anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第6章

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lds　so　strongly　as　I　do　the　necessity　of　ceremony；　and　the　ill　effects　which　follow　the　breach　of　it；　yet　people　think　me　rude；　but　Barnard　did　me　justice。〃　　〃'Tis　pity；〃　said　I；　laughing；　〃that　he　had　not　heard　you　compliment　the　Cambridge　men　after　dinner　to…day。〃　　〃Why；〃　replied　he；　〃I　was　inclined　to　DOWN　them　sure　enough；　but　then　a　fellow　DESERVES　to　be　of　Oxford　that　talks　so。〃　　I　have　heard　him　at　other　times　relate　how　he　used　so　sit　in　some　coffee…house　there；　and　turn　M's　〃C…r…ct…c…s〃　into　ridicule　for　the　diversion　of　himself　and　of　chance　comers…in。　　〃The　'Elf…da；'〃　says　he；　〃was　too　exquisitely　pretty；　I　could　make　no　fun　out　of　that。〃　　When　upon　some　occasions　he　would　express　his　astonishment　that　he　should　have　an　enemy　in　the　world；　while　he　had　been　doing　nothing　but　good　to　his　neighbours；　I　used　to　make　him　recollect　these　circumstances。　　〃Why；　child；〃　said　he；　〃what　harm　could　that　do　the　fellow？　　I　always　thought　very　well　of　Mn　for　a　CAMBRIDGE　man；　he　is；　I　believe；　a　mighty　blameless　character。〃　　Such　tricks　were；　however；　the　more　unpardonable　in　Mr。　Johnson；　because　no　one　could　harangue　like　him　about　the　difficulty　always　found　in　forgiving　petty　injuries；　or　in　provoking　by　needless　offence。　　Mr。　Jordan；　his　tutor；　had　much　of　his　affection；　though　he　despised　his　want　of　scholastic　learning。　　〃That　creature　would；〃　said　he；　〃defend　his　pupils　to　the　last：　no　young　lad　under　his　care　should　suffer　for　committing　slight　improprieties；　while　he　had　breath　to　defend；　or　power　to　protect　them。　　If　I　had　had　sons　to　send　to　College；〃　added　he；　〃Jordan　should　have　been　their　tutor。〃

Sir　William　Browne；　the　physician；　who　lived　to　a　very　extraordinary　age；　and　was　in　other　respects　an　odd　mortal；　with　more　genius　than　understanding；　and　more　self　sufficiency　than　wit；　was　the　only　person　who　ventured　to　oppose　Mr。　Johnson　when　he　had　a　mind　to　shine　by　exalting　his　favourite　university；　and　to　express　his　contempt　of　the　Whiggish　notions　which　prevail　at　Cambridge。　　HE　did　it　once；　however；　with　surprising　felicity。　　His　antagonist　having　repeated　with　an　air　of　triumph　the　famous　epigram　written　by　Dr。　Trapp

　　　　　〃Our　royal　master　saw；　with　heedful　eyes；　　　　　　　The　wants　of　his　two　universities：　　　　　　　Troops　he　to　Oxford　sent；　as　knowing　why　　　　　　　That　learned　body　wanted　loyalty：　　　　　　　But　books　to　Cambridge　gave；　as　well　discerning　　　　　　　That　that　right　loyal　body　wanted　learning。〃

Which；　says　Sir　William；　might　well　be　answered　thus：

　　　　　〃The　King　to　Oxford　sent　his　troop　of　horse；　　　　　　　For　Tories　own　no　argument　but　force；　　　　　　　With　equal　care　to　Cambridge　books　he　sent；　　　　　　　For　Whigs　allow　no　force　but　argument。〃

Mr。　Johnson　did　him　the　justice　to　say　it　was　one　of　the　happiest　extemporaneous　productions　he　ever　met　with；　though　he　once　comically　confessed　that　he　hated　to　repeat　the　wit　of　a　Whig　urged　in　support　of　Whiggism。　　Says　Garrick　to　him　one　day；　〃Why　did　not　you　make　me　a　Tory；　when　we　lived　so　much　together？　　You　love　to　make　people　Tories。〃　　〃Why；〃　says　Johnson；　pulling　a　heap　of　halfpence　from　his　pocket；　〃did　not　the　king　make　these　guineas？〃

Of　Mr。　Johnson's　Toryism　the　world　has　long　been　witness；　and　the　political　pamphlets　written　by　him　in　defence　of　his　party　are　vigorous　and　elegant。　He　often　delighted　his　imagination　with　the　thoughts　of　having　destroyed　Junius；　an　anonymous　writer　who　flourished　in　the　years　1769　and　177O；　and　who　kept　himself　so　ingeniously　concealed　from　every　endeavour　to　detect　him　that　no　probable　guess　was；　I　believe；　ever　formed　concerning　the　author's　name；　though　at　that　time　the　subject　of　general　conversation。　Mr。　Johnson　made　us　all　laugh　one　day；　because　I　had　received　a　remarkably　fine　Stilton　cheese　as　a　present　from　some　person　who　had　packed　and　directed　it　carefully；　but　without　mentioning　whence　it　came。　　Mr。　Thrale；　desirous　to　know　who　we　were　obliged　to；　asked　every　friend　as　they　came　in；　but　nobody　owned　it。　　〃Depend　upon　it；　sir；〃　says　Johnson；　〃it　was　sent　by　JUNIUS。〃

The　〃False　Alarm；〃　his　first　and　favourite　pamphlet；　was　written　at　our　house　between　eight　o'clock　on　Wednesday　night　and　twelve　o'clock　on　Thursday　night。　　We　read　it　to　Mr。　Thrale　when　he　came　very　late　home　from　the　House　of　Commons；　the　other　political　tracts　followed　in　their　order。　I　have　forgotten　which　contains　the　stroke　at　Junius；　but　shall　for　ever　remember　the　pleasure　it　gave　him　to　have　written　it。　　It　was；　however；　in　the　year　1775　that　Mr。　Edmund　Burke　made　the　famous　speech　in　Parliament　that　struck　even　foes　with　admiration；　and　friends　with　delight。　　Among　the　nameless　thousands　who　are　contented　to　echo　those　praises　they　have　not　skill　to　invent；　_I_　ventured；　before　Dr。　Johnson　himself；　to　applaud　with　rapture　the　beautiful　passage　in　it　concerning　Lord　Bathurst　and　the　Angel；　which；　said　our　Doctor；　had　I　been　in　the　house；　I　would　have　answered　THUS：

〃Suppose；　Mr。　Speaker；　that　to　Wharton　or　to　Marlborough；　or　to　any　of　the　eminent　Whigs　of　the　last　age；　the　devil　had；　not　with　any　great　impropriety；　consented　to　appear；　he　would；　perhaps；　in　somewhat　like　these　words；　have　commenced　the　conversation：

〃'You　seem；　my　lord；　to　be　concerned　at　the　judicious　apprehension　that　while　you　are　sapping　the　foundations　of　royalty　at　home；　and　propagating　here　the　dangerous　doctrine　of　resistance；　the　distance　of　America　may　secure　its　inhabitants　from　your　arts；　though　active。　　But　I　will　unfold　to　you　the　gay　prospects　of　futurity。　　This　people；　now　so　innocent　and　harmless；　shall　draw　the　sword　against　their　mother　country；　and　bathe　its　point　in　the　blood　of　their　benefactors；　this　people；　now　contented　with　a　little；　shall　then　refuse　to　spare　what　they　themselves　confess　they　could　not　miss；　and　these　men；　now　so　honest　and　so　grateful；　shall；　in　return　for　peace　and　for　protection；　see　their　vile　agents　in　the　House　of　Parliament；　there　to　sow　the　seeds　of　sedition；　and　propagate　confusion；　perplexity；　and　pain。　　Be　not　dispirited；　then；　at　the　contemplation　of　their　present　happy　state：　　I　promise　you　that　anarchy；　poverty；　and　death　shall；　by　my　care；　be　carried　even　across　the　spacious　Atlantic；　and　settle　in　America　itself；　the　sure　consequences　of　our　beloved　Whiggism。'〃

This　I　thought　a　thing　so　very　particular　that　I　begged　his　leave　to　write　it　down　directly；　before　anything　could　intervene　that　might　make　me　forget　the　force　of　the　expressions。　　A　trick　which　I　have；　however；　seen　played　on　common　occasions；　of　sitting　steadily　down　at　the　other　end　of　the　room　to　write　at　the　moment　what　should　be　said　in　company；　either　BY　Dr。　Johnson　or　TO　him；　I　never　practised　myself；　nor　approved　of　in　another。　There　is　something　so　ill…bred；　and　so　inclining　to　treachery　in　this　conduct；　that　were　it　commonly　adopted　all　confidence　would　soon　be　exiled　from　society；　and　a　conversation　assembly…room　would　become　tremendous　as　a　court　of　justice。　　A　set　of　acquaintance　joined　in　familiar　chat　may　say　a　thousand　things　which；　as　the　phrase　is；　pass　well　enough　at　the　time；　though　they　cannot　stand　the　test　of　critical　examination；　and　as　all　talk　beyond　that　which　is　necessary　to　the　purposes　of　actual　business　is　a　kind　of　game；　there　will　be　ever　found　ways　of　playing　fairly　or　unfairly　at　it；　which　distinguish　the　gentleman　from　the　juggler。　　Dr。　Johnson；　as　well　as　many　of　my　acquaintance；　knew　that　I　kept　a　common…place　book；　and　he　one　day　said　to　me　good…humouredly　that　he　would　give　me　something　to　write　in　my　repository。　　〃I　warrant；〃　said　he；　〃there　is　a　great　deal　about　me　in　it。　　You　shall　have　at　least　one　thing　worth　your　pains；　so　if　you　will　get　the　pen　and　ink　I　will　repeat　to　you　Anacreon's　'Dove'　directly；　but　tell　at　the　same　time　that　as　I　never　was　struck　with　anything　in　the　Greek　language　till　I　read　THAT；　so　I　never　read　anything　in　the　same　language　since　that　pleased　me　as　much。　　I　hope　my　translation；〃　continued　he；　〃is　not　worse　than　that　of　Frank　Fawkes。〃　　Seeing　me　disposed　to　laugh；　〃Nay；　nay；〃　said　he；　〃Frank　Fawkes　has　done　them　very　finely。〃

　　　　　〃Lovely　courier　of　the　sky；　　　　　　　Whence　and　whither　dost　thou　fly？　　　　　　　Scatt'ring；　as　thy　pinions　play；　　　　　　　Liquid　fragrance　all　the　way。