anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第29章
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play was hissed： telling the company how he went； indeed； to the Literary Club at night； and chatted gaily among his friends； as if nothing had happened amiss； that to impress them still more forcibly with an idea of his magnanimity； he even sung his favourite song about an old woman tossed in a blanket seventeen times as high as the moon； 〃but all this while I was suffering horrid tortures；〃 said he； 〃and verily believe that if I had put a bit in my mouth it would have strangled me on the spot； I was so excessively ill。 But I made more noise than usual to cover all that； and so they never perceived my not eating； nor I believe at all imaged to themselves the anguish of my heart； but when all were gone except Johnson here； I burst out a…crying； and even swore by … that I would never write again。〃 〃All which； Doctor；〃 says Mr。 Johnson； amazed at his odd frankness； 〃I thought had been a secret between you and me； and I am sure I would not have said anything about it for the world。 Now see；〃 repeated he； when he told the story； 〃what a figure a man makes who thus unaccountably chooses to be the frigid narrator of his own disgrace。 Il volto sciolto； ed i pensieri stretti； was a proverb made on purpose for such mortals； to keep people； if possible； from being thus the heralds of their own shame； for what compassion can they gain by such silly narratives？ No man should be expected to sympathise with the sorrows of vanity。 If； then； you are mortified by any ill…usage； whether real or
supposed； keep at least the account of such mortifications to yourself； and forbear to proclaim how meanly you are thought on by others； unless you desire to be meanly thought of by all。〃
The little history of another friend's superfluous ingenuity will contribute to introduce a similar remark。 He had a daughter of about fourteen years old； as I remember； fat and clumsy； and though the father adored； and desired others to adore her； yet being aware； perhaps； that she was not what the French call paitrie des graces； and thinking； I suppose； that the old maxim of beginning to laugh at yourself first when you have anything ridiculous about you was a good one； he comically enough called his girl TRUNDLE when he spoke of her； and many who bore neither of them any ill…will felt disposed to laugh at the happiness of the appellation。 〃See； now；〃 says Dr。 Johnson； 〃what haste people are in to be hooted。 Nobody ever thought of this fellow nor of his daughter； could he but have been quiet himself； and forborne to call the eyes of the world on his dowdy and her deformity。 But it teaches one to see at least that if nobody else will nickname one's children； the parents will e'en do it themselves。〃
All this held true in matters to Mr。 Johnson of more serious consequence。 When Sir Joshua Reynolds had painted his portrait looking into the slit of his pen； and holding it almost close to his eye； as was his general custom； he felt displeased； and told me 〃he would not be known by posterity for his DEFECTS only； let Sir Joshua do his worst。〃 I said in reply that Reynolds had no such difficulties about himself； and that he might observe the picture which hung up in the room where we were talking represented Sir Joshua holding his ear in his hand to catch the sound。 〃He may paint himself as deaf if he chooses；〃 replied Johnson； 〃but I will not be BLINKING SAM。〃
It is chiefly for the sake of evincing the regularity and steadiness of Mr。 Johnson's mind that I have given these trifling memoirs； to show that his soul was not different from that of another person； but； as it was； greater； and to give those who did not know him a just idea of his acquiescence in what we call vulgar prejudices； and of his extreme distance from those notions which the world has agreed； I know not very well why； to call romantic。 It is indeed observable in his preface to Shakespeare； that while other critics expatiate on the creative powers and vivid imagination of that matchless poet； Dr。 Johnson commends him for giving so just a representation of human manners； 〃that from his scenes a hermit might estimate the value of society； and a confessor predict the progress of the passions。〃 I have not the book with me here； but am pretty sure that such is his expression。
The general and constant advice he gave； too； when consulted about the choice of a wife； a profession； or whatever influences a man's particular and immediate happiness； was always to reject no positive good from fears of its contrary consequences。 〃Do not；〃 said he； 〃forbear to marry a beautiful woman if you can find such； out of a fancy that she will be less constant than an ugly one； or condemn yourself to the society of coarseness and vulgarity for fear of the expenses or other dangers of elegance and personal charms； which have been always acknowledged as a positive good； and for the want of which there should be always given some weighty compensation。 I have； however；〃 continued Mr。 Johnson； 〃seen some prudent fellows who forbore to connect themselves with beauty lest coquetry should be near； and with wit or birth lest insolence should lurk behind them； till they have been forced by their discretion to linger life away in tasteless stupidity； and choose to count the moments by remembrance of pain instead of enjoyment of pleasure。〃
When professions were talked of； 〃Scorn；〃 said Mr。 Johnson； 〃to put your behaviour under the dominion of canters； never think it clever to call physic a mean study； or law a dry one； or ask a baby of seven years old which way his GENIUS leads him； when we all know that a boy of seven years old has no GENIUS for anything except a pegtop and an apple…pie； but fix on some business where much money may be got； and little virtue risked： follow that business steadily； and do not live as Roger Ascham says the wits do； 'men know not how； and at last die obscurely； men mark not where。'〃
Dr。 Johnson had indeed a veneration for the voice of mankind beyond what most people will own； and as he liberally confessed that all his own disappointments proceeded from himself； he hated to hear others complain of general injustice。 I remember when lamentation was made of the neglect showed to Jeremiah Markland； a great philologist； as some one ventured to call him。 〃He is a scholar； undoubtedly； sir；〃 replied Dr。 Johnson； 〃but remember that he would run from the world； and that it is not the world's business to run after him。 I hate a fellow whom pride； or cowardice； or laziness drives into a corner； and does nothing when he is there but sit and GROWL； let him come out as I do； and BARK。 The world；〃 added he； 〃is chiefly unjust and ungenerous in this； that all are ready to encourage a man who once talks of leaving it； and few things do really provoke me more than to hear people prate of retirement； when they have neither skill to discern their own motives； or penetration to estimate the consequences。 But while a fellow is active to gain either power or wealth；〃 continued he； 〃everybody produces some hindrance to his advancement； some sage remark； or some unfavourable prediction； but let him once say slightly； I have had enough of this troublesome； bustling world； 'tis time to leave it now： 'Ah； dear sir！' cries the first old acquaintance he meets； 'I am glad to find you in this happy disposition： yes； dear friend！ DO retire and think of nothing but your own ease。 There's Mr。 William will find it a pleasure to settle all your accounts and relieve you from the fatigue； Miss Dolly makes the charmingest chicken…broth in the world； and the cheesecakes we ate of hers once； how good they were。 I will be coming every two or three days myself to chat with you in a quiet way； SO SNUG！ and tell you how matters go upon 'Change； or in the House； or according to the blockhead's first pursuits； whether lucrative or politic； which thus he leaves； and lays himself down a voluntary prey to his own sensuality and sloth； while the ambition and avarice of the nephews and nieces； with their rascally adherents and coadjutors； reap the advantage； while they fatten their fool。'〃
As the votaries of retirement had little of Mr。 Johnson's applause； unless that he knew that the motives were merely devotional； and unless
