anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第21章

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Mr。　Johnson's　hatred　of　the　Scotch　is　so　well　known；　and　so　many　of　his　bons　mots　expressive　of　that　hatred　have　been　already　repeated　in　so　many　books　and　pamphlets；　that　'tis　perhaps　scarcely　worth　while　to　write　down　the　conversation　between　him　and　a　friend　of　that　nation　who　always　resides　in　London；　and　who　at　his　return　from　the　Hebrides　asked　him；　with　a　firm　tone　of　voice；　〃What　he　thought　of　his　country？〃　　〃That　it　is　a　very　vile　country；　to　be　sure；　sir；〃　returned　for　answer　Dr。　Johnson。　　〃Well；　sir！〃　replies　the　other；　somewhat　mortified；　〃God　made　it。〃　　〃Certainly　He　did；〃　answers　Mr。　Johnson　again；　〃but　we　must　always　remember　that　He　made　it　for　Scotchmen；　and　comparisons　are　odious；　Mr。　S；　but　God　made　hell。〃

Dr。　Johnson　did　not；　I　think；　much　delight　in　that　kind　of　conversation　which　consists　in　telling　stories。　　〃Everybody；〃　said　he；　〃tells　stories　of　me；　and　I　tell　stories　of　nobody。　　I　do　not　recollect；〃　added　he；　〃that　I　have　ever　told　YOU；　that　have　been　always　favourites；　above　three　stories；　but　I　hope　I　do　not　play　the　Old　Fool；　and　force　people　to　hear　uninteresting　narratives；　only　because　I　once　was　diverted　with　them　myself。〃　　He　was；　however；　no　enemy　to　that　sort　of　talk　from　the　famous　Mr。　Foote；　〃whose　happiness　of　manner　in　relating　was　such；〃　he　said；　〃as　subdued　arrogance　and　roused　stupidity。　　HIS　stories　were　truly　like　those　of　Biron　in　Love's　Labour's　Lost；　so　VERY　attractive

　　　　　'That　aged　ears　played　truant　with　his　tales；　　　　　　　And　younger　hearings　were　quite　ravished；　　　　　　　So　sweet　and　voluble　was　his　discourse。'

Of　all　conversers；　however；〃　added　he；　〃the　late　Hawkins　Browne　was　the　most　delightful　with　whom　I　ever　was　in　company：　　his　talk　was　at　once　so　elegant；　so　apparently　artless；　so　pure；　so　pleasing；　it　seemed　a　perpetual　stream　of　sentiment；　enlivened　by　gaiety；　and　sparkling　with　images。〃　　When　I　asked　Dr。　　Johnson　who　was　the　best　man　he　had　ever　known？　〃Psalmanazar；〃　was　the　unexpected　reply。　　He　said；　likewise；　〃that　though　a　native　of　France；　as　his　friend　imagined；　he　possessed　more　of　the　English　language　than　any　one　of　the　other　foreigners　who　had　separately　fallen　in　his　way。〃　Though　there　was　much　esteem；　however；　there　was；　I　believe；　but　little　confidence　between　them；　they　conversed　merely　about　general　topics；　religion　and　learning；　of　which　both　were　undoubtedly　stupendous　examples；　and；　with　regard　to　true　Christian　perfection；　I　have　heard　Johnson　say；　〃That　George　Psalmanazar's　piety；　penitence；　and　virtue　exceeded　almost　what　we　read　as　wonderful　even　in　the　lives　of　saints。〃

I　forget　in　what　year　it　was　this　extraordinary　person　lived　and　died　at　a　house　in　Old　Street；　where　Mr。　Johnson　was　witness　to　his　talents　and　virtues；　and　to　his　final　preference　of　the　Church　of　England；　after　having　studied；　disgraced；　and　adorned　so　many　modes　of　worship。　　The　name　he　went　by　was　not　supposed　by　his　friend　to　be　that　of　his　family；　but　all　inquiries　were　vain。　　His　reasons　for　concealing　his　original　were　penitentiary；　he　deserved　no　other　name　than　that　of　the　impostor；　he　said。　That　portion　of　the　Universal　History　which　was　written　by　him　does　not　seem　to　me　to　be　composed　with　peculiar　spirit；　but　all　traces　of　the　wit　and　the　wanderer　were　probably　worn　out　before　he　undertook　the　work。　　His　pious　and　patient　endurance　of　a　tedious　illness；　ending　in　an　exemplary　death；　confirmed　the　strong　impression　his　merit　had　made　upon　the　mind　of　Mr。　Johnson。　　〃It　is　so　VERY　difficult；〃　said　he；　always；　〃for　a　sick　man　not　to　be　a　scoundrel。　　Oh！　set　the　pillows　soft；　here　is　Mr。　Grumbler　a…coming。　　Ah！　let　no　air　in　for　the　world；　Mr。　Grumbler　will　be　here　presently。〃

This　perpetual　preference　is　so　offensive；　where　the　privileges　of　sickness　are；　besides；　supported　by　wealth；　and　nourished　by　dependence；　that　one　cannot　much　wonder　that　a　rough　mind　is　revolted　by　them。　　It　was；　however；　at　once　comical　and　touchant　（as　the　French　call　it）；　to　observe　Mr。　Johnson　so　habitually　watchful　against　this　sort　of　behaviour；　that　he　was　often　ready　to　suspect　himself　of　it；　and　when　one　asked　him　gently；　how　he　did？〃Ready　to　become　a　scoundrel；　madam；〃　would　commonly　be　the　answer；　〃with　a　little　more　spoiling　you　will；　I　think；　make　me　a　complete　rascal！〃

His　desire　of　doing　good　was　not；　however；　lessened　by　his　aversion　to　a　sick　chamber。　　He　would　have　made　an　ill　man　well　by　any　expense　or　fatigue　of　his　own；　sooner　than　any　of　the　canters。　　Canter；　indeed；　was　he　none：　he　would　forget　to　ask　people　after　the　health　of　their　nearest　relations；　and　say　in　excuse；　〃That　he　knew　they　did　not　care：　　why　should　they？〃　says　he；　〃every　one　in　this　world　has　as　much　as　they　can　do　in　caring　for　themselves；　and　few　have　leisure　really　to　THINK　of　their　neighbours'　distresses；　however　they　may　delight　their　tongues　with　TALKING　of　them。〃

The　natural　depravity　of　mankind　and　remains　of　original　sin　were　so　fixed　in　Mr。　Johnson's　opinion；　that　he　was　indeed　a　most　acute　observer　of　their　effects；　and　used　to　say　sometimes；　half　in　jest；　half　in　earnest；　that　they　were　the　remains　of　his　old　tutor　Mandeville's　instructions。　　As　a　book；　however；　he　took　care　always　loudly　to　condemn　the　〃Fable　of　the　Bees；〃　but　not　without　adding；　〃that　it　was　the　work　of　a　thinking　man。〃

I　have　in　former　days　heard　Dr。　Collier　of　the　Commons　loudly　condemned　for　uttering　sentiments；　which　twenty　years　after　I　have　heard　as　loudly　applauded　from　the　lips　of　Dr。　Johnson；　concerning　the　well…known　writer　of　that　celebrated　work：　　but　if　people　will　live　long　enough　in　this　capricious　world；　such　instances　of　partiality　will　shock　them　less　and　less　by　frequent　repetition。　　Mr。　Johnson　knew　mankind；　and　wished　to　mend　them：　　he　therefore；　to　the　piety　and　pure　religion；　the　untainted　integrity；　and　scrupulous　morals　of　my　earliest　and　most　disinterested　friend；　judiciously　contrived　to　join　a　cautious　attention　to　the　capacity　of　his　hearers；　and　a　prudent　resolution　not　to　lessen　the　influence　of　his　learning　and　virtue；　by　casual　freaks　of　humour　and　irregular　starts　of　ill…managed　merriment。　　He　did　not　wish　to　confound；　but　to　inform　his　auditors；　and　though　he　did　not　appear　to　solicit　benevolence；　he　always　wished　to　retain　authority；　and　leave　his　company　impressed　with　the　idea　that　it　was　his　to　teach　in　this　world；　and　theirs　to　learn。　　What　wonder；　then；　that　all　should　receive　with　docility　from　Johnson　those　doctrines；　which；　propagated　by　Collier；　they　drove　away　from　them　with　shouts！　　Dr。　Johnson　was　not　grave；　however；　because　he　knew　not　how　to　be　merry。　　No　man　loved　laughing　better；　and　his　vein　of　humour　was　rich　and　apparently　inexhaustible；　though　Dr。　Goldsmith　said　once　to　him；　〃We　should　change　companions　oftener；　we　exhaust　one　another；　and　shall　soon　be　both　of　us　worn　out。〃　　Poor　Goldsmith　was　to　him；　indeed；　like　the　earthen　pot　to　the　iron　one　in　Fontaine's　fables；　it　had　been　better　for　HIM；　perhaps；　that　they　had　changed　companions　oftener；　yet　no　experience　of　his　antagonist's　strength　hindered　him　from　continuing　the　contest。　　He　used　to　remind　me　always　of　that　verse　in　Berni

　　　　　〃Il　pover　uomo　che　non　sen'　era　accorto；　　　　　　　Andava　combattendoed　era　morto。〃

Mr。　Johnson　made　him　a　comical　answer　one　day；　when　seeming　to　repine　at　the　success　of　Beattie's　〃Essay　on　Truth〃〃Here's　such　a　stir；〃　said　he；　〃about　a　fellow　that　has　written　one　book；　and　I　have　written　many。〃　　〃Ah；　Doctor；〃　says　his　friend；　〃there　go　two…and…forty　sixpences；　you　know；　to　one　guinea。〃

They　had　spent　an　evening　with　Eaton　Graham；　too；　I　remember　hearing　it　was　at　some　tavern；　his　heart　was　open；　and　he　began　inviting　away；　told　what　he　could　do　to　make　his　college　agreeable；　and　begged　the　visit　might　not　be　delayed。　　Goldsmith　thanked　him；　and　proposed　setting　out　with　Mr。　Johnson　for　Buckinghamshire　in　a　fortnight。　　〃Nay；　hold；　Dr。　MINOR；〃　says　the　other；　〃I　did　not　invite　you。〃

Many　such　mortifications　arose　in　the　course　of　their　intimacy；　to　be　sure；　but　few　more　laughable　than　when　the　newspapers　had　tacked　them　together　as　the　pedant　and　his　flatterer　in　Love's　Labour's　Lost。　　Dr。　Goldsmith　came　to　his　friend；　fretting　and　foaming；　and　vowing　vengeanc