anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第25章
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sitting down before one thus desperately silent； takes away the confidence one should have in the company of her chair if she were once out of it。〃 No one was； however； less willing to begin any discourse than himself。 His friend； Mr。 Thomas Tyers； said he was like the ghosts； who never speak till they are spoken to： and he liked the expression so well； that he often repeated it。 He had； indeed； no necessity to lead the stream of chat to a favourite channel； that his fulness on the subject might be shown more clearly whatever was the topic； and he usually left the choice to others。 His information best enlightened； his argument strengthened； and his wit made it ever remembered。 Of him it might have been said； as he often delighted to say of Edmund Burke； 〃that you could not stand five minutes with that man beneath a shed while it rained； but you must be convinced you had been standing with the greatest man you had ever yet seen。〃
As we had been saying； one day； that no subject failed of receiving dignity from the manner in which Mr。 Johnson treated it； a lady at my house said she would make him talk about love； and took her measures accordingly； deriding the novels of the day because they treated about love。 〃It is not；〃 replied our philosopher； 〃because they treat； as you call it； about love； but because they treat of nothing； that they are despicable。 We must not ridicule a passion which he who never felt never was happy； and he who laughs at never deserves to feela passion which has caused the change of empires and the loss of worldsa passion which has inspired heroism and subdued avarice。〃 He thought he had already said too much。 〃A passion； in short；〃 added he； with an altered tone； 〃that consumes me away for my pretty Fanny here； and she is very cruel；〃 speaking of another lady in the room。 He told us； however； in the course of the same chat； how his negro Francis had been eminent for his success among the girls。 Seeing us all laugh； 〃I must have you know； ladies；〃 said he； 〃that Frank has carried the empire of Cupid further than most men。 When I was in Lincolnshire so many years ago he attended me thither； and when we returned home together； I found that a female haymaker had followed him to London for love。〃 Francis was indeed no small favourite with his master； who retained； however； a prodigious influence over his most violent passions。
On the birthday of our eldest daughter； and that of our friend Dr。 Johnson； the 17th and the 18th of September； we every year made up a little dance and supper； to divert our servants and their friends； putting the summer…house into their hands for the two evenings； to fill with acquaintance and merriment。 Francis and his white wife were invited； of course。 She was eminently pretty； and he was jealous； as my maids told me。 On the first of these days' amusements （I know not what year） Frank took offence at some attentions paid his Desdemona； and walked away next morning to London in wrath。 His master and I driving the same road an hour after； overtook him。 〃What is the matter； child；〃 says Dr。 Johnson； 〃that you leave Streatham to…day。 ART SICK？〃 〃He is jealous；〃 whispered I。 〃Are you jealous of your wife； you stupid blockhead？〃 cries out his master in another tone。 The fellow hesitated； and； 〃TO BE SURE； SIR； I DON'T QUITE APPROVE； SIR；〃 was the stammering reply。 〃Why； what do they DO to her； man？ Do the footmen kiss her？〃 〃No； sir； no！ Kiss my WIFE； sir！ I HOPE NOT； sir。〃 〃Why； what DO they do to her； my lad？〃 〃Why； nothing； sir； I'm sure； sir。〃 〃Why； then go back directly and dance； you dog； do； and let's hear no more of such empty lamentations。〃 I believe； however； that Francis was scarcely as much the object of Mr。 Johnson's personal kindness as the representative of Dr。 Bathurst； for whose sake he would have loved anybody or anything。
When he spoke of negroes； he always appeared to think them of a race naturally inferior； and made few exceptions in favour of his own； yet whenever disputes arose in his household among the many odd inhabitants of which it consisted； he always sided with Francis against the others； whom he suspected （not unjustly； I believe） of greater malignity。 It seems at once vexatious and comical to reflect that the dissensions those people chose to live constantly in distressed and mortified him exceedingly。 He really was oftentimes afraid of going home； because he was so sure to be met at the door with numberless complaints； and he used to lament pathetically to me； and to Mr。 Sastres； the Italian master； who was much his favourite； that they made his life miserable from the impossibility he found of making theirs happy； when every favour he bestowed on one was wormwood to the rest。 If； however； I ventured to blame their ingratitude； and condemn their conduct； he would instantly set about softening the one and justifying the other； and finished commonly by telling me； that I knew not how to make allowances for situations I never experienced。
〃To thee no reason who know'st only good； But evil hast not tried。〃 MILTON。
Dr。 Johnson knew how to be merry with mean people； too； as well as to be sad with them； he loved the lower ranks of humanity with a real affection： and though his talents and learning kept him always in the sphere of upper life； yet he never lost sight of the time when he and they shared pain and pleasure in common。 A borough election once showed me his toleration of boisterous mirth； and his content in the company of people whom one would have thought at first sight little calculated for his society。 A rough fellow one day on such an occasion； a hatter by trade； seeing Mr。 Johnson's beaver in a state of decay； seized it suddenly with one hand； and clapping him on the back with the other； 〃Ah； Master Johnson；〃 says he； 〃this is no time to be thinking about HATS。〃 〃No； no； sir；〃 replied our Doctor in a cheerful tone； 〃hats are of no use now； as you say； except to throw up in the air and huzza with；〃 accompanying his words with a true election halloo。
But it was never against people of coarse life that his contempt was expressed； while poverty of sentiment in men who considered themselves to be company for THE PARLOUR； as he called it； was what he could not bear。 A very ignorant young fellow； who had plagued us all for nine or ten months； died at last consumptive。 〃I think；〃 said Mr。 Johnson； when he heard the news； 〃I am afraid I should have been more concerned for the death of the DOG； but〃 （hesitating a while） 〃I am not wrong now in all this； for the dog acted up to his character on every occasion that we know； but that dunce of a fellow helped forward the general disgrace of humanity。〃 〃Why； dear sir；〃 said I； 〃how odd you are！ you have often said the lad was not capable of receiving further instruction。〃 〃 He was；〃 replied the Doctor； 〃like a corked bottle； with a drop of dirty water in it； to be sure； one might pump upon it for ever without the smallest effect； but when every method to open and clean it had been tried； you would not have me grieve that the bottle was broke at last。〃
This was the same youth who told us he had been reading 〃Lucius Florus；〃 Florus Delphini was the phrase。 〃And my mother；〃 said he； 〃thought it had something to do with Delphos； but of that I know nothing。〃 〃 Who founded Rome； then ？〃 inquired Mr。 Thrale。 The lad replied； 〃Romulus。〃 〃And who succeeded Romulus？〃 said I。 A long pause； and apparently distressful hesitation； followed the difficult question。 〃Why will you ask him in terms that he does not comprehend？〃 said Mr。 Johnson； enraged。 〃You might as well bid him tell you who phlebotomised Romulus。 This fellow's dulness is elastic；〃 continued he； 〃and all we do is but like kicking at a woolsack。〃
The pains he took； however； to obtain the young man more patient instructors were many； and oftentimes repeated。 He was put under the care of a clergyman in a distant province； and Mr。 Johnson used both to write and talk to his friends concerning his education。 It was on that occasion that I remember his saying； 〃A boy should never be sent to Eton or Westminster School before he is twelve years old at lea
