　perform　adequately　the　part
of　conversational　accompanist；　which；　socially　speaking；　is　all
that　is　required　of　a　woman。　　The　meals　and　evenings　passed　quickly
and　agreeably；　the　mornings　I　spent　in　unending　gossips　with　Lucy；
or　in　games　with　the　children；　two　bright　boys　of　five　and　six
years　old。　　But　the　afternoons　were　the　best　part　of　the　day。
George　was　a　thorough　squire　in　all　his　tastes　and　habits；　and
every　afternoon　his　wife　dutifully　accompanied　him　round　farms　and
coverts；　inspecting　new　buildings；　trudging　along　half…made　roads；
or　marking　unoffending　trees　for　destruction。　　Then　Alan　and　I
would　ride　by　the　hour　together　over　moor　and　meadowland；　often
picking　our　way　homewards　down　the　glen…side　long　after　the　autumn
evenings　had　closed　in。　　During　these　rides　I　had　glimpses　many　a
time　into　depths　in　Alan's　nature　of　which　I　doubt　whether　in　the
old　days　he　had　himself　been　aware。　　To　me　certainly　they　were　as　a
revelation。　　A　prevailing　sadness；　occasionally　a　painful　tone　of
bitterness；　characterized　these　more　serious　moods　of　his；　but　I　do
not　think　that；　at　the　end　of　that　week；　I　would；　if　I　could；　have
changed　the　man；　whom　I　was　learning　to　revere　and　to　pity；　for　the
light…hearted　playmate　whom　I　felt　was　lost　to　me　for　ever。


II


The　only　feature　of　the　family　life　which　jarred　on　me　was　the
attitude　of　the　two　brothers　towards　the　children。　　I　did　not
notice　this　much　at　first；　and　at　all　times　it　was　a　thing　to　be
felt　rather　than　to　be　seen。　　George　himself　never　seemed　quite　at
ease　with　them。　　The　boys　were　strong　and　well　grown；　healthy　in
mind　and　body；　and　one　would　have　thought　that　the　existence　of　two
such　representatives　to　carry　on　his　name　and　inherit　his　fortune
would　have　been　the　very　crown　of　pride　and　happiness　to　their
father。　　But　it　was　not　so。　　Lucy　indeed　was　devoted　to　them；　and
in　all　practical　matters　no　one　could　have　been　kinder　to　them　than
was　George。　　They　were　free　of　the　whole　house；　and　every
indulgence　that　money　could　buy　for　them　they　had。　　I　never　heard
him　give　them　a　harsh　word。　　But　there　was　something　wrong。　　A
constraint　in　their　presence；　a　relief　in　their　absence；　an　evident
dislike　of　discussing　them　and　their　affairs；　a　total　want　of　that
enjoyment　of　love　and　possession　which　in　such　a　case　one　might
have　expected　to　find。　　Alan's　state　of　mind　was　even　more　marked。
Never　did　I　hear　him　willingly　address　his　nephews；　or　in　any　way
allude　to　their　existence。　　I　should　have　said　that　he　simply
ignored　it；　but　for　the　heavy　gloom　which　always　overspread　his
spirits　in　their　company；　and　for　the　glances　which　he　would　now
and　again　cast　in　their　directionglances　full　of　some　hidden
painful　emotion；　though　of　what　nature　it　would　have　been　hard　to
define。　　Indeed；　Alan's　attitude　towards　her　children　I　soon　found
to　be　the　only　source　of　friction　between　Lucy　and　this　otherwise
much…loved　member　of　her　husband's　family。　　I