the notch on the ax and on being found out-第49章
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it will improve。 And here's a grating； through which the sun
squints on you like a stepdame； and the breeze blows； as if it
meant to tantalize you with a sigh from that sweet mouth； whose
kiss you must never enjoy。 And where's your library；intellectual
man；traveled man？〃 he repeated in a tone of bitter derision；
〃where be your companions； your peaked men of countries； as your
favorite Shakespeare has it？ You must be content with the spider
and the rat； to crawl and scratch round your flock bed！ I have
known prisoners in the Bastille to feed them for companions；why
don't you begin your task？ I have known a spider to descend at the
tap of a finger； and a rat to come forth when the daily meal was
brought； to share it with his fellow prisoner！How delightful to
have vermin for your guests！ Aye； and when the feast fails them；
they make a meal of their entertainer！You shudder。Are you；
then； the first prisoner who has been devoured alive by the vermin
that infested his cell？Delightful banquet； not 'where you eat；
but where you are eaten'！ Your guests； however； will give you one
token of repentance while they feed； there will be gnashing of
teeth； and you shall hear it； and feel it too perchance！And then
for mealsOh you are daintily off！The soup that the cat has
lapped； and （as her progeny has probably contributed to the hell
broth） why not？ Then your hours of solitude； deliciously
diversified by the yell of famine； the howl of madness； the crash
of whips； and the broken…hearted sob of those who； like you； are
supposed； or DRIVEN mad by the crimes of others！Stanton； do you
imagine your reason can possibly hold out amid such scenes？
Supposing your reason was unimpaired； your health not destroyed；
suppose all this； which is； after all； more than fair supposition
can grant； guess the effect of the continuance of these scenes on
your senses alone。 A time will come； and soon； when； from mere
habit； you will echo the scream of every delirious wretch that
harbors near you； then you will pause； clasp your hands on your
throbbing head； and listen with horrible anxiety whether the scream
proceeded from YOU or THEM。 The time will come； when； from the
want of occupation； the listless and horrible vacancy of your
hours； you will feel as anxious to hear those shrieks； as you were
at first terrified to hear them；when you will watch for the
ravings of your next neighbor； as you would for a scene on the
stage。 All humanity will be extinguished in you。 The ravings of
these wretches will become at once your sport and your torture。
You will watch for the sounds； to mock them with the grimaces and
bellowings of a fiend。 The mind has a power of accommodating
itself to its situation； that you will experience in its most
frightful and deplorable efficacy。 Then comes the dreadful doubt
of one's own sanity； the terrible announcer that THAT doubt will
soon become fear； and THAT fear certainty。 Perhaps （still more
dreadful） the FEAR will at last become a HOPE；shut out from
society； watched by a brutal keeper； writhing with all the impotent
agony of an incarcerated mind； without communication and without
sympathy； unable to exchange ideas but with those whose ideas are
only the hideous specters of departed intellect； or even to hear
the welcome sound of the human voice； except to mistake it for the
howl of a fiend； and stop the ear desecrated by its intrusion；
then at last your fear will become a more fearful hope； you will
wish to become one of them； to escape the agony of consciousness。
As those who have long leaned over a precipice； have at last felt a
desire to plunge below； to relieve the intolerable temptation of
their giddiness；* you will hear them laugh amid their wildest
paroxysms； you will say； 'Doubtless those wretches have some
consolation； but I have none； my sanity is my greatest curse in
this abode of horrors。 They greedily devour their miserable meals；
while I loathe mine。 They sleep sometimes soundly； while my sleep
isworse than their waking。 They are revived every morning by
some delicious illusion of cunning madness； soothing them with the
hope of escaping； baffling or tormenting their keeper； my sanity
precludes all such hope。 I KNOW I NEVER CAN ESCAPE； and the
preservation of my faculties is only an aggravation of my
sufferings。 I have all their miseries；I have none of their
consolations。 They laugh；I hear them； would I could laugh like
them。' You will try； and the very effort will be an invocation to
the demon of insanity to come and take full possession of you from
that moment forever。〃
* A fact； related to me by a person who was near committing suicide
in a similar situation； to escape what he called 〃the excruciating
torture of giddiness。〃
（There were other details； both of the menaces and temptations
employed by Melmoth； which are too horrible for insertion。 One of
them may serve for an instance。）
〃You think that the intellectual power is something distinct from
the vitality of the soul； or； in other words； that if even your
reason should be destroyed （which it nearly is）； your soul might
yet enjoy beatitude in the full exercise of its enlarged and
exalted faculties； and all the clouds which obscured them be
dispelled by the Sun of Righteousness； in whose beams you hope to
bask forever and ever。 Now； without going into any metaphysical
subtleties about the distinction between mind and soul； experience
must teach you； that there can be no crime into which madmen would
not； and do not； precipitate themselves； mischief is their
occupation； malice their habit； murder their sport； and blasphemy
their delight。 Whether a soul in this state can be in a hopeful
one； it is for you to judge； but it seems to me； that with the loss
of reason （and reason cannot long be retained in this place） you
lose also the hope of immortality。Listen；〃 said the tempter；
pausing； 〃listen to the wretch who is raving near you； and whose
blasphemies might make a demon start。He was once an eminent
puritanical preacher。 Half the day he imagines himself in a
pulpit； denouncing damnation against Papists； Arminians； and even
Sublapsarians （he being a Supra…lapsarian himself）。 He foams； he
writhes； he gnashes his teeth； you would imagine him in the hell he
was painting； and that the fire and brimstone he is so lavish of
were actually exhaling from his jaws。 At night his creed
retaliates on him； he believes himself one of the reprobates he has
been all day denouncing； and curses God for the very decree he has
all day been glorifying Him for。
〃He； whom he has for twelve hours been vociferating 'is the
loveliest among ten thousand；' becomes the object of demoniac
hostility and execration。 He grapples with the iron posts of his
bed； and says he is rooting out the cross from the very foundations
of Calvary； and it is remarkable； that in proportion as his morning
exercises are intense； vivid； and eloquent； his nightly blasphemies
are outrageous and horrible。Hark！ Now he believes himself a
demon； listen to his diabolical eloquence of horror！〃
Stanton listened； and shuddered 。 。
。 。 。 。 。
〃Escapeescape for your life；〃 cried the tempter； 〃break forth
into life； liberty； and sanity。 Your social happiness； your
intellectual powers； your immortal interests； perhaps； depend on
the choice of this moment。There is the door； and the key is in my
hand。Choosechoose！〃〃And how comes the key in your hand？ and
what is the condition of my liberation？〃 said Stanton。
。 。 。 。 。
The explanation occupied several pages； which； to the torture of
young Melmoth； were wholly illegible。 It seemed； however； to have
been rejected by Stanton with the utmost rage and horror； for
Melmoth at last made out；〃Begone； monster； demon！begone to your
native place。 Even this mansion of horror trembles to contain you；
its walls sweat； and its floors quiver； while you tread them。〃
。 。 。 。 。
The conclusion of this extraordinary manuscript was in such a
state； that； in fifteen moldy and crumbling pages； Melmoth could
hardly make o
