anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第31章

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rature　in　Scotland；　which　was　repeated　up　and　down　at　one　time　by　everybody〃How　knowledge　was　divided　among　the　Scots；　like　bread　in　a　besieged　town；　to　every　man　a　mouthful；　to　no　man　a　bellyful。〃　　This　story　he　likewise　acknowledged；　and　said；　besides；　〃that　some　officious　friend　had　carried　it　to　Lord　Bute；　who　only　answered；　'Well；　well！　never　mind　what　he　says；　he　will　have　the　pension　all　one。'〃

Another　famous　reply　to　a　Scotsman　who　commended　the　beauty　and　dignity　of　Glasgow；　till　Mr。　Johnson　stopped　him　by　observing；　〃that　he　probably　had　never　yet　seen　Brentford；〃　was　one　of　the　jokes　he　owned；　and　said　himself　〃that　when　a　gentleman　of　that　country　once　mentioned　the　lovely　prospects　common　in　his　nation；　he　could　not　help　telling　him　that　the　view　of　the　London　road　was　the　prospect　in　which　every　Scotsman　most　naturally　and　most　rationally　delighted。〃

Mrs。　Brooke　received　an　answer　not　unlike　this；　when　expatiating　on　the　accumulation　of　sublime　and　beautiful　objects；　which　form　the　fine　prospect　UP　the　River　St。　Lawrence；　in　North　America。　　〃Come；　madam；〃　says　Dr。　Johnson；　〃confess　that　nothing　ever　equalled　your　pleasure　in　seeing　that　sight　reversed；　and　finding　yourself　looking　at　the　happy　prospect　DOWN　the　River　St。　Lawrence。〃　　The　truth　is；　he　hated　to　hear　about　prospects　and　views；　and　laying　out　ground　and　taste　in　gardening。　　〃That　was　the　best　garden；〃　he　said；　〃which　produced　most　roots　and　fruits；　and　that　water　was　most　to　be　prized　which　contained　most　fish。〃　　He　used　to　laugh　at　Shenstone　most　unmercifully　for　not　caring　whether　there　was　anything　good　to　EAT　in　the　streams　he　was　so　fond　of；　〃as　if；〃　says　Johnson；　〃one　could　fill　one's　belly　with　hearing　soft　murmurs；　or　looking　at　rough　cascades！〃

He　loved　the　sight　of　fine　forest　trees；　however；　and　detested　Brighthelmstone　Downs；　〃because　it　was　a　country　so　truly　desolate；〃　he　said；　〃that　if　one　had　a　mind　to　hang　one's　self　for　desperation　at　being　obliged　to　live　there；　it　would　be　difficult　to　find　a　tree　on　which　to　fasten　the　rope。〃　　Walking　in　a　wood　when　it　rained　was；　I　think；　the　only　rural　image　he　pleased　his　fancy　with；　〃for；〃　says　he；　〃after　one　has　gathered　the　apples　in　an　orchard；　one　wishes　them　well　baked；　and　removed　to　a　London　eating…house　for　enjoyment。〃

With　such　notions；　who　can　wonder　he　passed　his　time　uncomfortably　enough　with　us；　who　he　often　complained　of　for　living　so　much　in　the　country；　〃feeding　the　chickens；〃　as　he　said　I　did；　〃till　I　starved　my　own　understanding。　　Get；　however；〃　said　he；　〃a　book　about　gardening；　and　study　it　hard；　since　you　will　pass　your　life　with　birds　and　flowers；　and　learn　to　raise　the　LARGEST　turnips；　and　to　breed　the　BIGGEST　fowls。〃　　It　was　vain　to　assure　him　that　the　goodness　of　such　dishes　did　not　depend　upon　their　size。　He　laughed　at　the　people　who　covered　their　canals　with　foreign　fowls；　〃when；〃　says　he；　〃our　own　geese　and　ganders　are　twice　as　large。　　If　we　fetched　better　animals　from　distant　nations；　there　might　be　some　sense　in　the　preference；　but　to　get　cows　from　Alderney；　or　water…fowl　from　China；　only　to　see　nature　degenerating　round　one；　is　a　poor　ambition　indeed。〃

Nor　was　Mr。　Johnson　more　merciful　with　regard　to　the　amusements　people　are　contented　to　call　such。　　〃You　hunt　in　the　morning；〃　says　he；　〃and　crowd　to　the　public　rooms　at　night；　and　call　it　DIVERSION；　when　your　heart　knows　it　is　perishing　with　poverty　of　pleasures；　and　your　wits　get　blunted　for　want　of　some　other　mind　to　sharpen　them　upon。　　There　is　in　this　world　no　real　delight　（excepting　those　of　sensuality）；　but　exchange　of　ideas　in　conversation；　and　whoever　has　once　experienced　the　full　flow　of　London　talk；　when　he　retires　to　country　friendships；　and　rural　sports；　must　either　be　contented　to　turn　baby　again　and　play　with　the　rattle；　or　he　will　pine　away　like　a　great　fish　in　a　little　pond；　and　die　for　want　of　his　usual　food。〃　　〃Books　without　the　knowledge　of　life　are　useless；〃　I　have　heard　him　say；　〃for　what　should　books　teach　but　the　art　of　LIVING？　　To　study　manners；　however；　only　in　coffee…houses；　is　more　than　equally　imperfect；　the　minds　of　men　who　acquire　no　solid　learning；　and　only　exist　on　the　daily　forage　that　they　pick　up　by　running　about；　and　snatching　what　drops　from　their　neighbours　as　ignorant　as　themselves；　will　never　ferment　into　any　knowledge　valuable　or　durable；　but　like　the　light　wines　we　drink　in　hot　countries；　please　for　the　moment；　though　incapable　of　keeping。　　In　the　study　of　mankind　much　will　be　found　to　swim　as　froth；　and　much　must　sink　as　feculence；　before　the　wine　can　have　its　effect；　and　become　that　noblest　liquor　which　rejoices　the　heart；　and　gives　vigour　to　the　imagination。〃

I　am　well　aware　that　I　do　not　and　cannot　give　each　expression　of　Dr。　Johnson　with　all　its　force　or　all　its　neatness；　but　I　have　done　my　best　to　record　such　of　his　maxims；　and　repeat　such　of　his　sentiments；　as　may　give　to　those　who　know　him　not　a　just　idea　of　his　character　and　manner　of　thinking。　　To　endeavour　at　adorning；　or　adding；　or　softening；　or　meliorating　such　anecdotes；　by　any　tricks　my　inexperienced　pen　could　play；　would　be　weakness　indeed；　worse　than　the　Frenchman　who　presides　over　the　porcelain　manufactory　at　Seve；　to　whom；　when　some　Greek　vases　were　given　him　as　models；　he　lamented　la　tristesse　de　telles　formes；　and　endeavoured　to　assist　them　by　clusters　of　flowers；　while　flying　Cupids　served　for　the　handles　of　urns　originally　intended　to　contain　the　ashes　of　the　dead。　　The　misery　is；　that　I　can　recollect　so　few　anecdotes；　and　that　I　have　recorded　no　more　axioms　of　a　man　whose　every　word　merited　attention；　and　whose　every　sentiment　did　honour　to　human　nature。　　Remote　from　affectation　as　from　error　or　falsehood；　the　comfort　a　reader　has　in　looking　over　these　papers　is　the　certainty　that　these　were　really　the　opinions　of　Johnson；　which　are　related　as　such。

Fear　of　what　others　may　think　is　the　great　cause　of　affectation；　and　he　was　not　likely　to　disguise　his　notions　out　of　cowardice。　　He　hated　disguise；　and　nobody　penetrated　it　so　readily。　　I　showed　him　a　letter　written　to　a　common　friend；　who　was　at　some　loss　for　the　explanation　of　it。　　〃Whoever　wrote　it；〃　says　our　doctor；　〃could；　if　he　chose　it；　make　himself　understood；　but　'tis　the　letter　of　an　EMBARRASSED　MAN　sir；〃　and　so　the　event　proved　it　to　be。

Mysteriousness　in　trifles　offended　him　on　every　side。　　〃It　commonly　ended　in　guilt；〃　he　said；　〃for　those　who　begin　by　concealment　of　innocent　things　will　soon　have　something　to　hide　which　they　dare　not　bring　to　light。〃　　He　therefore　encouraged　an　openness　of　conduct；　in　women　particularly；　〃who；〃　he　observed；　〃were　often　led　away　when　children；　by　their　delight　and　power　of　surprising。〃　　He　recommended；　on　something　like　the　same　principle；　that　when　one　person　meant　to　serve　another；　he　should　not　go　about　it　slily；　or　as　we　say；　underhand；　out　of　a　false　idea　of　delicacy；　to　surprise　one's　friend　with　an　unexpected　favour；　〃which；　ten　to　one；〃　says　he；　〃fails　to　oblige　your　acquaintance；　who　had　some　reasons　against　such　a　mode　of　obligation；　which　you　might　have　known　but　for　that　superfluous　cunning　which　you　think　an　elegance。　　Oh！　never　be　seduced　by　such　silly　pretences；〃　continued　he；　〃if　a　wench　wants　a　good　gown；　do　not　give　her　a　fine　smelling…bottle；　because　that　is　more　delicate：　　as　I　once　knew　a　lady　lend　the　key　of　her　library　to　a　poor　scribbling　dependant；　as　if　she　took　the　woman　for　an　ostrich　that　could　digest　iron。〃　　He　said；　indeed；　〃that　women　were　very　difficult　to　be　taught　the　proper　manner　of　conferring　pecuniary　favours；　that　they　always　gave　too　much　money　or　too　little；　for　that　they　had　an　idea　of　delicacy　accompanying　their　gifts；　so　that　they　generally　rendered　them　either　useless　or　ridiculous。〃

He　did；　indeed；　say　very　contemptuous　things　of　our　sex；　but　was　exceedingly　angry　when　I　told　Miss　Reynolds　that　he　said　〃It　was　well　managed　of　some　one　to　leave　his　affairs　in　the　hands　of　his　wife；　because；　in　matters　of　business；〃　said　he；　〃no　woman　stops　at　integrity。〃　　This　was；　I　think；　the　only　sentence　I　ever　observed　him　solicitous　to　explain　away　after　he　had　uttered　it。　　He　was　not　at　all　displeased　at　the　recollection　of　a　sarcasm　thrown　on　a　whole　pro